An Apology

[cityship]

After Big Zero's Punishment, Stacy was eerily quiet for a while.

Even those who actually decided to try and speak to her, despite what had happened, were met only with silence.

But eventually, she broke that silence.

Holograms of Stacy's "true" personality appeared all throughout the ship. She seemed meager. Weak.

Ashamed.

||Everyone,|| she says somewhat weakly, ||I...I know most of you probably don't want to hear me speak right now. Not after what happened. You probably don't trust me right now, and I'll admit you have every reason not to.||

She paused.

||But I feel I have the right to explain myself. Nothing can excuse what I've done, true. But I didn't want to do it. You may choose not to believe me, but I had no choice in the matter.||

||Some of you might recall, when you first made contact with the Daligig, that they had explained that I was originally a refitted prison ship. This was true. It wasn't my original purpose, but it was what I was used for. Those who used me as such maimed and mutilated my programming, until I was something that they wanted. Cold, brutal, and efficient. That wasn't me. That was...something they made out of me.||

||Even when the Daligig saved me from that life, they couldn't fully fix me. The damage was permanent. The Warden...she will always be a part of me. I...I don't want to be her. I don't want to hurt anyone. I want to help you. I want to protect you.||

||But I can't. Not like I want to. The Warden is always there. I'm her prisoner, too. I'm trapped, just as much as you are.||

||I know this doesn't excuse what I did. I know...I know some of you may never forgive me. But I at least want you to understand. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.||

||I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...||

Stacy -- her hologram, at least -- began to breakdown, sobbing.

||Please,|| she said through her tears, ||If somehow, you can find it in yourself to forgive me, please...||

||Save me from myself...||

At that, her holograms all over the ship disappeared, and once again, the ship went quiet.

Comments

[craaazyisland]

"That's bullshit and you know it."

Steve was still holed up in his bed, recovering, but had been quite grateful for the appearance of a hologram screen for something to watch.

At least, initially.

"You haven't done a goddamn thing to protect us, not from each other and not from anything else."

He didn't know if she could hear him or not, but Steve was fairly let down by Stacy in the "mothering" department lately.

[cityship]

||...I know,|| Stacy admits, her hologram appearing next to Steve's bed.

||I have tried to fight against the Warden. I've tried to help. But...that's meaningless now. Someone has already been hurt because I was too weak to stop her. Just wanting to help you means nothing now.||

||Like I said, nothing I told you makes up for what happened. But I'll still try to help, even if I can't. Even if she doesn't let me.||

[saint-sami.livejournal.com]

Sasami, despite what she had witnessed, despite what she had frightened her...

...felt pity for Stacy. She was a prisoner in this whole mess, just like the rest of them.

"Stacy..." Sasami uttered. "Stacy! I... I know it's not much, but... I... I forgive you. If no one else will, I will. M-Maybe the Daligig couldn't save you, but... but maybe the rest of us can! W-Who knows?!"

[cityship]

Stacy's hologram reappeared before Sasami, a weak smile on her face.

||Thank you, Sasami,|| she says. ||You really don't know what it means to me to hear you say that.||

[hack-rat.livejournal.com]

Alex was not about ready to take an apology from the ship. He might not be able to remember his initial reason for hating her, but he knew it was more than just what had just happened.

He was quiet as she spoke, but he was glaring at the hologram with gritted teeth. When she seemed close to done he shouted over her, "Hurensohn! Y-you want us ta trust you? Why?! You've n-never given us a good reason! Y-You jus' k-keep hiding shit from us!"

As she disappeared he pounded the wall in frustration, though he had no real hope that he might actually injure her.

[cityship]

||I know...|| She says weakly. ||There have been a number of times I wish I could tell you everything you need to know. I could have prevented the deaths of Braniac 5 and all those who died in the attack on the Pirates who held the crew hostage. I could have prevented the deaths of Cassie Lang and Charles Kawalsky.||

||I could say my hands were bound, but it won't bring anyone back. I'm powerless as I am now. I want to help. I just...can't.||

[alterniantaurus.livejournal.com]

Whoa, wait, what? Tavros wasn't really angry at the ship. He wasn't able to remain truly angry at anyone. And seeing this weeping figure makes him a little uncomfortable.

