trans_9 | Sometimes you lose too much [Open]

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Sometimes you lose too much [Open]

Something about the river kept drawing Morgan back.

Which was odd, since he'd never considered himself to have any particular affinity to water before coming to the ship. Sure, he'd trained in it, and enjoyed swimming, but he hadn't considered his pool or a beach to be any sort of 'quiet spot' or meditative spot for himself. Then again, lacking access to his mentor's dojo, or his own personal retreats of choice, maybe he shouldn't be so surprised that he'd found a new one.

Work kept him busy, with Medical low on staff and so much to do from the rebellion. Fake as it might be, he still found himself putting in long hours and lots of effort to keep things going.

Still, sometimes... especially when you got the worst of news, you had to take a break. And you couldn't be strong forever.

Morgan sat at the edge of the river, staring into the currents, and let himself quietly cry.

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"Me too," Applejack said simply, settling in beside him.

After another pause, she nodded. "That too. It ain't easy, never is. You think it's all gonna be all right, that you've got all the time in the world to play with 'em or teach 'em things or tuck her in, but...you don't."

He leaned over to rest a hand comfortingly on the pony's shoulders, the way he might put an arm around a human friend for comfort. "You're thinking of someone specific, aren't you?" he said.

"My little sis, Apple Bloom," Applejack sighed, watching the ripples in the water. If she blurred her eyes just enough, she could almost see her sister's big red bow.

"I know she's safer away from here, but sometimes I wonder if I'll see her again."

"Believe that you will, and you will," Morgan said, with a comforting pat. "But yeah... sometimes it's a lot easier to doubt than you'd like it to be."

"Yeah. Just think of all those boys that didn't make it," Applejack remembered, tipping her hat over her eyes. "I got some armor to deal with that, and I'm getting a sharper lasso, but we're up against something far bigger than any of us could possibly imagine."

She slammed her hoof into the earth. "But we're gonna give it our all, for their sakes. It sure was easier with them around, though, wasn't it? Someone to laugh with?"

"Yeah. Stephen and I go back years, and we've been through a lot. Wasn't always the most perfect friendship, but he's still my best friend." Though 'laugh' was really more 'snark at each other', but still. "At least he's still alive, though..."

"At least there's that," Applejack agreed, her face settling into what might look like a wistful smile. "And we've both got people, right? Nopony has to be alone."

"Yeah... it just seems like my life is in a pattern of losing people even before I came here. I suppose I'm not as accustomed to it all as I like to believe I ought to be..."

He sighed, lowering his head to prop it on his free hand.

"But if you're all used to it...then how do you let us in?"

Applejack shuddered. It was an unpleasant thought. "I don't want to close off. We've got too much left to do and too far left to go to spend it all alone."

"I was determined not to give up, but maybe it is my fate to be alone," Morgan mused out loud. "These days it seems like I can't even so much as flirt with a girl without her disappearing, and business in Medical keeps me so busy..."

He shrugged. "Maybe it's the fate of some people to just fade away."

"You won't," Applejack swore, She lifted her head to stare at him hard in the eye. "Believe me, I know what loneliness can do to somepony. And it ain't easy, but you've gotta hang on. Something good'll come along."

"Ha, thanks, Applejack. Shall we make a bet on it?" he said, grinning at her now.

"Sure thing," Applejack nodded, sticking out a hoof to him. "You're gonna be all right. And if you're not, I'll pour some apple cider down your throat until you are."

"I was thinking a more specific bet," he said, playfully nudging the pony. "Not a weighted bet... though I do love cider."

"Well you're getting some anyway," Applejack promised with a little nod. "And you can sit around a table with it and make some new friends. Sound good?"

Well, if she didn't want to take him up on it, all that deprived him of was smug satisfaction at being proven right, eventually. And he could live without that.

"That sounds good unless the table is in the mess hall. Because otherwise, ew." He winked at her to show he wasn't serious.

"There's that tavern," Applejack pointed out. "And there's always a picnic blanket in the grass, if you want. I don't like those tables either. I made a mess of myself in front of the princess there! That throbbing can trip a gal up."

She snorted. What an embarrassing (yet sad, now that she thought about it) day that was.

"Picnic blankets sound good right about now, actually," he said, mind drifting back. "With that and some cider, it might be easy to pretend that everything is okay for a little while."

"And maybe if we do it enough, we won't have to pretend," she whispered. Things won't be perfect, or great, but okay? It might just be possible someday.

"Optimist," he said, but fondly. That sort of attitude was what he needed at the moment, really. "I suppose if I still have the chance to sit and drink cider with a friend, life can't be all bad, can it?"

"Nope!" Applejack cheered, voice dipping into a clear imitation of her older brother.

"It'll be just fine. Wait and see."

"Hmph. I still say it won't," he said, crossing his arms in faux-stubbornness that covered up... well, to be honest, real stubbornness.

"We'll see, won't we?" They'd say the same thing, but she'd say it more positively. That little spark wasn't gone from her yet.

"Maybe it'll go right for you and not for me! What does that count as, huh?" he said, giving her a little nudge with his shoulder. Now he's just being an immature boy.

"You being saddlesore, that's what," Applejack answered, gently nudging him with her head. "I know it's rough, of course it is, but it won't all be bad."

If she ever lost that hope, what would be left? She didn't like to think about it, so she didn't.

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