trans_9 | Bus Woes

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Bus Woes

Kaya had, upon beig able to live in the W.I.T.C.H. bus for the time being, happily cooked meals for the inhabitants where she could, pleased that she could finally do her part. Today, when she woke up, she hadn't seen Matt. Thinking he might be out for a Council related activity, Kaya had let this pass, exercising in Will's classroom, training her body, and then popping over to visit Billy. When she came back, she got the feeling that Matt was still gone, and she started to worry, just a little bit. She asked around for him, but no one, not even those on Council, had seen him that day. Still, she was willing to ignore this, wait because it wasn't possible. How could it be? He was a Concil member, he was the W.I.T.C.H. bus person, it wouldn't make sense.

But she knew it was true. Felt it as surely as if she'd been told, and she couldn; bear to be around anyone, bemoaning his loss. After all, these were feelings only she knew right now, that loss of something she'd had after she had weathered so many changes. She had not thought it possible to be this cruel, after all of that.

And so she wandered to the baths, stripping down and sinking into the baths. It was perfect: she coudl cry all she liked adstay underwater so no one was the wiser.

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Billy hadn't been expecting a wave of sorrow to hit his heart, not after their recent triumph. The afflicted people were safe, everyone seemed to be all right for the moment---what could have gone wrong? He paused where he had been walking to take a breath and assess. Was Kaya gone?

No, she was there. The sorrow was coming from her. It had to mean that someone close to them was gone. Ronnae? No...wouldn't he feel it more strongly if that was the case? Someone from her world (not Azula, of course)? Matt?

Uh oh. Billy silently cursed Stacy, beginning his search for Kaya. He wandered about the city here and there, eventually led in the direction of the baths she enjoyed so much. She had to be inside---hopefully in the section he was allowed to reach. After a quick shower, he wrapped up in a towel and started to search the coed section.

Was she here, or were his feelings wrong? There was no sign of her head above any of the surfaces. Maybe she was in one of the private sections.

He'd find her momentarily. Right now she was submersing herself in the pools and not the spas: it wouldn't allow her to swim, and she needed to get rid of that excess energy now, if there was ever going to be a way she could forget about screaming and crying and breaking something. The swim was a temporary relaxing thing: it was something to do

And of course, she knew that Billy was going to find her somehow, he always seemed to. She rose to the surface, jerking her head back.

"Somehow, I knew you'd find me," she said softly. She did her best to keep her voice level, though her eyes were puffy and somehow she looked smaller.

Ah, there. The pool. Billy's feelings tugged him in that direction shortly before she surfaced. There it was. Her pain, laid out in the open. Somehow, he was led to the proper conclusion.

"I'm so sorry, Kaya," Billy whispered, kneeling down at the poolside. "It's Matt, isn't it?"

He looked like he wanted to punch something. After all Stacy had done to them...after taking so many happy things from them...she did this. It was horrible.

Kaya nodded miserably. "You know, a part of me really thought it was done, Stacy taking all of those people from me, For a long time, it hurt me really badly, but I figured that as long as I had the people I cared about, it would be Ok. But this..."

She covered her face in her hands a moment, just to spare Billy from seeing the tears. Even thinking about it hurt: she remembered Matt's smiling face, him singing on guitar those wonderful songs, dancing with him when he ran that simulation with all of the talking utensils.

"It's just, why? He was on council, he taught Ruffnut magic, he was one of the best people on this ship. He'd do anything for anyone: why him? Was it something on his soul that made them take him back? Did I do something by loving him, even though he still had his girlfriend?"

She sniffed. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have an identity, I don't have the people of my world, I don't have the teachers that made me stronger. Why isn't that enough?"

"Kaya..." Billy whispered as softly as he could, shifting as close to the water's edge as he could. He ached for her, with her, longing so much to hold her. It wouldn't make things okay, it never could. But he couldn't just sit here.

"All I know is that it's not your fault. You made him happy, you made each other happy, and that's one of the best defenses against Avia trouble. I think it was something else."

It ached so much to hear her say she was so alone. It might feel that way, he'd felt it too, but it wasn't true!

"...can I come in?"

Kaya almost shrugged, but thought better of it. She would never let Billy think he wasn't wanted, it was actually quite the opposite. She just felt so dejected right now, so lost. What was the point of all of this, of fighting on and smiling despite the pain, if all this ship knew how to do was continue whittling her down to the quick.

