trans_9 | Extreme makeover [Open, bendytimed to... whenever makes sense]

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Extreme makeover [Open, bendytimed to... whenever makes sense]

Somehow, he'd gotten himself into a bet. He didn't even really remember how it had happened or how they had gotten on the subject. But then suddenly the bet had been accepted and it was too late to back down, and now he was sitting at the very same Mess Hall table Sakura and the others had been sitting at the other day while they'd been discussing the source of the ship's mystery meat food supply.

To be fair to Sakura, he'd picked a shade of pink to match her own, natural hair color. But the results were... jarring. Also, hopefully no one would recognize either of them.

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Zouichi shrugged. "It depends on how you look at it. I think the good outweighs the bad."

In fact, even if they ended up being brief, the moments of contentment and friendship he'd experienced here meant more to him than any length of time he might spend fighting if he ever returned to Earth. It didn't matter how brief they might be or even if he'd ever see the people he'd met here again. They were more real to him than almost anything else.

"Anyway, if you hate being alive so much, why bother telling me not to die?"

"Because I'd miss you. And because I hear dying's even worse and I don't want that for you." That's the honest truth, even, and it shows on his face. "And because you do think life's better than death, so it'd be sad if you had to miss more life."

Which makes it unexpected that of the two of them, Howard's the one keen on self-preservation. But as much as he's generally unhappy, the idea of dying terrifies him more than the prospect of staying alive.

He looked at Howard a moment before offering, "Honestly, I don't think dying will be very painful for me. And after I'm dead, I guess I won't really care about anything."

That wasn't quite true, though. Not any more. He'd regret dying now, beyond the sort of mild, cerebral acknowledgement with which he regarded the prospect before. Zouichi had guarded himself rather carefully against forming attachments or getting used to the people around him. But he hadn't been wholly successful in staving them off, had he?

"But I'll care." You have no idea how much of a shitfit he'll throw if you die, Zou. It'll be epic. There will be pyres and dirges. Don't inflict that on your fellow crew.

"Why don't you think it'll be painful? I figure dying's probably life's last chance to smack you around, so it'll hurt a lot."

Besides, Rory told him it hurt a thousand times worse than anything in life, and while that did a good job of tamping down Howard's more depressed urges, it also did a good job of giving an already very-paranoid kid even more to stress about.

Zouichi gave him a dry smile. "I guess I'll have to try not to die off, then. And it probably won't hurt because I don't feel pain very well in general. Much less when I'm damaged enough that I'm unable to recover."

See? He thought about these things.

"That's just presuming all pain is like...nerve endings and stuff. Which it probably isn't, I don't think." Howard tries to smile back, but this conversation has soured his mood some so it's half-hearted. "And you're so full of it. You never try not to die when there's a good explosion going off"

"You mean that dying is full of existential angst or something? I don't know; it seems like that would be over pretty quickly." Zouichi could understand perfectly why dying would be terrifying for a human. He was just having a hard time connecting that with his own condition.

"And that's not entirely true, you know. It's not like I'm not trying to get killed. And even if I was, getting caught in a few explosions isn't going to kill me."

"What's existential angst?" Well, he knows what the latter part means, but not the first.

"What if they're really big explosions?"

"Oh, you know. Wondering if anything I did mattered, what will happen after I die, things like that." This conversation was awfully morbid.

"What's the difference between a big explosion and a normal explosion?"

"Oh. That. Yeah, maybe, that sounds like something death would dump on you right before all your lights go out."

Seriously, how'd they get from pink hair to the Kafkaesque nature of life and death?

Have an eyeroll. "I don't know, what's the difference between a car backfiring and an atom bomb?"

Zouichi shrugged. "It seems like kind of a morbid thing to spend your last moments thinking about. I think I'd at least try to make my last actions mean something."

"If we're talking about cars backfiring and atomic explosions, does that mean you think I should run away from backfiring cars? I don't think I'd even really count that as an explosion."

"I kind of think this'll happen after the last actions bit."

Howard shakes his head. "That's not what I mean, but yes, I would run away from backfiring cars. But that's me. I'm just saying there are explosions out there that could probably kill you."

"After? How long do you think I'm going to be dying? I hope it doesn't take that long."

Zouichi shrugged. "Of course there are. But that's no reason to run from all of them. Part of being in a fight is being able to gauge the danger to yourself."

"I don't know, maybe it's like that thing where if something sucks it feels like it lasts forever. Like time dilation or whatever." Now Howard's just making stuff up.

"Yeah, and thank god you're good at that. Ratchets my incessant worrying down from alert level red to alert level orangey-red."

"...Time dilation?" Have a now you're just making things up look, Howard.

"Anyway, I think you should at least change it to yellow. In fact, I don't think I've been in genuine danger of dying since I got here. I'm getting rusty."

Hey, he got this far in the conversation before that look! He's doing okay!

"There's also less zombies here to try and kill you. More just evil overlords who look down their nose at you. Did I tell you that it's my job now to report on everything the Daligig do?"

Zouichi raised an eyebrow at him. "No. When did that happen? I didn't think people could even get into the restricted areas."

"Leon put me up to it because he can't be bothered to draft his own memos, and no, I can't go in restricted zones. Leon's supposed to keep me in the loop so I can tell everyone on the ship what Leon wants them to hear."

Clearly, Howard's awesome at keeping the cynicism out of his voice.

"Oh, of course." Zouichi sighed, looking a little annoyed. "You know, I kind of always gave him the benefit of the doubt when it came to all these things he never wanted to talk about... but even I don't know what he's trying to do these days. If he was sitting on all this important information, why didn't he just... I don't know, delegate some responsibility so he could spend one hour telling us what we need to know?"

"Or at least give me all the information so I can tell everyone, but I'm still waiting on his first report."

Howard shakes his head and sneers.

"It's even dumber when you remember that it's me he picked. I'm not exactly mister public relations and I already have a job. It's the ultimate in the leader saying 'oh hey, if you're complaining about it fix it yourself' instead of actually like, leading and doing his own job."

"And honestly, every time I've tried to ask questions, get involved, help out? I've gotten the brush-off. He says he's busy and I'm sure he is, but either you can conceal things from the crew or complain that they're not digging hard enough. Not both."

But that was something that had been bothering him for a long time now. "He didn't even show up to watch Sakura's presentation. How's that for leadership?"

"Yeah. I noticed. And my jaw just about hit the floor." Howard shakes his head. "When I put my channel post up he pretty much did nothing but tell me I wasted my time, too, and that it was all common knowledge. You ask me, he's a Daligig plant at this point."

Zouichi frowned. "I noticed that. And then got himself into a pointless sand-kicking contest with Ildraniath. I wouldn't say he's a plant, though. Just that I can't understand his reasoning at all."

"Maybe not a plant, but he sure acts like it. I mean, chatting it up on his omnicomm while they're looking over his shoulder? Purposefully keeping us in the dark while acting like he's on our side? We know that the Daligig suck at public relations so that would explain why he isn't even charming about it."

Howard shrugs one shoulder and rests his head on his hand. "But people tell me I'm really paranoid so maybe this is just the conspiracy theorist in me talking."

"If those were the requirements for being a plant," Zouichi said dryly, "I could think of a couple more candidates. I don't know why the PR's so bad, but I wouldn't mind half as much as long as things got done."

But they weren't. So he did. "I guess it's just like that saying. 'To fool your enemies, you must first fool your allies'."

Edited 2012-03-02 13:07 (UTC)

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