Bus Woes

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

Kaya had, upon beig able to live in the W.I.T.C.H. bus for the time being, happily cooked meals for the inhabitants where she could, pleased that she could finally do her part. Today, when she woke up, she hadn't seen Matt. Thinking he might be out for a Council related activity, Kaya had let this pass, exercising in Will's classroom, training her body, and then popping over to visit Billy. When she came back, she got the feeling that Matt was still gone, and she started to worry, just a little bit. She asked around for him, but no one, not even those on Council, had seen him that day. Still, she was willing to ignore this, wait because it wasn't possible. How could it be? He was a Concil member, he was the W.I.T.C.H. bus person, it wouldn't make sense.

But she knew it was true. Felt it as surely as if she'd been told, and she couldn; bear to be around anyone, bemoaning his loss. After all, these were feelings only she knew right now, that loss of something she'd had after she had weathered so many changes. She had not thought it possible to be this cruel, after all of that.

And so she wandered to the baths, stripping down and sinking into the baths. It was perfect: she coudl cry all she liked adstay underwater so no one was the wiser.

Comments

[morphitudinous]

Billy hadn't been expecting a wave of sorrow to hit his heart, not after their recent triumph. The afflicted people were safe, everyone seemed to be all right for the moment---what could have gone wrong? He paused where he had been walking to take a breath and assess. Was Kaya gone?

No, she was there. The sorrow was coming from her. It had to mean that someone close to them was gone. Ronnae? No...wouldn't he feel it more strongly if that was the case? Someone from her world (not Azula, of course)? Matt?

Uh oh. Billy silently cursed Stacy, beginning his search for Kaya. He wandered about the city here and there, eventually led in the direction of the baths she enjoyed so much. She had to be inside---hopefully in the section he was allowed to reach. After a quick shower, he wrapped up in a towel and started to search the coed section.

Was she here, or were his feelings wrong? There was no sign of her head above any of the surfaces. Maybe she was in one of the private sections.

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

He'd find her momentarily. Right now she was submersing herself in the pools and not the spas: it wouldn't allow her to swim, and she needed to get rid of that excess energy now, if there was ever going to be a way she could forget about screaming and crying and breaking something. The swim was a temporary relaxing thing: it was something to do

And of course, she knew that Billy was going to find her somehow, he always seemed to. She rose to the surface, jerking her head back.

"Somehow, I knew you'd find me," she said softly. She did her best to keep her voice level, though her eyes were puffy and somehow she looked smaller.

[morphitudinous]

Ah, there. The pool. Billy's feelings tugged him in that direction shortly before she surfaced. There it was. Her pain, laid out in the open. Somehow, he was led to the proper conclusion.

"I'm so sorry, Kaya," Billy whispered, kneeling down at the poolside. "It's Matt, isn't it?"

He looked like he wanted to punch something. After all Stacy had done to them...after taking so many happy things from them...she did this. It was horrible.

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

Kaya nodded miserably. "You know, a part of me really thought it was done, Stacy taking all of those people from me, For a long time, it hurt me really badly, but I figured that as long as I had the people I cared about, it would be Ok. But this..."

She covered her face in her hands a moment, just to spare Billy from seeing the tears. Even thinking about it hurt: she remembered Matt's smiling face, him singing on guitar those wonderful songs, dancing with him when he ran that simulation with all of the talking utensils.

"It's just, why? He was on council, he taught Ruffnut magic, he was one of the best people on this ship. He'd do anything for anyone: why him? Was it something on his soul that made them take him back? Did I do something by loving him, even though he still had his girlfriend?"

She sniffed. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have an identity, I don't have the people of my world, I don't have the teachers that made me stronger. Why isn't that enough?"

[morphitudinous]

"Kaya..." Billy whispered as softly as he could, shifting as close to the water's edge as he could. He ached for her, with her, longing so much to hold her. It wouldn't make things okay, it never could. But he couldn't just sit here.

"All I know is that it's not your fault. You made him happy, you made each other happy, and that's one of the best defenses against Avia trouble. I think it was something else."

It ached so much to hear her say she was so alone. It might feel that way, he'd felt it too, but it wasn't true!

"...can I come in?"

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

Kaya almost shrugged, but thought better of it. She would never let Billy think he wasn't wanted, it was actually quite the opposite. She just felt so dejected right now, so lost. What was the point of all of this, of fighting on and smiling despite the pain, if all this ship knew how to do was continue whittling her down to the quick.

"I came here because I figure people were sick and tired of me being so gloomy all the time. I know I can be a handful, whining about losing someone when so many have lost precious friends and even lovers. But Matt, he was special, one of the most unique people on the ship, and I knew him almost two years. And now I won't get to see him, or be in his arms or anything. I can't hear him, I..."

And without holding back, she just burst into tears, sobbing quietly.

[morphitudinous]

"I'm not sick and tired of it, Kaya," Billy said softly, slipping into the water and drawing close to her. "You love him so much. Just like we love Renne, but...it's different. It means so much to you, makes you feel special. And the sudden losses always hurt like this."

The pain was in Billy's voice by now, memories of his own lost loved ones coming to the forefront. It's a feeling he understood well...not entirely, because the only true equivalent would be losing Ronnae. But grief was a universal emotion.

Without another word, he drew her into his arms and squeezed. He'd hold here as long as he needed to.

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

"It gets harder, every day," she said through her tears, "she just takes more of them all the time. I thought the nail in the coffin would at least be when I found out who I really was, that I wasn't Katara and the others sort of shifted away from me. That should have been enough. But then Alex and now Matt, my Matt! Why him?"

She sniffed, crying openly now. "I didn't even get that much time with him! He was so busy and I was helping the outsiders and training and then Aang came and we had to separate! We had only just gotten back together, how can this happen?"

She sniffed "I can't do this anymore, loving someone and having Stacy just take them away! She already did this with Aang twice, and now Matt is gone! It isn't right!"

Her eyes filled with tears "It isn't even worth it, loving someone and taking them. They say memories are enough, but it isn't true. Someone holding you, needing you, it changes you and gives you hope. Now I feel like I've been messed around with, like GLADOS played a big trick."

[morphitudinous]

Billy knew he wouldn't entirely understood until the day Kaya and Ronnae were taken away from him, but he knew just as firmly that he had to be here. He held her as tightly as his arms could manage, as if he could protect her from the world if he held on enough. "I don't know why," he said. "I just...don't know. It feels as though we're never allowed to be happy for long."

He rubbed Kaya's back, knowing it wasn't enough, it never would be enough. Arguing with her, saying 'it will get better' would just feel hollow. All he could do was whisper comfort in her ear, kissing her temple and riding the pain out with her.

[thewunderkind]

Someone hadn't known about the situation at all. in fact, Lash had been feeling great the last few days and halfway in the middle of another of her experiments, decided it was time to take a break and go for a little relaxation time in the baths.

Without much looking around and thinking the place was quite empty, she had jumped into one of the baths quite loudly, sending a river of water spilling out of them.

::snickers at the icon::

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

Kaya definitely felt the sensation of something very hard hitting the water, enough so that it jolted her out of her torpor and she rose to the surface rather quickly, looking around.

"What on earth?" Her eyes were definitely splotchy, but right now she just looked startled. "Is that you Lash?"

Re: ::snickers at the icon::

[thewunderkind]

It was Lash, although her hair was now all around her shoulders instead of the usual afro hairdo.

"Hey Kata--I mean Kaya!" She gave her a quick wave to the Outsider's leader, sending water everywhere before slowly sinking into the bath again. "Ahhh this feels sooo nice! Especially now that I can sit on the edges of the bath and still have my head above water. I couldn't do that when I was a kid. It sucked." She had swallowed water a lot.

"I swallowed water a lot."

Re: ::snickers at the icon::

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

Kaya had to admit: besides being incredibly depressed, there was always a fascination she had with some of her friends on the ship, and with a girl like Lash this was no exception.

She couldn't help but laugh a little. "Your hair looks so different now, I'm so used to it being up!" Yes, she could at least TRY to feel a little better and give conversation. "And I can imagine how being a kid would have made you swallow a lot of water: I used to do that when I was younger, back in the Water Tribe."

She sniffed, wiping her eyes. "So what brings you out here? Just relaxing after that whole fiasco with the melting clock?"

[thewunderkind]

No matter how many times she had heard it, Kaya's Water Tribe was an idea that sounded so alienish to Lash. Surrounded by bodies of water for all her life? Someone like her would have gone nuts. It was only when she got on the ship that Lash found out people would swim for fun inside a body of water.

"I wouldn't count on my hair being like that for long," she giggled, already shaking her head like a dog and removing the excess water.

Was she sniffing? Oh no. Admittedly Lash knew that this was a sign she was upset at something, but Lash was Lash. She had absolutely no idea how to comfort anyone, even people she could consider friends, and so stood in silence for a few seconds before answering her, unsure what to do.

"Yeah! I was taking a break from all the inventing, that's all." She stopped talking again, one hand moving inside the water, the other holding her chin. "Uhhh...you okay?" It came out so awkward-sounding too.

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

In danger of being hit by flying water droplets, Kaya raised her hand and the water was deflected, fling in the opposite direction. She managed a small smile, saying, "Well not with that attitude is your hair going to stay that way! But I'm sure we can find a way. It looks really pretty."

Yes, hair. That helped to distract her for the moment, especially with how much would be needed to make sure it stayed down. Of course, she did like the afro quite a bit: it made Lash pretty distinct.

But at the question, she heaved a sigh "Lost someone very special to me, that's all. You know Matt, from Council?"

[thewunderkind]

Oh. Oh great. She'd lost someone close. Just make it harder for Lash to try to be comforting universe, suuuure. This was some sort of cosmic comeback at her wasn't it?

