Sometimes you lose too much [Open]

[morganknight]

Something about the river kept drawing Morgan back.

Which was odd, since he'd never considered himself to have any particular affinity to water before coming to the ship. Sure, he'd trained in it, and enjoyed swimming, but he hadn't considered his pool or a beach to be any sort of 'quiet spot' or meditative spot for himself. Then again, lacking access to his mentor's dojo, or his own personal retreats of choice, maybe he shouldn't be so surprised that he'd found a new one.

Work kept him busy, with Medical low on staff and so much to do from the rebellion. Fake as it might be, he still found himself putting in long hours and lots of effort to keep things going.

Still, sometimes... especially when you got the worst of news, you had to take a break. And you couldn't be strong forever.

Morgan sat at the edge of the river, staring into the currents, and let himself quietly cry.

Comments

[appletastic]

That really was sad. Applejack lowered her head. "That's true. I'm glad they're all right."

She definitely caught the reference to dead love interests. That was just about the saddest thing she ever heard. "So if you did like a gal...would you tell them?"

[morganknight]

"Good question." He shrugged. "There's a mile of difference between flirting with someone and actually admitting honest interest, and I can do the one fine, but the other... I don't know."

[appletastic]

"'Cause then your heart's right out in the open." Applejack could understand that. It was hard---sometimes she liked to pretend nothing could drag her down. But somepony outright kicking her out would hurt a lot.

"I don't know. The way things are here, the way we might never get a chance again? I'd tell them if I had them."

[morganknight]

"I figure you probably have the right of it," Morgan said. Calling her more innocent was wrong... more uncomplicated, perhaps, and thus better able to see through the heart of matters to what matters most. "But that assumes I know my own feelings well enough to be sure of them. I thought I did, but today has made me doubt."

[appletastic]

"Today?" Applejack bit her lip in worry. "Did I...?"

[morganknight]

"Don't be silly!" Morgan said, sitting up to give her a playful one-handed shove. "I mean the fact that I'm so torn up over not just this, but all of my losses in general, means I have to wonder if I was ever really as accepting of those losses as I thought I was."

[appletastic]

"Meaning..." Applejack mulled his words over in her head. "You really needed to let it all out today, huh?"

That was all right. She'd stay by him if he needed her to. She had experience with this sort of thing.

[morganknight]

"I guess." He sighed, lowering his hands back to his lap again and looking down. "I don't like how I feel, but that doesn't change the fact that it is</> how I feel. The question is, how do I find a way to feel differently, right now?"

[appletastic]

"Maybe you just oughta let it go," Applejack suggested, resting her head over her leg. "I don't mean just dropping it, just...feel for a while until you're sick of it. Then it'll be easy to peel off."

Good god, that HTML... /slinks off to a corner

[morganknight]

"Maybe, but... just waiting won't change anything. The people who are gone'll still be gone. The only thing I can change about any of this is myself."

He put a half-closed fist to his chest, looking down at it as if it held answers.

[appletastic]

"And you will, in time. Trust yourself to do it."

Applejack nodded, giving him a little reassuring look. Come on, Morgan, please?

[morganknight]

He wanted to, but at the moment, he felt he had no grounding whatsoever. Applejack... and that's about it, really. Everything else was tearing at him or costing him strength and patience...

"It'd just be a nice break to have... well, a nice break, for once."

[appletastic]

"Then take one, silly," she suggested. "Lock yourself up in a nice little place. Don't answer our calls. Rest."

[morganknight]

"Not doing things and not coming when I'm needed?" He crossed his arms, trying to play at being offended. "I'd make a wreck of myself. Can't do it. I'm not the one who needs to ease up anyway," he added, waving an arm at the sky in general. "The universe does! Cut me some slack!"

[appletastic]

"You heard the guy," she ordered up at the sky. What the hay, might as well join in.

"I really hope they listen. But...I don't know. Doesn't feel like we're being looked out for. We ain't."

[morganknight]

"No. I certainly don't believe so." Casually as he might invoke a 'god' in his everyday speech, that was a cultural quirk, not any statement of belief. "But that makes it too easy to ask what I'm doing wrong, when I don't really think I am."

[appletastic]

"It's nothing wrong. It's the world that's wrong." Yes, those were contradictions. But he'd know what she meant.

[morganknight]

"Then it's up to us to change it, right?"

Who else would, or could?

[appletastic]

"Uh-huh!"

She settled in beside him, content to waste an afternoon. This wasn't so bad.

[morganknight]

He put an arm on her shoulders again, half to comfort her and half to comfort himself. "That's the key to 'magic', you know. Believing in something so strongly that you actually manage to make it real, even if countless other people don't believe in it."

[appletastic]

"Don't be silly, the key to magic is having a horn," she teased. But she settled against him and smiled. She knew what he meant---willpower could be an amazing thing. It had to be enough.

[morganknight]

With some effort, Morgan suppressed a crude joke. Somehow it just didn't seem right to make snickering anatomical references to a lady pony. Go figure.

"Bet magic doesn't grow apples nearly as well as hard work and loving attention to the trees, though."

[appletastic]

"You're right," she said with quiet appreciation. "I don't need it. I've got y'all and my hooves, and that's all I need." For a little while.

[morganknight]

"A few apple seeds helps too, right?" Now he was just teasing, trying to lighten the tone. He knew he'd let himself get too dark.