Sometimes you lose too much [Open]

[morganknight]

Something about the river kept drawing Morgan back.

Which was odd, since he'd never considered himself to have any particular affinity to water before coming to the ship. Sure, he'd trained in it, and enjoyed swimming, but he hadn't considered his pool or a beach to be any sort of 'quiet spot' or meditative spot for himself. Then again, lacking access to his mentor's dojo, or his own personal retreats of choice, maybe he shouldn't be so surprised that he'd found a new one.

Work kept him busy, with Medical low on staff and so much to do from the rebellion. Fake as it might be, he still found himself putting in long hours and lots of effort to keep things going.

Still, sometimes... especially when you got the worst of news, you had to take a break. And you couldn't be strong forever.

Morgan sat at the edge of the river, staring into the currents, and let himself quietly cry.

Comments

[morganknight]

That might be a long wait. Morgan, oblivious, hadn't noticed her approach in the slightest, nor her presence. Which was a matter of course for the Akashic; he didn't have defective senses or anything, mind, but somewhere along the path from sensory organs to active attention, something just didn't work quite the way it was supposed to.

And now, of all times, his senses weren't at their peak anyway.

[hit_girl_mindy]

Hit Girl was definitely sensitive to this. Morgan wasn't the type to not notice when she approached, and obviously what he was doing was a private point for himself. She did settle next to him finally, looking ahead.

"Heavy times," she said quietly.

[morganknight]

"Heh. Yeah." He swiped at his eyes with a smirk, far too used to his own obliviousness to be surprised when someone started talking to him out of nowhere, these days.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Kinda overwhelming," Hit Girl commented. "I had to totally put my girlfriend in jail too. Not fun, let me tell you. But I don't think I do, from the look on your face."

[morganknight]

"Better in jail than in the pods, though, right?" He blinked once, hard, then, master of himself once more, rolled his head to stretch his neck. He'll just pretend like he wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. Not because he was ashamed, but because his job was to be strong.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Yeah, or dead," Hit Girl said, sighing. "Had two people I knew go out in a short span of time. Really takes the wind out of your sails when you're reminded that death could happen to you at any time."

Luckily, this was a been there, done that for Hit Girl. "Did you lose someone else?"

[morganknight]

"My best friend," he said, with a chuckle that had no humor in it.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Well damn, I thought that was me," Hit Girl said, putting on a fake pout. "Who was it?"

[morganknight]

"Stephen Valkonan. I knew him before we got onto the ship," he said, giving that fake pout absolutely no attention. "He's my oldest and best friend, really."

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Yeah, I remember you speaking about him," Hit Girl said. The pout was really just to try and make him laugh, something she realized was not going to happen now. "And now he's podded. I'm sorry. It must suck to have your best friend gone after all you two been through."

[morganknight]

"On top of everyone else who's headed back. I'm almost out of friends on this damn ship." He smiled a little to make it a joke, but it wasn't.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"It's the problem with making friends on the ship," she said sadly. "If they're podded, you have no choice but to miss them, and you're still here. Only way to make sure they mattered is to not let it eat you alive, to show them you give a shit by still living."

[morganknight]

"Losing people is nothing new," Morgan said, folding his arms in his lap. "Sometimes, though, you just can't keep up the illusion of outer strength any longer. I'll be all right, don't worry."

[hit_girl_mindy]

"I hear you," she said, sighing. "It's not like you can control what you feel like from one day to the next, or who stays or leaves. I learned that when Negs and Princess left. I still miss 'em."

Obviously, or she wouldn't have given the cafe a second thought.

[morganknight]

"It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't such an obnoxious pattern in my life, even before I came on the ship." Then he smirked again. "I guess I had better not start liking myself too much, or I'll be repodded!"

It wasn't much of a joke, but it was one.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Hey, I like you fine," Hit Girl said. "You'r a really intense guy and you have strength and discipline I could only dream of. The worse thing about you is that you have the shittiest luck ever."

From her perspective anyway.

"Besides, my life isn't great either, so we can at least bitch about it together."

[morganknight]

"It can't be that great, if you had to lock your girlfriend up... temporary though that may be," Morgan said, casually deflecting the conversation back to her.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Yeah, take one for the team and all that," Hit Girl said, sounding...actually a little miserable. "The fucked up thing is that I'm used to sleeping beside her, and with her in the brig, I can't sleep. I jog, I train, I shoot things to keep myself busy. Never get more than a few hours and I feel like shit after."

And if he suggested warm milk she'd tell him where he could get his warm milk.

[morganknight]

"And yet it never occurred to you to ask for help?" he asked with a little smile. Very typical of her, he thought, and not at all surprising.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"I'm a big girl. I made the decision to play the fucktard's side, and Ruffnut wanted to be part of the rebellion. It's not like I have any right to bitch about it. It just sucks."

What could be done about it anyway?

[morganknight]

"It's a legitimate complaint, and a health issue. I think you have every right to see if there's some adequate solution to the problem. Besides which, are you really happy not being at your best for the people who are counting on you?"

He delivered this low blow cheerfully, entirely aware that it was a cheap shot -- because, well, it was true, wasn't it?

[hit_girl_mindy]

"It's not that bad yet," Hit Girl insisted, even though she knew that it was likely Morgan had a point. The past few days had been pretty hard to deal with, and didn't look to be getting any better for her. That, and a good night's sleep was sounding better and better.

"I'll be better soon, don't you worry about me," Hit Girl said. "I've dealt with worse than this before."

[morganknight]

"If it wasn't bad you wouldn't have mentioned it," Morgan said, rolling his eyes in fond amusement. "And pushing through a bad situation you could get help for if you asked isn't being strong, you know."

[hit_girl_mindy]

"If it was bad enough I didn't know what to do, I'd have said so," she said. "Well, maybe. In this case, I had my own girlfriend arrested. As far as I'm concerned, its one of the sacrifices I make for not being brigged."

She laughed. "Lack of sleep is not really top on my list of dire situations, Morgan."

[morganknight]

He shrugged slightly. "I'm baffled by your insistence on not getting help with a solvable problem, but okay, consider it dropped."