trans_9 | Denial? Just a little bit.

Entry tags:

Denial? Just a little bit.

Who: Kaya, open to all.
Where: Sensoriums
Summary: Ed not remembering her is sort of the last straw, so she's getting her aggressions out.
Warnings: Um. Are there any? TBA, I guess?

But so much for that now. Right now Kaya, who had had a pretty bad last few months, found the last straw was bringing Ed back and having him not even recognizer her had been the last straw. Now she was just standing here, around a background of water and streams, and she was moving in a combination.

First there was her own bending. Smooth, flowing each movement into the other, legs supporting the base as arms and shoulders tensed and drew forward, calling the water up and around her, making waves into developed whips, turning that into solid substances and back again.

And then, when the Bene Gesserit came into play, that slowed but accurate action became quick, deliberate fast. Her body become a putty oin increments as she geared for offensive kicks and movement, pushing her body to the limits here. There was no turning back, no moment of reflection.

At this moment, Kaya wondered what would become of her training, if they would form a base of strength and bending even she didn't fully understand yet. She would put aside those feelings of helplessness, of pain she could not do more.

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"Hmmm, to hear you put it like that I can't imagine why you even bothered asking." She summoned a girl who looked a little like Ty Lee in the garb of a Fire Nation servant to fan her.

"So the alternative...is that perhaps this one isn't your Edward?"

"When it comes to theories, I try to explore as many options as needed," Kaya said. "The possibility he isn't the Ed I know is possible, which is just frustrating. He looks and sounds and acts a lot like the one I knew."

She looked over at the girl. "Is that Ty Lee?"

Azula didn't even open her eyes, her response curt. "Don't be stupid. Ty Lee is either in the pods or dead."

The image of Ty Lee however continued to fan Azula with an insipid smile.

"As for the boy, if you were the closest person to him then it could be related to you that he's been altered. But it could be like you suspected before. A warning. A reminder that our minds are not our own anymore."

"You can still bring her here in the Sensoriums," Kaya said, rolling her eyes. "I thought that even you had learned that by now."

That would be strange, changing someone just for their memories. "He did seem a little more brash, thinking he could just fund a way off here, as if no one else had ever thought of doing something like that."

"And why would I waste my time doing that?" though clearly she had, Azula was starting to get that edge in her voice.

"The brain is a delicate and mysterious thing. All it takes is a slight adjustment To utterly destroy someone." Something she was all too aware of with her constant fears.

"She was a friend of yours, obviously," Kaya said. "Why would you pretend otherwise? I saw her last with the Kyoshi warriors. Handles her body like a dream, the ways she fights, and so funny!"

How she wound up friends with Azula Kaya had no idea.

"Well that's ominous. Still, its also likely to be true, sadly. I just wish I could...turn this frustration off. I don't like the idea I could lose friends so easily."

"WAS my friend. Was being the operative word." Azula was grinding her teeth now and in response to Kaya's questioning Ty Lee shuddered and changed into an unidentifiable young woman who picked up where Ty Lee left off with the fan.

"If they were really your friends, they'd understand how difficult it is for you to deal with their loss."

"And yet you imagined her here. Let's face it Azula: even you need friends, and it helps to have a familiar face. No one can just be alone all the time. I definitely know that I can't."

Really, she thought they could use someone as cheerful as Ty Lee on the ship.

"They would if they remembered, which Ed doesn't. I can't blame him for that anymore than I can blame the GAang for not taking to me when they realized I wasn't Katara."

That was...actually a bit untrue.

Azula was clearly very near the edge of her patience with this line of discussion because as her muscles tensed she said nothing more about it. Instead she laughed when Kaya spoke again. It was a cruel pitying laugh.

"Oh my aren't we holy and pure of heart. No no it's fine that these people who were supposed to be your friends cut you out of their lives when you needed them the most." Her voice lowered and her sharp preditorial gaze focused on Kaya. "So confused, like coming out of a dream, questioning everything about yourself and not even the high and mighty Avatar could empathize with you long enough to sit down and talk."

She rolled her eyes and relaxed again. "After all...they're only human. But not you. You can shoulder all that pain and hurt yourself and just hope one of your "Friends" drops in to help."

"What happened to cause the betrayal is your own story, not mine," Kaya answered. "But they were your friends once: you alone know how they came to no longer be trusted by you. You were the one who preferred Mai's way of dealing with things: killing you, right there and then. I suppose its much something you would have done. But if that's true, why would you imagine Ty Lee here instead of her?"

