Losing Them In Pieces [Open]

[bonnypiperlad]

Who: Jamie and open!
Where: The Brig, unless someone drags him out from it.
Summary: A reaction to Billy's repodding and Zetta's subsequent announcement.
Warnings: General unhappiness warnings. Possibly a bit of sulking and a reluctance to do things.


Zetta's announcement had infuriated Jamie, and for a few moments he had forgotten it was supposed to be an act. All he wanted to do was get out of his cell, hunt down that overgrown piece of parchment and find out how hard it would be to punch a book in what served for its face. But the anger soon faded as the reality set in. Another teammate, gone. Only this time it was someone he had grown to care for like the members of his clan - like a brother. It wasn't a mistake or a joke. Maybe it wasn't as permanent as Punchy's death, but in some ways it hurt even worse.

And...maybe Zetta had been right, act or no act. What was to stop the Daligig from repodding the rest of the rebels or even the crew entirely? Yes, they'd lose the investment they had in the crew, and have to start all over again, but they'd have the time to adjust the systems, undo the changes that had already been done and start over with a group that had no idea what was going on. Or what if they decided a more effective tack would be to pod the rest of those who the rebels cared for? What if they repodded the Doctor? Or Victoria? He couldn't bear the thought of losing her, too, not now. Not again.

A wave of listlessness rolled over him, and he slid down the wall to sit heavily on the floor. His eyes found a random spot, and he stared at it despondently, too caught up in the downward spiral of his thoughts to actually see it. Why should they even bother trying to fight? Was it even worth it anymore?

"Och, what's the use?"

Comments

[boobhat]

Hiccup was in the cell next to him.

"Is that the sound of someone in need of an inspiring speech?" he asked. "If it is, ask someone in the next cell over. I'm awful at 'em."

[bonnypiperlad]

That was enough to get him to raise his head from the floor and look over in Hiccup's general direction, even if he couldn't actually see anything through the wall. His mouth also started to pull off to one side, but his heart wasn't really in the gesture, and it wound up falling flat.

"There'd be no point to it even if ye weren't," he replied, glumly. "It'll not bring Billy back, or any of the others. Or us, when they put us back in the pods too."

[boobhat]

"But it sure will piss off everyone else left outside. We can't give up hope. Not yet," said Hiccup. "And at least the ones who are repodded are relatively safe."

People in the pods had died but many of the sleepers had been safe through past crises thanks to their podsleep.

"We knew this wasn't going to be easy. It's never been easy."

[bonnypiperlad]

"Aye, safe." As safe as anyone ever was, until something went wrong and more of them were lost to zombies or bombs or Daleks. Still, Hiccup had a point.

"I never said it was going to be easy, just that..." He sighed, and was quiet for a moment, picking at a piece of lint on his kilt. "Why'd it have to be him that they put back?"

[makeherblue]

The Doctor hadn't been repodded yet.

And by either sheer luck or coincidence or just a penchant for being very extremely good at appearing at odd places, the Doctor had popped up on the other side of Jamie's cell, looking about the same as he had since before Sobek. He'd been very careful about that. Humans liked things stable, as boring as that could be, and sometimes you simply had to look the part to get them back in their little comfort zones. The Doctor looked up at the barrier between them, then at his human stuck inside the brig.

"The use of what? That's a big question, you know. Right there behind 'why' and 'what's that smell?'" The Doctor said. He offered Jamie a soft smile. It didn't look right for Jamie to be sitting there to him; not the young man who made it a personal mission to charge at each and every Redcoat in existence.

But this was about a close friend and that was another thing entirely. Loads different!

[bonnypiperlad]

Maybe it didn't look right, but this mood was one Jamie's gotten into before, that 'couldn't care less' sort of doldrums that popped up to cover his hurt. And before it took the TARDIS going wrong to start to get him out of it. Not much chance of that happening this time.

When the Doctor spoke, he did lift his head from his study of the floor, although there was something dull in the gesture, and something apathetic in his tone. "Only ye would go and put it that way, Doctor."

Drawing his legs up, he let his gaze drift away again, this time fixing on the wall opposite him. It was white, plain. Not much to look at, to be honest, and it wasn't long before he found himself looking back outside the the cell, at the soft smile that was meant to be comforting. And maybe it was, a bit, but he wasn't quite ready to admit to that. "Ye know what I meant, though."

[makeherblue]

It breaks the Doctor’s hearts to see Jamie in that sort of state. He tries not to show it. The last thing his human needs is to see his Doctor having any second thoughts. “I had hoped it was more of a rhetorical question,” the Doctor says.

He looks around for a place to sit and short of chairs to pull over, he opts to fold himself down onto a squishy little knob protruding out the side of Stacy. Like Jamie’s cell, it’s white, run-through with veins of some sort, and so far not having issues with Time Lords using it as a chair. The Doctor folds his hands in his lap, long fingers interlaced as he regards his Scot with one of those thoughtful expressions of his. For a moment, he looks alien, that too-young too-old face of his smoothed out.