"I came here because I figure people were sick and tired of me being so gloomy all the time. I know I can be a handful, whining about losing someone when so many have lost precious friends and even lovers. But Matt, he was special, one of the most unique people on the ship, and I knew him almost two years. And now I won't get to see him, or be in his arms or anything. I can't hear him, I..."

And without holding back, she just burst into tears, sobbing quietly.

"I'm not sick and tired of it, Kaya," Billy said softly, slipping into the water and drawing close to her. "You love him so much. Just like we love Renne, but...it's different. It means so much to you, makes you feel special. And the sudden losses always hurt like this."

The pain was in Billy's voice by now, memories of his own lost loved ones coming to the forefront. It's a feeling he understood well...not entirely, because the only true equivalent would be losing Ronnae. But grief was a universal emotion.

Without another word, he drew her into his arms and squeezed. He'd hold here as long as he needed to.

"It gets harder, every day," she said through her tears, "she just takes more of them all the time. I thought the nail in the coffin would at least be when I found out who I really was, that I wasn't Katara and the others sort of shifted away from me. That should have been enough. But then Alex and now Matt, my Matt! Why him?"

She sniffed, crying openly now. "I didn't even get that much time with him! He was so busy and I was helping the outsiders and training and then Aang came and we had to separate! We had only just gotten back together, how can this happen?"

She sniffed "I can't do this anymore, loving someone and having Stacy just take them away! She already did this with Aang twice, and now Matt is gone! It isn't right!"

Her eyes filled with tears "It isn't even worth it, loving someone and taking them. They say memories are enough, but it isn't true. Someone holding you, needing you, it changes you and gives you hope. Now I feel like I've been messed around with, like GLADOS played a big trick."

Billy knew he wouldn't entirely understood until the day Kaya and Ronnae were taken away from him, but he knew just as firmly that he had to be here. He held her as tightly as his arms could manage, as if he could protect her from the world if he held on enough. "I don't know why," he said. "I just...don't know. It feels as though we're never allowed to be happy for long."

He rubbed Kaya's back, knowing it wasn't enough, it never would be enough. Arguing with her, saying 'it will get better' would just feel hollow. All he could do was whisper comfort in her ear, kissing her temple and riding the pain out with her.

For now, this would do She could feel the swirling feelings from him, the willingness to want to help her and knowing that there was little that she could do. It hurt, there was no denying that: getting over this would take awhile to deal with, and there was no fast forwarding that. For now, she would have to rely on Billy for a little bit and she knew it.

"I know you can't answer these questions," she said quietly. "I know that being this way is something you can't deal with, that you can't erase this pain. But you being here helps, and slowly, I think, I can..."

She trailed off, swallowing a sob. "I can get through this."

"I'm here," Billy swore in her ear, keeping up his steady rubbing of her back. He repeated over and over again that though it wasn't the same, he loved her very much and would be at her side.

"Don't rush feeling ready. You have time to ride this out." He rested his head atop hers, keeping her as close as he could.

Yes, you can. I love you, I believe in you.

Kaya surrendered into Billy's arms. There wasn't a question that she would find a way to get through this, she would do what she had to and move on in order to help people on the ship. It was what was expected after all: the ship didn't stop for anyone's private pains or it would have a long time ago. The worst part would be coming back to the bus again, the place that Matt had let her have the key, and not have him there.

Thank you. I think a part of me doesn't want to get over this, as if I could anyway. The memories we shared, the things we did together: I could never forget that. But having this happen all over again, after having to go through it with Aang: it stings.

To say the least.

Someone hadn't known about the situation at all. in fact, Lash had been feeling great the last few days and halfway in the middle of another of her experiments, decided it was time to take a break and go for a little relaxation time in the baths.

Without much looking around and thinking the place was quite empty, she had jumped into one of the baths quite loudly, sending a river of water spilling out of them.

Billy just rocked with her, gently swaying in the water as they thought. He could see trails of her imagination, the pain that awaited her up ahead. And he'd be there as much as he could along the way.

It's the same with Renne or my first friends for me. I'll never, ever forget. But the losses keep building up.

And he clung to the people he had left, he thought, clinging to her as hard as he could. I wish I could bring him back. End the pain somehow. It's not fair.

Edited 2011-06-13 04:30 (UTC)

Kaya definitely felt the sensation of something very hard hitting the water, enough so that it jolted her out of her torpor and she rose to the surface rather quickly, looking around.

"What on earth?" Her eyes were definitely splotchy, but right now she just looked startled. "Is that you Lash?"

