trans_9 | take these broken wings | bendytimed to before shore leave [OPEN]

Entry tags:

take these broken wings | bendytimed to before shore leave [OPEN]

[Takes place after this post]

After he had left Tay, Cas had found his way back to hydroponics, back to the beer tree. He'd filled up his trench coat pockets with bottles, then set off looking for an out of the way place where he wouldn't be bothered, a place where he wouldn't be found.

Eventually he'd ended up in an out of the way corner of the hangar bay, sitting on the floor against the wall. He started working his way through the beer, and soon had a collection of empty bottles around his feet.

She had wings.

It hurt Castiel without even having to think about it, because he could still feel their loss, like a part of him was missing. A part of him was. And right now, trapped in this unfamiliar place, all he wished was that he had the freedom to fly. He wasn't used to being stuck in one place, unable to just leave with a thought, to be able to go anywhere he wanted. He was trapped, he was doubly trapped, and right now, it was breaking him a little.

He raised the next bottle to his lips.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Cas sagged back, all the drunken defiance deflating out of him. He looked to the side, unable to meet Dean's gaze. "It's too late Dean, don't you get it?" he mumbled. "I'm useless. Worthless. We failed and now what, I just have to stay like this?"

He looked back up at Dean, blue eyes pleading. "At least let me get drunk."

Dean snorted, and declared, "Yeah, so what? You're like us now. And you're not..."

He sighed, "You're not the useless one around here. Ok? You're not."

"What do you mean I'm 'not the useless one'?" Cas wanted to know. "I'm the one who doesn't even know how to be a human. Doesn't like being a human."

"Cas you really think it's easier for those who were born human? I'm trying to get by, and just throw myself into as much as I can so I can't think. I don't have to consider what might be waiting for us if we get our world back. Hell I just tossed myself out to this girl, and... I don't know, man. But you got more going for you. You're still a warrior, still nerd guy with more knowledge than even Sam."

Drunken Castiel sees unpleasant truths time, go! Cas stares. "You're telling me I can't run away, when you're running away yourself," he accused.

Dean stared at that.

"I'm not. Dammit! I'm not running away. I'm trying to do something more productive than just sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Hell, if I didn't do that, I'd be escaping into the bottle after you."

Cas gave him a look. "You don't want to have to think about anything. What do you think I'm doing?"

Dean flopped down next to him, "Cas, told you, pickling your brain only works for a little while. Need something else. Sam's got the Rogue Squadron, I'm working with them now, plus Security. Even doing some training. You gotta find something else to focus on. Ask Allen about teaching, or look in the library. Shit, anything else."

The problem was, in some ways, they were too much alike. Both warriors who had looked up to their distant fathers, only to end up disappointed. Cas lost his faith, Dean never had it much for a long time. Or could argue he lost it when he lost his mom.

"Hell, let me teach you." He also pulled his plantsuit top aside, "Also if you're human now, I think you're going to need one of these."

Cas eyed the tattoo then groaned, collapsing inward, pillowing his head in his arms. A small giggle emerged from his hunched form.

"I'm human," he mumbled. "I'm human." His voice sounded slightly hysterical.

If nothing else had really made it sink in (which it certainly had) the idea that he could be possessed certainly had done the trick.

"Aw hell," Dean then reached out to shake the ex-angel.

"Cas? CAS! Come on, man, gotta get your shit together. I mean it. For Crissakes, trying to help you here."

Cas stayed with his head buried in his arms rocking back and forth for a long time, before he finally stopped, shook himself, and pulled his head back up. He turned to look at Dean with bright eyes that did not look particularly clear.

"Yes Dean, I'm here," he said, and there was an odd accent to his voice, as if he was trying too hard.

Edited 2010-06-13 04:11 (UTC)

Dean sighed, and tried to get under one of Cas's arms to support him, "Come on, let me help you up. You can crash on my bed tonight. Need to sleep it off."

He'll just take the makeshift cot or something. Or maybe not sleep like he's been doing on some nights.

Cas groans in protest as Dean hauls him to his feet. "And where will you sleep, Dean?" he wants to know.

"I'll take the cot. Not that tired yet anyway. I'll sleep later."

Cas eyes Dean as he stumbles along with the other man down the corridor. "Sleep later ..." he mumbles. Time for another moment of drunken tactlessness.

"Do you still have those nightmares?" Cas wonders, voice casual, as if he's asked the most innocent question in the world.

Dean glanced away. It was like asking if he breathed. The nightmare king, the memories only added new dimensions to them. He still only got scant hours of sleep. If he tried to sleep elsewhere, Stacy would end up offering him sedatives to help him.

"Does it matter?"

Cas stopped, halting their forward progress. "I'm told humans think it matters," he said.

"It's not important," He rebuffed him. Not like anything can be done about it. He just knew they were still there, sometimes scratching, scratching... tearing flesh and tendon, oh boy I knew you had a talent

Just something else to learn to live with.

Edited 2010-06-13 04:49 (UTC)

Cas watched him silently for a time. This was one of those manly things, and usually he would let it go, usually, he wouldn't push.

Usually he wasn't drunk.

"Dean."

His voice was soft, but it carried.

"I'm used to it. So just drop it, so you can get some rest," Dean quietly said as he helped him along. Even Kaylee had some idea he got them because of the times he spent with her on occasion. To find he'd been whimpering in his sleep only to have a calm soothing hand gently brushing over his dirty blond hair as he woke. It did help a little. But he figured he was used to running on only a few hours of sleep during the week. Just part of being a hunter. Never mind the concerned looks his brother sometimes tossed his way, had been tossing his way since he was grabbed out of hell.

Castiel dug his heals in, refusing to be dragged along.

"Dean."

His voice was firmer, more insistent this time.

Leaving Dean no choice now but to stop for the moment.

"What, Cas? What the hell?" He very nearly growled out the question in annoyance.

Well Cas could growl right back. He glared fiercely at Dean. "I rebelled for you. I died for you ... twice. I've given everything I had ... for you. Dean Winchester--" he reached out, gently placing his hand over the mark where his print was burned into Dean's shoulder. "You ... are important to me. Never forget that." He pressed down, gripping Dean's shoulder firmly with his hand.

"Well I never wanted you to! Not if it meant you losing..." He started to say, and got very quiet when Cas placed his hand there. Right where he had gripped him to pull him out of hell.

Dean just blinked and stared back for a moment.

Edited 2010-06-13 05:55 (UTC)

"It was what I wanted. My choice," Cas said, meeting Dean's stare with a glare of his own.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject