take these broken wings | bendytimed to before shore leave [OPEN]

[angel-ofthe.livejournal.com]

[Takes place after this post]

After he had left Tay, Cas had found his way back to hydroponics, back to the beer tree. He'd filled up his trench coat pockets with bottles, then set off looking for an out of the way place where he wouldn't be bothered, a place where he wouldn't be found.

Eventually he'd ended up in an out of the way corner of the hangar bay, sitting on the floor against the wall. He started working his way through the beer, and soon had a collection of empty bottles around his feet.

She had wings.

It hurt Castiel without even having to think about it, because he could still feel their loss, like a part of him was missing. A part of him was. And right now, trapped in this unfamiliar place, all he wished was that he had the freedom to fly. He wasn't used to being stuck in one place, unable to just leave with a thought, to be able to go anywhere he wanted. He was trapped, he was doubly trapped, and right now, it was breaking him a little.

He raised the next bottle to his lips.

Comments

[chosenfamily]

"We don't exactly have much to research," Sam pointed out. "Unless he wants to beat his head against the wall with the Ohm." Which was what Sam often did in what little free time he had these days. "There's got to be something going on. Maybe he could train with Cargn or something?"

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

"Yeah I know. And hey, we're getting more stuff all the time about them. At least Cargn's started training for them." Dean had the backache and bruises to prove it too.

He considered that and nodded, "Yeah they're both literal and cryptic. Probably get along."

He added, "I'm going to show him some of the ropes for being a hunter too. Kept saying how worthless he felt, no matter what I said."

[chosenfamily]

Sam stared for a moment, first at Dean, then down at Cas. "That..." He paused, though, actually thinking about it for a moment before he nodded. "Actually, no, I can understand that."

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

"He lost his entire reason of being, Sam. I can understand what that would be like." Like when he lost his brother in Cold Oak. Dean just couldn't deal which of course started the giant fuck up of the universe. Though could argue their mom really started it with her deal to save their dad.

[chosenfamily]

Sam had been there, too. For four months after losing Dean. Ten months if you counted the half year the Trickster gave him. And the many, many times he'd seen Dean killed in that day that wouldn't end.

"So we try to do something that gives him...another reason. Any more than we are." The ship wasn't exactly overrun with the supernatural to fight, Nightmare King excluded. "It's just...going to take time to adjust."

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

"Well, he's a nerd like you. So maybe there's something in the media library that he could check out."

[chosenfamily]

"There's a hell of a lot in the media library." Sam rubbed at his eyes again. "He could probably teach at the school, too. Not sure what, but he probably could."

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

Dean nodded, still sitting on the edge of the bed, and glancing at Cas, "Yeah, that's what I suggested to him too. Bet he'd be good too."

He rubbed the back of his neck for a moment, thinking of other parts of the conversation. Plus his recent one with Kaylee.

[chosenfamily]

"When he has time to think about it while he's sober, it may appeal more." He wasn't sure if it was going to be something that Cas would actually do, but there was a chance.

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, sure. I swear I put some damn police tape around the tree, or a lo jack on him to keep him away from the tavern or tree so he stays sober for a while. Can't let him fall into that hole, or he's gonna be as bad as Cas was in that future I saw."

[chosenfamily]

Sam nodded and sighed. "I'll stay with him as much as I can." Which, with Rogue training, wasn't as much as either of them would probably like to keep Cas sober.

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

Dean nodded, "All right, but I call dibs on most of the babysitting duty." His angel, and he's the big brother. Plus after all that Cas said about what he's done for him, he had to take responsibility.

"I mean the guy just admitted he went through most of this shit for me. Said he'd still choose it if he went through it again too." So yeah, once again, there's more guilt on Dean's shoulders.

[chosenfamily]

Yeah, like Sam didn't know Dean was going to go that way. He eyed Dean, shaking his head. "Yeah, he would. But it was still his choice, Dean. He didn't have to. Nobody forced it on him. It was a choice. Don't you dare take the importance of that away from him by blaming yourself."

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

It's ingrained into him. John certainly didn't help that complex one bit.

His features tightened at that, not flinching yet at the words but close. He muttered half to himself, "I was pushing him toward it."

[chosenfamily]

Sam eyed Dean again, then Castiel. It was hard to tell how fast asleep the former angel was, but he decided to take the chance. The room wasn't large, so it only took about two steps to cross between the beds and give Dean a smack upside the back of his head. "Jackass," he said, shaking his head as he stepped back to his bed. "Castiel didn't have to question anything. He decided against that at one point, remember? To toe the Heavenly line and not make waves."

It had led to Sam opening the last seal.

"Being around you, he saw humanity. The way we see it. The way YOU see it." Because at the end of the day, Dean was the better person. He really was. "Questioning isn't a bad thing, Dean. Humans are meant to. Angels aren't. He Fell because free will, the ability to wonder about the path, whether its right or wrong, is a human thing to do. Because, when he looked at the whole ineffable plan, he didn't see any sense in it."

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

Dean scowled and almost smacked Sam back, "What the hell, Sam? First Cas now you? Somebody declared 'Smack the hell out of Dean' day and didn't tell me?"

He then listened to the rest, and he got quiet again. He still didn't think he was all that good a person. Good people don't torture and they sure as hell don't enjoy it.

"So you saying he basically chose to be human, is that it?"

[chosenfamily]

Good people didn't drink demon blood and enjoy it. So they both had their failings.

"Maybe 'cause it's the only way to get anything through your thick head," Sam grumbled, sitting back on his bed. Then he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I think he did. Maybe he's not happy about the choice right now because he's thinking about everything he's lost. I guess it'd be like losing a sense or two would be for us. Stages of grief and he'll come out of it stronger on the other side...so long as we don't get distracted and let him fall into the whole drugged up hippy thing."

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

Dean fixed him a look, but then agreed to the rest of it. "Yeah, I even asked him why he was upset about it if it was his choice. But I guess, and damn straight, that's why we gotta keep an eye on him."

[chosenfamily]

"I'd be damned surprised if he could articulate why he's so upset. It's all too new to him." Sam sighed, rubbing his hand through his hair. "So we'll share the babysitting duties. He's our friend. Even if it means dragging him along to learn about the Rogue Squadron."

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

"Sure he can chill with the Jedi or something. They need more support people anyway. Or did."

[chosenfamily]

Sam tilted his head, watching Cas. "I think he could learn a lot from the Jedi, actually." It might help, even. "But yeah. More support people is definitely a good thing."

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

Dean glanced back at him, and snorted as he got a visual. "Yeah, be pretty badass with a lightsaber."

[chosenfamily]

"Hell yeah. I mean, if anybody is going to be in tune with the Force, it's Cas, right?"

[notadamnangel.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, he was pretty good with spellwork. I dunno, might introduce him to Kyle some time if he doesn't run into him."

[chosenfamily]

"Now that might be a good fit." Yeah, Sam had met Kyle. Nice enough guy, honestly. "It's a place to start, at least. And a lot more than we could have offered him at home."