trans_9 | Extreme makeover [Open, bendytimed to... whenever makes sense]

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Extreme makeover [Open, bendytimed to... whenever makes sense]

Somehow, he'd gotten himself into a bet. He didn't even really remember how it had happened or how they had gotten on the subject. But then suddenly the bet had been accepted and it was too late to back down, and now he was sitting at the very same Mess Hall table Sakura and the others had been sitting at the other day while they'd been discussing the source of the ship's mystery meat food supply.

To be fair to Sakura, he'd picked a shade of pink to match her own, natural hair color. But the results were... jarring. Also, hopefully no one would recognize either of them.

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"Oh, I do. I need some tangible memorabilia from your stint as a Spice Girl."

"Rory's on shift today." And Howard is still perfectly content to avoid the hell out of him, because that makes all your problems go away ~~and he's totally replacing Rory with Ian and Barbara but like hell would he admit that~~. "Besides, I've been craving Stacy snot. I thought maybe our little adventure would kill the love for me, but nope. Good old slop."

"Ha ha. So how long are you gonna keep avoiding that guy?"

Zouichi made a face as Howard mentioned the slop, but Howard never had been particularly picky about taste. "And where'd you put that cow?"

"Until one of us is dead. Not that that may be long on this ship."

Howard leans over onto the table across from Zou. "Got a freezer at the Warehouse. I'm thinking rib cookoff."

"Oh, of course. Totally logical."

He looked back at Howard with what could only be described as suspicion. "This rib cookoff isn't coming anywhere near the inn, right? I shudder to think of what that thing's going to smell like cooked."

"It'll be fine cooked. Most of the smell was coming from the goo surrounding it. The meat on the cow's actually fine. But if it's that big a deal to you I'll cook it at the Warehouse." Howard will be so, so sad if you don't come to his rib cookoff, Zou.

Zouichi still didn't look entirely convinced. "...It was a baby cow."

Yes. That mattered to Zouichi. He'd still come, Howard, but... he'd be judging you. Quietly.

Poor little baby cow.

A look of uncertainty, and then hurt, creeps over Howard's face. "It was dead when we got it. Do you just want to waste it?"

Because that may be values dissonance he doesn't know how to handle.

Zouichi sighed. "No... I guess not."

Throwing out the meat would be disrespectful to the cow. "But I still don't like it. Even if they are clones, they should at least have a chance at a life."

"You'd rather they have a chance to feel fear and pain before they die and feed us?" Because clearly, that is what life is. "I mean, I don't like it either, but I'd figure a painless existence without animal cruelty would be more up your alley than whatever else might've been up there."

He gave Howard a strange look. "Are you saying you'd rather not exist? There's a possibility that they might feel fear and pain sometime during their lives... but that's how life is. I don't know too many people who would rather have died before they were born."

"Either way, you're taking a life. Is it better to take someone's life before they've had a chance to live it, or after they've experienced it for a while?" Howard seemed to think it was somehow better -- cleaner -- if animals didn't have a chance to get to know the world before they died. But that didn't sit will with Zouichi, somehow; it was like trying to absolve oneself of guilt.

"Yeah, I would. It's just a little late to make that call now." Holy depressed teenager, Batman. Howard doesn't even seem aware of how morbid his response was.

"That's just a matter of how you frame the question, though. Are you taking their life before they live it, or are you killing them kindly instead of bringing them into a life where you know from the start that they're going to suffer and die for someone else? Isn't guaranteed suffering worse than none?"

Howard shrugs. "I mean, that's my view on kids too, so."

Well, that was depressing. Zouichi was glad he was alive, even if he'd only been created for one specific purpose. Though that original purpose had expanded somewhat, hadn't it? As had the reasons he had for remaining alive and breathing.

"The only guarantee in life is death, and it happens to everyone, whether you're human or a livestock animal. And there's no such thing as killing someone kindly, either. That's just justifying it to yourself to ease your conscience. There are perfectly good reasons for killing someone -- to protect someone else, to make sure they can never kill again, to survive -- but you're still taking a life."

"Fine, maybe not killing them kindly. But killing them less painfully. I mean, there are a lot of ways that are worse to die than while you're unconscious. Have you seen how they kill cows on Earth? They get to die terrified and confused and in pain in a big assemblyline."

Howard doesn't especially care where his food comes from, but it truly perplexes him that Zouichi seems to find that a better alternative than never giving the cows life to start with.

Not to mention he finds it pretty ironic talking to someone who mows through mooks like it's going out of style about the sanctity of life.

He shook his head. "No, I haven't. But that also sounds wrong." Free rein to guess about the food industry practices of 3005 A.D.

Zouichi could take someone's life without batting an eye, but conversely, saw referring to it as anything other than what it was -- killing -- as some sort of slight to them. As if he were shirking his duty to his victims, even if they weren't too likely to complain about it afterwards.

Maybe it wasn't quite the sanctity of life Zouichi was concerned with, but a sort of feeling that he would be disrespecting it should he look away at the moment it was extinguished.

And it was true that people had to eat.

"It's all wrong. Everything is." Howard bites at his thumbnail. "It's like all of life is just choosing between the lesser of two evils until you either die or stop caring."

Clearly, there's cynicide in the tap water here.

Zouichi frowned. "I don't think that's true. Yes, sometimes terrible things happen, but that doesn't mean everything about life is like that. There's good and bad."

"No, I'm not saying it's all bad, but the big stuff usually is. And the good stuff's like, there to float you when the bad stuff comes down. It gets you from rough patch to rough patch."

Zouichi shook his head. "I'm sure I won't be able to change your mind either way, but I don't believe that. And even it were true, it would be worth fighting to change the way things are."

"No, you probably won't." Howard claims his Pessimism Crown okay thanks. "I'm not saying it's not worth fighting for, just that as a general rule, suck outweighs win."

Zouichi shrugged. "It depends on how you look at it. I think the good outweighs the bad."

In fact, even if they ended up being brief, the moments of contentment and friendship he'd experienced here meant more to him than any length of time he might spend fighting if he ever returned to Earth. It didn't matter how brief they might be or even if he'd ever see the people he'd met here again. They were more real to him than almost anything else.

"Anyway, if you hate being alive so much, why bother telling me not to die?"

"Because I'd miss you. And because I hear dying's even worse and I don't want that for you." That's the honest truth, even, and it shows on his face. "And because you do think life's better than death, so it'd be sad if you had to miss more life."

Which makes it unexpected that of the two of them, Howard's the one keen on self-preservation. But as much as he's generally unhappy, the idea of dying terrifies him more than the prospect of staying alive.

He looked at Howard a moment before offering, "Honestly, I don't think dying will be very painful for me. And after I'm dead, I guess I won't really care about anything."

That wasn't quite true, though. Not any more. He'd regret dying now, beyond the sort of mild, cerebral acknowledgement with which he regarded the prospect before. Zouichi had guarded himself rather carefully against forming attachments or getting used to the people around him. But he hadn't been wholly successful in staving them off, had he?

"But I'll care." You have no idea how much of a shitfit he'll throw if you die, Zou. It'll be epic. There will be pyres and dirges. Don't inflict that on your fellow crew.

"Why don't you think it'll be painful? I figure dying's probably life's last chance to smack you around, so it'll hurt a lot."

Besides, Rory told him it hurt a thousand times worse than anything in life, and while that did a good job of tamping down Howard's more depressed urges, it also did a good job of giving an already very-paranoid kid even more to stress about.

Zouichi gave him a dry smile. "I guess I'll have to try not to die off, then. And it probably won't hurt because I don't feel pain very well in general. Much less when I'm damaged enough that I'm unable to recover."

See? He thought about these things.

"That's just presuming all pain is like...nerve endings and stuff. Which it probably isn't, I don't think." Howard tries to smile back, but this conversation has soured his mood some so it's half-hearted. "And you're so full of it. You never try not to die when there's a good explosion going off"

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