Happy Happy Fun World: Land of the Pharaohs

[cityship]

Land of the Pharaohs, where it's Ancient Egypt all year round. "Experience the authenticity of Ancient Egypt, in the present!"

How about Anubis, the god of fertility and harvest? Seth, the goddess of love?

Or if someone took what they thought it looked like from storybooks and every incorrect paper ever and jammed them into an unholy theme park. You can ride the sarcophagus down through a river ride (watch out for the fake alligators). watch performers juggle canopic jars, or go through the haunted pyramid (made of fake gold): watch out for traps and mummies! There's also camels, lots of camels. Watch out. They spit.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. It only goes downhill from here.

Comments

[valaunbound]

The entrance to 'Land of the Pharoahs' looked a bit like this, except for a few minor details. Those being most notably and somewhat garishly, the huge flashing Vegas styled neon Tutankhamun death mask sitting proudly on top of the structure, the gold paint the entire thing was covered in and the columns that were definitely of the Ancient Greek variety rather than Egyptian.

It's not all bad though, there are plenty of Elizabeth Taylor styled Cleopatra staff selling 'genuine King Tut jewelry' from cigarette girl trays to the queue!

"Genuine?!" Vala rifled through one of the trays, feeling like she'd been duped in to even looking. "This is all plastic. There's nothing genuine about it! Do you honestly expect people to fall for this?!"

[hi_there_aliens]

Daniel let Vala rifle through the trays. Of course they were all fake, but that, as he saw it, wasn't the worst of it.

The archaeologist looked a little less duped and a lot more offended. Daniel stared around in a horrified circle that only got worse the more he let his eyes roam. His eyes settled on the neon horror they were touting as a death mask. As if that's what king Tutankhamun's death mask really looked like! Yes, its another universe, but they obviously got something from Earth, and anyone with half a brain knew what his death mask looked like. And this wasn't it!

The best part was it only got worse the more his trained eye took in every single thing that was wrong. There was nothing at the entrance that was actually right. Some skimmed the surface. Almost got close. The rest trampled over the quiet, somber dignity of the once great civilization, and kicked over generations upon generations of history, art and culture. Daniel was barely aware of the fact his jaw had dropped in dismay.

"Are they serious?! This is about as authentic as the Jungle Cruise!" Daniel finally burst out.

[valaunbound]

For once, this was part of Earth culture that Vala actually had some knowledge of. Second hand knowledge due to the time she spent as a host, so the memories were only sketchy, but she knew enough to know what the theme park was supposedly all about.

She dropped the plastic necklace she was holding up to the light in disgust. Even she couldn't pass this garbage off as anything of value, it was worthless even for a con, and even Vala Mal Doran would have morality issues selling it at these prices.

"I think you mistook me for somebody gullible and completely stupid," Vala smiled caustically at the girl and looked back towards Daniel who was standing slack jawed looking as if someone had slapped him across the face.

"I can only assume the Jungle Cruise has about much credence as that movie about aliens, you know the one with the guys in suits with sunglasses?"

[hi_there_aliens]

Oh. That one Jack mentioned once in the locker room. The one Daniel hadn't been interested in seeing at the time because there was an exhibit at the University of Colorado Museum of Natural History that he wanted to go to instead. Most of Daniel's knowledge of "Men in Black" was limited to the poster and the few commercials. And Jack's terrible attempts at passive aggressive guilt trips. Jack just didn't do passive. He did aggressive. He did that just fine. But he couldn't do passive aggressive, at least not well, so Daniel spent that week with Jack telling him was coming to the next movie, how good the movie was, and that Daniel was going to step away from ancient junk if Jack had to tie him up and drag him.

Yep. That was Men in Black in a nutshell for Daniel.

"That's most alien movies," Daniel said. It wasn't like Men in Black was the first time well, men in black were in a film. On second thought, if she wasn't from Earth, most of what he said probably didn't make much sense. If there was one thing he didn't think he'd ever be doing three years ago, it was explaining Disneyland to an alien. "The Jungle Cruise is a ride in Disneyland, an amusement park in California. The idea is that it's a trip through the rivers of Asia, Africa and South America. See the wildlifem 'natives' and that sort of thing. It's about as authentic as....this."

Daniel managed to sum up his distaste in one wave at the entry. Actually this was worse. So much worse. There was a cheesy charm to the Jungle Cruise, or at least, there was the one time Daniel's foster parents took him.

