trans_9 | Meet and Greet Part Deux: The Socialing

"Aye, well. I've not got a lot to do. I was thinking maybe seeing if I could help with repairing some of the damage in the City." It's said in that sort of tone that indicates he hasn't really convinced himself he wants to do that just yet. But something in what he said causes him to pause, and frown a little.

"There's something else, too, but..." He darts a glance at Billy, then sighs quietly, "It's been a really good day. I didna want to think about it for awhile."

He's got that serious look on his face again.

Sensing the change in tone, Billy glances left, then right. No one seems to be paying attention to them, so he lowers his voice.

"Jamie, what is it? If it's on your mind at a time like this, something must be really wrong."

"It's been on my mind for awhile," Jamie admits. He also looks around, then lowers his voice as well.

"It..." He stops for a moment, then decides that he probably shouldn't dance around the subject too much. "It's about the Seer." Part of him is regretting bringing it up right now, when things are happy. But maybe Billy won't know what he's talking about and he can just change the subject. Hopefully.

Oh, but Billy knows. He's been mulling it over on and off for the past few weeks, and somewhat relieved to know that he's not crazy.

"Did this Seer warn you about an oncoming darkness and tell you to prepare?"

"Aye," Jamie replies, and looks at Billy thoughtfully. "He's spoken to ye as well, then." It's not a question, although it's possible Jamie's wrong and Billy just gathered the information from elsewhere.

"I've been trying to find people who have talked to him," he admits after a moment. "But I'm not verra good at at."

"He did. I meant to look as well, but no one else ever seemed to talk about it. For a while, I feared that I had hallucinated." Not that that was much of an excuse. As a Ranger, one of the first things you learn is to trust your instincts.

"He told me that we would be attacked in our dreams soon, and that we needed to be able to conquer our fears. Did you hear the same message?"

"He warned me verra specifically not to tell others of the crew that didna know - something about not spreading fear. I havena found everyone he's talked to, but I think he may have warned some of the others to not do so." Other than Spiderman's post, and his own searching, people seem to have been keeping it mostly quiet.

Jamie nods in agreement, then. "Aye. I heard much the same. There's a few others that seem to have gotten some different information, though."

"Right, to prevent people from panicking. But that made it somewhat difficult to find other people who knew if we weren't allowed to talk to it." Billy smiled a little tiredly.

"What different information did you hear?"

Jamie nods rather emphatically. "It was verra hard, trying to bring up the subject without bringing up the subject."

He considers the question, trying to separate what he was told from what other people have told him. "One of the things I was told was that Seer would need people of strong spiritual or psychic power to take part in an exorcism, but another person I spoke to mentioned magic was needed, so that was different. And Katara...apparently knows the person who's trying to help protect us."

"Definitely." If this wasn't such a serious subject, Billy might've cracked a smile. Instead, he nodded.

"Then it doesn't sound like I'll be of much use. And---wait, there's a person other than the Seer involved, who knows Katara? I've never heard that."

"Ye aren't the only one, in this case." Jamie doesn't sound particularly happy about that fact, and doesn't look it either.

All he can do is pass along what he knows. "Aye. His name is Aang. I guess he's from her world - she refers to him as the Avatar, but...she's also verra fond of him." He won't get into exactly how much, but Billy may pick up on how he's stressing the one word.

"He's powerful, from what I'm able to gather, and he's been helping to protect us. It doesna seem he's going to be able to do so for much longer, though."

"Ihey're special to each other, then. I hope they can reunite soon." Billy reflects on this new piece of information. So this person who was probably Katara's beloved had been helping them from elsewhere, and she knew he was there but couldn't reach him. That had to be disheartening.

Closing his eyes and thinking for a moment, Billy ponders the situation. "We can't all fight the Nightmare King directly, but I've gathered that we'll be able to resist him in other ways. By facing our fears."

"Aye, I do as well." It may be disheartening for now, but Jamie is also confident that eventually, they'll be able to work out a way so Aang can be freed. "And if she needs me to help with that, I will." Katara is his friend, after all, just as Billy is.

