Denial? Just a little bit.

[kaya_waterwave]

Who: Kaya, open to all.
Where: Sensoriums
Summary: Ed not remembering her is sort of the last straw, so she's getting her aggressions out.
Warnings: Um. Are there any? TBA, I guess?



But so much for that now. Right now Kaya, who had had a pretty bad last few months, found the last straw was bringing Ed back and having him not even recognizer her had been the last straw. Now she was just standing here, around a background of water and streams, and she was moving in a combination.

First there was her own bending. Smooth, flowing each movement into the other, legs supporting the base as arms and shoulders tensed and drew forward, calling the water up and around her, making waves into developed whips, turning that into solid substances and back again.

And then, when the Bene Gesserit came into play, that slowed but accurate action became quick, deliberate fast. Her body become a putty oin increments as she geared for offensive kicks and movement, pushing her body to the limits here. There was no turning back, no moment of reflection.

At this moment, Kaya wondered what would become of her training, if they would form a base of strength and bending even she didn't fully understand yet. She would put aside those feelings of helplessness, of pain she could not do more.

Comments

[burnedbrighter]

Hearing Kaya remind her of the power she had lost made her grind her teeth and grip her fists till her knuckles turned white.

"I'm running away, because I don't want to do something that will get me locked up again. But you're making it very hard not to change my mind on that."

[kaya_waterwave]

"Look, you've been here a really long time. You've made some progress in some ways, and that's good. But they never bothered to find out why you went crazy in the first place, and that was their job. For all the better technology and these new ways of thinking are supposed to be, they glossed over you. I think you know that too."

She ignored the threat: if she attacked her, she would simply have to defend herself, and since when was that new?

[burnedbrighter]

That much even Azula couldn't deny. The few that had bothered to try and analyze her...

"And what makes you think you're so much more qualified to succeed where they failed? It's not as though I'm particularly comfortable talking with you."

[kaya_waterwave]

"Are you really comfortable talking with anyone? You might say a stranger is better than me, but a stranger knows nothing about our world and cares more about documenting you as a case rather than a person. If there's anything you should have figured out with me is that I do care what happens to you."

[burnedbrighter]

Azula couldn't help the paranoia that was pulsing in her head with every word. "You care because I'm a threat. And then when you figured out I wasn't as much of a threat as I used to be it was about pity. Now it's because we're both outcasts from our own world."

[kaya_waterwave]

"Please. Do you think you're the only threat on the ship I ever had to deal with? If you don't want pity don't be so eager to throw yourself to the wolves. I care because I think no one has bothered to even get to know you and want you to get better besides me and Nima. You've been an arguing point, a danger, a person someone with a degree was saddled with. And now, with someone who actually wants you to at least be something you were before, you react with the same paranoia you have about everyone. Stop and think about why that might be."

And there was a little of her BG teacher there, no doubt, with Katara's reproach mixed in.

[burnedbrighter]

Azula opened her mouth to speak again but snapped it shut sharply and sat, every muscle as tight as it could be as she struggled against herself. She chased the logic around in circles but couldn't grasp hold of it. The words she wanted were just out of reach and just out of sight. All she felt was the pulsing of pressure in her head, the sweat running down the back of her neck. Suddenly the heat that had been such a comfort to her felt like it was cooking her from the inside.

Silently she sat staring into space, the occasional shiver raced through her as the same question repeated itself over and over and over again.

why?

[kaya_waterwave]

She was silent, watching Azula a moment and then settling down, breathing deep. The sun baked on and Kaya sweated, but she showed no signs of discomfort. She remembered a memory Katara had once about being lost on the desert with the crew, and how tempers had flared and Aang had gone into Avatar state. It had been her fear that she would react similarly when she trained in the climate Sheeana favored.

Kaya sniffed appreciatively. "I still remember the first time I wanted to learn something new on this ship. I stumbled upon my first teacher, Sheeana, dancing and moving in ways I thought impossible for a human. But the area of the exotic, the new, the pervasive was there, and so was the fight. It reminded me of how much bigger the world was, and how I wanted to be a part of that."

[burnedbrighter]

While at first it might appear Azula had gone catatonic with anger and frustration at Kaya or herself, she nodded gently listening to her story. it brought a memory of her own out through the chaos of her constantly noisy mind.

It had been at a Fire Festival, she and Zuko had been set free to wander the stalls with only a few guards lurking protectively in the shadows.

There had been a fire dancer, beautiful, graceful. Her moves were like a flickering flame all on their own. Azula had still been a young girl at the time and tried to copy them, doing extremely well for having only watched the act once. But on a more complicated move she fell on her bottom and the people who had been watching laughed.

Red faced, Azula had stormed off, and later the dancer suffered a bad broken leg when her dancing stage mysteriously collapsed under her. No one had ever even suspected...

But all of that remained locked in her head as she felt the false sun struggling to break through her fair royal skin and tan her.

[kaya_waterwave]

Kaya, naturally, tanned well, even if she was used to the colder climates: her dark skinned simple darkened a shade, and even stills he was disciplined enough to take it.

"Life on the ship is like that: you come across so many bad things, so much ill will you wonder if there was any point in Stacy saving you. But then you see something that truly astound you, that makes you remember you live because you have the strength to endure, and because you have the power to beat anything. So you do. You temper yourself, you take a breath, and you live on."

Because when it got down to it? She wanted more of the world outside of what she knew, wanted to see things through other eyes. She wanted, in short, to live.

[burnedbrighter]

The time seemed to stretch on, the silence positively deafening until finally.

"They betrayed me."

Those three words. She didn't move, didn't blink, if anything she was staring harder with the focus of a laser into the distance.

[kaya_waterwave]

Kaya opened her eyes slowly, meeting the firebenders with quiet consideration.

She didn't need to ask who.

"Mai and Ty Lee."

[burnedbrighter]

She didn't move except for the slighted twitch of her wrists tightening the grip of her fists again in acknowledgment. She wouldn't say the words because she knew what Kaya would tell her.

They had betrayed her when she needed them most because she had made a mistake. The relationship between Zuko and Mai, the one that SHE was responsible for creating had been too strong to break.

She had destroyed herself, but it was so much easier to blame them.

[kaya_waterwave]

"The more I listen to the stories, the more I start to piece things together. Ty Lee was someone I think you can manipulate: I've seen her after the war, she was pretty happy as a Kyoshi warrior. So I think the biggest betrayal didn't come from her, thought you did feel it. It was from Mai."

Trust, she had often crashed against that particular brick wall.

[burnedbrighter]

Was that true? It was hard to tell so much hurt surrounded that particular memory that trying to think about it was like ripping open her chest.

Mai had been alive, here on the ship. She still was somewhere in the pods. And though they only spoke twice...and only once that Azula had been sane for she had never gotten her revenge. And neither of them had apologized.

No...Azula would die before that happened.

[kaya_waterwave]

Of course they wouldn't apologize: Ty Lee was never on the ship, and the idea of Mai apologizing was as far fetched as Azula turning over a new leaf tomorrow.

"And now?"

[burnedbrighter]

"I hate them." He voice was weak and low, but sounded almost more like a feral growl then anything. She clamped her eyes closed and smoke began to rise from her palms.

[kaya_waterwave]

"That much is obvious," Kaya said, "not that such hate will do you much good. It's not like they're here to experience your displeasure right now. In fact, with it eating at you, right now, you're the only one that suffers from that memory. Maybe Ty Lee, if she were here."

[burnedbrighter]

"And what do you propose I do then? Simply...let it go? Forget about it? HA!"

She punctuated the bark of humorless laughter by firing a burst of orange flame at a vision of Mai who had risen up out of the sand. What a comical image it was the always series Mai, even serious and depressed looking as fire consumed her body.

Azula actually smirked until the body was gone. IT hadn't even screamed and that disappointed her.

[kaya_waterwave]

"The question isn't about forgetting. You know how I tell you about the memories of people I love and lost here on the ship? Do you think I just chose to forget them so I didn't feel anything for them anymore? We are human beings, we don't forget that whenever we want. What you do is take the pain of that memory, and have it make you stronger."

She looked at the display, sighing.

"The real Mai would have defended herself. It's hardly a fair fight."

[burnedbrighter]

"I don't care." Azula spat as the incessantly cheerful Ty Lee appeared and swiftly met the same fate. Despite the vividness of Mai's demise this one was less detailed, and faster. Azula's legs trembled under her and she bit her lip trying to find some way out of this cycle of fury so she could think clearly again.

[kaya_waterwave]

Kaya actually DID notice this too: in a way, even as Mai's betrayal was more meaningful and cruel, something about Ty Lee seemed to pacify Azula's hand, if only for a small bit.

"You can stop," Kaya said, up quickly, her hands on Azula's shoulders, hardly touching. "They are dead. Do you feel better?"

[burnedbrighter]

Azula flinched like she'd been burned when Kaya touched her and almost pulled away. "Liar...they lay sleeping in the pods. Mocking me with every moment of their existance." She spat. Surely if she could really destroy them...maybe that would be all she needed to be at peace again!

[kaya_waterwave]

That figured, but she had at least hoped it would be a step in the right direction.

"Really Azula, come on," Kaya said, seeing that fleeting look on her face. "Even you would never stoop that low. Mocking you with their sleeping? At least you get to live, to move. They have to stay in stasis."

[burnedbrighter]

Actually Azula was starting to question if there was any level she wouldn't stoop to. After all she was letting a Water tribe peasent touch her. The old her would have been disgusted.

"Just waiting for the day they are released again so they can hurt me once more. I doubt they'd even do me the curtsey of killing me anymore."