"They're not going to sell actual Ancient Egyptian jewelry here, Vala." he added. "It's an amusement park. If they do sell real diamonds or something, they'll be marked up. A lot."

[valaunbound]

If only Jack was still at the SGC, because she'd be there like a shot, whatever the movie. As it was, Vala had to beg and plead for anyone to take her off base still. Most of her Earth knowledge was gleaned from television, movies and magazines, which can easily give you a slightly off-kilter view of the world.

"Oh I know about Disneyland," she nodded sagely. "It's a magical kingdom where dreams come true, although frankly I'm a more than a little skeptical." It seemed Vala had only seen a commercial, and that was where her knowledge ended.

"Rather than go on a fake river trip, wouldn't it make more sense to actually experience these rivers first-hand?" It was a genuine question, the whole amusement park concept was lost on her. Although this little field trip would rectify that soon enough - starting with the disappointing fake plastic jewels.

"Don't buy the goods then. Good plan." She pointed a finger to concede that point, then added a loud "Not that I was going to!" and glared one more time at the woman dressed like some fake Hathor knock-off, making sure she heard her loud and clear.

"Shall we then?" She smiled at Daniel and gestured towards the luminous entrance. She was actually looking forward to this, but that was probably more the company than the surroundings.

[hi_there_aliens]

Daniel paused, looking down at Vala as if trying to figure out if she was messing with him or not. After a moment, Daniel had to go with 'not'. She sounded almost serious about it. Disneyland as the place where all your dreams came true. He believed that for about five seconds when he first heard it. Then he'd said what he thought of that being true. His foster parents had called him precocious at the time, which Daniel later learned was parent code for 'cute but pain in the ass/kill joy. Too smart for own good. Cute though'. Then they took him to Disneyland anyway.

"Maybe if you're a kid," Maybe he wasn't exactly precocious now, but the general sentiment was the same. Minus the cute part. Vala had to be set straight, before she really did get the wrong idea and got the disappointment of a lifetime. "That's just a tag line. Like a motto to get people to remember the place and come in, get the feel of Disneyland in just a few words."

It was sound advice, Vala. Don't buy the goods, just like you don't drink the water in certain places. Daniel tried very hard to look at the bright side of all this. At least you couldn't get dysentery from bad knockoffs. That was about the best he could manage.

He followed her glare, and came up with an employee that he thought was supposed to be Hathor. Daniel fidgeted. Even if it had been awhile since what they all called the Hathor incident, he didn't think he'd ever be able to look at even her name without feeling uncomfortable. The Hathor he knew would have killed this woman in less than a second for making a mockery of her.

Daniel latched onto Vala's invitation. "I guess so."

Although she didn't need to snap at the poor employee. Maybe it was better to get Vala out before she caused a fight. He took her elbow and guided her towards the entrance. "Come on." Better inside than the Hathor. Even a badly done version of her. "To answer your question, sometimes it's not feasible to go to these rivers. They're too far or possibly dangerous, especially for children. You'd have to deal with passports, shots, security, and that's not including natural hazards like flooding or animal attacks. So it's cheaper and safer to experience the idea of them on home ground."

[valaunbound]

Vala nodded along to Daniel's explanation of Disneyland's 'tagline' and it also made sense to her that it was more geared towards children. Although her own childhood dreams had been made more of wishing her father wasn't absent all the time, that he'd never met her stepmother and wishing she was old enough or had enough money of her own to leave. But she supposed that pink sparkly castles would have been quite the pull too, fake or not.

That look of naive cluelessness that she often had when Earth things were being explained was fixed on her face, like she was absorbing completely alien concepts and adopting them. It was a look that never quite looked like it belonged on Vala's face, but mostly she wasn't aware she was doing it. Unknown to her it was also reserved for the most part just for Daniel.

Once through the entrance way, which seemed to have happened without her knowledge (maybe she'd spent the time just enjoying watching Daniel as he rambled or maybe he'd bored her into an almost hypnotised state, she wasn't sure herself), they were greeted with a mock-up Egyptian market place. A market that sold hot dogs, popcorn, sodas and all the usual fare - but there were token authentic gestures like pigs roasting on spits where you could buy kebabs. Someone never sent them them the memo about Egyptians not eating meat from pigs, obviously.

"Home ground, right. Fascinating," she dismissed him thoughtlessly, her eyes fixed on the new prizes ahead. "Well this beats the slop!" Vala beamed.

