Castle of a Thousand Illusions [Private Plot]

[cityship]

[This is for Team 1: Lash, Zetta, Martha, Howard, Doctor, Chell, Doc, Sumeragi. The first shore leave / observation deck post is here where they can say goodbye to others.]

As they arrived and landed, there was just a small track of land with one large wooden boat. A man, clothed in black, ushered them in. He didn't answer anything, in fact from the way he squeaked from rust, it was easily to see he was mechanical. Even the water didn't look that deep until near the end, as what looked like sharks swam around them menacingly before disappearing abruptly as they arrived in the middle of a black obsidian castle. The landing wasn't gentle, and everyone was pushed against each other, as the boat lifted itself up and dropped them all together on top of stacks of hay.

There were two rooms leading out. One had carved in "YOUNDER MALE OR WHATEVER SPECIES" and the other "YOUNDER DEM BEAUTIES". Inside, each would find leather outfits, and white underwear so there would be no chaffing. They could use their plantsuits for that too. Soft moccasins for their feet too with a note that while it was not era-perfect, they figured they would appreciate not having too many bruises on their feet (at least for now). The leather was pretty fresh from the smell and looked to have been made just the right size for each person too.

Kinda really creepy when you thought about it.

But that wasn't the worst of it, oh no. The doors would not open until everyone was fully clothed. For those that still refused, ghostly white hands came out of the walls and did the deed for them, removing all weapons and putting them in the appropriate attire before giving a thumbs up and disappearing again.

As the second door opened, with a red glowing orb turning green, they could see many doors leading around twisting, moving stairs that somehow didn't quite seem possible.

The sound of a gong going off somewhere. Again. Three times. Suddenly the weather shifted to sunset (and never changed) and one could swear those ghost hands were now throwing plastic seagulls in the air, as they mostly flew for a few seconds and crashed into the walls. Seawater was blasted off from tiny little spray bottles.

A large scroll appeared, dusted itself sending dust bunnies flying into the air and unwounded before them.

ATTENTION CONTESTANTS! WELCOME YE FAIR OF MIND AND BODY, TO THE GREATEST PHYSICAL CHALLENGE IN ALL THE UNIVERSE!

After what sounded like someone thinking about it, coughing, a few more words appeared.

PLEASE HOLD ON WHILE YOUR HOST GREETS YOU, IN JUST A FEW MINUTES. THIS IS OUR PLAN, WHICH WE ARE TELLING YOU, THE CONTESTANTS.

Comments

Waiting for just a few minutes...

[cityship]

[Feel free to have your characters react to being changed here, and the trip. There is no tagging order for this part, and make as many thread reactions as you want]

Re: Waiting for just a few minutes...

[fattynoparents]

What

the hell

was this.

Chell didn't want to go on this mission. She didn't want to leave Wheatley for any longer than she absolutely had to and she didn't want to ride this stupid dinghy with the CREEPY ROBOT BOATMAN and she had no idea what they were even supposed to be doing on this stupid planet anyway.

And if that hadn't been enough, THEY TOOK HER BOOTS. They took her boots and she squirmed and fought and kicked and punched at the intangible ghost hands but they took her boots they took them right off her feet YOU STUPID GHOST HANDS.

Entering the room after being so thoroughly violated, Chell vowed right then and there that she was going to find out who was in charge of this stupid travesty of special effects and probably murder them.

[thewunderkind]

Well that depended entirely if Lash wasn't going to murder them first. This was nothing like being turned into an evil....er scientist, or Galilee, WHAT KIND OF DUMB OUTFIT WAS THIS?!

There was also a plastic seagull on her head now, its beak broken.

Re: Waiting for just a few minutes...

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Well, as if the boat doesn't remind him of that one myth he heard in history class about putting dollars on people's eyes so they could get ushered across the river of the dead. Or whatever. Greek or Roman, he can't remember. He was probably asleep in that class. The point is that he's feeling morbid.

Which is marginally better than feeling violated, which he is after the creepy ghost hands change them. What is it with him and ghosts? Does he just have a little ghost homing beacon on him? Frightened teenager: please terrorize!

