trans_9 | Cascade [Open party time!]

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Cascade [Open party time!]

Billy had just launched another portal in that maze of mazes, exhaustion setting in. Surely this time he would land on another moving platform of death?

Nope, just the exterior of the finished bathhouses. All polished, systems running, and just about ready to open! Given how sore and exhausted he was, that sounded like an excellent idea at the moment.

With a quick message to the rest of the crew, he set out the 'Open' sign for the first time and took advantage of his owner status---the prime waterfall spot could be his!

((ooc: The bathhouses are now open! Feel free to mingle around, relax, and have a party. Or cause trouble, but that might invite more trouble. Just start a subthread with your character's location and have fun. For reference there are individual showers in front, followed by hot tubs centrally located, saunas further back, and private baths along the side. The showers, tubs, and saunas have smaller sex-segregated units along with a central group unit that's larger.))

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"Her," he tried one more time and shook his head. He closed his eyes again, but opened them when all he could see was blood.

"I f-found her," he said quietly, gripping the edge of his towel. "I-it was th-the middle of the n-night. I was th-thirsty, s-so... I went into the bathroom f-for some w-water." His breathing grew more rapid as he spoke. The tears that welled in his eyes could be heard even more clearly in his voice.

"I-I slipped. I-it was s-still warm, b-but it w-was d-dark, a-and I sc-creamed f-from f-falling. D-Dad... He... H-he turned on th-the light, a-an'..." For what might have been the first time on the ship, he spoke of his father with a bit of warmth, even if it was just before he broke into tears and buried his face in his hands.

The pieces fell into place. Billy felt a spike of horror---no wonder Alex felt this way, after what he'd seen.

He couldn't think of a single word to say that adequately encompassed the scope of Alex's pain, not even an apology. After looking up for a moment to be sure that the door was closed and they had their privacy, he sat close to him.

Billy wanted more than anything to wrap his arms around Alex and hold him protectively, but he knew that probably wouldn't go over too well. Instead, he shifted his stance to an open one and placed his hand on Alex's shoulder, holding on warmly.

"I'm going nowhere unless you want me to. Whatever you need right now, you've got it---even if it's to kick me out," Billy finally managed to whisper.

"No," he squeaked softly, holding onto Billy's arm, "S-stay". He didn't want to be alone, even if he was just in a towel. He began crying harder, his shoulders heaving. After a minute he managed to calm down a bit and breathe a bit better. Between sobs he said, "I-I d-don't r-really remember a-anything after that. I-I j-just remember, f-for once, Father h-held me, a-and he w-was s-so warm, a-and I j-just wanted it t-to always b-be like that."

Billy stayed close, placing his other hand over Alex's. "I'm staying."

He still wasn't quite sure what he was doing, but it was clear that Alex needed his support. What could he say about Alex's father, though? After everything else he'd heard, he wanted to grind the man into the ground---but even he was human, had some feeling for his son.

"How unforgivably cruel that it wasn't," Billy finally whispered, sharing the emotion in solidarity for a few moments. "If there's anything I can do, name it."

You have no idea how hard it is to resist the hug, Alex.

Alex shook his head, "th-thanks..." He lifted himself out of the hot water and sat on the edge while still holding Billy's hand, hoping the cooler air would make it a bit easier to breathe. Sighing, he bends over so that his head hung just above his knees. "Sh-she g-gave up b-because I c-couldn't protect h-her. Sh-she tried s-so hard t-to save me, b-but I c-couldn't do a th-thing for her. I-if only I had th-the c-courage to s-stand up t-to him, I c-could've s-saved her."

He squeezed Billy's hand and the edge of the tub, fighting to keep himself from crying, and losing. He turned his face from Billy, letting his hair fall in front of his eyes. Still, he couldn't hide the heaving breath and shaking shoulders that came with tears, however silent he tried to be.

Billy couldn't stand it anymore. He climbed out too, snagged a silk robe from the edge of the room, and wrapped it around Alex's shoulders, bringing his arm up to hold him protectively.