[hi_there_aliens]

Daniel couldn't help feeling pleased she was listening and absorbing it all, rather than getting bored and tuning him out. At least, he thought she was listening. Unlike Jack, who half the time didn't even pretend to do the polite thing and act like he was paying attention, or when he tried, he cut him off quickly. And Daniel didn't end up having to separate Fake Hathor and Vala from a fight. The day wasn't going too badly. They went through the entrance and came face to face with hot dogs, spitted pigs, and soda.

He found he had to revise his earlier estimate. Daniel was convinced this couldn't get any worse. Today, the universe was out to prove him wrong. Daniel took in the terrible approximation of what an ancient market place would've been, much less Egyptian culture and religion and for a moment, wondered why he'd bothered leaving his lab, and for this. But Vala was right, there was at least one bright spot here. Food. Actual food. The last time he'd had something non-gruel was the ice cream coffee at Eva's, and he couldn't see that happening again, even with Eva making what might've been a bizarre attempt to mend things. Daniel didn't see how showing up half plastered was going to help.

Everything smelled great. Even the hot dogs.

"Yeah, it does," Daniel's stomach rumbled. Besides, he wasn't in a hurry to see the rest of the 'Land of the Pharaohs'. "I'm starving. How about you?"

[valaunbound]

"Practically ravenous," she shot him a sideways grin of enthusiasm and she was off. And then she was back. And then she was tugging at his wrist.

"Being kidnapped by spaceships always has this effect," she smirked. For the moment, she'd forgotten the reality of their predicament, or that he didn't really know her. Not that she was compensating for that at all anyway, but this felt decidedly like a date, and it was Daniel. Why complicate things by thinking about them too much?

"What takes your fancy?"

[hi_there_aliens]

Daniel went with her lead as she took him to a booth. Belatedly, he registered the casual touch on his wrist. Huh. She seemed so casual with him, taking liberties that most people didn't. First the arm on the shoulder, then his wrist.

The only person who did nearly this much touching was Jack, and that was just the way he was. Was that what she meant by intimate? Because Daniel kind of suspected that the reason he and Jack had this connection of theirs, at least initially, had a lot to do with basically taking a bullet for him. The friendship came after. Daniel hadn't been too impressed with Colonel O'Neill at first, and he was pretty sure Jack thought even less of him as a geek. But dying for someone and then fighting alongside them had a way of changing things.

So what was the story with Vala? This probably wasn't the right place to even start asking, but Daniel couldn't stop thinking about it. Or supposedly how long he'd been at the SGC. Maybe he could get it out of her over the day.

"You get kidnapped by flying saucers often?" Daniel asked, taking in the food. Hot dogs, french fries next to what looked like a poor attempt at fūl medammis, if they'd gotten half the prep and ingredients wrong in the process. He guessed that was supposed to be koshary tea. The thing they were optimistically calling tagin happened to look the closest to the real thing, and the safest. He nodded at it. "I guess I'll go with that one. What about you?"

[valaunbound]

"They're not really saucers, Daniel." Vala rolled her eyes, she knew what flying saucers were, a silly name that Earth people gave to spaceships when they didn't really understand them. It gave her pause for thought though, just how undeveloped was the SGC's knowledge of what was out there nine years ago?

"An Ori warship or a Goa'uld mothership can hardly be described as saucers." She looked him over curiously, for the first time properly considering the time differential. "Let's just say a few, but the last time I distinctly remember it was you who got me out of there." Vala smiled quietly at him, an intimate smile that spoke volumes. Or it was for a brief second anyway, until she winked and added egotistically "Not that I couldn't have managed it without you."

"I think I'll go with the King Tut Deluxe!" Which was nothing more than a Quarter Pounder with cheese - but Vala's recent time stranded in Colorado and working at Sol's Diner has given her quite the taste for greasy burgers. "Pharaoh fries and a large Chocolate Sheikh!"

[hi_there_aliens]

Most people didn't treat him as if he'd never stepped beyond the Stargate, much less never seen a spaceship. Or explain it to him as if he was stupid.

"I know what a ha'tak looks like," Daniel had to resist to roll his eyes back at her. It was a joke. Not a very good one, which probably had everything to do with Jack rubbing off on him, but he wasn't serious. Besides, he'd never yet seen an actual flying saucer.

