trans_9 | Bus Woes

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Bus Woes

Kaya had, upon beig able to live in the W.I.T.C.H. bus for the time being, happily cooked meals for the inhabitants where she could, pleased that she could finally do her part. Today, when she woke up, she hadn't seen Matt. Thinking he might be out for a Council related activity, Kaya had let this pass, exercising in Will's classroom, training her body, and then popping over to visit Billy. When she came back, she got the feeling that Matt was still gone, and she started to worry, just a little bit. She asked around for him, but no one, not even those on Council, had seen him that day. Still, she was willing to ignore this, wait because it wasn't possible. How could it be? He was a Concil member, he was the W.I.T.C.H. bus person, it wouldn't make sense.

But she knew it was true. Felt it as surely as if she'd been told, and she couldn; bear to be around anyone, bemoaning his loss. After all, these were feelings only she knew right now, that loss of something she'd had after she had weathered so many changes. She had not thought it possible to be this cruel, after all of that.

And so she wandered to the baths, stripping down and sinking into the baths. It was perfect: she coudl cry all she liked adstay underwater so no one was the wiser.

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"It gets harder, every day," she said through her tears, "she just takes more of them all the time. I thought the nail in the coffin would at least be when I found out who I really was, that I wasn't Katara and the others sort of shifted away from me. That should have been enough. But then Alex and now Matt, my Matt! Why him?"

She sniffed, crying openly now. "I didn't even get that much time with him! He was so busy and I was helping the outsiders and training and then Aang came and we had to separate! We had only just gotten back together, how can this happen?"

She sniffed "I can't do this anymore, loving someone and having Stacy just take them away! She already did this with Aang twice, and now Matt is gone! It isn't right!"

Her eyes filled with tears "It isn't even worth it, loving someone and taking them. They say memories are enough, but it isn't true. Someone holding you, needing you, it changes you and gives you hope. Now I feel like I've been messed around with, like GLADOS played a big trick."

Billy knew he wouldn't entirely understood until the day Kaya and Ronnae were taken away from him, but he knew just as firmly that he had to be here. He held her as tightly as his arms could manage, as if he could protect her from the world if he held on enough. "I don't know why," he said. "I just...don't know. It feels as though we're never allowed to be happy for long."

He rubbed Kaya's back, knowing it wasn't enough, it never would be enough. Arguing with her, saying 'it will get better' would just feel hollow. All he could do was whisper comfort in her ear, kissing her temple and riding the pain out with her.

For now, this would do She could feel the swirling feelings from him, the willingness to want to help her and knowing that there was little that she could do. It hurt, there was no denying that: getting over this would take awhile to deal with, and there was no fast forwarding that. For now, she would have to rely on Billy for a little bit and she knew it.

"I know you can't answer these questions," she said quietly. "I know that being this way is something you can't deal with, that you can't erase this pain. But you being here helps, and slowly, I think, I can..."

She trailed off, swallowing a sob. "I can get through this."

"I'm here," Billy swore in her ear, keeping up his steady rubbing of her back. He repeated over and over again that though it wasn't the same, he loved her very much and would be at her side.

"Don't rush feeling ready. You have time to ride this out." He rested his head atop hers, keeping her as close as he could.

Yes, you can. I love you, I believe in you.

Kaya surrendered into Billy's arms. There wasn't a question that she would find a way to get through this, she would do what she had to and move on in order to help people on the ship. It was what was expected after all: the ship didn't stop for anyone's private pains or it would have a long time ago. The worst part would be coming back to the bus again, the place that Matt had let her have the key, and not have him there.

Thank you. I think a part of me doesn't want to get over this, as if I could anyway. The memories we shared, the things we did together: I could never forget that. But having this happen all over again, after having to go through it with Aang: it stings.

To say the least.

Billy just rocked with her, gently swaying in the water as they thought. He could see trails of her imagination, the pain that awaited her up ahead. And he'd be there as much as he could along the way.

It's the same with Renne or my first friends for me. I'll never, ever forget. But the losses keep building up.

And he clung to the people he had left, he thought, clinging to her as hard as he could. I wish I could bring him back. End the pain somehow. It's not fair.

Edited 2011-06-13 04:30 (UTC)

I know its not fair. It hasn't been fair in a very long time for me. I've held back a lot when I could, so people wouldn't think ill or me, or tell me I've changed. The worst is when you do change, you become someone else, and they still swear they'll love you for it.

For Kaya, that was what made it hurt the most: she wouldn't have Matt to laugh and talk with, to assure her it would be OK anymore.

We could never forget Renne: he's the reason we're stronger, that we can hold our heads up higher. And its why, somehow, I'll just have to find a way somehow.