I know its not fair. It hasn't been fair in a very long time for me. I've held back a lot when I could, so people wouldn't think ill or me, or tell me I've changed. The worst is when you do change, you become someone else, and they still swear they'll love you for it.

For Kaya, that was what made it hurt the most: she wouldn't have Matt to laugh and talk with, to assure her it would be OK anymore.

We could never forget Renne: he's the reason we're stronger, that we can hold our heads up higher. And its why, somehow, I'll just have to find a way somehow.

She didn't sound enthused about it.

It was Lash, although her hair was now all around her shoulders instead of the usual afro hairdo.

"Hey Kata--I mean Kaya!" She gave her a quick wave to the Outsider's leader, sending water everywhere before slowly sinking into the bath again. "Ahhh this feels sooo nice! Especially now that I can sit on the edges of the bath and still have my head above water. I couldn't do that when I was a kid. It sucked." She had swallowed water a lot.

"I swallowed water a lot."

Edited 2011-06-13 05:43 (UTC)

For that next little while, Billy simply listened. It hurt, but it had to hurt, because it was her acute pain that he was sharing in. Losing a beloved was so, so incredibly cruel. His embrace shifted, became gentler.

I'll be here to help you look for the way.

He'd sit with her until all his skin wrinkled if he had to, he thought with a stubborn air.

Kaya knew this, and held Billy tighter. Really, Ronnae was lucky, finding him and helping to at least diminish the pain he'd felt with Renne had been taken away, It had been a terrible ordeal for him, made worse by the fact that his friends still weren't here. She knew enough that Billy had to weather some problems all his own, and was made stronger for it.

Just like her, the years she'd been here. If anything, Billy would know about that most of all.

Finally, she opened her eyes "Um, I know its pretty recent, and you just got her back, but would it be ok for me to stay the night, just for tonight? I don't think I could manage th W.I.T.H. bus, not right now."

Kaya had to admit: besides being incredibly depressed, there was always a fascination she had with some of her friends on the ship, and with a girl like Lash this was no exception.

She couldn't help but laugh a little. "Your hair looks so different now, I'm so used to it being up!" Yes, she could at least TRY to feel a little better and give conversation. "And I can imagine how being a kid would have made you swallow a lot of water: I used to do that when I was younger, back in the Water Tribe."

She sniffed, wiping her eyes. "So what brings you out here? Just relaxing after that whole fiasco with the melting clock?"

It was true. They'd weathered emotional roller coasters together. It was arrogant to say that no one else suffered quite the same way, but perhaps they uniquely understood each other. All this time had changed them, and not always in the best ways.

Billy squeezed her as if to say 'don't be silly'. "If she's all right with it, I don't see a problem. She probably needs rest anyway. And we both love you, you know that."

No matter how many times she had heard it, Kaya's Water Tribe was an idea that sounded so alienish to Lash. Surrounded by bodies of water for all her life? Someone like her would have gone nuts. It was only when she got on the ship that Lash found out people would swim for fun inside a body of water.

"I wouldn't count on my hair being like that for long," she giggled, already shaking her head like a dog and removing the excess water.

Was she sniffing? Oh no. Admittedly Lash knew that this was a sign she was upset at something, but Lash was Lash. She had absolutely no idea how to comfort anyone, even people she could consider friends, and so stood in silence for a few seconds before answering her, unsure what to do.

"Yeah! I was taking a break from all the inventing, that's all." She stopped talking again, one hand moving inside the water, the other holding her chin. "Uhhh...you okay?" It came out so awkward-sounding too.

Even Kaya knew better than to compare and contrast what either of them had been through: it was hard for the both of them. Despite this though, and despite knowing Billy would do whatever he could, she knew well enough that there was no quick fix for it at all: it was going to hurt for a long time.

"Just let me know if I'm a bother. I don't want to occupy all of your time. I know you and Ronnae haven't had a lot of time together. You don't have to be afraid to rebuff me Billy: I wouldn't think you worse for it"

"You're never a bother, Kaya. We'll find ways to spend time together when she's feeling better. For now, you deserve friends at your side. I'm here, you know that."

And to Billy's mind, that was that.

"As long as I'm there, I won't just hang there, I promise!" she insisted. "I'll cook, clean up after you guys and everything! It was what I was doing when I was on the bus, actually. I promised I'd cook for Matt while he was...at council."

She looked disheartened, but managed a small smile, for Billy.

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