There was that word again, the Ori. It meant as much to him this time as it did the last time she said it, but at least he got the impression that they weren't one of the good guys. Not friendly, he took it. That had to be it be it though. He came after her. Was this before or after she joined SGC? When it came to Vala, it felt like everything about their supposed history was a jumble, and every conversation he had with her didn't actually solve any of the mysteries, instead, just added even more each time.

Daniel met her eyes that instant. It was hard to miss the very real warmth there, and it was just as hard to match it considering he didn't have a clue what he'd done to deserve it. It was one thing to hear it from someone, be told you did something to help them, another to actually do it, actually know right along with them. Vala looked at him that moment as if she saw the world in him, and she wanted to share it with him. Daniel couldn't say he deserved it at all. As far as he saw it, he hadn't done a thing.

After a moment, he cleared his throat uncomfortably. Vala left him an out.

"Just biding your time, were you?" he said.

Daniel's face couldn't look anymore pained at her choice of food. Not only was it going to be hell in amusement park prices, the names were just.... He took another look at the market place and wondered why he was even surprised anymore. He shouldn't be. It could only get worse as they got further in. If he told himself that over and over, he might survive this part of the day without his brain imploding angrily on itself.

"You're serious." She looked it about her food choices. Although maybe it was the safest thing on the menu. It was hard to mess up burgers. But that was back on Earth. He was afraid to see what their interpretation was of it here, if they couldn't even get Ancient Egyptian culture right. Shaking his head, he started to get out some of the currency, then realized he had a problem. Did he pay for her or something? It wasn't like this was a date or anything, but...well. He wasn't sure what this was. Not a date, he thought quickly. The vendors's eyes lit on the motion and he nodded down the line. "Pay down there. It'll be ready in five minutes."

[valaunbound]

Sorry Daniel, you're probably never going to feel like you have it all straight in your head. Firstly she's highly likely to spin things to her advantage, secondly right now she's not even sure how she'll explain the Ori as she still feels largely responsible and thirdly... well she's Vala. The third point is probably much the same as the first.

"Well actually, yes. I was biding my time. And if you hadn't come storming in there I might have had chance to grab... well it's not important anyway. Not any more."

Vala turned her attention to the spotty little oink of a teenager that was ushering them down to the cash register, and also mentally totted up the extortionate costs that she really wasn't prepared to pay. Unfolding her paper map of the park she placed it on the counter somewhat clumsily and asked him which was the quickest route to the 'Valley of the Gods'.

Predictably, he didn't feel that was in his job description and simply replied with an inclination of his head off to one side. "It's signposted, but head that way."

"I'm sorry, would you mind awfully showing me on the map. That is why I got it out after all and I've already got lost once." She pushed the huge opened map closer to him and took the opportunity to stand on Daniel's foot... hard. Enough to make him wince with pain and double over to hold his foot hopefully, but nothing that wouldn't wear off in under a minute. In the confusion of the map being all over the counter and hopefully Daniel reacting on cue, she knocked the steel napkin holder off the counter.

If Daniel played along and didn't somehow mess the whole thing up, they were well on their way to a free meal ticket. Negligence with dangerous objects like that, surely the napkin holder should be secured!

[hi_there_aliens]

So point A really is the same as point C. He could still wish he knew something about their "relationship". Their relationship in another dimension and in the future. It might give him more an idea of what she wanted out of him, why she latched onto him (and Daniel didn't for one second believe it was only because they apparently worked in the SGC together and he was a familiar face), and just who Vala was. And why she sounded like she was glad future-him rescued her and just a little pissed he had.

Daniel followed her down the line, bemused. By the time the line moved on, their food was ready. Vala decided just then that she just had to consult her map.Other than pissing a disgruntled employee off, and the line behind them, he didn't see what Vala was doing. The kid was right, there were signs all over. The employee leaned over to look at the map. He almost sighed. "You go this way- follow this path over here, take a right at this junction-"

The archaeologist barely listened in further on the conversation. Maybe she'd get her own meal. It wasn't that Daniel was particularly attached to the money, or cheap, but he was hoping she'd solve his dilemma for him. The not-date. Maybe it was just a guided shore-leave. He could work with that. All it implied was that he was the one out of the two of them with the most "Stacy experience", and he was just showing her around her first shore leave. Nothing to-

"OW!" Daniel yelped, and jerked his foot out of further harm's way. Harm who's name was Vala. He glared at her, because unless he managed to stub himself on the only trashcan around, which was a good five yards off, she was the only person in stomping distance. "What the hell was that for?!"

