trans_9 | [Closed/Trigger warnings]

Thirteen.

That's how many witches - including the one Mami had finished off moments ago - had been released since they started showing up on-board. Mami honestly wasn't sure how many people knew about this potential threat, and really... she didn't care. This was a problem for the puella magi, not anyone else. It was their duty to find and destroy these witches, and that didn't change just because the territory changed.

She leaned back against the nearby wall, slowly sliding down it until she was sitting. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep going like this. She was exhausted, physically and mentally; she was running on maybe three hours of sleep a night, four if she was lucky. She was still helping Homura with her idiotic, futile search for the pod Madoka slept in, and the stress from that "Visitation Day" still hasn't gone away.

And there was the thought that had been nagging at the back of her head ever since her group had gotten together after the Lirath mission. There really was no way to tell just how many witches were left. A thousand? A hundred? Ten? For all Mami knew, the one she had just defeated could have been the last one. There was no way the ship could predict how many witches would be needed to keep them healthy and still-human until they restored their worlds. Mami's own Soul Gem had been draining at an alarming rate, something that honestly scared her - partially because she didn't know why.

She stays hunched over and sitting in that hallway for a while longer - still clad in her puella magi outfit - with the grief seed she won from the defeated witch in one hand and her dim Soul Gem in another. She can't bring herself to cleanse it; if that was the last witch (or really, even if it wasn't!), what was the point? She's only prolonging a fate she has no way of escaping.

[OOC: Edited for trigger warning for possible mentions of suicide.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Seeing the tears in Homura's eyes and hearing her use her first name managed to shock Mami into silence for a few moments. Even after they had become allies - Mami was still hesitant to use the word 'friend'... though deep down, she considered her as such - she had never once seen such obvious cracks in the other girl's shell. And even that hurt, knowing that her actions had such a harsh effect on her.

"I... I can't..." I can't let us continue suffering. "I don't..." I don't want to do this anymore. A million unspoken thoughts and pleas were added to the already overflowing sea within her heart, and that was all it took for the last of the light in her Soul Gem to be consumed.

At once, it was like ever single nerve in her body had been set on fire. She let out a scream and fell to her knees, clutching at her chest. The pain was worse than anything she had felt before; her injuries from the car crash, Kyuubey ripping her soul out, the two separate attacks that should have left her dead...

The few parts of her mind that hadn't been taken over by despair and anguish were screaming at her to fight, resist! but she couldn't. She was so close. It'll be over any second now...

The ribbons disperse at that in a burst of light. Homura falls to her knees. She takes a moment to gather herself, completely absorbed in the shaking of her hands and the tears spilling down her face. Her world is narrow and full of fear and relief and she thanks the dead heavens for this, for making Mami stop, for sparing her life.

She looks up from her hands and sees Mami there and all of a sudden it hits her.

Homura watches in horror as the other girl's soul gem slowly morphs into a grief seed, numbly knowing what is about to happen, and she's waiting for it. She's waiting for the burst of energy that always comes along when a witch is born, just waiting and waiting and waiting. As Mami struggles in pain, Homura just watches.

But nothing happens.

Or rather, something does. Just not what either girl had been expecting. Before Mami's Soul Gem could completely twist into a grief seed... it changed. The gold-turned-black metal slowly returned to normal. The twisted sphere reshaped back into the familiar teardrop-shaped gem, and the dark, malicious aura that had been building around her faded away. The darkness still smothered most of the light inside, but that tiny golden spark was back.

Mami, unsurprisingly, was in shock. She had felt her consciousness fading away, had felt herself being dragged back into the dark... but then it was like someone had hit a rewind button. And here she was again, kneeling on the floor with her restored Soul Gem and the forgotten grief seed lying in front of her.

"W... what..."

She watches it become a grief seed, then turn back... into a soul gem.

It's such an utter surprise that Homura finds herself hoisting herself up without even realizing it, walking closer and then sliding back down to her knees. She is completely bewildered for a moment, just looking over the soul gem. She glances to Mami's own face and then back down.

The shock of this is little in comparison to reliving one of the worst moments in her life, however-- and so, Homura looks to Mami as the girl she was so many timelines ago. She looks to her as someone who should be steadying but is not at all. She does not look to her with fear or disdain or hate, as she might have otherwise.

She sees her through a pair of red glasses.

And though Mami may not see Homura the same way as she sees her, that does not matter to her right now. Her friend... that's what Mami is. And her friend, her mentor and her adviser, is hurting. Is scared. Homura might arrive at anger eventually, but right now... in this very moment, that does not matter to her. She acts on instinct rather than logic.

Gently, as though she may break-- Homura reaches out and touches Mami's shoulders. She draws her into a hug.

Without thinking, Mami clung desperately to Homura, a gut-wrenching sob tearing from her throat. She didn't even bother trying to hide it; it had been building since the moment she woke up, and now that all her defenses were completely shattered, there was no point in attempting to stop. This went on for some time, as months of bottled up emotions were finally released.

By the time Mami's sobs finally began to die down, she was trembling. She had fistfuls of Homura's plantsuit clamped in a vice-like grip, and her face was still pressed to the other girl's shoulder. After a few shaky breaths, she managed to speak.

"I... I'm so sorry..."

And Homura just sits and allows this to happen. She lets her cry, and cry, and cry. She cries too, still shaking violently, and doesn't know why Mami doesn't repulse her in this moment. Why Mami herself isn't repulsed by her, either. They were both going to kill each other, weren't they? It doesn't make any sense at all to Homura, but she still clings to the other girl.

When Mami's sobs start to subside, Homura is still shaken. The shock has not worn off, and she's still shaking badly. She hasn't stopped crying. ... And she doesn't know what to say to Mami's apology. It isn't okay. It isn't alright. And she doesn't know if she forgives her. So she stays silent, and simply holds onto Mami just the tiniest bit tighter.

Mami reaches up to wipe away her still falling tears. She makes no move to pull away; she's so completely exhausted in every possible way, she's not sure she could trust herself to even sit up at this point. So she stays in this position, seemingly unaware at how potentially awkward it is.

"I understand if you don't forgive me. I can't even forgive myself... I realize how stupid I've been. How easily I was giving up..." She frowns. "I've been so weak lately. I should be ashamed of myself."

Though also making no move to pull away, Homura does slackens her hold. Tries to relax her body, and will herself to calm down. She reaches up and scrubs at her face. It's embarrassing, it's humiliating. She doesn't like to cry in front of anyone. And she doesn't like lingering touches, either.

But... she hasn't been so startled in a long time. The timelines have a lot of moments that mirror others. But never like that. So in a way, Mami's warm body so close is steadying.

After a moment, she finally manages to speak. "No," she says mildly. "... I don't care. It's alright. So long as I can... it doesn't matter." It isn't reassuring, and it isn't kindness-- it is Homura valuing herself very little. But it's the only thing Homura can offer Mami in response.

[Closed/Trigger warnings]

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