trans_9 | Denial? Just a little bit.

Entry tags:

Denial? Just a little bit.

Who: Kaya, open to all.
Where: Sensoriums
Summary: Ed not remembering her is sort of the last straw, so she's getting her aggressions out.
Warnings: Um. Are there any? TBA, I guess?

But so much for that now. Right now Kaya, who had had a pretty bad last few months, found the last straw was bringing Ed back and having him not even recognizer her had been the last straw. Now she was just standing here, around a background of water and streams, and she was moving in a combination.

First there was her own bending. Smooth, flowing each movement into the other, legs supporting the base as arms and shoulders tensed and drew forward, calling the water up and around her, making waves into developed whips, turning that into solid substances and back again.

And then, when the Bene Gesserit came into play, that slowed but accurate action became quick, deliberate fast. Her body become a putty oin increments as she geared for offensive kicks and movement, pushing her body to the limits here. There was no turning back, no moment of reflection.

At this moment, Kaya wondered what would become of her training, if they would form a base of strength and bending even she didn't fully understand yet. She would put aside those feelings of helplessness, of pain she could not do more.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Anwei's eyes rolled outward (rather than upward) for an instant in thought. "We actually haven't talked to the Warden - well, maybe some of the crew members who have been awake longest have, but I certainly haven't. She only seems to be dominant during Punishment (except for this last Punishment, of course, which could be significant). Considering her potential for violent action, I'd like to trace out some of her programming before trying to interact with her."

Because don't most people pick apart the brains of people they meet before they even say hello?

"The Brig is an pretty harsh punishment though, even for potential rebels. The command crew that puts people in there is going to be feared for certain." Anwei winks as she says this, and holds a piece of Sensorium-created paper between her hands for an instant; it reads 'Discuss later, where no one can hear!' For all they knew, the Daligig were recording everything they said now.

Then the paper vanishes.

"I didn't really understand anything about the Warden, to be honest. I just always though that Stacy was doing things she was already programmed to do by the Daligig. But this is good: the more we learn about what's going on, the better we'll be."

She only wished she understood more about this programming stuff: as usual. it was all a mystery to her.

"I know exactly how the brig is," Kaya said, reddening slightly. "I've been in it before, awhile back. It was no fun."

Kaya took the paper, read it, then looked over at Anwei. "The more we avoid that place, the better."

"I wonder how the Warden feels about Stacy? I really must ask, someday."

Hopefully the discussion would not involve Anwei hanging from the ceiling, waiting to be subdivided and reassembled.

She mentally snapped at herself: this was the worst possible place to discuss anything, because this was the most certain place where Stacy could read minds. But she knew already that for wahtever reason, Stacy wasn't processing the data she took in the way that Horanckk would. She wasn't maintaining proper predicative models of the crew. Or if she was, she wasn't acting on them.

So - change the subject. Later she would have to muddy the keyword registration more: maybe download a group of movies about conspiracies and watch them, and then discuss them with others.

"I've only visited the Brig once or twice, to see Azula. Is she still here? Is she feeling better?" She'd looked quite the fright, before.

"If the Warden is a creation for keeping Stacy in line, I can't imagine that the two of them get along too well. Then again, if the Warden is something created by the Daligig in the first place, then somehow I think Stacy is resisting the Warden's influence."

As far as she was concerned, nothing but good could come out of that.

But now they came to a subject that Kaya was not so enthused about. "Yes, she's here all right. You could say she's doing a little better. Still pretty out of it, still threatening people, still very dangerous. There are still things in her that need to be fixed."

"I agree. I've read about the pirates attacking the ship in the past; if they damaged the AI in charge, they damaged the Warden. Stacy may have suffered less harm, but would still be unable to access those processes that were under the Warden's control. It will be an interesting repair job, fixing just enough of each personality-core." Her eyes were bright at the prospect; it could take months, but it would be such a complicated, intricate, painstaking, nerve-wracking job!

She couldn't wait.

Her eyes dipped in sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping with time here, with access to people separate from her past conflicts, she might find her way back." She looked down at her feet for an instant, then up. "I was insane once. For some years. It was the most painful time of my life, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

"That was a pretty bad time," Kaya said, remembering when the pirates attacked the ship, and that the end result of all that was when Braniac was killed. It had been a particularly sobering time then, and had also been when Lex Luthor was found and people were already starting to show distrust to each other. At least after all of that time, Kaya had an idea of who she should and should not trust. "Good luck though. I'm sure you'll find people willing to help there though."

She sighed. "Azula was a pretty vicious person even before going crazy. Going to her old self, I ownder if she'll even be loyal to us."

"Since I'm already in Engineering and Computing, I will have to see who would be interested in doing some projections with me." Anwei saw no problem talking about repairing Stacy here and now, where they might be overheard; ideally, Stacy would hear and know that they were here to help her. And it's not like the Daligig would have any objections.

Right?

