trans_9 | Say What You Want [R for Cussing][Open]

Entry tags:

Say What You Want [R for Cussing][Open]

Yes, Sam Winchester was still secure in his cell, sitting on his bed, still writing in John Winchester's journal as he had been for much of the time since he'd been locked up. A stack of uneaten slop trays sat outside his cell, a sign that he was still not eating. The only nourishment he would take came from the silver flask of water that sat on the floor near the head of the bed that he had refilled periodically by either Dean or whoever was in the Precinct at the time.

He'd had several visitors, many of them trying to convince him to back down, to start eating again. But each time he had refused, defiantly resisting any and all efforts to change his mind or sway him into thinking he was wrong. He wasn't wrong. He knew it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And, now, she's getting a suspicious look.

"If you're as informed as you say you are that's not much of a guess, now is it?" Sam pointed out.

"Actually, that I didn't hear. I just guessed," Selene said with a sheepish grin. "I mean, a guy is acting suicidal, people ask what he thinks he has to gain in death," she said and paused.

"But I've always had a different question, I must admit. I always wonder what they don't have to live for."

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=SPN-Icons-supernatural-1390934-1-1.jpg)

"Who says I'm suicidal?"

"If you have any real dedication to this protest, you're expecting to die. It doesn't matter if you got a purpose behind it or just because you're an emo kid, if you're expecting to die, it's suicidal," Selene said simply.

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=Supernatural-supernatural-141545-1.jpg)

"Maybe. But you're assuming that means I have nothing to live for, implying that I want to die. Which is a pretty big leap considering I've only known for, what, three minutes?"

"Now you're putting words in my mouth," Selene retorted. "I've merely stated what's my opinion. Now, maybe you do want to die, but I don't know that yet."

She sat up, looking at him curiously. "So I'm gonna ask. Don't you have anything you want to live for? A goal, a person? Anything that you would regret not doing if you died or someone who you'll hurt because you left them behind? I suppose I got as curious as I did because I saw there was someone else with the name Winchester on the roster and wondered how they're dealing with the situation, if they're related to you."

"Leave him out of this," Sam replied, almost snapping at her to make it clear that Dean was off-limits.

Selene paused and smiled sadly. "So he is close. I was kind of worried about that," she said. "Mainly, I just thought how I could sympathize, if you did die. Losing a family member hurts a lot."

"Look, lady, you don't even know what you're talking about, so why don't you do us both a favor and let it go and save me the trouble and you the embarrassment. All right?"

Selene looked at him calmly. "You should stop this, Sam," she said simply. "If just mentioning Dean gets you this riled up, this defensive, you're not ready to die."

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=043_312.png)

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, sister."

"Don't misunderstand. You're willing to die. That does not mean you're ready," Selene said. "The fact is, they're quite different. Many people can be willing to die at any point in time during their lives for various reasons. That does not mean you are ready to die."

She rested her chin on her arms again. "You are willing to die to see the Yeerk killed. Honestly, I can understand wanting it to die. From what I hear, I'd want it dead too," she admitted. More like what she saw in Paco's dreams. It was horrifying. It was even worse than what Exile did to her. At least she didn't have to watch it while trapped.

"But I personally believe I should listen to a proper justice system too. Being normal and having a friend whose a superhero, you learn what could go wrong if people are willing to take justice into their hands alone." How many times had she ignored that, given nightmares to those who had hurt her when things were said and done?

"But...all of that? That doesn't matter for what I think about you Sam. Right now, I don't care about what you think about the Yeerk. What I do care about is making sure you don't do something stupid, no matter how noble you believe the reasons are. If you were ready to die for this Sam, then you would be at peace. Meaning the only thing that should rile you up is the Yeerk. The fact you don't want me talking about Dean just says you don't want me to...because you're afraid that talking about him will get you to stop, right? That means you're not ready to die for this Sam. If you keep like this, if you die, it will be with regret and you will cause someone you care very much to be in a lot of pain to die by your own hand."

"I know what I'm doing," Sam countered defiantly. "I don't need your psychoanalysis to tell me that. You don't know me. You don't know Dean. You don't know anything about us, what we've done, what we've seen, what we've had to give up already. So, I suggest you take your psycho-babble and peddle it to someone who wants to hear it before I have you thrown out of here."

Selene looked at him calmly. "You know what you're doing?" She asked. "Tell me, Sam, tell me what you're doing. Exactly. Unless you're afraid of a little barmaid's thoughts."

"And while you're at it, can you tell me why you want to make Dean give up more if you've both already given up so much?"

