trans_9 | Sometimes you lose too much [Open]

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Sometimes you lose too much [Open]

Something about the river kept drawing Morgan back.

Which was odd, since he'd never considered himself to have any particular affinity to water before coming to the ship. Sure, he'd trained in it, and enjoyed swimming, but he hadn't considered his pool or a beach to be any sort of 'quiet spot' or meditative spot for himself. Then again, lacking access to his mentor's dojo, or his own personal retreats of choice, maybe he shouldn't be so surprised that he'd found a new one.

Work kept him busy, with Medical low on staff and so much to do from the rebellion. Fake as it might be, he still found himself putting in long hours and lots of effort to keep things going.

Still, sometimes... especially when you got the worst of news, you had to take a break. And you couldn't be strong forever.

Morgan sat at the edge of the river, staring into the currents, and let himself quietly cry.

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"It's the problem with making friends on the ship," she said sadly. "If they're podded, you have no choice but to miss them, and you're still here. Only way to make sure they mattered is to not let it eat you alive, to show them you give a shit by still living."

"Losing people is nothing new," Morgan said, folding his arms in his lap. "Sometimes, though, you just can't keep up the illusion of outer strength any longer. I'll be all right, don't worry."

"I hear you," she said, sighing. "It's not like you can control what you feel like from one day to the next, or who stays or leaves. I learned that when Negs and Princess left. I still miss 'em."

Obviously, or she wouldn't have given the cafe a second thought.

"It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't such an obnoxious pattern in my life, even before I came on the ship." Then he smirked again. "I guess I had better not start liking myself too much, or I'll be repodded!"

It wasn't much of a joke, but it was one.

"Hey, I like you fine," Hit Girl said. "You'r a really intense guy and you have strength and discipline I could only dream of. The worse thing about you is that you have the shittiest luck ever."

From her perspective anyway.

"Besides, my life isn't great either, so we can at least bitch about it together."

"It can't be that great, if you had to lock your girlfriend up... temporary though that may be," Morgan said, casually deflecting the conversation back to her.

"Yeah, take one for the team and all that," Hit Girl said, sounding...actually a little miserable. "The fucked up thing is that I'm used to sleeping beside her, and with her in the brig, I can't sleep. I jog, I train, I shoot things to keep myself busy. Never get more than a few hours and I feel like shit after."

And if he suggested warm milk she'd tell him where he could get his warm milk.

"And yet it never occurred to you to ask for help?" he asked with a little smile. Very typical of her, he thought, and not at all surprising.

"I'm a big girl. I made the decision to play the fucktard's side, and Ruffnut wanted to be part of the rebellion. It's not like I have any right to bitch about it. It just sucks."

What could be done about it anyway?

"It's a legitimate complaint, and a health issue. I think you have every right to see if there's some adequate solution to the problem. Besides which, are you really happy not being at your best for the people who are counting on you?"

He delivered this low blow cheerfully, entirely aware that it was a cheap shot -- because, well, it was true, wasn't it?

"It's not that bad yet," Hit Girl insisted, even though she knew that it was likely Morgan had a point. The past few days had been pretty hard to deal with, and didn't look to be getting any better for her. That, and a good night's sleep was sounding better and better.

"I'll be better soon, don't you worry about me," Hit Girl said. "I've dealt with worse than this before."

"If it wasn't bad you wouldn't have mentioned it," Morgan said, rolling his eyes in fond amusement. "And pushing through a bad situation you could get help for if you asked isn't being strong, you know."

"If it was bad enough I didn't know what to do, I'd have said so," she said. "Well, maybe. In this case, I had my own girlfriend arrested. As far as I'm concerned, its one of the sacrifices I make for not being brigged."

She laughed. "Lack of sleep is not really top on my list of dire situations, Morgan."

He shrugged slightly. "I'm baffled by your insistence on not getting help with a solvable problem, but okay, consider it dropped."

"When I approach you for an actual problem, you'll know its something that need to be dealt with," Hit Girl said. "This is a trial. Trials suck. But thanks...you know, for caring."

Morgan, with some effort, held back a comment on the nature of a trial. He'd vowed to drop it, after all.

"Some days you wonder how you can keep doing it."

"You can, but you can't change how things are. If I'm uncomfortable, I can deal with it. But if I have some real trouble, I'll get help. That's just it."

She shrugged. "Gotta find a way, even still. You do what you gotta then."

"One of those, 'this, too, shall pass' situations, I suppose," he said. Cold comfort at best, but enough to keep going on, right?

"Like I said, I can deal with something like this. It's just really hard, that's all."

She did miss Ruff.

"Well, everyone's allowed to have a little stretch of time where it gets too hard and you just have to stop and break a little, before you're ready to go on again," Morgan said. "Right?"

"Yeah," Hit Girl said, feeling a little embarrassed that it was possible she was looking a this the wrong way. "I guess I just figured there was no point in bitching about it when everyone's got their own problems."

Morgan shot her a wry look. "Hmph. Turn it around. Suppose I've got a problem and you've got a solution, but I just insist it's no big deal, don't fix my problem, I'll just soldier on with it right along with everything else I've got going on... That's about the point where, unless I miss my guess pretty widely, you get irritated with me for being an idiot about the whole thing?"

Well goddamn it, he had a point there. In fact, now that she thought about it, hadn't she blown up at the Overlord for his very reason? His refusal to take care of a problem he acted like didn't exist? She HAD thought this was simply a trial to be weathered, that if she even so much as showed how sad she was, it would show how weak she was.

But this behavior didn't sound strong, not even remotely. It sounded pig headed and dumb.

"Yeah, I would," she said quietly. "As much as I hate to admit it, it would piss me off. So if you were in my shoes, what would you do?"

"I'm not sure, mostly because I'm confused about whether I'm you being me or I'm you being you." He shrugged. "Meanwhile, I'm offering to help you get a good night's sleep, so there's that."

Whether he was being him being her or him....what? Ok, whatever on that one, she would just have to figure that shit out later,

"Ok, we'll get to the sleeping thing. How would you go about it?"

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