trans_9 | Things We Never Said [Open]

Billy could see it clearly in his mind's eye:

Billy, Cassie, and Jamie would be wielding the new and improved Slop Immobilizer Gun, wearing their brand new non-stick safety uniforms, and presenting the project with triumphant smiles on their faces. They finally built something that wouldn't stick when it wasn't meant to. With that great weapon, they could trap their opponents non-lethally and be considered heroes for finding a use for the almost universally loathed slop.

It was now a scene that would never come to pass. Oh, Billy was still there, and Jamie was, and the gun was, and of course the slop would never ever go away, much to their dismay, but nothing remained of Cassie Lang but their memories.

Their partner, their friend. Dead. Billy thought back on all he knew of her: her family life, developing as a hero, her friends, her spirit, her contributions. All of that culminating in one of the better people he'd known, never to be seen again. Never to be thanked for all she'd done, and even he saw this. Comparatively he hadn't known her extremely well, but she was one of his own. Like B5 had been.

It was that thought that drove Billy into another version of the attack simulation, wielding the gun from his fantasy once more. He'd thought he was going to call Jamie and Cassie for the victory after the crisis, but he would now be running the test alone. Soon enough, the moving targets were in place and the first shots were fired.

Blam. Blam. This time, it worked exactly as intended, but there was no joy left in Billy's heart to celebrate. Instead, he found himself lowering his gun arm and starting to cry.

"Cassie..."

((Open because he'll be mourning here for a little while, even knowing that everyone knows where he is. Renne's last chronologically for now, but I'll work out some semblance of chronology at the end. I don't wanna leave anyone out.))

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"Katara..."

He slipped forward, giving his friend a hug before he could question himself about it.

"Thank you. I know you're going to be busy today, so I'll let you go, but thank you."

She didn't mind the hug, not at all. She cared a great deal for Billy.

"Billy, feel free to bother me anytime. You're a friend, ok? I know where your heart is. You don't have to pretend."

She smiled. "Thank YOU."

"You know I'm an awful liar," he answered softly as he drew back.

Nodding to her, he wondered: "Have you caught me in another lie?"

"I'm sure only you know that answer," she said, grinning at him. "I can only hope that you won't lie to me Billy and hopefully, it won't be necessary."

She looked at the weapon. "What is that though?"

"It shouldn't be." Even if he sometimes wanted to hide just how badly it hurt, he was awful at it.

Pausing, he lifted the gun. "This was an experimental immobilizer gun. We were asked to design more weapons for people who have moral objections to killing, so this was designed to stick the target in a powerful cementing substance. Jamie, Cassie, and I worked on it last week and the first test was disastrous. Because we hadn't created the mixture perfectly, the cement exploded over us and glued us to the ground. Jamie was bent in a painful position, Cassie and I were on top of each other, and her mouth was glued shut."

If he closed his eyes and concentrated, he could still imagine her there. It hurt, though, so he quickly turned his mind away from it. "I went back to the drawing board and fixed the problem, and before all of this happened I was planning to call them back and redo the test successfully."

Now she knew why this scenario was a part of his grieving process.

"I agree," Katara said softly. "Some things are just really hard."

If she thought hard enough, she could imagine Billy's pain. He hadn't been a part of her before, but after the things they'd been through, she was sure she could hear the pain in his being, the part crying out for help. She gave him another hug feeling the pain at the loss of someone he knew, a person in his heart. The story made it worse.

"I'm sorry," she said again, hugging him. "It isn't fair, She deserved better."

Billy found himself trembling with grief in her arms. "I know," he whispered, voice pitching upward with that note of sorrow. "One week we're getting into trouble together, and the next she's gone forever."

He held her close, conviction seeping into him. "I don't want to lose you or anyone else. I need to be at my best."

Yup, that meant constant training, working, and studying with no breaks.

Katara took his hands, meeting his eyes. "If you're serious about this, I can help you. I know what its like to have all of this happen to you unexpectedly. It isn't easy, but you have to brave it."

She let the hug wash over: she needed it honestly. "I won't die, I promise."

She smiled, and held his hand. "I can help you there, Billy, just ask, ok?"

It was a promise, then. He squeezed her hand firmly. "I am. I don't want to be a liability to anyone anymore, and there's more to learn than just the skills taught in warfare training."

"Let me know whenever you're ready then," she said. "I've been meaning to give some of The Outsiders help in whatever they needed too. I know that some of them are still looking for a way to defend themselves on the ship. There's a room at the headquarters that would be perfect for that."

"I'm ready when you are," he answered. Honestly, he was looking for some sort of distraction. "Call me when you have time."

Things We Never Said [Open]

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