trans_9 | Denial? Just a little bit.

Entry tags:

Denial? Just a little bit.

Who: Kaya, open to all.
Where: Sensoriums
Summary: Ed not remembering her is sort of the last straw, so she's getting her aggressions out.
Warnings: Um. Are there any? TBA, I guess?

But so much for that now. Right now Kaya, who had had a pretty bad last few months, found the last straw was bringing Ed back and having him not even recognizer her had been the last straw. Now she was just standing here, around a background of water and streams, and she was moving in a combination.

First there was her own bending. Smooth, flowing each movement into the other, legs supporting the base as arms and shoulders tensed and drew forward, calling the water up and around her, making waves into developed whips, turning that into solid substances and back again.

And then, when the Bene Gesserit came into play, that slowed but accurate action became quick, deliberate fast. Her body become a putty oin increments as she geared for offensive kicks and movement, pushing her body to the limits here. There was no turning back, no moment of reflection.

At this moment, Kaya wondered what would become of her training, if they would form a base of strength and bending even she didn't fully understand yet. She would put aside those feelings of helplessness, of pain she could not do more.

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"What happened to cause the betrayal is your own story, not mine," Kaya answered. "But they were your friends once: you alone know how they came to no longer be trusted by you. You were the one who preferred Mai's way of dealing with things: killing you, right there and then. I suppose its much something you would have done. But if that's true, why would you imagine Ty Lee here instead of her?"

Kaya was quiet here. She had no answer for that: why the members had been distant to her when, even in the brevity of her being here, Katara had been willing to listen, to talk. With Aang she understood, he had betrayed Katara being with her. She understood. With the others, it was mirrored what no one said:she was a stranger. And even with her new family here on the ship loving her, nothing was more a slap in the face then never really seeing the GAang.

And maybe, talking about Ty Lee, what she wanted was to hurt Azula, in a small way, because this was something she had no answer to herself. Giving and losing, and in the end having them podded all over again. There was only one other thing she knew could hurt Azula, a thing that could undo all the advances she made.

It was a thing, a last thing, that she would never tell her. The thing that could only be told at torture point, and maybe not even then.

"I was trained to put my emotions aside, at least there," Kaya finally answered. "My teachers did their best. If I feel sadness, it will be for the family I made on the ship. Because before that, the departure of the people in our world was a dagger in me. I won't let that pain come back to haunt me again."

It still stung though. They being podded, leaving her here, muddying through what she did allow herself to feel.

The more Kaya spoke about Ty Lee and Mai the more tense Azula got, until her entire body had tensed up and fire exploded in a ring around her. Blue flames circled the cushion forcing her conjured servant to flee.

When Kaya spoke again Azula only relaxed about a half inch of the flames but her eyes were still sharp waiting for the next verbal blow to fall.

"Because clearly putting your emotions aside has worked this long. Surely using the same tactic that's brought you to this place in your life will see you through rather then drive you deeper."

If Kaya was scared by by the fire around Azula (and really, many people would be at this point), she didn't show it. What it was, more than anything, was a indication that this might not be a subject she wanted to talk more about with Azula, though it did still make her wonder.

"This is the place where I learn to conquer the things that hurt me," Kaya said. "All that frustration and anger and self hate, I channel it here, in the words my mentors taught me, in the way I can tell myself that the biggest enemy I have is myself. Reminds me I am stronger than the way I feel. But I let the hurt in too, or I would be in danger if doing it the wrong way."

The fire was dieing down slowly the longer Kaya kept the conversation on herself. "Well aren't you perfect then? No wonder your friends don't think to take care of you. You just come here and deal with it all on your own. Yes clearly this is a system that works. It's not as if you're left feeling unfulfilled or emotionally exhausted." She sighed as if disappointed by what she was hearing.

"Oh grow up," Kaya said. "I can't get through these kinds of things without my friends in the first place, otherwise I wouldn't be in such a bad place when they get podded. My friends help me all the time. Why do you think I come here, revived and determined to get stronger? I would have thought that was obvious."

Really, having friends would do Azula a world of good too.

"You love them they hurt you. They leave you, it hurts you. You claim they help you but then here you are. Alone with me. Someone who is very much the opposite of a friend." it seemed that yet again they had reached a point where neither was seeing from the others point of view.

"They don't always leave, but some always do. And when they do, yes, a part of me is sad. So I try to keep them alive, and remember what they've done. It gives me strength, and I press on. I fight."

Oh, she understood they wouldn't be seeing things eye to eye. But Azula asked, she answered, simple as that.

"It sounds like an unnecessary waste of time and energy." She argued back. "You put forth too much and get too little back. It's unhealthy." and insane as far as she was concerned but who was she to talk about sanity?

"Well I don't really expect you to get it," Kaya said. "In fact, I don't think that many people would. I guess people just find their own way to deal with being in a place like this."

She didn't even mention her Bond with Billy, but that was another story in itself.

"And you've chosen emotional masochism." Azula mocked amused by the thought that for once, she seemed to be healthier one.

Kaya turned around. "I'm not going to to take that from someone who can't be civil for more than five minutes. This will pass, it always does. And I'll make sure we get closer to finding out who made all this happen to us in the first place."

"Suuure you will. Because you've made so much progress so far. How long have you been awake again?"