"It's not your fault," Billy swore. "I'm certain she wouldn't blame you, not ever."

He felt better with the robe. He put his hands through the sleeves and wrapped it tightly around him. He settled back a bit against Billy, looking at the bubbling water.

"E-even if sh-she doesn't... F-Father, h-he hit h-her s-so many times b-because of the th-things I d-did. A-and th-then the t-times she t-tried p-protecting me t-too. I c-coulda d-done plenty to m-make things easier. I a-always wanted to r-run away, but I was t-too afraid to t-tell her." He ran is fingers into his hair, rocking back and forth slightly.

"I-if I had j-just suggested, maybe w-we c-could've g-gone t-to another place, s-someplace safe, a-and she'd s-still be alive, a-and that b-b-blood..." He sobbed loudly once, but caught himself and went back to crying silently, still hiding his tears with his hand and hair.

The hiding wasn't fooling Billy at all, and Alex probably knew that too, but he would't comment on it.

Billy stayed close, staring at the water with pained eyes. "He likely would have found an excuse no matter what you did. I've known too many people like that," he sighed.

He tried to think of a way to say that Alex's mother could still be alive, or that he almost understood, but words were failing him too often here. Now that he thought Alex might be more comfortable, Billy finally surrendered to the urge to hug the taller man.

It was the only way he could adequately convey the compassion he felt.

Alex stiffened a bit, but realizing the gesture, he all but collapsed against Billy, crying more openly now. He couldn't actually remember letting himself cry like this over her. He couldn't even tell if he had cried the night of. He knew the police came. He knew that he must have been questioned, at least a little bit, having been the one to find his mother. He might have been crying when his father held him, but he also might have been too scared to.

He rocked himself ever so slightly as he cried, holding onto Billy's arms around him as if he might fall if he let go. He kept crying like this for several minutes, though he still stayed surprisingly quiet, as if he was still afraid of some sort of retribution. At least he was now allowing himself to make some noise.

After he began to calm down a little bit he whispered through his tears, "Wh-why'd she l-leave me?" He always insisted that she needed to, and knew he'd be okay without her, and that she was just in a better place now, but the truth was that he was scared that she just stopped caring.

Billy held on desperately, arms tight around him and riding out the storm. It was almost enough to bring tears to his eyes too. Seeing a friend in this much pain hurt.

He rocked with Alex, holding there as long as he needed to.

"Not by choice," Billy promised sadly. "It wasn't your fault, never."

It was a broken home with hurt people, he wanted to say, and in that situation of course Alex couldn't be blamed, but he lacked the psychologists' training to get it out.

His pain was clearly visible on his face, though for the most part his face was buried in Billy's arm. He sniffed loudly as he tried to control himself again. "I sh-should've t-taken her away," he insisted, so ingrained was the idea that it was his fault.

When he was younger his father used to teach him to play catch. He had lost most of the skill and strength, but the memories stayed. All of that stopped after his mother died. It was the only time he remembered his father crying. "Wh-what if sh-she didn't r-really love me? I-if sh-she just felt b-bad for me? Th-that's why sh-she left." It was the poisons his father told him echoed, but they had sunk into his heart over time, making him doubt his faith in his mother's love for him.

"No," Billy swore aloud in his toughest voice, holding on tightly. "She was hurt enough to turn to suicide, but not by you. You were hurt too, and your father---he wasn't well. It wasn't a rational judgment of your worthlessness, because that's so far from the truth. You're worth everything."

His pleas were becoming more elaborate, and he was willing to say more than before. By then he didn't even think about his only attire being a soaked towel. All his energy remained focus on calming Alex. Even a small tug away from self hatred would be a victory.

Alex shuddered at the word suicide and held onto Billy a bit tighter. Still shaking with tears, he closed his eyes and pulled himself closer and tighter before asking in a hoarse whisper, "Then wh-why'd she l-leave me alone w-with him?"