“I can think of loads of uses, Jamie! Useless at regenerating, I think.” The Doctor ticks off the points. “So you’ve really only got one go at it. Not much fun sitting in a brig with that one go. And you’re on a ship that bends time and space. There’s third and fourth and fifth chances.”

He doesn’t add that those chances might be incredibly hard to come by, not without fully understanding Stacy and her capabilities.

[first_in_time]

Barbara could feel eyes on her from somewhere. She looked around the room and - oh! - there was Jamie. At first she smiled because Jamie was such a nice young man, but then she noticed his lack of usual spirit.

"Are you alright?" Barbara asked once she'd approached and crouched down next to him.

[bonnypiperlad]

Trust Barbara to ask that. He wasn't, not really, but he didn't want her to worry. Not over him. So he tried at least to manage a small smile for her, a reassurance he didn't really feel.

"Aye, I'll be fine," he said, although the words sounded hollow even to him. "It's not as though it's not happened before." Many times before, but if he let himself go back down that particular train of thought he guessed Barbara would likely pick up on it. Maybe if he focused on her instead it would take his mind off everything else.

"Doesn't matter though. Are ye holding up alright?"

[first_in_time]

Barbara shifted her stance against the wall so that she sat like he did; bottom flat on the ground, back up against the wall. It was clear that they could be here a while. Which she didn't mind; Jamie was a kind, sweet man and she would happily go out of her way for him.

"I'm alright. What do you mean 'happened before'?"

[kaya_waterwave]

She'd be caught eventually, and really, once she knew Billy was caught it had been easy to catch her. She had been moving around the ship as much as she could to avoid getting caught, to help aid people in what they were doing against the Daligig. After Billy being podded, she couldn't bring herself to really do anything. Everything felt like pain, the reminder of what she lost unbearable, and so security found her and brought her here.

Kaya stared ahead, quietly, saying nothing. She managed to give Jamie a wave, but that was all she could do.

[bonnypiperlad]

Jamie saw the wave - and the expression on her face. Knowing what she must be feeling, the pain over having Billy gone. Out of everyone on the ship, only Ronnae might be hurting more at the moment, he thought.

He couldn't get to her - not at the moment, not without risking their cover. But at least he could talk to her, even though he truthfully didn't feel much like talking. Maybe it would help in some way. So, after a little while had passed, he tried to force away some of his own apathy, and stood up, walking over to the bars of his cell.

"Hey," he said softly, "Ye should try and get some sleep, maybe. The cot's not so bad as those things go."

[kaya_waterwave]

"I remember," she said immediately, and then her tone softened. "It's been a few years since I've been here, but the longer you stay, the more it all starts to come back to you."

The uselessness, the feeling of being cooped up. These were things that Kaya had to struggle with the last time she was here, and she had not been looking forward to that. But with Billy podded this feeling was replaced by sheer despair, and a gnawing, empty feeling that left her cold and in pain.

"I think I'm afraid of sleeping," she confessed quietly. "I'll just dream about the both of them, and wake up in pain. It happened when we lost Renne."

And without Billy, the pain under normal circumstances was ten times harder to deal with. It was physical, emotional and mental all at the same time.

[sonicscreamer]

She shouldn't be outside of the house, really, but oh! Lessons and words be damned for all the good it did. Victoria had seen Zetta's speech as well and knew it would affect Jamie in some away. Against her better judgement, she had left the relative safety of the house to find him, although thankfully she had been pointed out by a few others exactly where he was.

She didn't like what she saw. Yet she couldn't blame he really, she knew all too well what it was like to lose someone you cared for and...all she could do was try to be of some support. Gentle, she put a hand on his shoulder.

"Jamie..."

[bonnypiperlad]

In truth, there were very few times where his spirits had slipped quite so low. Victoria had gotten to experience those, thanks to their sharing a body, so she, more than anyone, likely had an inkling of what must be going through his mind. So who could blame her if she didn't care for what she saw?

The gentle touch on his shoulder broke through those thoughts, and he blinked, looking up at her with some surprise. "Victoria?"

He had thought maybe she'd be by to visit at some point if they'd let her, maybe with the Doctor. Or he'd sneak away while helping to achieve some of the secret plans this whole fake rebellion was allowing them to do, and see her that way. He hadn't expected her to come on her own, not like this, but he was grateful she had.

More than grateful, actually, and it showed in his eyes even as he reached up to touch her hand with his own. Then he let go, but it was only for long enough for him to get to his feet and pull her close to him, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair for a few precious moments - as long as she would let him.

[sonicscreamer]

She wished she could tell him that it would be alright, that everything would be fine soon, and that, at the very least, he could feel a bit easier that Billy was in the pods, safe and away from harm. However, truthfully, the fake rebellion as well as the real one could easily spell disaster and had been on her mind nearly every minute that she could spare a thought. It frightened her, truthfully. It wasn't just a fear like on their adventures, what little they had had together before coming here, but something that was building, growing, and there was not much she could do about it...but hope.

