Extreme makeover [Open, bendytimed to... whenever makes sense]

[zouichi]

Somehow, he'd gotten himself into a bet. He didn't even really remember how it had happened or how they had gotten on the subject. But then suddenly the bet had been accepted and it was too late to back down, and now he was sitting at the very same Mess Hall table Sakura and the others had been sitting at the other day while they'd been discussing the source of the ship's mystery meat food supply.

To be fair to Sakura, he'd picked a shade of pink to match her own, natural hair color. But the results were... jarring. Also, hopefully no one would recognize either of them.

Comments

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"What's existential angst?" Well, he knows what the latter part means, but not the first.

"What if they're really big explosions?"

[zouichi]

"Oh, you know. Wondering if anything I did mattered, what will happen after I die, things like that." This conversation was awfully morbid.

"What's the difference between a big explosion and a normal explosion?"

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Oh. That. Yeah, maybe, that sounds like something death would dump on you right before all your lights go out."

Seriously, how'd they get from pink hair to the Kafkaesque nature of life and death?

Have an eyeroll. "I don't know, what's the difference between a car backfiring and an atom bomb?"

[zouichi]

Zouichi shrugged. "It seems like kind of a morbid thing to spend your last moments thinking about. I think I'd at least try to make my last actions mean something."

"If we're talking about cars backfiring and atomic explosions, does that mean you think I should run away from backfiring cars? I don't think I'd even really count that as an explosion."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"I kind of think this'll happen after the last actions bit."

Howard shakes his head. "That's not what I mean, but yes, I would run away from backfiring cars. But that's me. I'm just saying there are explosions out there that could probably kill you."

[zouichi]

"After? How long do you think I'm going to be dying? I hope it doesn't take that long."

Zouichi shrugged. "Of course there are. But that's no reason to run from all of them. Part of being in a fight is being able to gauge the danger to yourself."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"I don't know, maybe it's like that thing where if something sucks it feels like it lasts forever. Like time dilation or whatever." Now Howard's just making stuff up.

"Yeah, and thank god you're good at that. Ratchets my incessant worrying down from alert level red to alert level orangey-red."

[zouichi]

"...Time dilation?" Have a now you're just making things up look, Howard.

"Anyway, I think you should at least change it to yellow. In fact, I don't think I've been in genuine danger of dying since I got here. I'm getting rusty."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Hey, he got this far in the conversation before that look! He's doing okay!

"There's also less zombies here to try and kill you. More just evil overlords who look down their nose at you. Did I tell you that it's my job now to report on everything the Daligig do?"

[zouichi]

Zouichi raised an eyebrow at him. "No. When did that happen? I didn't think people could even get into the restricted areas."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Leon put me up to it because he can't be bothered to draft his own memos, and no, I can't go in restricted zones. Leon's supposed to keep me in the loop so I can tell everyone on the ship what Leon wants them to hear."

Clearly, Howard's awesome at keeping the cynicism out of his voice.

[zouichi]

"Oh, of course." Zouichi sighed, looking a little annoyed. "You know, I kind of always gave him the benefit of the doubt when it came to all these things he never wanted to talk about... but even I don't know what he's trying to do these days. If he was sitting on all this important information, why didn't he just... I don't know, delegate some responsibility so he could spend one hour telling us what we need to know?"

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Or at least give me all the information so I can tell everyone, but I'm still waiting on his first report."

Howard shakes his head and sneers.

"It's even dumber when you remember that it's me he picked. I'm not exactly mister public relations and I already have a job. It's the ultimate in the leader saying 'oh hey, if you're complaining about it fix it yourself' instead of actually like, leading and doing his own job."

[zouichi]

"And honestly, every time I've tried to ask questions, get involved, help out? I've gotten the brush-off. He says he's busy and I'm sure he is, but either you can conceal things from the crew or complain that they're not digging hard enough. Not both."

But that was something that had been bothering him for a long time now. "He didn't even show up to watch Sakura's presentation. How's that for leadership?"

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Yeah. I noticed. And my jaw just about hit the floor." Howard shakes his head. "When I put my channel post up he pretty much did nothing but tell me I wasted my time, too, and that it was all common knowledge. You ask me, he's a Daligig plant at this point."

[zouichi]

Zouichi frowned. "I noticed that. And then got himself into a pointless sand-kicking contest with Ildraniath. I wouldn't say he's a plant, though. Just that I can't understand his reasoning at all."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Maybe not a plant, but he sure acts like it. I mean, chatting it up on his omnicomm while they're looking over his shoulder? Purposefully keeping us in the dark while acting like he's on our side? We know that the Daligig suck at public relations so that would explain why he isn't even charming about it."

Howard shrugs one shoulder and rests his head on his hand. "But people tell me I'm really paranoid so maybe this is just the conspiracy theorist in me talking."

[zouichi]

"If those were the requirements for being a plant," Zouichi said dryly, "I could think of a couple more candidates. I don't know why the PR's so bad, but I wouldn't mind half as much as long as things got done."

But they weren't. So he did. "I guess it's just like that saying. 'To fool your enemies, you must first fool your allies'."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Hey, for all we know they are. But he seems so deliberately obfusc- ob- whatever that it's pretty hard to swallow that he's actually on our side."

[zouichi]

"Obfuscating?" He shrugged. "I don't know. It's like Command and the Council live off in some alternate dimension sometimes. I can't tell what they're thinking. I tried talking to them, but either we're so different we can't even understand each other or they're completely out of touch. And at this point, I'm thinking option B."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"That word. Yes." He gives Zouichi a thumbs up. "I'm going to try and keep people in the loop, but there's only so much I can do since I'm just going to be working with what Leon spoonfeeds me."

[zouichi]

"Still better than we have now," said Zouichi, frowning. "Which is, essentially, nothing."

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Only what we can dig up in the library and comms, which is practically nothing. You'd think more people would have volunteered this information earlier. No one should have to go digging." Howard wrinkles his nose. "Anyway, if I'm not around the Inn much, it's because I'm doing Leon's homework for him."

[zouichi]

"I'll be sure to tell everyone," Zouichi said, tapping his fingers against the surface of the table. "Although he really should have taken account how much you do already. There are plenty of people around that don't already hold down the equivalent of two jobs."

Disapproval face.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"And people say my generation is lazy." It's clear Howard considers the fact that he holds those jobs as something he's very proud of, especially since he actually does them well. "But no, he didn't ask me, he just told me. Because I would have said no, choose someone who gets more than three hours of sleep a night."