And then the voice comes on over the speakers, and he swallows hard and tries to think that there's no way in the multiverse he ended up on a planet that practices Battle Royale.

"Physical challenges give me hives," he says to no one in particular. As someone who routinely was one of the shortest kids in his class and barely tops a hundred pounds on any given scale, it should be fairly clear why. Not that his charming attitude is that of a winner.

He does, however, appreciate the new underwear, creepy as they are. Clothes are hard enough to find on Stacy and he's always preferred briefs to boxers.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

"Oh yeah, YOU're the one who's gonna have problems with the physical stuff," the book grumbled.

[indeliblepast]

This whole thing felt like being stuck in some godawful amusement park relic from a century or two ago. Both in the cheesy setting and the state of disuse - though the sharks near the end looked disturbingly real.

The sign also got an unimpressed raised eyebrow from her - seriously? - but she filed in nonetheless. Huh. New clothes. She put on the leather outfit - kinda swank, at least, over her plantsuit, and the replaced her uniform jacket on top, stuffing the clean underwear into an inside pocket. She needed something other than creepy plant matter to wear sometime.

[makeherblue]

Unlike some people, the Doctor didn't quite need ghost hands to get changed into their new clothes - frankly, he could do with a change of clothes and while there was a depressing lack of proper hats, the rest of it was surprisingly comfy, ignoring the odd fact they knew his size down to the shoes. He pulled at the white leather as he glanced over at that almost ginger he'd met back on the Obs Deck.

"More sharks!" the Doctor chimed up next to Sumeragi. He peered at them as if expecting them to start flying -- given his experience, it wasn't that impossible. He fidgeted next to her, pulling at the cuffs of his white outfit and looking horribly out of place in it. "And a monologue right from the start! They're very traditional, wouldn't you say?"

He turned to glance over at Sumeragi, as if taking in her mental state even as he talked. You sometimes had to check with humans. Throw a few sharks and disembodied voices at them and sometimes they didn't, well, take to it very well.

Re: Waiting for just a few minutes...

[notamoron]

And in all the commotion with the ghost hands, leather clothing and comfortable shoes, there was a little robot sphere, sitting on a bench in the changing room, completely forgotten. The ghost hands hadn't even bothered with him. And what was a robot ball to do when nobody was around?

Talk to himself, of course.

"Um, excuse me? It's a might dingy in here, kinda old fashioned at that," he said aloud. "Kinda spooky too with all those ghostly appendages about, just casually violating people like that... No personal space in this place at all, really. I'll be honest, there's a distinct smell of human sweat in here, and it's, well, I'll be honest it's not the nicest smell in the universe, but it would be nice if someone could just come and help me get right on out of here and out of the smell and old clothes..."

He looked around for any sign of something that could help him. And then he saw... IT.

A seagull.

It flew into the room, perched nearby, and just looked at him.

"...Um..." Birds. Wheatley hated birds. So so much. "...Shoo?"

The seagull flapped its wings, flew over Wheatley and grabbed his handle with its feet, flying off with the robot in tow.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" he screamed in a very undignified manner. "BIRD! BIRD! BIRD! BIRD!" But there was nobody to hear as the bird disappeared into the castle.

[cityship]

The only real seagull of the castle had taken off to parts unknown, its prize in tow.

[cityship]

A spotlight turned on somewhere below with a massive KTHUNK, shining up in a perfectly vertical line through the middle of the staircase.

Another one, then another. Kthunk, kthunk, kthunk, kthunk, click. (The last one was LED. They'd just replaced it to save money.)

"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, BOOKS AND NINJA DOCTORS!" boomed a voice that sounded like someone had taken the Platonic ideal of a game show announcer, extracted its essence, and chained said essence to a wall and made it practice its announcing for fifty years. "WELCOME TO THE CASTLE OF A THOUSAND ILLUSIONS! NOW, HERE'S YOUR HOST! SO TERRIFYING, DARKWING DUCK WON'T FLAP IN THE NIGHT; SO WICKED AND EVIL, EVEN FLUTTERSHY WOULD CALL HIM BAD! THE ONE! THE ONLY! YOUKNOWHIMYOULOVEHIMYOUHATETOLOVEHIMLADIESYOUHATEWHATHEDOESTOYOURMOSTTENDERAREASANDYETYOUWISHFORITATNIGHT!"

