trans_9 | Denial? Just a little bit.

Entry tags:

Denial? Just a little bit.

Who: Kaya, open to all.
Where: Sensoriums
Summary: Ed not remembering her is sort of the last straw, so she's getting her aggressions out.
Warnings: Um. Are there any? TBA, I guess?

But so much for that now. Right now Kaya, who had had a pretty bad last few months, found the last straw was bringing Ed back and having him not even recognizer her had been the last straw. Now she was just standing here, around a background of water and streams, and she was moving in a combination.

First there was her own bending. Smooth, flowing each movement into the other, legs supporting the base as arms and shoulders tensed and drew forward, calling the water up and around her, making waves into developed whips, turning that into solid substances and back again.

And then, when the Bene Gesserit came into play, that slowed but accurate action became quick, deliberate fast. Her body become a putty oin increments as she geared for offensive kicks and movement, pushing her body to the limits here. There was no turning back, no moment of reflection.

At this moment, Kaya wondered what would become of her training, if they would form a base of strength and bending even she didn't fully understand yet. She would put aside those feelings of helplessness, of pain she could not do more.

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Azula's amusement faded to curiosity, even mild jealousy. At her best surely she could have overcome Kaya's skills. But she was hardly at her best these days.

So this was why she was always so impertinent and full of herself. Up till now Azula thought it was just a trait of Water tribe women that they didn't know to recognize true strength.

But would she? Could she?

The disposed princess had to find out for herself. Like a flash she was in the air sending blazing fireballs the size of ripe melons down upon Kaya like deadly hail.

At her best? Not likely. Maybe there was a chance if she was ONLY a master waterbender, but with Sheeana's training, not to mention Kang's basic hand to hand, Nanashi's sword traning and archery with Nokosi, Kaya had become an all around skilled fighter.

It oly took a moment to feel the change in the air: where it had only just been calm before now there was a buzz of change, and it took that moment for Kaya to realize the relatively calm stance Azula had changed, in a big way. Once she saw her take to the air, she was already on guard, and the fireballs were sidestepped. In a blur, Kaya avoided them, her muscles tense, at the ready for whatever Azula would come at her next with.

Burst after burst of wild blazing heat burned through the air. Azula hit the ground moving like a feral animal. Fierce anger made each blast of heat bigger igniting the air with explosive force that sent shockwaves through the sand.

Anger was an emotion that Kaya obviously understood: it was in her when she lost Zhin, and just a few minutes ago, she felt it burning in her heart thinking about what she'd lost. But watching Azula now, it was as if she could Sheena watching her pupil with steely eyes, waiting to see how she would get the drop on her opponent.

Kaya had no intention of disappointing her.

She flipped, darted, and ducked the fire with relative ease, one step ahead of these attacks. Kaya hardly had practice with her speed, but here it came naturally, and she realized her waterbending had prepared her for this. Defense sometimes meant being where the attack was not, showing her opponent that physical strength could sometimes blind you to how you put yourself out of balance.

And as Azula rushed in, Kaya didn't have to lose her head: she knew Azula was now, that her lack of composure, which she knew the firebender possessed, would lead to her fall. Kaya reacted simply: she moved out of way of the blasts, and moved closer to Azula.

Frustration mounting, voices screaming in her ears. Harder and faster till a sheen of sweat built on her skin. The world around them seemed to be made of flame as Azula poured it on.

It made it worse that she could see measures of her old self in how calm and cool Kaya was handling it. The orange flames were a testimony to how much skill had been lost in her madness.

Kaya knew it too: she had always heard tales about the very reason Azula was as dangerous she was because she mastered true inner calm, and therefore was able to wield blue flame. This is Azula was lacking that discipline and they both knew it at the moment.

Which was why she had no intention of fighting Azula with her bending: she would be too afraid to fight back. Instead, she moved swiftly, daring away from the fame, coming up to Azula, rearing back and hip tossing hera few feet.

That Azula hit the sand some distance away and burst into flame. As the fires died down there was no body left.

Instead the real Azula grumbled to herself already on her way to the door to leave. She had created a second Azula using the sensorium to fight Kaya hoping to gain some insight on her skills.

All she'd gotten out of it was frustration. Just how much had she really lost since her break?

Could she ever really get it back?

She had known in a fair fight she couldn't beat Kaya. Hadn't Kaya already proven that before? And in her current state even Azula couldn't keep up just watching her moves.

What was left of her pride was dieing a slow, painful death.

Well that was just about the last thing that Kaya had expected. And why not? It looked as is the person she had been fighting was not Azula at all, otherwise why would she burst into flames? The frustration showed on her face too: it wasn't, after all, about beating Azula at all. It was about having someone, from her own world, to spar with. But she saw now Azula was actually evaluating her, and it took the winds out of her sails,

"Wait," she said, then raised her voice. "Wait! I don't want you to leave!"

Azula stopped mid step, feet away from the exit calling back over her shoulder.

"You won't get any stronger fighting someone so...weak." The word made the bile rise in her throat. She wasn't even 17 and she was already past her prime.

Kaya walked over to her and blocked her exit. She did this with no maliciousness, or even with her usual stern look: instead, she looked almost sad.

