Say What You Want [R for Cussing][Open]

[demonbloodsam.livejournal.com]

Yes, Sam Winchester was still secure in his cell, sitting on his bed, still writing in John Winchester's journal as he had been for much of the time since he'd been locked up. A stack of uneaten slop trays sat outside his cell, a sign that he was still not eating. The only nourishment he would take came from the silver flask of water that sat on the floor near the head of the bed that he had refilled periodically by either Dean or whoever was in the Precinct at the time.

He'd had several visitors, many of them trying to convince him to back down, to start eating again. But each time he had refused, defiantly resisting any and all efforts to change his mind or sway him into thinking he was wrong. He wasn't wrong. He knew it.

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[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

"It was. It was such a simple way to die. Not a civilian in some madman's take over the world scheme, not some alien invasion, not even some supervillain robbing a bank. All of it was...so normal, as everything was in Apex City then," Selene said softly. "It's hard to remember, when you know the place you live in is the only one relatively normal, is still dangerous even without the super powered evil doers."

She looked at Sam. "He didn't die for any reason than his own stupidity. As much as it hurts to say that, it was because he did something he shouldn't have. I...had actually wanted to become a therapist or someone...someone who could help kids like my brother. Kind of had money troubles and I ended up as a barmaid of all things. Even for the past year, with everything going weird in Apex with dreams coming alive, super villains robbing banks, giant bugs, alien invasions, I found the most terrifying thing was that my brother died...because of the choices he made alone, because he didn't think things through. And that I didn't know enough to help him."

[demonbloodsam.livejournal.com]

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=Sam-sam-winchester-4468155-100-100.jpg)

"That's too bad," he said after she'd finished recounting her story. "But I'm not your brother. I'm not being stupid, I've thought things through, I know what I'm doing, and just because I don't feel the need to share it with you doesn't prove that I haven't. All it proves is that it's none of your damn business."

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

Selene shook her head. "Then you missed the point entirely. After all, when you're dead, you can't regret your decision," she said.

She looked at him with a serious expression, almost scolding. "The only comfort is my brother didn't have to regret his stupidity because I still love him and wouldn't want him to suffer. But what about Dean?" She asked. "How will Dean feel, after you two went through so much, given up so much, and probably been through a lot of weird crap because that's the kind of tone you're using when you act like I can't understand. How will Dean feel after all of that...and you just died by your own hand, your own decision? Does he think killing that Yeerk is as important as you being alive? Does he care that little for you and fear the Yeerk that much?"

[demonbloodsam.livejournal.com]

(http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd304/mysterio2000/Sam%20Winchester/?action=view&current=Supernatural-supernatural-1395906-1.jpg)

Sam doesn't say anything for the longest time. He merely collects his father's journal, returns to his bed and eases himself down onto it, and resumes writing.

"Good-bye."

It's clear from his tone that, as far as Sam is concerned, the conversation is over.

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

Still, she's gotta try.

"Or is it, that you don't care? That you don't care enough about Dean that the fear of the Yeerk has overrun it? Are you afraid of it taking over your mind? That you will lose control again and do horrible things, Sam? And are you afraid to face what that Yeerk has done to you and that's why you're so afraid that even a girl like me can scare you?"

[demonbloodsam.livejournal.com]

"Believe me, you don't scare me."

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

"I think you are," Selene said. "I think what you are is terrified of what happened. It's pretty desperate to think that if you threaten to let yourself die that they'll kill someone else. There's too many heroes on board, Sam. I'd be worried if they actually gave into your demand, honestly. And I'm pretty sure you know why they wouldn't want to kill, right? The whole 'if we do it once without being forced to, it might become too easy,' you know? So, the question is, why do you think this will work?"

She tilted her head to one side, looking at him thoughtfully. "And that's why I think you're terrified of anything to do with the Yeerk. Because you're doing something that, logically speaking, you should know isn't going to work by this point."

[demonbloodsam.livejournal.com]

"Think what you want, lady," he said dismissively. Tired of her probing and her questions and her outright refuse to leave Sam hollered out to whoever was supposed to be standing guard over him.

"Someone wanna get her the fuck out of here?" he called out.

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

"How did it feel, seeing your own body be used to hurt others? Knowing no matter how hard you fought, you couldn't regain control?"

[demonbloodsam.livejournal.com]

"I said someone get her the FUCK OUT OF HERE!!"

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

"Do you blame yourself for losing control?! Or do you think you'll become a monster like that to try and explain why you did lose control?!" Selene demanded. "Did you feel a sense of horror and guilt, as you led people you know to what you knew what would hurt them? Did you scream and panic, trying to find a way to stop it, to save them?! Did you wish anything to happen, anything to happen to you to stop yourself?! Did you?!" Selene demanded.

The thing was, she didn't look angry. Determined, fierce, but also...understanding. "Did you feel horrified when you had control again, and remember what you did? That you wished you could have the Yeerk in your hand, so you could make him feel all that panic, that fear, you did when you thought you might kill someone you care about?"

[lytaalex.livejournal.com]

After talking to Dean, Lyta still had a strong feeling that this whole situation could easily spiral out of control, especially with Sam Winchester starving himself in his cell. She'd seen enough mobs on Babylon 5 to learn that it didn't take long--or much--to set them off, to turn a political disagreement into violence, especially when one of the parties to the disagreement was being kept behind bars.