[valaunbound]

"What was what for?" Vala turned to him, concern and confusion plastered all over her innocent lying face. "Are you all right Daniel? What's happened?"

Trust him to instinctively blame her, she thought. Still, he hadn't exactly ruined this, she could still worm her way out. And not with too much difficulty either. "Is it your foot?" she asked, glancing down towards both his feet and the heavy napkin dispenser. Okay, so maybe that conclusion was a little too convenient, but he had jerked it out of the way and consequently all his weight was on the other. It wasn't that much of a stretch.

It was then that Vala spied the 'culprit'. "I think you'll find it was," she bent down and re-emerged from under the counter to plonk the metal box on the counter with a seriously pissed look on her face, "THIS!"

Vala glared at the boy. "That could have broken my husband's foot!" The husband part hadn't really been planned, it just came out. Oh well it gave her annoyance more credibility. She'd deal with Daniel's reaction to that later, but for now she just winked at him over her shoulder, hopefully encompassing the whole Trust me, I've got this. Just keep quiet sentiment in one tiny aside.

"Why isn't that thing secured?" She picked it up and dropped it on the counter again for emphasis with a heavy thud. She didn't wait for a response from the bumbling apologetic kid, other than a couple of stuttered 'I'm sorry's. Vala grabbed the tray and finished with an indignant "You're lucky I'm not taking this further. But I do expect this to be on the house at the very least!"

Before she stormed off in her affronted whirl of a hurricaine that left behind a wake of 'what the hell just happened?', Vala grabbed two Gingerbread mummies as an afterthought. "...and these too!"

[hi_there_aliens]

Daniel nursed his foot a second longer, uncertain if she was messing with him, maybe revenge for pulling her leg on the obs platform, or if she was telling the truth. He didn't actually see her step on his foot, but considering her grace around the mummy, it was a possibility. Then again, he'd also been wrong about her stealing the hand device. Daniel's mouth opened and closed with a snap. The napkin dispenser had been balanced precariously...

What?! Daniel suddenly forgot all about his foot. Husband? What was she talking about?! The blood left his face. Some crazy, panicked part of him flailed around, babbling, wondering if he'd, according to her culture, somehow gotten married to her, maybe by agreeing to eat in the same room or something. As if accidentally getting married the first time hadn't been bad enough. He hadn't even realized it happened, and if it hadn't been for Skaara and his friends giving him crap over trying to help out, Daniel suspected he might never have known it. It was possible.

Daniel stared blankly at her wink, too shell-shocked by the 'husband' part to actually get the motion. Or do much to stop her from leaving. More like flouncing. Or actually realize she was gone until he found himself standing frozen in place, with a frightened and confused cashier. That that makes two of us, Daniel wanted to say.

"I don't even- I'm-" Daniel flustered, wondering what the hell just happened. He dropped his share of the money to the cashier. Probably a little extra, he was too bewildered to properly count it out. "I'm sorry, she's--"

-out of line, he finished for himself silently, now that his brain was working to catch up with what happened. It didn't escape his notice that she'd basically pulled a shock and awe on the poor kid. Jack would've been proud, or the fact that she'd avoided paying. Come to think of it, he thought he heard the napkin dispenser hit the ground after his foot got hurt, not right then. Taking the tray, Daniel hurried to catch up to Vala. She was further off, and out of sight, almost hidden amongst some stalls. Daniel almost walked past her.

He caught her by the shoulder. "Vala, what was-" Daniel changed his mind. "You know what, never mind. We're going back. You're going to explain yourself and we're going to pay the rest of the food."

[valaunbound]

It never occured to Vala that Daniel might actually wonder if he was married to her, much less shell shock him. She may be capable of many things but she wouldn't deceive him to that extent, not now. Vala was so used to Daniel simply being impervious to her now that it had seemed like a harmless lie that would earn her nothing more than a patented Daniel scowl of disapproval.

Making any dispensations for the fact that Daniel didn't know her anymore wasn't an adjustment she was finding easy. Actually she wasn't really trying. Strike that, she wasn't even consciously aware of any need to. Vala was carying on as if there wasn't a time difference issue at all. If she thought about it she might realise that it was her way of coping, but as it was she was simply oblivious and continuing in her own sweet way. Or her own sweet way as of a couple of years ago, now that part she was aware of, just not why.