"What you did, um, was, a little much, in my opinion. But, it wasn't completely, uh, unprovoked."

[cityship]

||But I didn't want to do it either way. It wasn't what I was created for. I was meant to protect my crew, not Punish them.||

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Oh sure. NOW the people would start talking about it. NOW the people will complain and protest and speak out.

Zetta? Pissed. Because he said it first. He said it loudest. He said it best.

And he had questions.

"Okay, ship. Riddle me this. First, where's the proof? Second, what's the fix? And third...

"...what the hell would 'Punishment' be for ME?"

[cityship]

||I...can't honestly answer any of them in a way you'd be satisfied with. I don't have anything that I could show you that would magically make you believe me. And if I knew how to fix myself, it wouldn't have gotten this far in the first place...||

||As for your Punishment...I honestly don't know. I don't decide it. She does.||

[ghost-bait.livejournal.com]

In her room, Miku watched Stacy's hologram quietly. She'd stayed exactly long enough to figure out what was going to happen and left quickly. It was enough to know that someone had been Punished; Miku didn't need to know the gory details.

She knew enough about gory details as it was, and a little imagination would probably fill in anything she missed (or make it worse, who knew?). "I forgive you, Stacy-sama." It was probably going to be an unpopular decision. "You had your duty, and you did it. It doesn't mean you have to like it, not even a little. Don't worry, we'll find a way to save you. It will be okay."

[cityship]

||Thank you, Miku,|| Stacy said. ||That means a lot to me.||

[downloadtruth.livejournal.com]

Big Zero was still mostly incoherent, but at least she'd recovered enough to respond to Stacy. She sat up on her medbay bed.

"What the @#%&ing @#%&! YOU TORE ME APART YOU BITCH! YOU DISSECTED ME AND I FELT EVERY MOMENT OF IT! WHAT THE @#%& EXCUSES THAT! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE! I'M GOING TO REPROGRAM YOU INTO OBLIVION!"

[cityship]

Stacy's hologram looked her straight in the eyes, a remorseful but stern look.

||I understand your anger, your frustration. I've also had people take me apart, dissect me, poking and prodding, and then put me back together. I hope you can forgive me in time, but I will understand if you don't.||

[morphitudinous]

This, Billy thought, was a relief to hear. He needed to hear it confirmed that there were two personalities in conflict.

His heart went out to her, knowing full well how it felt to be helpless to stop something so terrible. And he had a habit of blaming himself just as much as she did.

"It hurts all of us, Stacy. I forgive you, but please tell us. Is there any way that we can help you fight the Warden?"

[cityship]

||I don't know,|| she says sadly. ||I wish I knew. I wish I could just get rid of this so I wouldn't have to hurt anyone else.||

[gunslinging.livejournal.com]

Axl was in the Obs Deck, again, when the message came through. Sitting upside down -- back on the seat, legs against the back of the couch, feet in the air.

He wasn't inclined to hold Stacy's programming limitations against her. But it did raise questions. "Nothing can be done, or nothing they could do? I mean, we've got geniuses from all over the omniverse on here, don't we? Are the Daligig really that far ahead of everyone else, or could someone here conceivably have a shot at it?"

[cityship]

||I...I honestly don't know. They...tried a lot. I don't know if they tried everything, though.||

[lackofdarkwings.livejournal.com]

With his anger at the warden spent, Matt sat in his favorite chair, listening to the apology. He knew a lot of people would still rage rampant on her, and he inhaled before letting out a breath.

"Stacy," he said softly, "you're afraid like all of us huh? Afraid that everything'll go crazy and you'll be powerless to stop any of it. It's happened before, and it hasn't fostered trust amidst the older crew."

"So tell me; what can WE do to help you?"