She'd promised Dean she wouldn't say anything to anyone else about her suspicions. They were, after all, just suspicions and unprovable without using invasive scans to find out what people might be hiding, and she wasn't about to do that. It went against everything she believed in. That left her one alternative: she had to talk to Sam herself.

And that is what she was planning on doing, that's what had brought her down to the Precinct where she found one of the new girls stand outside of his cell. Why she was there, Lyta didn't know, but given Sam's shouts for her to leave and her apparent refusal to do so, it was obvious that she was upsetting him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Lyta demanded,

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

Selene paused. She sighed. With someone else there, this would be impossible. It would look bad to give a verbal smack. Then her voice was calm and neutral again. "What I think I'm doing is trying to get this guy to realize that maybe he should think about his own mental state. Nothing wrong with wanting the Yeerk to die, after all, I would have been perfectly willing to let someone who took over my body and hurt people I care about be given the death penalty given the choice," she said. In a tone that said she knew this for a fact.

"But I found something wrong in him thinking that it's a good idea to kill himself after surviving so much and hurting his family because he's unable to face the trauma of the incident and let fear control his actions." She did get rid of the smell of food. She didn't want someone else to notice. "And it didn't seem being nice and gentle about it was going to work. Tried that and he'd just run each and everytime, like he is now." Personally, she wasn't worried about him being upset. Sometimes people needed a full mental break down to fix themselves again. It was easier to put the pieces back together then just trying to hold them together with floss.

[thenameissam.livejournal.com]

"Bullshit," Sam snapped.

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

"Which part? Though none of it is," she retorted immediately.

[lytaalex.livejournal.com]

Stepping closer, Lyta glanced over at Sam and saw in his expression just how angry he was then turned her attention back to the girl. "He asked you to leave," she said to the girl. "I think it's best you did."

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

Selene looked at Lyta, silence for several moments, pondering her response. With another person here, it was harder to work. After all, she'd likely look like the bad guy and they'll both work against her and pushing him further into his little self justified world....or he'll feel double teamed if she agreed and become even more defiant.

She sighed, pulling her arms out from between the bars. "If you coddle him too much, he won't get any better. It'll just help his self justification for his actions that he can make us do what he wants. Kind of like you have to be careful not to spoil kids," she said in warning and looked at Sam. "Though...I really feel sorry for Dean. He'll lose his dear relative because you're too afraid to face what's really got you mad and admit that you need help. Maybe he'll accept help after you add yet another thing he's lost to the list. And hopefully the sting won't be worse when he realizes he can only blame you for your death," she said before turning and walking out.

[lytaalex.livejournal.com]

After hearing what the girl had said, Lyta glanced back over at Sam. He was too angry to talk to now. There was no way he would listen to her--or likely even talk to her--given how upset he was. Even she felt the sting of the girls words. Pursing her lips, she simply turned and stormed back out, intent on catching up with the girl.

"Don't think you're getting away from me that easily, missy," Lyta barked as she continued after the girl. "Dr. Grey and I didn't spend days putting his psyche back together just so you could come down here and tear it apart again with whatever the hell it is you think you were doing back there."

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

Selene kept walking. "It didn't look all that well put back together," she said. "Tell me, has he admitted the real problem, or is he just saying that it's too dangerous to let the Yeerk live?"

[lytaalex.livejournal.com]

"I don't know. I haven't spoken to him, yet," Lyta replied, still following, picking up her speed to catch up. "But whatever the heck it was you were trying to do back there sure as hell didn't bring him any closer."

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

"The Yeerk surrendered. That's why we haven't killed it, right? The belief we shouldn't kill something that was willing to submit. Perfectly logical. Normal superhero and military code. But he disagrees and is deadset on killing the Yeerk, even if he has to die to prove his point. I imagine people are probably trying to convince him it's wrong to kill something that surrendered. I went for his real issues and tried to get him to not think about the Yeerk, but what he's doing if he's going to die. The thing is, he's not ready to die. Oh, he's quite willing, but he's not ready. So I brought up what he was doing if he died that had nothing to do with the Yeerk. That is messing with his reasoning that it's all right to do this. It makes him doubtful of what he's doing and people hate doubt. When they doubt something, they usually get sad, scared, angry, or some combination of those things. Him getting mad means I hit the sore spots that have absolutely nothing to do with the Yeerk and thus, a means to find a way to convince him that he shouldn't die just to make sure the Yeerk did without having to convince him that he's wrong for wanting to kill something that surrendered," Selene explained calmly.

[lytaalex.livejournal.com]

"Really? And just how many sore spots were you planning on hitting before you quit? Exactly how far were you going to push? How long were you going to ignore his requests to be left alone?"

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

Selene stopped. Then she looked at Lyta. "Answer me this, first. Are you willing to make him uncomfortable? Are you willing to upset him?" She asked calmly.

[lytaalex.livejournal.com]

"Not if it means breaking him, no," Lyta answered resolutely.

[dreamstolights.livejournal.com]

"And what would you call breaking him?"