"What?!" she replied incredulously, shirking out of his touch. It would be natural to assume she was protesting to the going back and paying, but Vala is anything if predictable.

"What do you mean, the rest of the food? Don't tell me you paid for any of it? And after my dazzling performance?"

[hi_there_aliens]

"Of course I paid my share!" And now that he thought of it, he probably overpaid a little. Thanks Vala. Thanks a lot. And his foot still hurt. "You did that on purpose?! Why? if money's a problem, I wouldn't have minded paying for you this time."

So Vala used him like a distraction just to scam someone. He should've known. Now the wink made more sense. Daniel should probably get used it, to getting used, but the truth was it never quite got old. Figuring out you just got had never felt routine. Eva had only done the same thing earlier. Well, sort of. At least Vala hadn't gone far as Eva, or done something so inhuman, or so unacceptable. Scamming someone out of food was much less worse than inadvertently helping someone get tortured, and all just because Eva had to get her rocks off. Maybe he was a little bitter. Scratch that, still very bitter. What Vala did wasn't right, but he could deal with it better.

Daniel let go, but moved to block her way out, just in case she felt like making a run for it, then saw there wasn't any point. All she had to do was turn around and go out the back. Good thinking, Jackson. Maybe she didn't notice yet.

There was one bright side to this. If this really was a performance...

"So... not married then?" Daniel asked hopefully.

[valaunbound]

"You told me not to buy the goods!" Vala protested. "And now you're mad at me for not buying the goods. Jeez Daniel, make your mind up!" What? It was a perfectly good argument in her opinion. He had said that hadn't he? If she was aware that she'd followed the letter of his 'law' rather than the essence then she wasn't letting it show.

"I thought you might have been pleased. Because even if I do say so myself, that-" Vala gestured wildly with her hand back towards the booth "was a stroke of genius."

Vala sighed, stuck her tongue in her cheek and rolled her eyes. Clearly she couldn't do right for doing wrong, wasn't that always the way with Daniel. "And technically I am, but it's complicated. I consider myself a free agent though. Why do you ask?" Vala smirked, she just couldn't resist, even more so when she's being cornered. Sorry Daniel.

[hi_there_aliens]

Daniel's mouth once again opened and closed, just like a fish. Embarrassingly enough, he knew it too. Only Vala managed to get this dumb reaction out of him.

"That's not what I meant! I was saying not to expect anything or bother with it, not take it!" Daniel exclaimed. Technically she'd followed what he said. Only taken it so literally that he might as well've not said it. At least she hadn't turned around and made a break for it. He could still get her to see reason.

He guessed it was a stroke of genius. Daniel certainly hadn't thought to do it. Or get involved as the distraction. He also certainly wasn't going to say so out loud. She'd take it as encouragement.

Oh good. She was married too. Although he didn't know what complicated and free agent entailed. Maybe she had multiple husbands.

"Oh nothing. Just...relieved, that's all." Daniel didn't know what Sha're would have done if she found out he stumbled into a marriage. Probably laugh at him first. Unless multiple spouses were something the Abydonians did. He hadn't exactly had a chance to see all aspects of the Abydonian culture. Monogamy and arranged marriages seemed to be norm, but from what hints he saw, they had developed from the Egyptian transplants, and not exactly mirroring back on Earth. It left plenty of room for error in his case.

So the point he was getting at was that he'd only just scratched the surface on Abydonian customs and relationships, and only just the one tribe, and not in depth. But he did know Sha're. Sha're would probably kill him. Come to think of it, when she'd practically put her tongue down his throat in front of Jack, Sam and the other soldiers, it almost felt like she was re-staking a claim, and not entirely for his own benefit. Ad not just because of Sam, but Jack too.

[valaunbound]

"Well perhaps you should have made yourself more clear then, because obviously you didn't." Vala shrugged, this couldn't possibly be her fault, any blame to be had will rest firmly at Daniel's feet thank you very much. "Besides, I don't see the problem. It's overpriced garbage and whatever you left them, they've probably already made a huge margin on it."

Vala took a huge unladylike bite of her burger to test the theory, and with a cheek full of burger added "Yep. Not worth the price of the box they served it in." But she'll take a slurp of the shake too, just to be doubly sure.