A void opened in the center of the spotlights, revealing for one second the maddening true primal nature of chaos, so profound and horrible that luckily it couldn't stay in a mortal mind long enough to drive the mortal mad. Out of this Azathothian portal stepped a dapper man in a snappy suit, a picture-perfect smile framed neatly by a smart mustache and snappy goatee. He had a microphone in one hand, and the other over his mouth so he could make the low, breathy "aaaah! aaah!" that sounded vaguely like a distant, cheering crowd.

"CHAOS HIMSELF!" he said into the microphone. Then he tossed it away as he took a bow. "Thank you, thank you!"

[thewunderkind]

Oh sweet the time this guy took to do his bow was the PERFECT TIME for Lash to make a run for it and attempt to kick in THE FACE the lower regions that could probably cause him as much pain as possible.

She hadn't really thought out this plan apart from revenge, punching and kicking.

[indeliblepast]

Sumeragi just. Stared. First at the man who felt the need to do his own sound effects - she wasn't sure as to whether this counted as 'extreme narcisism', 'low budget', or both - and then at Lash, making a mad, angry dash towards him. It briefly crossed her mind that maybe she should intervene - but naaaaaaah. Too much effort.

First Challenge - The Doctor

[cityship]

After all the...greetings and such were over, it was time for them to finally go their first challenge! A dwarf picked out the Doctor from the group and with a hand motion, and gave him a sign in silence to follow him.

Up and up in different corridors they passed, until they reached the highest tower of the castle, overlooking the water outside. The dwarf guide didn't seem to be phased from all this running and jumping, and most mortals would be out of breath at this time. Of course, this was a Time Lord. A wooden plank was placed conveniently next to the window, as the clouds nearby meant either this place had a very low ceiling cap, or they really had been climbing for a long time. Either way, the way down from that plank looked to be very very long.

An old man was busy dusting a few books as they arrived, clapping his hands as he finally noticed them.

First Challenge - The Doctor

[cityship]

"Ah! Come in, come in, come in dear boy!" The old man hopped spryly down from the ladder on which he'd stood. His leg immediately buckled beneath him, and he went down in a heap of robes.

A moment later he pushed himself back up with the aid of a cane he'd left beside the latter. "Oh my, oh dear, I seem to be somewhat old, don't I? It comes from having so few visitors. Well then, well then, well then. I assume this is what you're looking for?"

From his beard, the old man drew out a key, affixed to a large wooden float.

Re: First Challenge - The Doctor

[makeherblue]

The Doctor eyed that plank, which really looked like it belonged on a proper pirate ship, and then turned to the old man just as he decided to take a bit of a tumble.

"Whoops!" The Doctor started to go help the old man up before he saved him the trouble.

Old? Oh yes, he thought the man was very incredibly old, and not in that regular human way where they though shooting for only eighty was something worth celebrating about. He couldn't recall the last time he'd been called "dear boy". Then again, young face. New body. New bits and pieces and everything. The Doctor snooped behind the old man and his impressive beard with that key hiding function built in. He considered himself as impressed with the beard as the key and the float, the Doctor coming up behind the Elder to peer at him and then at the key.

"Quite possibly. Or maybe not, because I must say, the view is fantastic." Give him a few seconds and he might rush toward that window. "Not many visitors, you say? What about that Chaos fella?"

Second Challenge - Chell

[cityship]

After the Doctor's challenge and his return to them, the group ran from corridor to corridor, finally stopping at the entrance to a room. The tiny door was curiously decorated with a musical note, stuck inside the beak of some sort of flying creature. A small scroll appeared, unwinding.

Sing a song of pleasure, a pocket full of beasts of the earth. Feed the hand that tries to bite you and gain the notes to the entrance. The key will fall out once you do for all its worth.

The dwarf pointed to Chell, with a hand motion for her to approach.

