trans_9 | Denial? Just a little bit.

Entry tags:

Denial? Just a little bit.

Who: Kaya, open to all.
Where: Sensoriums
Summary: Ed not remembering her is sort of the last straw, so she's getting her aggressions out.
Warnings: Um. Are there any? TBA, I guess?

But so much for that now. Right now Kaya, who had had a pretty bad last few months, found the last straw was bringing Ed back and having him not even recognizer her had been the last straw. Now she was just standing here, around a background of water and streams, and she was moving in a combination.

First there was her own bending. Smooth, flowing each movement into the other, legs supporting the base as arms and shoulders tensed and drew forward, calling the water up and around her, making waves into developed whips, turning that into solid substances and back again.

And then, when the Bene Gesserit came into play, that slowed but accurate action became quick, deliberate fast. Her body become a putty oin increments as she geared for offensive kicks and movement, pushing her body to the limits here. There was no turning back, no moment of reflection.

At this moment, Kaya wondered what would become of her training, if they would form a base of strength and bending even she didn't fully understand yet. She would put aside those feelings of helplessness, of pain she could not do more.

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"Calming my mind. What are you doing?" She shot back casually as if this sort of thing happened every day. "Not bothering you am I?"

"The same." No, Kaya wasn't looking to lecture anyone today: if anything, she wondered how she was even able to calm herself much of the time.

"I would have greeted you more properly, but I hadn't practiced my moved in awhile. They help keep me grounded, actually."

"It's just as well, a proper greeting for us is a scathing remark of some sort and I'm frankly too tired to come up with a suitable comeback. So we can skip the formalities this time." She called back seemingly comfortable despite being on the dirty ground.

"I'm not really in the mood for that myself," Kaya said, starting on doing some push ups. "Right now, I think I'd be best training my body. I feel like I should be doing more to begin with."

"Mmhmm." Azula listened to her work but remained still as the dead in her position. If this were a real sun she'd be working on a nice tan. Rarely did a firebender sunburn.

"Did you have a good time at the pod pop?" She inquired as if they were friend catching up. Really she was fishing to see if she could figure out what was bringing on this sudden burst of energy from the waterbender.

That was suspicious. Of course, she was in a less suspecting mood than usual, so she let the possible motivations for whatever Azula was up to slide. She was here, so was she. No reason to start getting on each other's case so quickly.

"I've had better times," she said, in a fairly deadpan voice. "I really should stop underestimating what next stupid thing will happen the moment I let my guard down."

Azula made a tut tutting noise, "But if you did it would be one less bit of boundless optimism you've lost." A light tease considering how they usually interacted.

"Go on then, tell big sister what cruel fate has fallen upon you now." Slowly out of the sand cool cushion rose under the former princness, and a flower bloomed large enough to act as an umbrella. Some kind of dessert wildflower in a deep purple shade.

Kaya actually managed a laugh here: it was hollow and full of self scorn, but maybe, just for the moment, she needed to have a little humor in something that hurt.

"Big sister? Are you openly mocking me, even now?" She said, raising her eyebrows. Not that it meant she wasn't going to say what was bothering her: she just noted the irony that Azula of all people would be the one curious to know about it.

"If I'm supposed to deal with the present, as it stands, then I'll do that. I'm a waterbender: we are best at adjusting to situations when they come. But when you get thrown hard thing after hard thing, and they expect you to deal with it, its as if the only choice you have is being a stone, not caring what happens."

"Don't I usually? It's not as though I need to mock you subtly." She shot back but then listened to Kaya's feelings. She held back a scoffing laugh at what to her sounded like whining. After all this time she needed to get back on her game and that meant being more sparing with her scorn.

"Such is the oppression of existence. If you can't adjust your flow waterbender then you'll turn from a river to a stagnant pond."

"Yes, but its starting to get old, big sister," Kaya said, looking a little more amused than she felt. Why this was starting to be common place with her and Azula she didn't know. Why she was even talking to Azula about this was a more pressing question, but she could ignore that for the moment.

"I've adjusted it more times than you know, firebender: its become a daily thing, bracing for whatever new redirection of flow comes to call. Not getting to learn anything about the crew or her people would be the easy way to go, but it isn't my way. People podded I understand, Stacy messing with my mind, that I eventually come to terms. But take my friend, pod them, bring them back and have them forget they even trained with me? What's the point?"