"A vicious, sane person can make a rational judgment based on the facts that she knows. An insane person could try to do that, again and again and again, and fail - even if she was trying to help us. If she can be healed, she would be a powerful ally. Leadership-training, fire powers, beauty: all could be useful in the future."

"I can think of a few people," Kaya said. "Celena, for one, if she knows how to do some digging, and I'm sure that Billy would be more than happy to give you a hand. He's been feeling a bit apprehensive over things lately, so I'm sure that something like this would be something he's be all over."

And back to this subject.

"I've tried to tell her that, and we fight and argue and we rage and then we...things about each other that neither of us like too much. And you know, the strange thing? The more we argue and fight, the less I can hate her. She's a victim of her own powerlessness and she knows it, but can't do anything about it. It doesn't help that no one bothered to even try and make her better. I do want her to eventually help the crew, but I don't want her to feel that she's just a tool."

Even if Azula seemed to try to make Kaya out as one herself.

"I don't want to put Billy under any more stress than he already is, though. Watching the other department heads be repodded must have been gruelling for him."

Anwei lowered her eyes for an instant. She knew too well that part of her that saw other people only as tools, things to be used: no matter how hard she ground it down, it always seemed to come growing back.

"I am not a doctor, so how much I can help is uncertain. But even if she never lifts a finger to aid anyone but herself, I would still rather she be healed. Because it's not fair to her to help her only because she would be useful, and I'm sorry I said that. We should help her because it's the right thing to do."

"Billy is going to be under stress, no matter what happens," Kaya said. "But he's also the kind of person who will do whatever is in his power to save the people on the ship. Besides, this kind of thing is where Billy excels."

She didn't add that Billy feared that he would be podded soon. In the end, she knew he would be dealing with that the best way that he could.

"I know what you mean," Kaya said, and really, she looked pained. "I still have memories of the day she and Azula fought. Whenever I think of that and talk to her as she is now, I want her to at least be able to stand on her own feet. She lost her identity after that fight, and now she's surrounded by people she hates along with not having a world. I can't imagine how she looks at everything."

Anwei shivered a bit inside, imagining what her world would have been like if people could stand endless stress AND perform super-normal heroics at the drop of a word. Would it be nothing but freedom and justice - or would her species have found a way to rule those heroes as well?

"Then everything we can do to take some of the stress away from him - and from Ronnae - can only help," she said stoutly.

Completely without her realizing it, Anwei started to move her left hand at her side on narrow spirals, as though winding the tips of her braids around it for the familiar warm weight. "If I were to guess, I'd say she feels that everything she knows is broken, and that she is the last real thing in the world. And at the same time, she knows that she is broken, that she isn't supposed to feel or think like this; but that to admit that would be to fall entirely to pieces."

She noticed her hand's motion, and stilled it. Talk about bad memories...

"You don't understand," Kaya said. "Do you think there's anyway that Billy wouldn't lend his help when he knew that he could? Sometimes he thinks he'd not doing his part, and remember that Billy is a Power Ranger. If there's a way that he can help, he'll do it. It's one of the things I love about him, actually. You know he means to do anything he can."

And she knew that Ronnae saw that too, and was why she loved him.

"I thought that might be the case. She falls on a lot of the familiar things, like insulting me and her feelings about her brother, but she still know there's a lot in her that needs to be fixed. And though I should stay away, I also know none of the guys are here anymore, save for me and Zuko and Nima. At least, we should try to make sure that she knows we're here, and we care what happens to her."

A liberty, of course, since she really didn't know what Zuko was thinking about Azula right now.

"Billy does do his part, above and beyond," she protested. "I just want him to know that he's surrounded by people who know him and know his job, so that if he does need to hand off a task to someone, there will be someone there qualified to take it. It's sometimes counterproductive to do everything yourself, although you'd never know that from the way some people here work."

Herself most definitely included.

"If there was nothing and no one here that she knew, she might be even worse. It's kind of you to keep in touch with her. It's not easy, dealing with someone who lashes out at you even when you're trying to help them. It takes a lot of heart, and a clear head to rise above the snapping." Compliment most definitely implied.

"If Billy is overexerting himself, trust me, I'll know. He and I have a connection like that. But he'll do what he knows he can. Now he has to worry about three women stopping him when he starts to ignore his health. But I'll be pushing myself too."

There was no doubt about that.

"I won't lie and say I'm the good guy. She and I fight, and sometimes I'm in the wrong. There are even times where she reads me pretty well. I can tell, though, a part of her is angry that Zuko or the others haven't bothered to even see her or talk to her. So she resents that, and us, for a lot of reasons."

She raised one eyebrow. "I can see it now - Billy walking down a dim hallway, tired and sore, and we all pounce on him and forcefully drag him off to the baths to relax."

We'd only be doing it for his health, of course!

"From the sounds of it, she doesn't need you to be good: she just needs you to be here. Not that you shouldn't be good as well, if possible," she added. "Is she still so lost that she hasn't made any other contacts with people? Not even, ah, fire-proof people?"