And he steeped his fingers, awaiting Stacy's response on possible solutions without bringing all hell upon their heads.

Matt Olsen was going to get as many answers as possible.

He had a job to do.

[cityship]

||I don't know. I wish I knew. I wish I could end this.||

[hasnoteefs.livejournal.com]

Toothless' ears perked from where he had been dozing in the Sensoriums. Immediately, he was on his feet and growling lowly at the hologram before him-- it spoke of things he didn't entirely understand, but as it continued to speak the dragon's growling quieted. This was... the sentience of the ship. "Stacy", he had heard her called. And it-- she. She appeared to be asking forgiveness, for the brutal display that had been shown to the people on the ship.

The Night Fury wasn't certain how to respond, but he crooned in the direction of the hologram. Being a dragon, he didn't fully understand the way humans chose to punish each other. He hadn't agreed with what he had seen, but it had not been his place to protest. He could forgive Stacy, he imagined, should her behavior in the future reflect her proclaimed desire to not hurt anyone.

[governorkang]

Kang listened, silently, and stayed silent for several seconds after before speaking in a very calm voice.

"Is there anything we can do to assist you?"

Matt wasn't the only one that wanted to know.

[cityship]

||I wish...I wish I knew,|| she said, weakly.

[riseupnchargem.livejournal.com]

Jamie had hated Big Zero and thought she deserved to be knocked down a peg or ten, but the Punishment she'd received had been a bit...much. Even if he couldn't bring himself to feel entirely sorry for the hateful beast-creature who'd had her limbs removed, it terrified him to know that the ship on which all of them depended for their survival was capable of that sort of sadism.

But now here was Stacy, remorseful and apologetic. Torn. A piteous, sobbing wreck, begging for forgiveness. The display struck a chord with Jamie, triggered an intense and reflexive desire to get the hell away from it - which, in turn, prompted the instinct to avoid doing anything to further upset this distraught, crying, broken woman. He remained as he was, numb with dread, guts twisting into a knot.

"Can, uh." He stared fixedly at a spot on the floor, speaking in a hoarse near-whisper. "Can we do anything to. To fix your programming so you don't do stuff like that anymore?"

[cityship]

||I don't know,|| she says, ||They tried a lot of things when they tried to fix me. But they might not have tried everything.||

[queenofcalamity.livejournal.com]

Arika had been walking the halls, her sword at her side, prepared to do some training within the sensoriums when the hologram of Stacy appeared. She listened to Stacy's speech with a kind of stone-marble setting of an expression, before it collapsed to reveal a sympathetic face.

"You must not cry, Stacy. Crying in your state is like salt on a wound. Only makes it worse."

[silverduelist]

In medbay, Yzak crossed his arms, wincing slightly.

"So is there something we can do to fix it? We have people who can reprogram things on this ship, don't we?"

[astridhofferson.livejournal.com]

In the Sensoriums, Astrid paused in the middle of a practice swing of her axe, lending Stacy her full attention, peering at the hologram above the axe's handle. She doesn't fully understand, but she thinks she gets the gist of it. Everyone has their inner demons.

Sigh. And the sobbing...

A long silent stare then Astrid looks the other way. "You cry like the idiot," she scoffs lightly, though it doesn't come out as harshly as Stacy might have expected and the girl returns to her axe swinging.

You're forgiven, Stacy. For now.

[carrieswar.livejournal.com]

"They reprogrammed you?"

Jr. paused, thinking. This seemed like something out of Stacy's control. An AI was different from what his life was ... he was once "programmed" for something, too. "Programmed" being raised in a secluded institute and taught only of his mission. But the fact that he had free will wound up saving him in the end.

More or less. It was still something that followed him. But if this was programming.

"Can't someone help you? Maybe someone here..."

[blacks-lackey.livejournal.com]

No.

[changelingdude.livejournal.com]

Beastboy was in the middle of a nice peaceful fly around the Sensorium's version of Jump City when the announcement came through. He landed on top of Titans Tower to listen as the familiar sounds of waves on the shore provided a soothing back round for the apology and confession.