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=6723610522_445285.jpg)

"Sorry. That information is classified," Sam replied with a tiny smile as he regurgitated the same four words that Stacy seemed inclined to repeat over and over again.

"And now you're being evasive," Selene said, getting out of the chair and walking up to the bars, looping her arms through and resting there, still staring at him. She wasn't too worried about her safety from Dean. Anyone who was doing a 'non violent protest to kill a threat' would likely be horrified if he did hurt a young woman from just anger.

And she could always put him to sleep if he tried something drastic.

"Another point for you're not ready, Sam. You don't have secrets when you're willing to die. Well, not personal secrets. Telling me the answers to my questions, they're just things you reveal about yourself. And what will it hurt to say them?"

She paused. "Unless you don't like things not being fair. You could ask me questions, see if I'm 'worthy' if you will to tell things too."

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=Sam-sam-winchester-4468155-100-100.jpg)

Sucking in a deep breath, Sam folded his arms over his chest before letting it out and just staring down at her. He wasn't telling her anything more than he already had. No amount of poking, prodding or word-play was going to get him to open up.

Nothing. Not a word passed his lips. He just simply stood like an unmovable statue, staring at her with an eyebrow cocked in apparent amusement.

Selene looked back calmly. She was used to being patient. When one doesn't sleep, patience was required.

After several long moments, she finally spoke. "It was my brother...the one I lost."

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=Sam-sam-winchester-4468155-100-100.jpg)

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said, sympathetically.

"I was seven at the time. We was a decade older than me, but we were rather close despite that difference. He took care of me a lot because our parents had to work a lot with low paying jobs. I really admired him. Then he fell into a bad crowd. He never did any really bad things. Just bad enough to get brought home by the cops a few times. At least I hope that's the worst he did. Sometimes he'd come back drunk," Selene said, in a soft, gentle voice.

She looked amused for a moment. "I didn't even get it at the time. I got him in trouble because I asked mom and dad why he was walking and smelled funny. I think that's the first time he got angry at me that it wasn't really called for. And...it started the fights he'd have with our parents."

She paused, looking away. "I was seven when he had a really bad fight with my mom and dad and left the house in the middle of the night. The next time I saw him, he was in a coffin after driving into a tree with a car full of beer bottles."

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=sam194_unfamiliargirl.png)

"That must have been hard," he said, still sympathetic, treating her much as he would any one of the people he and Dean met on the road--the ones who were completely oblivious to what was really out there.

"It was. It was such a simple way to die. Not a civilian in some madman's take over the world scheme, not some alien invasion, not even some supervillain robbing a bank. All of it was...so normal, as everything was in Apex City then," Selene said softly. "It's hard to remember, when you know the place you live in is the only one relatively normal, is still dangerous even without the super powered evil doers."

She looked at Sam. "He didn't die for any reason than his own stupidity. As much as it hurts to say that, it was because he did something he shouldn't have. I...had actually wanted to become a therapist or someone...someone who could help kids like my brother. Kind of had money troubles and I ended up as a barmaid of all things. Even for the past year, with everything going weird in Apex with dreams coming alive, super villains robbing banks, giant bugs, alien invasions, I found the most terrifying thing was that my brother died...because of the choices he made alone, because he didn't think things through. And that I didn't know enough to help him."

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=Sam-sam-winchester-4468155-100-100.jpg)

"That's too bad," he said after she'd finished recounting her story. "But I'm not your brother. I'm not being stupid, I've thought things through, I know what I'm doing, and just because I don't feel the need to share it with you doesn't prove that I haven't. All it proves is that it's none of your damn business."

Selene shook her head. "Then you missed the point entirely. After all, when you're dead, you can't regret your decision," she said.

She looked at him with a serious expression, almost scolding. "The only comfort is my brother didn't have to regret his stupidity because I still love him and wouldn't want him to suffer. But what about Dean?" She asked. "How will Dean feel, after you two went through so much, given up so much, and probably been through a lot of weird crap because that's the kind of tone you're using when you act like I can't understand. How will Dean feel after all of that...and you just died by your own hand, your own decision? Does he think killing that Yeerk is as important as you being alive? Does he care that little for you and fear the Yeerk that much?"

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=Supernatural-supernatural-1395906-1.jpg)

Sam doesn't say anything for the longest time. He merely collects his father's journal, returns to his bed and eases himself down onto it, and resumes writing.

"Good-bye."

It's clear from his tone that, as far as Sam is concerned, the conversation is over.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject