Sometimes you lose too much [Open]

[morganknight]

Something about the river kept drawing Morgan back.

Which was odd, since he'd never considered himself to have any particular affinity to water before coming to the ship. Sure, he'd trained in it, and enjoyed swimming, but he hadn't considered his pool or a beach to be any sort of 'quiet spot' or meditative spot for himself. Then again, lacking access to his mentor's dojo, or his own personal retreats of choice, maybe he shouldn't be so surprised that he'd found a new one.

Work kept him busy, with Medical low on staff and so much to do from the rebellion. Fake as it might be, he still found himself putting in long hours and lots of effort to keep things going.

Still, sometimes... especially when you got the worst of news, you had to take a break. And you couldn't be strong forever.

Morgan sat at the edge of the river, staring into the currents, and let himself quietly cry.

Comments

[hit_girl_mindy]

Hit Girl would be the first to admit that life around the ship had gotten more tense. She had held up her end by seeing Ruffnut in the brig and cleaning up after the castle, and her tears were as concealed as they could possibly be. She had missed her girlfriend and she felt fairly frustrated.

She kept this to herself.

But on this particular day, she had taken to traveling around the city, somewhat restless. Who should she see but Morgan, staring out into the city, doing something she herself only did within the confines of the castle. She stayed a distance, just watching him, taking a breath, then sitting near him, waiting.

[morganknight]

That might be a long wait. Morgan, oblivious, hadn't noticed her approach in the slightest, nor her presence. Which was a matter of course for the Akashic; he didn't have defective senses or anything, mind, but somewhere along the path from sensory organs to active attention, something just didn't work quite the way it was supposed to.

And now, of all times, his senses weren't at their peak anyway.

[hit_girl_mindy]

Hit Girl was definitely sensitive to this. Morgan wasn't the type to not notice when she approached, and obviously what he was doing was a private point for himself. She did settle next to him finally, looking ahead.

"Heavy times," she said quietly.

[morganknight]

"Heh. Yeah." He swiped at his eyes with a smirk, far too used to his own obliviousness to be surprised when someone started talking to him out of nowhere, these days.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Kinda overwhelming," Hit Girl commented. "I had to totally put my girlfriend in jail too. Not fun, let me tell you. But I don't think I do, from the look on your face."

[morganknight]

"Better in jail than in the pods, though, right?" He blinked once, hard, then, master of himself once more, rolled his head to stretch his neck. He'll just pretend like he wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. Not because he was ashamed, but because his job was to be strong.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Yeah, or dead," Hit Girl said, sighing. "Had two people I knew go out in a short span of time. Really takes the wind out of your sails when you're reminded that death could happen to you at any time."

Luckily, this was a been there, done that for Hit Girl. "Did you lose someone else?"

[whining_unicorn]

No matter how much work Rarity buried herself in, there were times when she felt a bout of sadness slowly taking over her. She may be a pony but she had feelings too. Leaving her work behind to clear her head, the unicorn walked aimlessly through the ship. The walk slowly turned into a trot as she began to think.

Her hooves took her to a nearby river where she paused to take a break and saw a familiar figure. "Hello, Morgan!"

[morganknight]

Morgan took a moment to process through his senses the fact that someone was talking to him. When it finally penetrated, he took a quick swipe at his eyes, then looked over to see who it was.

"Hello, Rarity," he said, with a smile that was small but genuine.

[whining_unicorn]

Rarity raised her eyebrows just a bit when she saw him wiping his eyes and talking to her in a soft voice. "Is everything alright?" The pony levitated a tissue seemingly out of nowhere and guided it to Morgan.

[morganknight]

He looked at the tissue for half a second, then began giggling into one hand, a little hysterically it must be admitted.

"Sorry," he said, after a moment of this. "I just picture this as one of those scenes where the refined, elegant lady offers a dainty handkerchief to some less-refined man, and then he returns it so soaking wet she's horrifically repulsed." But despite that, he accepted the tissue nonetheless, mopping his eyes a little before blowing his nose.

Calmer after that little ritual, he blinked a couple of times, then took a breath. "Sorry."

[whining_unicorn]

Rarity observed Morgan with worry and sat down beside him. "It's alright, Morgan. All of us get sad sometimes." Crossing her hooves, she began to use her magic to make the water sparkle and dance. That always impressed ponies and hopefully it would help take Morgan's mind off things.

[morganknight]

The display was lovely, but what made Morgan smile was the fact that Rarity was going to this effort to cheer him up in the first place.

"We do," he said, watching the water play. "I just hate to show it... In part because it's something of a failure on my part, to appreciate the cycle of things, or at least to accept it. But I suppose I'm only hu--"

Pausing, he looked over at her, then grinned. "I suppose I'm not perfect."

[appletastic]

Sad and lonely life was the way it had to be sometimes.

Applejack was following the river alone, saddlebag bulging with collected seeds. They needed to be relocated for planting. There weren't as many mouths to feed these days, but she was sure her friends would still like a good meal.

Somewhere along the way, she saw an unusual sight: her old friend Morgan. There were odd sounds coming from him too---tears? No. Couldn't be.

Shaking her mane, she settled on the grass beside him.

"Morgan? Something eating you?"

[morganknight]

He didn't notice Applejack till she spoke, but when she did -- well, even HE could identify her just by voice alone. No one sounded quite like Applejack, and that was a compliment to her.

Morgan swiped at his eyes, then looked over with a little smile. "Hi, Applejack." Yes, he kind of didn't answer.

[appletastic]

"Howdy," she answered back, not missing a beat. Her eyes kept their focus on him. Something was definitely wrong here, but she'd wait a minute to pry.

"I'm just on a seed run. Thought I'd drop by. Were you taking a drink?"

[morganknight]

"No... I just..." He shrugged. "I needed a moment."

Morgan knew perfectly well he couldn't put off Applejack forever. He leaned forward again, elbows on his crossed legs, to look out at the river.

"My best friend just got repodded."

[appletastic]

So that was it.

Applejack's eyes brightened, first with revelation, then understanding and sadness. It sure was painful to lose a best friend. She lived every day without Twilight and Fluttershy and Apple Bloom now, but it wasn't the same as a fresh loss. Not anymore.

It'd be like losing Rainbow now. Not that she'd ever say that aloud.

"I'm sorry. Stephen, right?"

[morganknight]

"Yeah. I might have handled it a little better, if I hadn't been losing people too much, lately. I suppose it seems selfish to say I've hit a run of bad luck..."

He chuckled without any real humor. After all, Morgan was still out, conscious, able to make a difference. Being in the pods was a worse fate, wasn't it?

[quixotically]

The water keeps drawing her back to it. Elle can't say she's surprised, really. Water, especially natural running water like this river, is so hard to come by in the Wasteland. And on top of that, it's... peaceful here. Peace isn't something Elle knows a lot of. The closest to peace she's ever come were quiet nights under the Mojave stars, but even then, there was always the ever-present possibility that monsters or animals were looming nearby. Maybe the safest place she's ever been was inside the Lucky 38 presidential suite, but... hah. Thanks to what was going on while she was there, there's no way in hell she is ever calling that time peaceful.

So whenever she needs to slow down, whenever she wants a chance to breathe, she turns to the river. She discovered it a few weeks into her first month on the ship, and she immediately fell in love with it. Considering the false rebellion and the constant work to prepare for the real one, some peace is more than welcome.

When she sees Morgan, she thinks that maybe that's why he's come to the river, too. She approaches with a light step, but she slows and her smile fades when she realizes that she's wrong. No... He didn't seek out this place for peace, necessarily. It's clear that he came here for solitude. She is standing behind him by the time she hesitates. Should she leave him alone...? But, she's worried. He'd been so boisterous before...

... no. No, she can't just turn away at a time like this. She mouths a silent apology to his back, then moves to sit next to him. She doesn't say anything for a long moment. Then, she leans over just enough for their shoulders to lightly brush.

"You okay?" she asks softly. She knows it's a foolish question, but... She doesn't want to just leap into What's wrong? If he doesn't want to talk about it, that's okay. He doesn't have to.

[morganknight]

Morgan failed utterly to notice her until the moment her shoulder touches his. He probably would have still failed had he been active and alert, his vision uncleared and his attention on his surroundings.

But Morgan was very used to his own perceptual failures. So when he felt the pressure of her against him, he didn't jump or startle; he just leaned back into her slightly. He might have come here to be alone, but even he knew that what he wanted and what he needed were two very different beasts. It went against his nature to seek out people for comfort, not when he was supposed to be the strong capable one who helped people. But clearly she was offering, of her own free will and not at any request of his. He'd take it.

"Stephen was repodded," he said, swiping at his eyes with his free hand. Tears were a distraction from talking, and he wasn't going to beat around the bush with this. She'd not only met the Etherite, but had understood very quickly the nature of his friendship with Morgan.

[quixotically]

Elle remembers seeing the two of them together, bickering and smirking. She imagines what it'd be like, losing someone so close, someone who practically shares your blood. She thinks of Veronica, and of... of someone she can't remember. Who has she lost? She doesn't know. But she knows this feeling, gut-wrenching and heart rending, and for a moment, her face closes, brow drawing together.

"I'm so sorry," she murmurs, her voice thick with emotions more real and stronger than her memories. She knows that those words probably isn't much consolation. But... She doesn't know what else to say.

[morganknight]

"I shouldn't be making such a big damn deal of it," he said self-consciously, sniffing hard to clear his nose as he wiped his cheeks again. "Seriously... he's safe, he's alive, and I'll see him again someday. It's just a parting. A 'see you later', not a goodbye."

Which wasn't disparaging his feelings, mind, so much as the fact that according to the life philosophy he attempted to live by, acceptance of loss was important.

... ^those words probably AREN'T, not isn't. wow. oops

[quixotically]

"It's okay, though," she says quietly. "'See you later' still hurts sometimes, too. And..." We don't know how long it'll be before you see him again, she's thinking, and until then, you'll be without him, but she decides against saying it. "If you ever want to talk to someone, you can always call me. Omnicomms, y'know? And that telepathy stuff."

... how eloquent of her.

[morganknight]

Despite his emotions, he couldn't help but quirk a smile. "Or I could just talk to you. Being right here, and all. You know." He shifts his shoulder just enough to nudge her, playful-affectionate-friendly all at once. "Though maybe you ought to run, considering my record..."