There's that faint Jamie-is-thinking frown again. "Facing our fears. Aye." He looks over at Billy and questions, "How do we do that?"

"Acknowledging and countering them might help. A fear-magnifying spell was cast on me before, and if I allowed the fear to completely overwhelm me I would have been erased from existence. I was nearly a goner when my friends' voices broke through. With their encouragement, I remembered that protecting everyone was more important to me than avoiding my fear. In other cases, it helped to prove that the fear was illogical." Billy bows his head in thought.

"Unfortunately, I'm sure that my fear is logical, so I'll have to make sure that I remember that my job is always more important."

"Aye, it might at that. I'll have to think on it." There's a few things Jamie doesn't like to think of, but Billy does have a point. If he can bring himself to look at his fears and work to resolve them, maybe they won't hold so much power.

He is a bit confused by something, though. "Wait. How can ye have both a logical and an illogical fear?"

"They're separate fears. My first fear was fish---it's okay, you can laugh if you'd like. I was bitten by one as a child, and after that I couldn't eat, smell, or be near fish without feeling queasy. I fought a fish monster, came to understand that most fish weren't dangerous, and that fear vanished."

Billy sighs. "I'm not sure if I should tell you about my main fear. It might help to talk, or it might implant it deeper in my subconscious. What do you think?"

"Fish." Jamie doesn't laugh, but he does look a bit skeptical. "Ye were afraid of a wee fish." Listening to the explanation, however, it starts to make more sense to him. And it seems like Billy was able to work past the fear.

So when he is unsure about talking about his main fear, Jamie says promptly, "Aye, well. We're supposed to be facing our fears, from what ye said. So I canna see why talking about it wouldna help."

"You're right, then. I think I might have mentioned this to you before, but I should provide context."

Taking a breath to ground himself, he dives uncomfortably into the story. "As I've told you before, I served with four other people to fight monsters back home. Our enemy came up with a plan that she hoped would destroy us once and for all, and it nearly succeeded. She created an evil Ranger with powers identical to ours, but stronger. He singlehandedly destroyed large portions of our base and weapons, and severed our communications link to our mentor, but the evil Ranger left enough behind that we could regroup and eventually break the spell. Behind the evil mask was a lost and lonely person around our age who'd been a victim. We forgave him, took him in, and he's fought alongside us ever since."

Billy bowed his head. "Some time later, I was ensnared by a similar spell. Under the witch's influence, I stole an important item from our base and knocked out our assistant, eventually forcing all of us to surrender our powers. If I'd had just one more minute inside the base, I could have rendered it permanently inaccessible. And I wasn't able to resist at all---for that time, I was nothing but my evil queen's vessel. Luckily the reformed evil Ranger returned to save us, but I've thought back on that incident ever since."

"With just one minute under a spell, I nearly caused a catastrophe for the entire planet, and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't released until the witch no longer had any use for me. If I ever spent a significant amount of time in that state, I would ruin things beyond the point of repair. I would cause the deaths of innocent people. That's what terrifies me---the possibility of losing control of myself and being unable to prevent total ruin." Now that it's acknowledged aloud, Billy cringes. How weak that must have sounded. Yet...he doesn't feel better, exactly, but slightly relieved. The enemy is known.

He's quiet, listening thoughtfully - and putting that with what Billy had said when they first met, he thinks he has a better understanding of why that would be such a deep fear.

"That's why ye said ye were so worried about being mind controlled. I thought it was bad just from what ye said then, but..." he trails off, looking at the other man sympathetically. "I had no idea."

There has to be something that Billy can do about that, though. Isn't there? "What if ye talked to someone who knows how to fight against that sort of thing? See if they can help figure out a way to do...well, I don't know what. Something, anyway."

"It's alright. I couldn't expect you to know." Billy sighs and crosses his arms defensively. "That does seem like the logical thing to do. I think I saw someone offer mental defense training over the omnicoms once. I'll ask if anyone can help."