Once inside, the room was pitch dark, save for a single torch on the far left that looked like it was easy to take off its hook, and the glowing large organ on the far left, and a pair of ominously glowing eyes. The organ itself only had nine notes, from Do to Si, and in the middle, resting in an enclosed floating glass dome, was the key.

Next to it (which was hard to see) sat on a wooden perch, a giant monster six feet tall parrot with the pair of glowing eyes in questions, watching the challenger, making tiny bird-like noises, singing off-key.

The rest of the large room was filled with a few tiny obsidian rocks that were near impossible to see without the torch and brown soil.

...something was making noise in here.

It sounded really loud and large too.

...and Wheatley

[cityship]

Oh wait, part of that noise was probably the robot sphere that was thrown right on top of Chell.

Third Challenge - Howard and Sumeragi

[cityship]

This time the door had an electrical hazard sign on it, with two figures holding hands in the middle. Were they shrieking in pain? It was pretty hard to make from the very crude artwork.

Regardless, the dwarf then pointed to two people this time; Howard and Sumeragi, as two dwarves pushed them in, closing the door. The humming increased until something clicked and the entire room lit up from the perch they stood on.

Down there there was...a dance floor? All around, they could see dangerous electrical instruments, hissing. Sparkles kept flying out like confetti, spilling on the ends of the dance floor, where there were bodies of water. Eels moved in there as well, snapping out of the water before retreating. Perhaps it was a very good idea NOT to fall down in there, if they liked living and not being electrocuted to death.

A hologram appeared in the middle, waving.

"I am Miss Light, she told them, dressed in neon paint that accented her curves quite nicely. Figured, considering how their host was. I will show you what to do.

From where they stood, they saw her split into two. The floor changed, with red tiles switching to some of blue. Follow the pattern at it is displayed, she explained. If you miss, the key goes up from the perch and farther away from you.

A tiny little collar snapped at Howard's left arm and Sumeragi's right.

And a jolt will be your punishment if you miss. Oh. Well then. You must move together, as the squares will change as each of you step on them. Use teamwork, or you will fail. And the eels are terribly hungry... The twin versions of her blew them both a tiny kiss, before disappearing.

Your challenge starts...now.

The observation platform dropped them on the floor, each on their side, as the tiles switched colors, and the music began to play. They had two minutes to do this, without falling off.

Left, left, left, right. It began pretty easy.

Re: Third Challenge - Howard and Sumeragi

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Okay, it's DDR. If DDR were designed by the tormented souls shackled in the pits of Hell.

Thankfully, Howard's good at DDR! He spent a good portion of his life loitering around the arcade and rigging token machines, so he's got a few moves in him. And it's really just Simon Says with your feet, and Howard's prowess at Simon Says is renowned throughout the land.

He looks over at Sumeragi. "Count of three?"

Fourth Challenge - Hit Girl

[cityship]

The largest dwarf took Hit Girl and pushed her into the room.

Total darkness. At least for a few seconds. But no giant worms for her (thankfully)

Then a spotlight lit up and showcased a wooden arcade cabinet, circa 1990. The music began to play, and the red plastic gun attached to the machine glowed brightly, inviting her to take it. Once she did, an instruction video would play to tell her what she'd need to do (not that there needed much explanation, it was shooting things. But it looked fancy and they'd spent a lot of budget doing it).

"ROUND ONE!" the screen flashed, the voice coming out distorted and robotic. On the far far end of the room so much that it was hard to see, a counter with 1/6 lit up, as well as a piece of the key. All she had to do was win six rounds, it seemed. First part seemed to shoot the guys on the way to the Saloon.

But of course this was the castle of illusions. Maybe she'd find out more answers if she won the first round.

The keyword being IF.

Re: Fourth Challenge - Hit Girl

[hit-girl-mindy.livejournal.com]

Hit Girl looked at the console for awhile, barely believing what she was seeing. It was like when dad used to take her to the pizza shop and she would play House of the Dead or some game similar to that. She spied to key and understood that the rules were simple enough: you did what you had to do to get the key, and that the rules could change at any time. She wasn't naive enough to think that this place was going to play FAIR.

Still, she rubbed her hands, cracking her knuckles and getting ready to school this game proper on how good of a shot she'd become. She took the gun in her hands, and despite herself, smiled.

