trans_9 | We've got Movie Sign! [Open]

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We've got Movie Sign! [Open]

Deep from the dank, dark bowels of the Media Library... IT CAME! FROM THE CELLULOID!

Five terrible movies guaranteed to give you CHILLS! THRILLS! Or maybe just, I dunno, a vague sense that the universe has wronged you somehow and you want several hours of your life back.

Today, anyone walking into this particular Sensorium would be greeted by the sight of a late 20th century darkened movie theatre, playing a quintuple-feature consisting of old Earth movies that were honestly not very good. At the bottom of the seating area was some dude giving out free popcorn, candy, and drinks.

Howard, Zouichi, Allenby, and Jr. were around, and anyone else was welcome to walk in and join in.

[each of the movies is listed below, just tag in wherever you want. I put a small link in each movie's post so you can have some idea of what the movie is about, although honestly I would say that the movies themselves often do not actually know what they are about. All threads are open unless labeled 'closed'.

P.S. I'M SO SORRY I SHOULD HAVE PUT THIS UP EARLIER]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[trailer here]

[wat]

[MST3K link I cheated]

[trailer]

Howard's never been the Nintendo type. He always gravitated more towards arcade games and Playstation, indulging in a steady diet of Ratchet & Clank, Mortal Kombat and Spyro as a kid before getting an XBox when he was eleven. Still, you don't make it to your teens in suburban America without being at least passingly familiar with Mario.

This is not Mario. This is Bob Hoskins dragging Mario's name around through goo and talking mushrooms and 'goombas' that look like what would happen if someone decided to make club bouncers out of pleather handbags.

"Does Princess Peach just not exist in this movie?" Howard asks, choosing between whether to start devouring popcorn, a slushie, or gummi worms.

"Who's Princess Peach?" asked Zouichi, staring dubiously at one of Howard's gummi worms. The 'Super' in Super Mario Bros. seems to suggest that they're superheroes of some kind.

"Are the Super Mario Brothers also X-Men?"

Diana had chosen to see Rubber after only being mildly surprised to find the main plot did not seem to be about some teen falling pregnant by some split condom.

Good. She wasn't in the mood for some light hearted comedy about the awkwardness of teen life and it's upsets. Everything was still too new, she was still recovering, she'd need time before she could hide herself in those old comforts.

Plus, the idea of pregnancy hit a little too close to home.

This was hilarious though. How serious it was being played out.

She did flinch a little at the first killing. She'd never been the squeamish sort but after seeing death with your own eyes it sort of left a mark. Diana decided to persevere though, she wouldn't let this become a weakness, so she resolved to watch all the death scenes without looking away, though for comfort she would chew one of the unpopped kernels. That was what any extra food was now. A comfort. A luxury. A gift.

Diana had curled her lithe body up comfortably into the seat, making herself at home. A pile of confectioneries in the seat next to her.

Oh boy. So Zouichi's not even getting the full impact of why this movie is so awful. Well, aside from the fact that it's just objectively awful, with an incoherent storyline, terrible acting, and dialogue that would make a ten year-old cringe.

I mean for God's sake it starts with this animated sequence.

"They're videogame characters, not superheroes. They're plumbers who travel through little green pipes to eat mushrooms and jump on giant turtles who kidnap Princess Peach. And sometimes they wear tanuki suits, which I guess are sort of like flying raccoons."

Howard goes for the slushie first, having successfully explained the totally logical and coherent world of Mario to Zou.

Grif just... watched.

"...You know," he said, "In history class they said this was a horrible tragedy. Oh, and rap hadn't been invented yet."

That. Didn't explain anything, Howard.

"But... plumbing pipes are too small for a human to traverse. And why would they eat mushrooms growing in the sewers?"

What is going on.

While stupid, this was a hilarious movie to Alendian. Why? Because the human military is just this incompetent and she agrees very much so. Every time some disgusting craft of a war machine was destroyed, she cracked a smile but kept up a straight face throughout the rest. After all, it was still ridiculous and she could swear she could defeat those things in a one on one fight. Eldar were just that cool.

In the meantime, there was an alien sitting relatively nearby and watching with polite (though somewhat bewildered) curiosity. What was he seeing? He thought he was managing to keep up with the rudimentary attempts the film was making toward a plot, but he couldn't be sure.

Luckily, he wasn't alone. He leaned forward a bit.

"Pardon my asking, but surely this is not an accurate portrayal of Earth history?" He just had to ask, as the young male with the dark skin seemed to have a reasonable grasp of what was happening.

"I understand this is some sort of... derivative film, based on a slightly more accurate portrayal of events," said Zouichi.

He just... couldn't look away. It was horrible.

Howard also has his stack of Sensoriums food, although since he's been here longer and has been able to get a little more used to the idea that you don't have to devour everything perishable as it presents itself, it's a little bit of a smaller pile and thus can sit comfortably at his feet.

He is slightly weirded out by how not weirded out he is by the psychic tire. I mean, whatever. Supposedly they had a sentient puddle of blood aboard the ship for a while.

He's not even quite sure where to start making fun of it.

"How can the tire hear the person begging him to blow her head off? Tires don't really have ears."

Atom took a seat right next to Alendian, munching on popcorn from a large, decoratively-striped paper bag. Also, he was slurping his slushee.

"I hope the shark wins," he said brightly.

"....Accurate," Grif repeated in his most reasonable, oh-of-course tone.

"Accurate down to the little talking mice and rapping dog. How could I forget!"

"Nope! It's gonna be the octopus," said Allenby as she vaulted over a few rows to land in the seat next to Atom. She managed not to spill the giant slushie. Normally she hated Sensorium food and Sensorium everything, and she'd be spending an extra-long session thinking hostile thoughts at Stacy today, but... well she just couldn't resist. "Too many arms for a shark to deal with."

"Because the mushrooms give them superpowers. God, Zou, get with the times. Oh, and sometimes they use flowers instead." He'll have to teach Zouichi to play videogames in the Sensoriums sometime. He's pretty sure, from watching Zouichi demolish (literally) the shooter game in the arcade that he'd be good at FPS games.

Howard jumps a little as he notices the nature (and stature) of the guy behind him. Someone's seriously been eating his wheaties. "Um, no. Not at all. I mean, maybe it's the accurate history of some Earth, but not the one this movie is from. It's what happens when you get a bunch of writers in a room and ask them to come up with a backstory in thirty seconds."

As Diana drank some of her customary slurpee, she chewed the straw in thought.

"Doesn't that mean it wouldn't have heard the police sirens at the beginning?"

She shook her head, popping a handful of pick'n'mix into her mouth. "Which would pretty much stop the entire movie from happening."

"There weren't any talking mice on my Earth," said Zouichi, obviously too horrified by the movie to pick up on the sarcasm. "There were talking bears, though."

Howard why don't your explanations explain anything.

Zouichi glanced over at N'tho. "There were plumbers on Earth, and pipes. And mushrooms. However, the mushrooms on my Earth did not bestow any superpowers."

"True point." He drums his fingernails over his front teeth while deciding between Whoppers and popcorn. He chooses popcorn. "I just never thought I'd have to suspend my disbelief over the lack of ears on a psychic tire."

Vega turned around in his seat two rows down to look up to Atom and Allenby.

"I bet they team up and wreck tons of stuff!" he contributed, equally excited. He hadn't gotten to watch a movie in a really long time, this was so fun! Actually, he had only been into a theater maybe two times.

This probably explained his complete and total lack of not-yelling-stuff-during-the-movie etiquette.

Grif peered at Z for a moment instead of the astounding travesty on the screen. "Animals don't talk, dude. Unless you've been out in the sun too long."

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Page 1 of 9

We've got Movie Sign! [Open]

Super Mario Bros: The Movie

Titanic: The Animated Musical

Manos: The Hands of Fate

Rubber

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Re: Super Mario Bros: The Movie

Re: Super Mario Bros: The Movie

Re: Rubber

Re: Super Mario Bros: The Movie

Re: Titanic: The Animated Musical

Re: Super Mario Bros: The Movie

Re: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

no subject

Re: Titanic: The Animated Musical

Re: Rubber

Re: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Re: Titanic: The Animated Musical

Re: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

no subject

Re: Rubber

Re: Titanic: The Animated Musical

no subject

Re: Rubber

Re: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Re: Titanic: The Animated Musical