Kaya was quiet here. She had no answer for that: why the members had been distant to her when, even in the brevity of her being here, Katara had been willing to listen, to talk. With Aang she understood, he had betrayed Katara being with her. She understood. With the others, it was mirrored what no one said:she was a stranger. And even with her new family here on the ship loving her, nothing was more a slap in the face then never really seeing the GAang.

And maybe, talking about Ty Lee, what she wanted was to hurt Azula, in a small way, because this was something she had no answer to herself. Giving and losing, and in the end having them podded all over again. There was only one other thing she knew could hurt Azula, a thing that could undo all the advances she made.

It was a thing, a last thing, that she would never tell her. The thing that could only be told at torture point, and maybe not even then.

"I was trained to put my emotions aside, at least there," Kaya finally answered. "My teachers did their best. If I feel sadness, it will be for the family I made on the ship. Because before that, the departure of the people in our world was a dagger in me. I won't let that pain come back to haunt me again."

It still stung though. They being podded, leaving her here, muddying through what she did allow herself to feel.

The more Kaya spoke about Ty Lee and Mai the more tense Azula got, until her entire body had tensed up and fire exploded in a ring around her. Blue flames circled the cushion forcing her conjured servant to flee.

When Kaya spoke again Azula only relaxed about a half inch of the flames but her eyes were still sharp waiting for the next verbal blow to fall.

"Because clearly putting your emotions aside has worked this long. Surely using the same tactic that's brought you to this place in your life will see you through rather then drive you deeper."

If Kaya was scared by by the fire around Azula (and really, many people would be at this point), she didn't show it. What it was, more than anything, was a indication that this might not be a subject she wanted to talk more about with Azula, though it did still make her wonder.

"This is the place where I learn to conquer the things that hurt me," Kaya said. "All that frustration and anger and self hate, I channel it here, in the words my mentors taught me, in the way I can tell myself that the biggest enemy I have is myself. Reminds me I am stronger than the way I feel. But I let the hurt in too, or I would be in danger if doing it the wrong way."

The fire was dieing down slowly the longer Kaya kept the conversation on herself. "Well aren't you perfect then? No wonder your friends don't think to take care of you. You just come here and deal with it all on your own. Yes clearly this is a system that works. It's not as if you're left feeling unfulfilled or emotionally exhausted." She sighed as if disappointed by what she was hearing.

"Oh grow up," Kaya said. "I can't get through these kinds of things without my friends in the first place, otherwise I wouldn't be in such a bad place when they get podded. My friends help me all the time. Why do you think I come here, revived and determined to get stronger? I would have thought that was obvious."

Really, having friends would do Azula a world of good too.

"You love them they hurt you. They leave you, it hurts you. You claim they help you but then here you are. Alone with me. Someone who is very much the opposite of a friend." it seemed that yet again they had reached a point where neither was seeing from the others point of view.

"They don't always leave, but some always do. And when they do, yes, a part of me is sad. So I try to keep them alive, and remember what they've done. It gives me strength, and I press on. I fight."

Oh, she understood they wouldn't be seeing things eye to eye. But Azula asked, she answered, simple as that.

"It sounds like an unnecessary waste of time and energy." She argued back. "You put forth too much and get too little back. It's unhealthy." and insane as far as she was concerned but who was she to talk about sanity?

"Well I don't really expect you to get it," Kaya said. "In fact, I don't think that many people would. I guess people just find their own way to deal with being in a place like this."

She didn't even mention her Bond with Billy, but that was another story in itself.

"And you've chosen emotional masochism." Azula mocked amused by the thought that for once, she seemed to be healthier one.

Kaya turned around. "I'm not going to to take that from someone who can't be civil for more than five minutes. This will pass, it always does. And I'll make sure we get closer to finding out who made all this happen to us in the first place."

"Suuure you will. Because you've made so much progress so far. How long have you been awake again?"

"Shut up!" Kaya's patience had finally worn thin. "Take your negativity and cruel comments and leave if this is the only thing you can do to amuse yourself! When you actually have been here a long time and actually do something that matters, you can say whatever you want! Otherwise, I don't want to hear it!"

She was so TIRED of being nice and being helpful and earnest, only to get rewarded with more bad news, more friends leaving, and someone who had to constantly belittle her when she actually dared to feel bad about it.

"Oh my, we seem to have had a breakthrough. good job." Azula could read the emotional exhaustion clear as day. She also showed no sign of moving.

Looks like someone was ready to have her aggression out now. She was back in the desert again and she was back to her flips, punching, kicking and rolling back again, gritting her teeth.

This was probably a bad thing, but right now she needed to get out her frustration out right NOW.

Azula smirked feeling as though this was progress of some sort. Progress towards what was anyone's guess, but for now she just smiled and studied Kaya's movements.

It may come in handy some day.

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