"Yeah I do." She relaxed again, and put both her hands on the side of the bath's edge, looking at Kaya. Look closely and she almost looked like she was worrying a bit. "We talked once in a while. I even went into that bus of him so he could show me what a real breakfast is like. Or a real breakfast according to him anyway." Where you guys close? You guys had to be close if you're that upset. How do I bring this up? Man this is all so stupid. "What happened?"

Well, it was a start.

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

Oh, she could sense that this was awkward for Lash: she knew at least a bit about the girl to know that talking about feelings and pain was pretty mystifying territory for her: she may as well be talking to the Overlord about it. Then again, the Overlord would likely have been more sympathetic, having known Matt longer.

"He was my boyfriend." She was quiet about it, but saying it aloud, remembering he had been there even when she thought she was still Katara, was a punch in the gut. She dived straight into the water momentarily and popped out again when she was sure the tears were gone. She sniffed, looking at least presentable.

"It..." There were no words for it other than the slang of the ship. "It sucks. A lot."

[nokosi.livejournal.com]

Very few people appreciated the addition of a giant, blue wolf to the bathhouse, which was why Nokosi tended to wander in during the middle of the day or ridiculously late at night when most people couldn't be bothered for a bath.

He was currently submerged up to his nose in the water, eyes darting back and forth as he tried to pin down Fontaine's location. This was the type of game he used to play with Mercutio; the type of game he missed playing with the giant crustacean.

The sound of someone else entering the water diverted his attention and he silently swam over to investigate.

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

Kaya was currently drowning her sorrows underwater for the moment, sighing. It was much easier to cry in the water, after all, then at the surface, where it could be easily seen. After losing Alex she didn't want to get the reputation of someone who went and fell to pieces after losing someone again.

Of course, Matt had been special, not just another friend who just happened to be podded again. He had been one of the few constants on the ship, someone she could count on, someone she could be with and laugh and care about.

And rising to the surface, she saw someone swimming toward her: Nokosi. She swallowed: how was she supposed to keep a brave face? Nokosi had already been gracious enough to help her when Alex was podded: he would likely get the idea she just stayed sad all the time.

Sos he tried managing a smile, fake as it was. "Oh, hey Nokosi! You and Fontaine are both here?"

[nokosi.livejournal.com]

Nokosi didn't move from his spot with half of his face submerged in water, mess of violet hair floating along the surface around him.

He silently studied her features. Glossy, red-tinged eyes, strained smile. Could that even really be called a smile? Oh well. People tended to lie to themselves and others all the time. 'Sparring one's feelings' was a silly idea in his opinion but he would keep his mouth shut for now.

"Yes," he finally answered, raising his head out of the warm water. "He is hiding at the moment and I am supposed to find him. Being a spirit creature he is naturally very good at it.

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

It wasn't any better for her pretending that she was happy when she felt so miserable, but then Kaya didn't want to burden Nokosi further: hadn't he been more than patient before, listening to her troubles with Alex?

But, of course, this was different.

"That's nice," she said, then sighed. "You can see right through this facade, can't you?"

She could tell, by the way his eyes seemed to give the briefest glance but take in so much.

[nokosi.livejournal.com]

"Admittedly, it is not hard. You give plenty away with your expressions; enough that I wonder why you even bother to attempt concealing your emotions." According to Ronnae it was apparently 'rude' when your emotions differed so much from those around you that it might change the mood. He hardly subscribed to that line of thinking, though.

"If you are sad then just be sad. Why bother trying to appear as something you are not for someone else's sake? What about for your sake?"

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

"I know I've imposed on you a few times in a bad state," Kaya said. "I don't want it to seem like I'm ungrateful for all you've done: I'm actually very happy that I met you. I've just lost another person, but he was someone that I knew for a long time. We were together."

She lowered her head. "It's Matt, who was on the Council. I guess I should have expected it when his own girlfriend from before was podded, but I guess part of me thought that it wasn't possible for someone as needed as him to be taken and podded again. The realization just hit me pretty hard, after everything I've been through. I really hoped he would never be taken."

[nokosi.livejournal.com]

Violet eyebrows raised slightly. "It is not imposing and you do not seem ungrateful. Is it not what friends are for? Accepting you as you are and sticking together through times of both joy and despair?"

He fell silent as she spoke and simply listened, head half-hidden by water again. The name sounded more than familiar. That was the person whom he'd been taking guitar lessons from though they never really spoke about his personal life.

"He was your lover, then? At this point I would say that perhaps you should prepare for the unexpected or the worst-case scenario but by doing so you would be robbing yourself of truly enjoying the present."

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

"Yes, but it seems like most of the time you see me, I'm depressed about something. It's not like I can help it of course, especially not this time, but I really wish we could meet under better circumstances."

She nodded "Well, more boyfriend and girlfriend. Lover implies an intimacy Matt and I hadn't gotten to yet. I'm still pretty young. It's just...the circumstances were pretty depressing, since I used to think I was in love with the Aang. Matt and I didn't let to have a lot of time together, but I've known him a year."