Losing Them In Pieces [Open]

[bonnypiperlad]

Who: Jamie and open!
Where: The Brig, unless someone drags him out from it.
Summary: A reaction to Billy's repodding and Zetta's subsequent announcement.
Warnings: General unhappiness warnings. Possibly a bit of sulking and a reluctance to do things.


Zetta's announcement had infuriated Jamie, and for a few moments he had forgotten it was supposed to be an act. All he wanted to do was get out of his cell, hunt down that overgrown piece of parchment and find out how hard it would be to punch a book in what served for its face. But the anger soon faded as the reality set in. Another teammate, gone. Only this time it was someone he had grown to care for like the members of his clan - like a brother. It wasn't a mistake or a joke. Maybe it wasn't as permanent as Punchy's death, but in some ways it hurt even worse.

And...maybe Zetta had been right, act or no act. What was to stop the Daligig from repodding the rest of the rebels or even the crew entirely? Yes, they'd lose the investment they had in the crew, and have to start all over again, but they'd have the time to adjust the systems, undo the changes that had already been done and start over with a group that had no idea what was going on. Or what if they decided a more effective tack would be to pod the rest of those who the rebels cared for? What if they repodded the Doctor? Or Victoria? He couldn't bear the thought of losing her, too, not now. Not again.

A wave of listlessness rolled over him, and he slid down the wall to sit heavily on the floor. His eyes found a random spot, and he stared at it despondently, too caught up in the downward spiral of his thoughts to actually see it. Why should they even bother trying to fight? Was it even worth it anymore?

"Och, what's the use?"

Comments

[anwei]

She thought of snapping at Jamie, reminding him that they were all alive on Stacy while billions upon billions were dead in whatever was left over when the Ohm destroyed a universe. But she refrained. She didn't think harshness was the tool to use here.

And besides, it reminded her of her mothers.

"Repodding is not death. They can return. And it's terrible that they are gone, without warning, without having a chance to say goodbye. But things can get better."

They could get better at repairing Stacy, and undoing her bonds on them and on herself.

"If you feel the weight of this task isn't worth carrying, then think of all the peoples, in all the universes, who have never heard of the war or the Ohm or the Daligig." Lucky. "Think of them alive and laughing and loving and safe - safe, IF we can stop this war. If we can't, the Ohm could just go on until the end of all worlds."

[bonnypiperlad]

That made Jamie pause. He had been thinking on a smaller level - the people he knew and cared about. Most of them he felt were in the pods somewhere, and as safe as they could be there, providing nothing else attacked them. Anwei had a point, though. There were still all those other people, all the ones that were out that there that the war hadn't touched yet. They had to keep trying for them. And maybe if they could get past the rebellion and free of the Daligig, they could figure out a way to get those in the pods awake again as well.

"Aye," he said slowly. "Aye, you're right."

It still hurt, but something about it had shifted. Jamie sat up, taking a breath, then pushed himself to his feet and moved to the edge of the bars so he could get a better look at her.

"Ye really think we'll be able to stop them?"

[anwei]

Anwei nodded, not certain that Jamie could see her. She always thought in terms of the big numbers; she couldn't help it. So many numbers in her head, each one marked with a trail of blood...

"We have so much strength here; so much talent and heart. If we can find some lever, some key to the Ohm, I believe that we can use it - and prevent it from being used by the wrong hands." Slender, deceitful Daligig hands, that is.

"We have to stop them. Not to give all to that would be - abomination." That last word caught in her throat.

[bonnypiperlad]

It wasn't much better, but from where he was he could see her hair move - a nod, he thought. So she did think they could, and her words only backed that up.

"There's a lot of clever people here," he agreed. "If we can figure out what's going on, they can come up with something. We can come up with something."

He fell quiet again, for a few seconds, then said a touch ruefully, "Ye must think me very selfish for how I've reacted. I'm sorry."

[anwei]

She pressed her face closer to the cell barrier, stretching her neck until she could see half his face.

"You're allowed to fall into despair. The trick is to step out of it as soon as you're in it, and not let it seep in. And above all, not to deliberately invite into you, or think that despair is the normal state of being. Focus on that, and you and everyone around you will be the happier for it."

[bonnypiperlad]

"Aye, but that's easier said than done, sometimes." Anwei had a point, even so. If he let himself fall into despair deeply enough, he might not ever come out of it again. And there were still people who needed him not to do that.

"You're right, though. It'll not do anyone any good if I let myself get like that again." His eyes flicked up to where her face was pressed up, so close to that barrier, and he smiled. It was still a small smile, but he'd be alright now, and he wanted to let her know that.

"Hey, Anwei? Thanks."

[anwei]

She smiled back. "You're welcome, Jamie. Always."