trans_9 | The Wrath of Neutro

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The Wrath of Neutro

LAST WEEK, ON THE ADVENTURES OF PERCIVAL PHOENIX: The situation had gone from bad to worse. The rescue team now knew what had become of their colleagues, true --
BUT AT WHAT PRICE?

Sakura has been kidnapped! Anwei and Zouichi are convinced they're villainous henchmen!

Lash thinks she's A MAD SCIENTIST!

...

*in the audience, a man bursts into flames and runs off, screaming*

AND NOW, THE CONTINUATION.

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The Blood Queen curtsied, making certain that she dipped just a little bit lower than Nuon. "My Lady, you may rest assured that (with your blessing) it is I who shall deliver certain death to Percival and his little band of bootlickers." Postage due, her expression suggested.

"There can be plenty of death dispersed out," she answered with a nod, her hand still clutching the towel to make sure it didn't fall off.

"Now before everything, the both of you. Your TPS reports? I hope the both of you have dutifully been filling them out, the Evil League of Evil has been knocking on my door for the past two days. Evil Elephant wants to make sure we're being evil and not just twiddling our thumbs. Stupid pachyderm always tries to get his trunk up everyone's affairs," she muttered.

Uh oh.

"Of course, my Lady -- in fact, I already entrusted my report to the Blood Queen, for delivery to you several days ago. I trust that it has arrived safe and sound?"

Evil Elephant: the thorn in everyone's side.

She blinked her evil eyes in the most innocent fashion she was capable of, which was not very innocent at all. "Unfortunately the Evil League of Evil is no longer accepting paper submissions, Nuon. I rerouted the forms back to you with instructions simple enough that even you can follow them. Perhaps next month you can manage to submit them more promptly? Of course," another flutter of the eyelashes, this one directed to the Lady, "my own reports were sent exactly on time."

The Blood Queen was on excellent terms with Evil Elephant, as it happened. They had an...understanding.

His gaze is full of false pity. "Oh, Blood Queen, sometimes I wonder if you truly have a mind rattling around in that half-empty head of yours, or merely a leaky sieve. Surely you remember I never file paper copies of anything. But if you've lost the files, no matter. I'll simply have to resubmit them. But please, do try and inform me if you lose any more of my things in the future?"

The Blood Queen regarded her co-minion with a sorrowful gaze. "Nuon, all electronic submissions require paper back-ups, along with a copy of the Paperless Office Conformation Form. I have told you that (by the Lady's will) all electronic submissions are to go to TPSreports(at)nearlyfinisheddeathfortress.com, and not TPSreports(at)deathfortressundercontruction.com." She sighed. "You really do need to look into getting your memory optimized. Surely there must be room for some improvement?"

There was plenty of room, no doubt, but it was unlikely that Nuon's addled brainpan could be optimized in any useful way. Well, perhaps as a flowerpot.

"Please, Blood Queen: you're beginning to contradict yourself. The Evil Elephant hasn't required anything so pedestrian as a 'paper back-up' for the past hundred years; and as I believe I've already mentioned, I submit all my reports in electronic form. Unless, of course, you're suggesting the Evil Elephant has given me special dispensation to file my reports in a manner different from all the other evil minions? You of all people should know his rules bend for no one."

He bowed. "Not even for robots in need of 'memory optimization', as you so crudely put it."

Now her expression was tinged with what might almost be despair. "Can it be that your memory is truly so corroded, like that tin can you wear for a head? If so, I should strongly recommend that the Lady consider taking you offline for repairs." Her chin rose imperiously. "I will not have your flaws endanger her or her plans."

"If the Lady wishes a servant who is capable of carrying out all of your duties, with the added advantage of being able to remember what his orders are, I should recommend one of my robo-jackals, Deathtruction-Devotee? Who is also considerably more attractive than you."

"ALRIGHT, ENOUGH!" God. Damn. Even when she was in front of her they would begin bickering. Like children! Nothing but children. "You each provide me with assistance, but keep this up and it will be the scrapyard for the both of you." She shot a nearby guy dressed in red for a perfect example of how evil she was. He was swept off by a bunch of robots. But all this talk about Evil Elephant made her wonder. She liked the guy, but he was the type that didn't forget things that were done to dishonor him.