Pausing, he turns to face Jamie fully. "What about your fear? I understand if you don't want to talk about it, or even if you don't know it, but I'll listen if you want me to."

"Aye, but..." He's looking mildly unhappy as he catches a glimpse of the crossed arms. He didn't mean to upset Billy - he's just not sure what to say.

It seems only fair, then, when Billy asks Jamie about his fear that he shares as well. "No, I'll tell ye. I'm just not sure I can describe it properly." He'll try, though. "I didna really think there was anything I was afraid of, for awhile. At least, not afraid for myself." He's been afraid for his friends more times than he can count, but never really worried about himself.

"Just before I was rescued by Stacy, we had a run-in with the Doctor's people, and they forced us back to his planet. They..." He pauses momentarily, looking visibly unhappy. "They wanted to send Zoe and I home. We tried to escape, but we couldna do it."

He lets out a sigh. "The Doctor said we must go, so we had no choice. But as we were about to go into the machine to have them send us there, I thought I heard one of them say something. Something about our memories."

There's another pause, as he looks at Billy - this time, his expression is rather hard to read. "And then, I woke up covered in slime, aye? But I've been thinking about it. They weren't verra happy that Zoe and I were close to the Doctor. What if they were going to do something to our memories so we weren't any more? Alter them, somehow. They could, I think."

Jamie looks down at his fingers. "There's so much that I learned with the Doctor. So many good memories. What would I be if that was gone?" Glancing up, he says, "I mean, I'd still be a piper, and a Highlander, but it'd be like the me that is now would be...dead."

Softly, he adds, "I don't want to be dead."

Edited 2010-01-16 07:58 (UTC)

That story makes something inside Billy twist uncomfortably. He listens intently, mulling the problem over. "I might not understand the full implications of what nearly happened to you, but I think I understand the gist of it. Our lives are meaningful because they're a progression from the past to the present. Without memories, we wouldn't be the same people. Your Doctor's people taking those experiences away from you would be cruel, and it sounds to me like they would have done it to preserve their secrecy."

Billy gives Jamie an understanding look. "I couldn't imagine the memories of my close friends being removed. But even if that happened, a part of yourself would still be there. The Doctor found something worthwhile in you when you first met, didn't he? That wouldn't change. I doubt you'd become a supervillain, Jamie."

"Aye," Jamie says slowly. "I don't think I would either." That faintly worried expression on his face hasn't changed, however. "I tell myself that even if I couldna remember, it wouldna be so bad. I would have still traveled with the Doctor, and done everything I did. But..."

There's always a but, isn't there? "If I didna remember, would what I did have been enough to count with that Divine Thread thing? The Doctor's traveled with a lot of people, Billy." Considering there were four others during his time alone, and anyone else that might have traveled with Fitz...he's thinking 'a lot' might be a bit of an understatement. And if they all couldn't be saved? He looks at Billy unhappily. "Would I even be here now?" Would the Daligig have saved him?

He takes a deep breath then lets it out, seeming to relax a little. "I'm sorry. I didna mean to talk so much about it."

Billy's face falls. Now he understands the root of Jamie's worry, or at least he thinks he does.

"We'll never know. You very well may have become a great hero in the Highlands." Billy is privately nursing doubts about the same thing---but it's not fair to Jamie to keep them private, so he'll share. "Just as I could've been a scientist someday if I was never a Power Ranger. There are people here from all sorts of backgrounds. There most likely still would have been room for us."

Billy sighs. "If only this were a tangible threat that I could remove. The only other piece of advice I received was to maintain bonds with each other for grounding, no matter how bad the fears become."

"Aye, Billy," Jamie says, looking a little less gloomy. "I suppose ye might be right, at that." He's glad to know that there was still a chance he could be here, and have met the people he met. Especially those he considers to be friends, like Billy.

Jamie would also be much happier if it was a tangible threat. He doesn't like the fact that it's not. It's so much easier to fight something that you can see and touch, after all. "Grounding?" he asks, sounding a little puzzled. "What would that be?"

Meet and Greet Part Deux: The Socialing

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