trans_9 | 9 Flags

Entry tags:

9 Flags

Welcome, one and all, to the theme park based on the legendary exploits and technological marvelousness of the Transmigration Nine! Inside you will find various historical and educational attractions, as well as endless entertainment!

Current attractions: The famous GLaDOS corn maze! Snot bath spa and salon, now with extra rejuvenating slime! The accurate and exciting Hall of Councilmembers! The Superman memorial!

And for the first time ever…The TAPESTRY! Come forth and see your fortune in this stunning and revelatory exhibit!

The Great Wall of China is, once again, under repair.

Closed: GLaDOS Cakes and Pastries, indefinitely.

[Please do all your own NPCing and make it as ridiculous as possible.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Imagine the tackiest memorial ever. Now add sequins.

A statue of Superman, chin and biceps exaggerated to anatomically improbable proportions, stands atop a glittery gold pedestal. He holds a crushed Ohm in his right hand and, for some baffling reason, a sequined American flag in his left. His cape appears to be made of plastic and a loop of eagles crying is playing in the background. Electric candles are arranged in the Superman logo around his feet, and extras can be purchased for an exorbitant price. A little shop off to the side sells "Superman Died For My Sins" t-shirts.

It is the olympic winner of tastelessness.

The corn maze is gigantic, possibly the largest on the planet, with trap doors and occasionally spurts of flame. A booming voice commands you to find cake over the loudspeaker. All the maps are printed black on black.

It is literally a tapestry. Somewhere along the way, communications got jumbled. Behind the pretty embroidery, a man with a microphone makes ludicrous guesses about your future.

Also, apparently Kang was a dragon and Andalites have two heads. The hall of fame is ludicrously inaccurate, but that doesn't stop it being a hot spot for tourists (and merchandise). You can pose with a cardboard cut-out of Hiccup and take home stuffed Rhiows.

Lavish 'snot baths' are available for a price, guaranteed to make you feel as fresh and confused as if you just podpopped. Little cups of pudding, made to approximate the glop but much tastier, are available on large silver platters. Barbers dressed as giant tentacles do your hair.

"Re-he-he-he-heally..."

Spider-Man had perched himself on top of an abandoned stand looking at the statue.

"Are you sure this is Superman or Major Glory? Heck, I'm surprised there aren't women at his feet!"

"Oh, we tried to, but there wasn't enough room!" A janitor said, walking by. "Nice Arachno-Guy suit, by the way. Titanium Bug, though, wasn't my favorite."

"...gee, thanks."

"...this entire place is a defamation suit just waiting to happen." Peter commented from below, back leaning against the stand.

Grif just kind of stared up at this thing in absolute awe. It was the greatest monstrosity the universe had ever produced, he was sure of it.

"It's... It's..." he struggled mightily to muster words to convey the sudden upwelling of feeling this brought on.

"It's beautiful."

Yeah sorry whoever is standing next to him, you have a Grif.

Zouichi was right next to him, staring up not in awe, but in muted horror.

"It's... horrible."

The gift shop nearest the entrance was flanked by a large cardboard cutout of a young woman with cat ears dressed in a skimpy French maid outfit. On one of her ears was a bright yellow sticky note which read 'COUNCILGRRRL RHIOW CUTOUT ~~100~~ 40 CREDITS' and 'NO RETURNS ACCEPTED'.

Beside it were stacked boxes full of figurines of "Captain Scott Kennedy" with "REAL KARATE-CHOP ACTION!!"

"Exactly," Grif replied. He nodded firmly but was still unable to rip his eyes away from the glittering horror before him.

"It's so horrible it's amazing. I... There aren't words, man. I'm out. I quit. The words thing."

He solemnly raised the video camera that was hanging around his neck.

"I'm taping this. All of it."

He began to film, dragging the frame across a five-eyed blue being that was selling Peggo playsets, some of the larger and more visible being the Clone Revolution Action Planet and Bridge Pirate Combat sets. He slowly panned the camera up the statue.

It was like a trainwreck, and Zouichi couldn't look away. There were pairs of sneakers with a raptor bite stylishly pre-bitten out, a Luxord Luthor Head-Polishing Kit, a pair of brightly-colored, battery-powered bubble guns that looked suspiciously like Jr.'s pistols, promising fun for "CHILDREN OF ALL AGES!"

And oh, in the corner. There were twelve-inch high models of SPIDER-SEDUCTRESS ALEXIAN (http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6110/6258858487_3c4a63cf91_z.jpg) and ELDRANIATH, QUEEN OF ILTHWE (http://i643.photobucket.com/albums/uu154/hobbywarrior/MiscAnime/Dark_Magician_Elf.jpg) (she still had a spear of some sort, although they appeared to have gotten everything else wrong). According to their placards, they fight for the good of the universe with the power of their ELVISH WILES and okay hopefully neither of them would ever set foot in here.