Azula thought about it for a minute "No one would blame you for being frustrated, wanting to just shut down and protect your poor abused heart for awhile." It was hard for Azula to empathize, all she could do was try to predict logically how someone like Kaya would feel enduring all of that.

"Perhaps it's a sign of some sort. You keep doing things the same way and bad things keep happening to you." it was a completely half baked response but it's not as though she could provide any real reason for why Kaya was just that unlucky. "Or maybe Stacy just hates you."

Sympathy. Azula was attempting sympathy. But the ship wasn't freezing over, and she wasn't growing a strange spore out of her head or anything like that. This was truly a rare situation indeed.

"I wonder what I would do differently," Kaya said quietly. "Stacy hating me would be the obvious choice of course, but if I don't think that, then maybe I should just find a way, some way, to move out of this funk."

Then again, she could just train some more.

Azula was playing a little game with herself now trying to imagine what she would do if she were in Kaya's situation. It wasn't working because she couldn't imagine herself caring for anyone like that.

"It would be too convenient for Stacy to send you on a mission now. If she were to do that and you succeeded it would help. But it would seem to me you just need something to succeed. A project, something to stroke your barely used ego and make you feel good about the pathetic excuse for a life you lead." She of course had to tack on the "Pathetic Excuse" part so it wouldn't appear she was being too nice.

Of course Kaya would read and know exactly what that pathetic excuse" part would be for: Azula wasn't inclined to give you a pep talk without insulting you a little bit.

"I have to remember the things that my teacher taught me, to keep my mind from getting too distracted by thoughts and emotions that would jar my well being. I thought I was past all of this, but I guess I wasn't expecting another thing associated with lost memories."

A sharp laugh at that. Azula shifted her position on her cushion onto her belly. "How can you expect your spirit to flow if you're keeping your emotions pent up. Instead of facing them head on and growing stronger you're avoiding them to protect yourself."

"I let them out in different ways," Kaya said. "I train, I hang out with friends, I work in the med bay. I deal with them as they come, I guess I just don't expect them to multiply."

How else COULD you deal with your issues when things beyond your control happened?

"Obviously you need something more if those things aren't working." Azula felt like these were just the simplest most obvious answers even if she herself couldn't imagine what it felt like.

"I can't help when these things come out of nowhere! You think when someone gets podded, that's it! You don't expect them to come back and not remember you! If it was like that all the time, at least that would make sense! But having it happen out of the blue? Why?"

"Yes...why would that happen?" Azula mused with this new and interesting problem. "What would be to gain from someone's memories being erased before releasing them back to the public?" Of course Azula already knew,but it would be more fun to let Kaya puzzle it out.

"I wouldn't know. He had his own friends, he trained with me in swordplay. You would think those were things that the Daligig and Stacy would want him to learn. What would be gained from erasing all of that?"

Unless they were still trying to intimidate them?

"I expect better of you." Azula sighed, "What does anyone gain by destroying information? Secrecy. Would it be that uncharacteristic to believe that he found something they didn't want him to know so they took it from him?"

"That occurs to me, of course, but I know several more people who would have been investigating far more than Ed did. In fact, if he did know that much, why unpod him at all? And if they decided to clean that way, why not keep his sword training?"

"Hmmm, to hear you put it like that I can't imagine why you even bothered asking." She summoned a girl who looked a little like Ty Lee in the garb of a Fire Nation servant to fan her.

"So the alternative...is that perhaps this one isn't your Edward?"

"When it comes to theories, I try to explore as many options as needed," Kaya said. "The possibility he isn't the Ed I know is possible, which is just frustrating. He looks and sounds and acts a lot like the one I knew."

She looked over at the girl. "Is that Ty Lee?"

Azula didn't even open her eyes, her response curt. "Don't be stupid. Ty Lee is either in the pods or dead."

The image of Ty Lee however continued to fan Azula with an insipid smile.

"As for the boy, if you were the closest person to him then it could be related to you that he's been altered. But it could be like you suspected before. A warning. A reminder that our minds are not our own anymore."

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