"Relieved that I'm a free agent, or that I'm married?" She finally asked after swallowing the oversized bite of the 'dreadful' burger which tasted delicious. "Or are you just relieved you're not married to me?" The way she posed that question was all bitter sarcasm and hurt, she knew what the answer was, she hadn't exactly made the best of impressions, but it didn't stop her asking.

[hi_there_aliens]

"I was clear! I couldn't be any more clear!" Daniel was certain it couldn't have been taken any other way. Either she really didn't understand the concept, something from being off world or she'd chosen to deliberately read it that way. Daniel leaned towards that one. She'd shown before she could read between the lines. Even the big lines that didn't even need it. Vala also seemed to intent on devouring the burger before he could drag her back to the stand. He took her by the arm. "I don't care what you think of the food. We're going back. Come on."

Daniel stared as she took one of the largest bites possible. How did it even fit? For being "garbage", she sure seemed to enjoy it. Daniel helplessly watched the shake start to vanish too. Vala, it seemed, was no more interested in paying than she was listening to him. He was probably going to have to cover her. Why, why, why did he leave the ship for this? He could've been in his lab, working, actually enjoying himself. Peace, quiet, his foot might be in tact, and he wouldn't have been part of a scam. Or let his food cool while he argued with Vala.

He didn't expect her to sound so hurt. "It's not you," Daniel said quickly, then had to wonder why he was rushing to reassure her. So far she'd broken his stuff and now used him as part of her scam. Maybe he did rescue her, maybe he didn't, but it hadn't happened to him yet. He didn't actually owe her anything.

It was easier to tell yourself that, harder to actually go through with it, to compartmentalize people. "Relieved that I didn't get married again," he clarified before she got the wrong idea and went down the free agent road or something.

[valaunbound]

"Good idea! Let's go back, admit it was all just an opportunistic scam and spend the rest of shore leave incarcerated on a planet we know nothing about." She didn't pull her arm away from him, in fact she started to lead - back in the direction of the booth.

"I don't know about you, but there's nothing I enjoy more than taking uninformed chances with alien penal systems. Who knows, it might even be a death sentence. That'll be fun." Vala strode purposefully ahead calling his bluff. She fully expected him to realise she had a point and hold her back... any moment now.

"Well I can empathise with that sentiment," she responded blithely regarding his relief. She didn't really want to get any further into that for more than just selfish reasons regarding Tomin. Vala had no idea if Sha're was dead in Daniel's timeline and she'd rather not go anywhere near that, not now anyway.

[hi_there_aliens]

At least the marriage question was out of the way. Too bad it wasn't the only problem he had to deal with.

Any moment that's...probably not now. If she thought he was going to balk to save his own skin, she was wrong. Vala cheated them, and it wasn't even out of survival or necessity. He didn't have it in him this time to hustle her bodily back to the stall. It it weren't for the healing ribs, he'd have managed it, easily. Since he was stuck with them, it left him with limited options.

"You know what? Fine." Daniel snapped. He might not have been savvy as she apparently was in cheating people and in hindsight, he should've seen her scam for what it was while it was happening, but he could see what she was doing now. She thought he was bluffing, and she was trying to out bluff him. Daniel wasn't bluffing. Maybe she didn't know him as well as she thought. The archaeologist suddenly let go of her arm. "You go do what you want. I'll explain to them and pay the damn thing."

Daniel stalked off towards the booth. If there was a death sentence for something like this, she could tell Captain Kennedy what happened. Have fun with that, Vala.

[valaunbound]

God he was as stubborn as a mule sometimes, it was so infuriating. For a moment she just stood there wondering what to do. She might have exaggerated with the death sentence thing, but the fact still remained that they knew nothing of the local laws.

"Daniel!" She shouted. "Daniel, wait," she caught up with him at a jog and landed herself squarely infront of his path. If he could be stubborn, well then so could she... At least that was the plan...

"...I'm sorry, okay," she sighed, making sure she had full eye contact and he'd know she was genuine, because she really was. "I'm sorry about the food, I'm sorry about the Mummy and I'm sorry that I have completely messed up any chance I had of making a better impression on you than I did the first time we met."

Wow, that whole being completely honest thing really was emotionally challenging, she hadn't even meant to say that last part. No wonder she'd always avoided it. Vala clenched her jaw to stop herself getting anymore upset.

"We can't go back though, you must be able to see that. We have no idea of their criminal justice system. And it's only a free burger, it's hardly the crown jewels, Daniel."