And hope she did.

Billy's repodding added tension neither of them really needed, but she knew that the one who was hurting the most right now was Jamie. Victoria had liked Billy when she had talked with him but he had been Jamie's close friend. Quietly, she let him wrap his arms around her and didn't move, feeling his heat against hers and surprisingly didn't say anything when he moved in her hair, even going as far as thrown her arms around him as well. She trembled slightly - Victoria was rather empathic to others so Jamie's pain felt all-to-familiar to her and she fought back the tears.

"I...I am sorry I did not stay quite where I should be..." it was said in a half-smile, somewhat bitter-sweet way. "I suppose the journey to return would not be safe to travel alone..." She'd try to put on a brave face for him. He deserved as much after all that had happened.

[flunkingspanish]

"...Like, on a philosophical level, or are you just really bored with the stuff on your omnicom?" Paco asked from the other side of the hall and slightly to the left. "Because I'll swap with you if you're bored. I accidentally downloaded a bunch of soap operas and I'm actually thinking about watching them."

[bonnypiperlad]

"A philasopho-what?" Jamie replied, brow furrowing in confusion. And on the off chance Paco couldn't see his face, there was plenty of bafflement in his tone as well, enough to make up for any lack of visible expression. People had tried to explain the concept of philosophy to Jamie before, but he didn't really understand it. So he did what he often did when faced with something like that - faked it.

"Oh, aye. That." He thought about getting to his feet to go over, closer to the bars, then decided against it. "I don't think you'd want to swap, though. All I've got on there is that wee game with the blocks."

He's not so good with computers, and while he's gotten better with some aspects of the Omnicom, he doesn't generally use it enough to bother with things apart from sending messages.

"Doesn't matter anyway," he added, pessimism creeping back into his tone. "There's no point to it."

[flunkingspanish]

"Nahh, already got that one, if it's the block game I'm thinking of," Paco said, leaning against the bars of his cell. "Though I don't think most people get that bummed out over computer games that aren't...you know, way more interesting than that. What gives? 'Cause I'm sure I can find a point for you if you've lost one."

[anwei]

If she leaned rather too close to the energy barrier holding her in the cell, Anwei could just see Jamie's downturned head and slumped shoulders, across the corridor and up.

"We shouldn't despair." Not now, not when the first part of the plan to get the Daligig off the ship had gone, well, maybe not smoothly but with no casualties that she knew off.

Except for the repoddings, of course.

[bonnypiperlad]

Anwei was tricky to see. Even if he looked up and over at where she was, he only caught a glimpse of her hair, a bit of her shoulder. But he turned towards the sound of her voice anyway.

"Shouldn't we?" he replied, a little more sharply than he had intended. Then he sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. It's just that more and more of us are winding up getting repodded. And I know ye came back, and Kaya, and a few of the others, but..."

But the Daligig hadn't done those repoddings so directly. And out of the ones they knew were the more direct ones, nobody'd come back.

"I just don't know if it's worth it," he muttered, more to himself than to her.

[anwei]

She thought of snapping at Jamie, reminding him that they were all alive on Stacy while billions upon billions were dead in whatever was left over when the Ohm destroyed a universe. But she refrained. She didn't think harshness was the tool to use here.

And besides, it reminded her of her mothers.

"Repodding is not death. They can return. And it's terrible that they are gone, without warning, without having a chance to say goodbye. But things can get better."

They could get better at repairing Stacy, and undoing her bonds on them and on herself.

"If you feel the weight of this task isn't worth carrying, then think of all the peoples, in all the universes, who have never heard of the war or the Ohm or the Daligig." Lucky. "Think of them alive and laughing and loving and safe - safe, IF we can stop this war. If we can't, the Ohm could just go on until the end of all worlds."

[thisclinchesit]

Going by the timing of things, Shoutarou had an idea of what Jamie was talking about. Across the way, he sat in a cell on the opposite side - kind of a funny image, an imprisoned security officer.

"That's a valid question, though a loaded one..."

[bonnypiperlad]

Under other circumstances, Jamie might find it to be a funnier sort of image. But right now, he's still trying to come with grips with what's happened, and not doing a terrific job so far. He did look up at Shoutarou's words, though, a faint look of puzzlement appearing on his face.

"Hey? How's it loaded?"

[thisclinchesit]

Shoutarou stands, moving to the doorway of his cell, and leaned against it.

"The kind of answers it provokes. Most people go the sugar-coating route, try to dress up the situation in favor of improving the mood." He makes a slightly disgusted face, then sighs. "Kinda guilty of doing that myself sometimes, but... Ahh, that's getting off-topic." He shakes his head, then looks out at Jamie. "You talking about Billy's message?"