"No one called you weak: when was the last time you fought Azula? Think about that. And me, well, I've been training myself since I got on the ship to be ready when the time came, to have the ability to defend myself even when I couldn't bend. I faced some criticism because they thought I was still Katara then. I suppose its ok now though, since they know I'm not."

Not that it mattered with most of them gone.

Azula was on her guard again, trying desperately to see through whatever front Kaya was putting up, unwilling to believe it was honesty.

"Yes because THAT makes perfect sense." She grumbled in disbelief. "Why would they care if Katara wanted to learn more skills?" What sort of game was Kaya trying to play?

"It was because they thought she was losing touch with her waterbending," Kaya said, doing her best not to let that old scar sting so much, even though she was still a little angry about it. "They didn't think her learning from a master who thought killing in the right circumstance was ok was something Katara should do."

No tricks. Just a quiet frustration.

Azula looked more puzzled now.

"I expect that sort of nonsense from the Avatar, but I would have expected Sokka or Zuko to be more...logical."

She turned away from Kaya stalking back towards her long since abandoned cushion. "So because the rest of them have turned their backs on you for not being her...you stalk me." That made much more sense to her poor addled mind.

"No, its not that." Kaya said this slowly and deliberately. "And keep in mind I wasn't even looking for you and you found me, ok?! It's just...our world is gone, and the people we knew from it are gone too. We might hate each other forever, and we won't see eye to eye but...I'd still like to get to know you. Know what you are."

Her eyes narrowed and her shoulders squared as suspicion put her on edge.

"You already know who and what I am." She muttered darkly.

"I know what they told you that you were supposed to be. A long time ago, I was told what I was supposed to be too. I may not have been as grandiose as you, and I may not have been a princess, but I did what I could. And whether you want to believe it or not, I would like to know more about who you, Azula, actually are."

"But there's a fairly significant difference betwee what people told you you were and what I was." Azula argued starting back towards the cushion once more. "And as much as you all hate to accept it, I liked what I was. I didn't want to change who I was. In fact? If I could I'd go back to being that way in a heartbeat. Instead of this...whatever I am now."

"I figured that," Kaya said. "It hasn't escaped my notice you wish you were who you were back then. But you were also cruel, hurt people, and overall created chaos for other people in our world. Now look at how you are, and think: is the reason you don't have that because you lost, or because there was something you were missing when you lost?"

Azula tried not to let it show just how sharply she felt the question sink into her chest like a well placed spear, but Kaya had nailed down the question that Azula had been wrestling with for months.

Why had she broken down?

It was one thing to become depressed after losing a match, another to become discouraged. But what had caused the insomnia? The Paranoia? The hallucinations?

The harder she tried to focus the more the noise in her head began to roar in her ears like a raging river in a thunderstorm.

"I don't regret anything I did back in our world. Let's be entirely clear." her words were deliberate and slow, as she focused most of her energy on staying calm rather then flying off the handle like she so desperately longed to do right at this moment.

"And that's your own damage, or at least where it starts," Kaya said, arranging herself quietly. "You may have earned your position as Princess of the Fire nation, but cruelty and malice and pain was a common thing to you. It doesn't surprise me in the least you wouldn't regret it now. That's sad, but you're hardly the first person on the ship to revel in other people's pain."

She shrugged. "But you also didn't answer my question, and there's something very telling about that."

"Sad? Or practical? Or is it just another one of those arguments where neither of us will ever back down?" Azula questioned in return. After all who was SHE to pass judgment on the actions Azula had taken growing up?

Even if she did have a point about not answering the question. "Just what does that tell you then oh wise and edified one?" The title was said as sarcastically as the Fire Princess could muster.

"I don't expect you to see things from my point if view: how could you? you were born to rule and you worked your way into your father's eyes. I was born knowing the terror of the fire nation coming and what that meant for your people and where you lived. You'll forgive me if I will never see things from your unique position."

Because really, there was no way she would feel bad about what Azula used to be, remembering what the Fire Nation did.

"It tells me you don't want to answer that question, because you believe so much that your upbringing and your position was perfect. But it couldn't have been, not with how you fell to mind sickness. Do you even know why it happened?"

Azula did, and she had thought about it every which way but in the end it all came back to one specific day and one particular event that was burned into her mind.

"Clearly it's because I worked so hard for so long to get something I deserved only to have it stolen from me."

That was a lie. But she wasn't about to go confessing that she was well aware her grip was slipping before that day. Not to this girl anyway. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"You lost a fight. Anyone can lose one of those, it doesn't mean everything they 'deserved' is gone. Besides, I had Katara's memories in my mind: you weren't in top form, even with Sozen's comet in effect. Something happened that day to you and you know it."

She shouldn't push, but she simply KNEW something happened with Azula: that evidence wasn't even hard to concoct. No one went crazy that easy, and believing she did because she lost was an insult to her prowess.

Azula growled gently turning away from Kaya "It's not as if I simply lost a match. I lost my entire Kingdom! My Father's respect, A life's work stolen from me by a underhanded watertribe trick."

Her voice lowered, "If she had just died the way she was supposed to...I won that Agni Kai, but I ended up locked away all the same." Her muscles were winding up again, nails digging into her palms.

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