She didn't sound enthused about it.

For that next little while, Billy simply listened. It hurt, but it had to hurt, because it was her acute pain that he was sharing in. Losing a beloved was so, so incredibly cruel. His embrace shifted, became gentler.

I'll be here to help you look for the way.

He'd sit with her until all his skin wrinkled if he had to, he thought with a stubborn air.

Kaya knew this, and held Billy tighter. Really, Ronnae was lucky, finding him and helping to at least diminish the pain he'd felt with Renne had been taken away, It had been a terrible ordeal for him, made worse by the fact that his friends still weren't here. She knew enough that Billy had to weather some problems all his own, and was made stronger for it.

Just like her, the years she'd been here. If anything, Billy would know about that most of all.

Finally, she opened her eyes "Um, I know its pretty recent, and you just got her back, but would it be ok for me to stay the night, just for tonight? I don't think I could manage th W.I.T.H. bus, not right now."

It was true. They'd weathered emotional roller coasters together. It was arrogant to say that no one else suffered quite the same way, but perhaps they uniquely understood each other. All this time had changed them, and not always in the best ways.

Billy squeezed her as if to say 'don't be silly'. "If she's all right with it, I don't see a problem. She probably needs rest anyway. And we both love you, you know that."

Even Kaya knew better than to compare and contrast what either of them had been through: it was hard for the both of them. Despite this though, and despite knowing Billy would do whatever he could, she knew well enough that there was no quick fix for it at all: it was going to hurt for a long time.

"Just let me know if I'm a bother. I don't want to occupy all of your time. I know you and Ronnae haven't had a lot of time together. You don't have to be afraid to rebuff me Billy: I wouldn't think you worse for it"

"You're never a bother, Kaya. We'll find ways to spend time together when she's feeling better. For now, you deserve friends at your side. I'm here, you know that."

And to Billy's mind, that was that.

"As long as I'm there, I won't just hang there, I promise!" she insisted. "I'll cook, clean up after you guys and everything! It was what I was doing when I was on the bus, actually. I promised I'd cook for Matt while he was...at council."

She looked disheartened, but managed a small smile, for Billy.

Billy was heartened to see that. He rubbed at her shoulder, trying to look excited for the future.

"Then you can cook with Ronnae! She'll probably need to rest more often, and maybe you can share secrets. I'm learning to do it, so I might be able to help you too."

"Learning to share secrets, or learning to cook?" Kaya asked, teasing a little. Her mood was brightening a little, although she was obviously not going to be leaping around for joy.

"That sounds nice though. I've missed her: she was more than a handful as a kid."

"I'm sure you already trade plenty of secrets behind my back," Billy said, gently bopping her on the shoulder. "You'll do both fairly easily."

He exhaled loudly at the mention of little Ronnae. What a handful. That was absolutely right.

"Put her with Nokosi and they cause a world of trouble," Billy sighed. "They thoroughly trapped the house. I ended up coated in so much stickiness that I had to burn a good set of clothes and soak in the bath for a while."

More than enough of a while for Ronnae to get into even more trouble. That's why he'd kept her with him the next time.

Kaya scoffed. "Billy, exactly how many secrets do you think I could have where our Bond would make sure they stay that way?" She whapped him just as simply on his shoulder. "I'm pretty honest with you."

She giggled, feeling better despite her horrible feelings right now. "That totally sounds like something that the two of them would do too. My sympathies, really."

She shook her head. "We're a crazy pair, you and I. I can only imagine the rumors if we paid attention."

"A few, if you focus long enough," Billy answered matter-of-factly, a little smile on his face.

He nodded, imagining a fair few of the rumors himself. "But we know it's not true. We're close friends lending each other support, that's all. You'll just have to navigate the house carefully: Nokosi and Ronnae are getting better and better at laying their traps."

It was weird now, even thinking of Billy like that. Of the people on the ship, Kaya trust him the most, and he was really the one that kept her centered when it came to things like this.

"I'll take your word for it," she said, managing a smile. It really was hard to stay in such a bad mood when Billy was offering to make things easier for her. He really was a good friend, and thought she would be lost without him right now. "We can go now though: I'm starting to prune up in here"

Billy lifted an arm from the water to prove her point, wrinking his nose at the over-hydrated skin folding in on itself. This would take some drying out.

"Deal. Don't worry, you have all the time you need to cope."

He climbed out of the water and smiled, innocently flicking his wet hair in her direction.

Kaya followed suit, and waved her hand, the water freezing slightly and getting Billy full in the face. As bad as she was feeling, she couldn't hide the grin at hitting Billy with a little bit of slushy water.

"Thanks Billy. That means a lot to me."

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Bus Woes

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