Kaya giggled. "You know, I think that would be something that would be someone's worst nightmare or best dream ever, depending on who you talk to!"

Sure, they were talking about serious things, but they could be funny a little, right?

"I try my best to be supportive, and give her advice but it always ends up in a shouting match somehow. I do look out for her though, just in case. But I think she had made a few friends. I know Nima is fond of her."

Somewhat.

"We'd have to warn him in advance, to make certain that he wasn't really horrified at the idea. But if we warn him, and he still doesn't take people's advice to relax, what can we do but soak his head?" And everything else. Definitely have to invite Ronnae along.

"I'll try to look her up as well," Anwei promised. "We may find we have some things in common to talk about, even. This is a bad place to be alone."

"He'll take it if its me and Ronnae, trust me," Kaya said, with a hint of a smile. "He knows what the consequences are if he works himself too much. Heck, we've had to get on each other's cases when we've both done that. But the bottom line is he'll do whatever he can."

Kaya nodded. "Azula is frightening and dangerous and insulting. But I woudl never allow her to feel alone. I'm glad you'll be seeing her out too."

Anwei smiled back. "I only hope that he can return the favor someday, and rap me when I'm working too hard and tell me to ... go fly a kite, maybe." Or whatever.

"Well, I have my nice new fireproof pants, might as well put them to good use." She slapped her palm against one hip. "New before I was repodded, at least."

"I have a feeling he'll be doing that, actually," Kaya said. "He's actually gotten very protective of me and Ronnae, so it only follows he'll do that for his friend too!"

Kaya raised an eyebrow. "Wait, fireproof pants? That's a thing?"

Anwei rubbed the back of her head sheepishly, as though expecting the rap to descend at any moment. "Hopefully we don't end up in a feedback loop, where each of us tries to get the other to relax."

Anwei raised her right leg high, holding it steady with the opposite hand, and tugged at the heavy gray cloth of her pants. "Yes, Reinforce made them for me, to go with the jacket. A lot of military clothing is fireproof where I come from. And I couldn't help but think," she put her leg down, "that when I first podpopped, Megamind tried to set me on fire. And the next podpop, Azula was throwing fire around. And the podpop after that, there was that very impressive red fellow, with the lady who was on fire. And with this latest podpop, there was a dragon, and fire, and so on. It's starting to become a pattern - or maybe a cliche. So I thought it was best to be prepared."

Of course she could skip the podpops, but what if she missed meeting someone she knew?

"I think when it comes down to it? When we actually will need to use our talents and exhaust ourselves, we'll have others to help pull up the slack. I think we'll know when that happens, though."

Kaya shook her head. "I really should have gotten something from Rein. I got a really excellent shield from Daja, but I don't think I ever asked Rein for anything. Now that I know she could make something like this, I wish I'd have gone to her. I wonder if Rarity, the pony fashion designer, could create anything like that."

She chuckled at Anwei's recollections. She thought she might actually know most of the people that Anwei mentioned. "You know, I'm always game for a training session too. I'd like you to see the W.I.T.C.H. bus."

"We've certainly run close enough to the edge of collapse to be familiar with it, yes. I suppose I should make certain that everything I know how to do is documented in multiple places, and that I teach anyone who is willing to learn my job."

Maybe she could actually take a DAY OFF once in a while!

Anwei combed back through her memories. "I don't think that she used the whole bolt of cloth to make these, but I'm not sure. And if she did, some cloth can be coated with fire-resistant chemicals. Rarity should be able to make you something."

Anwei gave a short bow. "I'd always be happy to train with you, or to train others."

"And in that case, I'm pretty sure you won't have a lack of people who wouldn't want to try and help things on the ship. We are all in this together, and someone's got to have a heard for all of the things you can do!"

Yeah, Kaya only need to know how you overexert yourself and be aware you're going to see a lot more of her.

She listened with rapt attention here. "I'd be grateful. I don't think Azula is going to be burning me anytime soon, but you can never tell, with what missions we get and what we have to do."

She smiled. "I'll hold you to that, if that's all right. I think right now we could use some training."

"New podpop, new people. I'll try to circulate more, and see if anyone who just arrived has computing knowledge. There was at least one artificial sentient that I saw - that is, if it wasn't an organic brain in a casing. I didn't think to ask," she said, eyes wide at her own rudeness.

Missions - always an unpleasant thought. "The better each of us is prepared, the better we are prepared to help each other." Another Horanckk saying, but a lot of what he had taught her had been very useful here.

Anwei made a see-sawing gesture with her hands. "I should tell you in advance, if we're practicing hand-to-hand combat - I'm trying to rework some of my habits. Some reflexes that I were taught aren't practical anymore, and I may end up shouting 'Stop!' at inconvenient moments. Just so you know." She remembered the taste of Morgan Knight's neck, and kept her mouth from watering - only just.

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