"I'm going to need the both of you to do different things." BAM! Another dead red shirt guy. "Please don't make this harder for yourselves than it is for me..." she sat a pretty badass looking chair that probably had all of the budget put on it, legs crossed over the now dead plastic-looking body. Decked in faux gold and wood, with flaming skulls on top, it was awe inspiring and evil looking. Now if only she was in her outfit instead of an EVIL TOWEL™ it would look much, much, more imposing.

"Blood Queen, stop Percival and those fools. They must not get here at any cost, do you hear me? Nuon I want you to take the spaceship and fly to Evil Elephant's Planet to make sure all of the paperwork is correct. The last thing this operation needs is an annual checkup by the likes of them."

Edited 2011-06-11 02:48 (UTC)

Nuon gave her a picture-perfect bow; his was the soul of the consummate servant. "Of course, my Lady. It shall be done."

He disappeared in a burst of electrical energy. Because walking out the door was just not awesome and robotic enough.

The Blood Queen curtsied low, low enough that the wings of her headdress swept the floor. "My lady, it is ever my honor to serve you."

She rose and undulated out the door with consummate grace, like a magnificent ship sailing out into the desert, twin prows cutting a wake before her.

Sakura was staring at the downed men in red shirts, sad for the loss of their lives. Mostly. See, it was difficult, since they were part of what kept her here, and also part of the Evil Core of Evil, but they were also people.

She wept, beautiful and silent, in her cage.

While trying to pick her lock with a hairpin.

... One never really could give up, even when weeping beautifully in a gilded cage under soft light and under penalty of the threat of ashification.

"STOP THAT!" The mad scientist was gone from her throne and now overlooked the girl. Lash took the hairpin...and used it to tie her towel together.

"Hey, this is a great idea!" No more accidents!

Golly gosh gee willikers, but that was her hairpin! She only had nine of them left in her hair now! "You haven't heard of the twist and tuck?"

"Haven't you heard of shut your foul mouth before I shoot you?"

...the towel was twisted and tucked.

Sakura coughed into her hand. The terribly evil doctor and she seemed to share a certain... wonderful body type. Terrific for running! "Tension helps," was her 'helpful' commentary.

The doctor was about to reply something back when the "ding!" sound of a machine's work finished and ready for display. Music to her ears.

"My costume is now freshly ironed, Daisy. Don't try to escape now, I'll be right back with something a lot more comfortable, A HA HAAA HAAA HAA HA HAAAA!"

"I'll stay right here," she promised, sing song.

As soon as the evil doctor was gone, she was back on that lock. As if! Oh, and this time, she feels the mechanism catch...

That's when another cage falls on top of that one.

Trust a mad scientist to think of everything.

Drat it all! Not another cage! Especially not one that fell sideways, leaving Sakura perched at an awkward diagonal and pouting. "How original. Cage within a cage! Not like that one hasn't been used a million times before."

As it it heard her words, another, third cage fell on top of that one.

Which dropped her down a good six feet into the floor.

Into a water pipe.

That started spitting water into the impromptu and poorly designed hole.

Cold water.

A rubber ducky drifted in from nowhere.

Also a goldfish. (It started nibbling on Daisy's heel.)

"... DOCTOR, I-KIND-OF-NEED-YOU-IN-A-NOW-LIKE-FASHION-OH-PERCIVAL-HELP-ME!"

Are you kidding the doctor was watching this on some sort of HORROR MONITOR™ munching on popcorn. Maybe she'd turn off the water system. Soon. Eventually.

"Yessssss just keep thinking he'll come to save you, Ha ha ha ha haaa he will never even reach this place haa haa haa!"

Sakura gave in to what instinct told her to do.

She screamed bloody redrum.

And it was good.

~~"That was a terrible scream," a voice from across the known universe commented for no reason.~~

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The Wrath of Neutro

Very much so

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