Edited 2011-10-19 01:37 (UTC)

Forget the stuffed Rhiows, as almost cute although Lash would never admit it as they were. As amusing as that, and will..everything on this world was, Lash's head turned towards the most amusing thing of them all;

Council memeber Overprinny Zetta Dolls. Way too adorable (although Lash would never admit that) and apparently pretty cheap, although the Jackpot, as it were, was the giant life size version. At five feet tall it certainly was impressive.

She wanted it.

Turning to the price tag, she read over the description of the man(penguin?) in question.

Lord Zetta Prinnys and he is a hero in the world. He is an evil spirit, which is Micky Supreme Court against the rule of tyranny against the golden age of peace for the people lead a waiver of its heritage, the worst of the environment their school, evil, and have never seen a giant demon. Zetta Micky both parents are killed, and her mantle Prinnies actually achieve peace in the world with a good understanding of what a penguin monster has led to acceptance of its magic. Life, now the transmigration car is fighting for the right to move a ship.

....She wanted it more.

Edited 2011-10-19 02:02 (UTC)

Grif finally managed to bring himself to speak. "Okay. So. Uh. This is Grif and... some guy I just met. We're here in 9 Flags and it is pretty much the worst most amazing thing of all time. So I'm taping this."

Grif looked over at Z. "Hey dude, who are you?"

"...Is that really important right now? I'm Zouichi." Oh, and look, there was a little miniature doll of Allenby with "REAL WORKING GUNDAM PARTS". At least there was a cute little orange cat plush on one of the shelves -- he looked for a price tag, but it looked like it was unlabeled.

Huh.

"Yeah, it does matter!" Grif replied as he made sure to pick up a BALD CAPTAIN MAN WITH DINO-PUNCH (TM) and rotated it to show off the shoddy paint job. "This is a documentary, man. We gotta be professional. This is going to be a legitimate historical thing."

Oh god what was that what was he seeing.

Grif busted out laughing, picking up a plush dragon with a familiar pair of curved horns on its head.

"Oh dude, look at this!"

Mark was in a slightly better than normal mood so he walked over to the Peter he knew, and nodded once. "The most tasteless thing I've seen since the Daily Bugle." Mark was tempted to be snide to the younger one but decided this wasn't tghe place...

"What is that supposed to be, Kang or something?" Well, the expression did kind of resemble him.

He flicked open a lighter and nearly dropped it as an angry teenage boy's voice suddenly yelled at him and started complaining about their surroundings in general. Hmm. Odd. It claimed to be fueled by "REAL FIREBLOOD".

Here is Ashley giving you a disapproving look, Grif. Beware. "You're a sad, sad man Grif.

Grif balanced the camera on top of a rack of stuffed andalites (with two heads, and half of them were green) so he could open the star-shaped tag on the dragon.

Grif cleared his throat.

"This brave hero is KANG! He is a dragon from the magical land of TRYNN," he read. "This hero likes to fight dangerous monsters and he teaches the other heroes to fight too. With a friend like KANG you have nothing to be afraid of!"

"This is too good."

"Well you're a sad, sad lady. So there," he replied, folding his arms.

But oh god he still had to stare at that statue. He was committing it perfectly to memory.

Ash just sighed. "Have you no shame?" It's times like this she missed Samus.

Zouichi snorted. "Well, he is kind of cute. Maybe I should get one."

Hey, here was what looked like a plaster bust of a familiar face -- it was Lash, sans hair. Examining the packaging, it became clear that you were expected to water her scalp, which would sprout into "lush green foliage in 2-3 weeks" and was "GREAT FOR SMALL PETS!"

And what appeared to be a Shoutarou-themed wind-up egg timer. Unfortunately, it went only from 0 to 'half-boiled'. Zouichi supposed that if you wanted a hard boiled egg, you'd just have to wind it up again.

Grif looked at her, but it was hard to stop gazing upon the statue's glorious form.

"Nope!" he replied. "It's pretty great actually."

"I'm getting one," Grif declared. "I can't not get one. It's like an obligation."

He tucked the thing under one arm and picked up his camera again.

"Whoah, they got more shirts!" He squirmed past a gaggle of people to reach the rack and went digging through the shirts noisily. A nearby harrassed-looking young man in what appeared to be painted spandex that was trying to be a replica podsuit frowned meaningfully in his direction. Grif didn't notice, and nor did he care.

" 'I Survived Zokez-II', oh, classy. 'I went to 9 Flags and all I got was slimed'... 'I heart Stacy'... 'The Worcester Brothers Slept Here'..."

"Nanoha-mama? Fate-mama? Einhart-chan?"

Lost in the mazes, looking a little weary (and slightly crispy) was Vivio. No luck in trying to flying up, ceiling's blocked.

"Anyone? Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!"

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 1 of 3

9 Flags

SUPERMAN MEMORIAL

GLADOS CORN MAZE

THE TAPESTRY

COUNCILMEMBER HALL OF FAME

SNOT SALON

Re: SUPERMAN MEMORIAL

Re: SUPERMAN MEMORIAL

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

In which Lash discovers giant Zettas

no subject

no subject

no subject

Re: SUPERMAN MEMORIAL

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Re: GLADOS CORN MAZE