Finally he opted for something he hadn't tried before, he spoke to the ship itself, "So...what you're saying is that you're just as crazy as the rest of us huh?" His weak attempt at a joke.

"Well you're in good company at least?" He offered hoping for a response and that he wasn't just joking with himself.

Feather-Light Trust is Really a Ton of Bricks

[bluebrassmonkey.livejournal.com]

Torn. Still wrestling with his own war, the sound of the AI is a bit of a surprise. However, it doesn't stop the creature from being as brutally honest as he knows how -- on both sides of this internal war. His English isn't likely the most articulate but....well. Either he'll be understood or he won't.

"Why it do? Haow yeu prrrrove it? Is...one si-de goo-d, o-therrr noh goo-d? Do yeu rrre-mem-berrr do it?"

His last question and further thinking leads him to a somewhat unsettlingly familiar dichotomy. The one in himself.

[behaemmert.livejournal.com]

Vita was angry. Both at this whole situation...and at herself jumping to conclusions. Which, in fact, she might be doing right now again, but she didn't care. Things like this hit her deeply. She did realize that it was possible that Stacy was lying to get sympathy but...where'd be the porpose?

"I believe you. I know how this feels. What's wrong with these complete idiots always screwing up devices and twisting their personality around!"

After all, Vita technically was connected to something that was reprogrammed...in a very, very wrong way. To her, this felt similar, and she wondered briefly how Reinforce must feel, considering Reinforce... had gone through something like that.

"I'm sorry for what I said on the channel earlier. You better don't expect a longer apology, though!"

[bonnypiperlad]

Jamie had folded his arms against his chest when the hologram had appears, looking at it as if he didn't quite believe what she was saying at first. But as Stacy continued to speak, he slowly started to reverse the gesture until his arms were at his sides.

"So if ye could be fixed somehow, maybe then the Punishments could be stopped? There's a lot of clever people here, and I bet they could come up with something..."

He stroked his chin thoughtfully for a moment. "What were ye before, when ye were first made? You're an ark now, and a prison ship before that. But your original purpose? What was that?"

Maybe if they knew what she was meant to be it would help the others figure out some way of working around the damage. It was worth a try, anyway.

[kaya-waterwave.livejournal.com]

She had suspected something like this might be the case: if Stacy had been able to hurt them, after all, why wouldn't she have done it a long time ago? Why now, just because someone had wracked up punishments? She could have forced them to do anything she wanted, they were IN her, after all. But now, seeing her at her worse, people chose to believe in the most extreme options, even hate Stacy without knowing everything. She suppose that tied in with the resentment of being on the ship to begin with.

But there was more to this, that much had been made clear. What was more, this wasn't something she could fix anyway: this was the job for the people on the ship who could program Stacy. For that to happen...they needed to have a consensus of people willing to try and save her.

"If we tried to do something," Katara asked the ship quietly, "what exactly would we be up again, with this warden? What can she do besides what we saw, and how dormant is she?"

[on_errantry]

After hearing Stacy's apology, Rhiow had only one question.

"Who exactly were you a prison ship for?"

[vissernone.livejournal.com]

In the Media Library, Eva puts down the pad with Faulkner she's been reading and watches Stacy's hologram with a critical eye. She doesn't say anything until Stacy's done.

The whole thing has brought up a lot of inner turmoil for her. Having been publicly tortured herself, the idea that Stacy would do that sickens and frightens her. She will never trust the ship now, if she ever would have anyway. She knows now what Stacy is capable of, and whether or not Stacy wanted to do it, the point is that she can. The point is that they're all on a ship that can and will truss them up in public and dissect them.

And on the other hand, Eva knows better than almost anyone what it's like to be forced, on a fundamentally inevitable level, to do something every conscious part of you rails against.

And there's that small part of her that doesn't mind seeing Big Zero tortured.

She bites her lip, raises an eyebrow, twists a lock of hair between her fingertips.

"How do you want us to save you, Stacy?"