He choked back a sob and added weakly, "She knew a-all the things h-he did t-to me." His voice was so soft that it was nearly inaudible, as if he was afraid to say it.

"Your mother couldn't see that," Billy whispered darkly, this line of thought edging too close to his past. "Those feelings...they consume, and any consideration for others is buried. I thought along the same lines at times."

He didn't answer the second part aloud, just held on more tightly.

Even in his pain, hearing that made Alex stop for a moment and look up to Billy before hugging him tighter. He couldn't imagine having no sense of the pain of others, being able to so plainly see them.

"S-she knew wh-what I c-could do," he said, still on the verge of tears. "I-if I h-had understood then, th-that it w-wasn't n-normal t-to be like that..." He began crying all over again, holding onto Billy. "P-promise, i-if y-you..." He left the sentence unfinished, hoping that Billy would know how he meant to finish it.

Billy buried his face in Alex's shoulder. "I promise you that much."

He let out a shuddering breath, staying there as long as Alex wanted him to. His friend had been through hell, and this inadequate love was all he could give. Somehow, someway, he had to do better.

"I w-wish she--" his voice cracked and he began crying all over again. He moaned, "I-if she j-just told me!" He could have done something about it. He might have been able to save her. He couldn't imagine losing someone else to that same fate.

He had been young with his mother, still figuring out what the shadows meant. he only knew back then that his mother's and fathers were different. He never had that innate sense that most of the others had of which was which, at least not as strongly as his friends. He used just know that certain things made the shadow go away for his mother, but usually that made his father's shadow worse.

Billy still wasn't quite sure how to go about this. He wasn't a psychologist by any stretch of the imagination. "I'm sorry, Alex," he whispered brokenly, keeping up the steady comfort.

It wasn't Alex's fault. It wasn't. Billy found himself wishing that positive sentiments could manifest like shadows, offering warmth and protection. Or at least that he could tame Alex's shadow somehow.

Having a shoulder to cry on was more help then Billy might have expected. He only ever spoke much with three people that weren't shielded by a computer. Both Loretta and Mikel had lost both their parents at a young age, even younger than him. He felt petty crying to either of them about it, when neither ever even spoke of theirs. He knew he would either be bringing up an extremely sore topic, or thought they might have seen him as selfish to go to them about the death of his mother, and he had never really gotten along with Amanda.

It had been months since he arrived on the ship, and he had yet to tell even one person the whole story of his past. Nor had he talked so openly about any of it in that whole time. Finally, he was allowing years worth of tears that he held back to finally flow.

He continued crying against Billy for several more minutes, until finally his tears began to run dry. He slowly settled until he was almost completely silent, only letting out soft hiccuping sobs.

Pulling back slowly, Alex muttered a thank you before apologizing, "I-I'm s-sorry... Th-this is the opening of this g-great place, w-we should b-be c-celebrating." He wiped at his eyes with the robe sleeve, as if that would erase the fact he had been crying.

Billy's patience was fairly enduring. He held still as long as Alex needed him to, arms locked tight around his friend. It was obvious that he needed this to start healing, and if he could help? All the better.

Finally the tears receded. Billy sat back on his heels and smiled lightly, waving off the apology. "We've celebrated enough. Honestly, I'm happier to help you."

That said, he reached out for a towel and draped it over his shoulders---it had suddenly become cold. Billy stood slowly, then offered Alex a hand.

"Come on. I think cool showers and a drink might help us."

Alex smiled gratefully up to Billy, taking his hand to stand. He wrapped the towel around him tightly, and looked away sheepishly. "Th-thank you s-so much Billy. R-really," he said hoarsely.

"Any time," Billy assured him quietly, reaching up to pat Alex's shoulder before they headed out.

The thoughts of Alex's past weighed on Billy's mind a little, but it all paled to the relief he felt that his friend had finally managed to get some of it out in the open. Billy was even slightly optimistic about things getting better.

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Cascade [Open party time!]

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