"Shut up!" Kaya's patience had finally worn thin. "Take your negativity and cruel comments and leave if this is the only thing you can do to amuse yourself! When you actually have been here a long time and actually do something that matters, you can say whatever you want! Otherwise, I don't want to hear it!"

She was so TIRED of being nice and being helpful and earnest, only to get rewarded with more bad news, more friends leaving, and someone who had to constantly belittle her when she actually dared to feel bad about it.

"Oh my, we seem to have had a breakthrough. good job." Azula could read the emotional exhaustion clear as day. She also showed no sign of moving.

Looks like someone was ready to have her aggression out now. She was back in the desert again and she was back to her flips, punching, kicking and rolling back again, gritting her teeth.

This was probably a bad thing, but right now she needed to get out her frustration out right NOW.

Azula smirked feeling as though this was progress of some sort. Progress towards what was anyone's guess, but for now she just smiled and studied Kaya's movements.

It may come in handy some day.

Kaya had been going through the motions before: letting her slow, steady training come when needed, meeting her waterbending with her Bene Gesserit teaching. Now, finding herself feeling a little less than zen and a little more frustrated with things in general, Azula was going to see exactly what Kaya could do whens she wasn't just focused on symmetry.

Now her movements were quicker, deliberate, almost deadly. You could almost feel the change in aura compared to her marriage of her own bending and movement. If Azula could see her before, she could not now: Kaya's movement was much quicker now, showing less of her bending and more of her prowess.

Azula's amusement faded to curiosity, even mild jealousy. At her best surely she could have overcome Kaya's skills. But she was hardly at her best these days.

So this was why she was always so impertinent and full of herself. Up till now Azula thought it was just a trait of Water tribe women that they didn't know to recognize true strength.

But would she? Could she?

The disposed princess had to find out for herself. Like a flash she was in the air sending blazing fireballs the size of ripe melons down upon Kaya like deadly hail.

At her best? Not likely. Maybe there was a chance if she was ONLY a master waterbender, but with Sheeana's training, not to mention Kang's basic hand to hand, Nanashi's sword traning and archery with Nokosi, Kaya had become an all around skilled fighter.

It oly took a moment to feel the change in the air: where it had only just been calm before now there was a buzz of change, and it took that moment for Kaya to realize the relatively calm stance Azula had changed, in a big way. Once she saw her take to the air, she was already on guard, and the fireballs were sidestepped. In a blur, Kaya avoided them, her muscles tense, at the ready for whatever Azula would come at her next with.

Burst after burst of wild blazing heat burned through the air. Azula hit the ground moving like a feral animal. Fierce anger made each blast of heat bigger igniting the air with explosive force that sent shockwaves through the sand.

Anger was an emotion that Kaya obviously understood: it was in her when she lost Zhin, and just a few minutes ago, she felt it burning in her heart thinking about what she'd lost. But watching Azula now, it was as if she could Sheena watching her pupil with steely eyes, waiting to see how she would get the drop on her opponent.

Kaya had no intention of disappointing her.

She flipped, darted, and ducked the fire with relative ease, one step ahead of these attacks. Kaya hardly had practice with her speed, but here it came naturally, and she realized her waterbending had prepared her for this. Defense sometimes meant being where the attack was not, showing her opponent that physical strength could sometimes blind you to how you put yourself out of balance.

And as Azula rushed in, Kaya didn't have to lose her head: she knew Azula was now, that her lack of composure, which she knew the firebender possessed, would lead to her fall. Kaya reacted simply: she moved out of way of the blasts, and moved closer to Azula.

Frustration mounting, voices screaming in her ears. Harder and faster till a sheen of sweat built on her skin. The world around them seemed to be made of flame as Azula poured it on.

It made it worse that she could see measures of her old self in how calm and cool Kaya was handling it. The orange flames were a testimony to how much skill had been lost in her madness.

Kaya knew it too: she had always heard tales about the very reason Azula was as dangerous she was because she mastered true inner calm, and therefore was able to wield blue flame. This is Azula was lacking that discipline and they both knew it at the moment.

Which was why she had no intention of fighting Azula with her bending: she would be too afraid to fight back. Instead, she moved swiftly, daring away from the fame, coming up to Azula, rearing back and hip tossing hera few feet.

That Azula hit the sand some distance away and burst into flame. As the fires died down there was no body left.

Instead the real Azula grumbled to herself already on her way to the door to leave. She had created a second Azula using the sensorium to fight Kaya hoping to gain some insight on her skills.

All she'd gotten out of it was frustration. Just how much had she really lost since her break?

Could she ever really get it back?

She had known in a fair fight she couldn't beat Kaya. Hadn't Kaya already proven that before? And in her current state even Azula couldn't keep up just watching her moves.

What was left of her pride was dieing a slow, painful death.

Well that was just about the last thing that Kaya had expected. And why not? It looked as is the person she had been fighting was not Azula at all, otherwise why would she burst into flames? The frustration showed on her face too: it wasn't, after all, about beating Azula at all. It was about having someone, from her own world, to spar with. But she saw now Azula was actually evaluating her, and it took the winds out of her sails,

"Wait," she said, then raised her voice. "Wait! I don't want you to leave!"

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