"Time to get serious," she said, ad took the plastic gun, ready to duel out some punishment.

Fifth Challenge - Lash

[cityship]

The dwarfs toke Lash's hand, before violently pushing her in. As she falls down, there seems to be only one thing to do – go down a slide that takes around ten seconds to go down. Down, down, down she goes! Yet those on the viewing windows can see exactly what's down there when she arrives – the key is tied up at the far end, with a very scantly dressed but powerful woman standing in front, cracking her knuckles and neck as she waited for her victim to appear.

Glowing all around is a greenish mud. The mud fulled up the entire room as far as the eye could see, reaching just below the woman's knees. There was a large pipe standing near the key. Apparently once Lash had won, she would be whisked back to her friends, clean and proper. If she didn't...well there was the lady. And the mud. Stuck in there for all eternity...

The Chaos God really had it out for her, it seemed.

Of course she didn't know that. As she landed, sliding into the mud cumbersomely before setting herself up.

The timer began. Three minutes. No more. No less.

[thewunderkind]

"You've got to be KIDDING ME!" she yelled out, angrily crying out to the viewing window. "This isn't a challenge, it's...the dumbest thing ever!"

With a primal scream, and having wanting to SO MANY hit things in this place already today, she nearly threw herself at the other girl, left fist first.

Sixth Challenge - Doctor and anyone else who wants to join in.

[cityship]

The dwarfs don't hesitate for this challenge, and pushed...well everyone in.

Ye havth done well so farith a scroll said in terrible broken fake medieval English. No ye must doth this last tasth before the challenges for the keywords with begunths.

A white corridor. As they all walked in, two women in pink nurse outfits usher them all.

"Thank our most wonderful, sexy, handsome god ever, Chaos the Almighty that you're all here!" They turned to the Doctor. "Especially you, Doctor!" they giggled in a musical chime, putting a white lab coat and a stereoscope around his neck. The rest simple got pink lab coats. "The patient is very sick and needs all your help!"

As they walk to the darkened room, someone was screaming in terrible pain. The closer they got, the stranger it was. The person appeared to be human, apart from the comically large nose that appeared to have been sown on him. He was already tied down, various parts of his entire body opened up in all it's disgusting gory details. On the side in a pan, bloody, rusted tools of the trade. On the right, clean, new tools! A bottle of magic liquid with the word (repair) on it, two pairs of comically large pincers, some white cotton covering, a defibrillator, a bottle of bluish liquid along with a large needle with the word written "heart calmer" on it.

In the far back, a laser gun machine that required an operator behind it.

The patient had a meter attached to him. It had his brainwaves and heartbeat.

"We lost the key!" one of the nurses explained.

"In his body!" the other answered.

"We need you to find it without the patient dying!" they said together. "You have to find it using the tools in one of the places he's been opened up!"

They were finding this so funny.

"Then you have to patch him up using the green magic liquid and the white cloth!" the other answered. "But you have to be careful! If he gets too frighting his nose will light up red! That counts as a strike! Three strikes and you fail this test!"

"Three strikes! Three strikes! Make sure his heart beat is normal too! If it gets too high or too low, use the blue bottle and shove the needle in his heart! But you can only use that three times!"

"Doctor! You will be the one who has to remove the objects! The others can assist you! And be careful! Alien creatures have been trying to take over his body! They'll need to be zapped as you operate!"

"Yes yes yes! And make sure you don't touch anything metallic as you remove all the objects inside him! His nose will light up then too!"

The man looked at them, groaning weakly. It was hard to tell if he even knew what was happening. This entire game was completely demonic, disgusting and disturbing. The final stretch for the keys.

...then the real challenges would begin.

[thewunderkind]

Lash had operated on clones before during the World Wars. But this was just beyond ridiculous. She wanted to laugh, but the mud battle had left her out of breath. The wunderkind knew what she was good for, and it was lots of fancy shooting.

"I've got the laser," she told all of them, moving behind to where the large machine was, turning it on and making it hum. Testing it out on a nearby wall, she watched as it melted the cement.

"Oooh! Better lower the power," she muttered to herself, thinking aloud.