trans_9 | The Wrath of Neutro

[Back at the evil lair, Anwei and Zouichi are bickering over who’s the better loyal minion until Lash yells at them. They are always arguing! They have not captured Percival Phoenix yet! They are not turning in their TPS reports! She orders Anwei to take care of the hero and his new little friends before they get to the evil lair – after all, it’s Anwei’s territory they’ll be passing through on their way there. She leaves, but Zouichi resolves to follow her and capture them for himself. Sakura struggles to free herself, but is stopped by Lash. Bwahaha!]

[The rescue team is heading toward the castle, complaining all the while as they trudge through strangely Egyptian themed ruins. Suddenly, Anwei appears, siccing her robo-jackals on the team! Which, okay, they can more or less handle. Zouichi shows up, having tracked her to the location of the heroes, unleashing the cardboard robots! Okay, so that PLUS the jackals is getting a little much for the team to handle. Percival shows up to save the day, with his trusty Atomizer Gun and/or his ability to capitalize on Anwei and Zouichi’s propensity to constantly argue with each other. The heroes escape with Percival, and end up deciding to work with him.]

[Lash curses Anwei and Zouichi mightily for their failure to defeat the heroes while Sakura continues her attempts to escape and snarking. Cowed, Lash’s lieutenants return to the battlefield. Clearly the solution to their previous defeat is mummies! And a giant mechanical spider! This time, however, the rescue team is ready, splitting the enemies up in a labyrinth to deal with them separately.

[For de-brainwashing Anwei]

[For de-brainwashing Zouichi]

"I'm taking bets," Howard says. He has not shut up for the entire walk here, which has taken well over an hour. Not so secretly, it's because he's scared, and babbling tends to take the edge off the feeling that they're walking into danger. Which, given that they're heading to the mountain lair where mad scientist Dr. Kraken the Power Ranger is making a death ray, would be a very accurate feeling.

How can he be so terrified and yet still find the whole scenario so laughable? He's chewing on a piece of gauze from his med kit in earnest.

"With this setting, we're talking mummies. Aztec mummies. Brendan Frasier mummies. Scooby Doo pull-the-toilet-paper-and-they-unwind mummies. If we run across mummies, you all owe me a soda. Multiple sodas. #@$% that, 12-packs of Dr. Pepper."

God, that censoring is $%#@ing weird.

Howard notes a shadow shifting in his peripheral vision and turns around, but sees nothing distinct. He scoots in a little closer to Chase, who's become his de facto Object to Hide Behind. For all that they've all been talking about movie cliches for the last hour, he's incredibly grateful no one's brought up the black-guy-dies-first one.

"Hey, is that sphinx made of styrofoam?"

He got more used to Aztec ruins and treks through thick jungle in his one extended venture into non-urban ruins, but this is... ok, while he doesn't mind the long walk, this is weird, no matter how one looks at it.

"%$#@ that, the way this is going, you've got to be right. Wish the one mummy I knew at home was here... he'd be critiquing the set. Besides, when we $#@&%!# get out of this, I'm going to need something stronger than $#!@&%$ Dr. Pepper."

Yeah, the censoring is definitely $%#@!&# weird.

"$#%&@!% right it is. And I bet Anwei is half made of silicon here, last I saw her."

Howard trips over an gold-painted electrical cable (seriously, who just leaves those lying around in cardboard Egypt?) and stumbles into a statue of Bast as they pass. It crumbles, and sure enough it's filled with little white styrofoam pellets. Also, it smells like hot glue and spray paint. He notices that there's gold smeared on his shoes from the ground.

Well, at least it isn't glitter.

"God, seriously. I don't even look at that sort of thing and even I noticed that Wonderbra." Which is creepy, jeez Anwei.

"You, uh, you do realize that she's a cannibal with a martyr complex, right? And that like, in every movie ever, when you kiss the evil femme fatale she's got poison on her lips or a dagger in her panties."

He glances back over his shoulder, grinning at Howard.

"First, if we can't $#&*(#@ swear, we sure as %#$& aren't going to be allowed to see anything that ain't $%&#@%$ PG rated. She's probably wearing $#@%*#@ Censored bars under her glittery bad girl #$%&.

Two, didn't know about the martyr complex, but we've talked some.

Three, how can you not $#@%&(@ notice tits?... huh... ok, so we can say (!($..."

He pauses. "(!($..."

"@#$&$#@&... the censors $#@%!#% figure out when they missed something. $#@&."

He growls. %$#@ censors... apparently he can't even think in swearing like a @#%&$%@# sailor anymore.

"Point still stands... yeah, making out with the bad girl is a bad idea, but they're $#@%&!@ hot. There's a $@%$#@& reason Hollywood keeps squeezing braindead blow up dolls with six figure incomes into latex and giving them #$%&!#% whips and too much make up... and don't worry about the panty dagger... I'll disarm her."

Chase's colorful language did not go unappreciated. The ruins were filled with shadows: moving, silent shadows. They watched out of gold-rimmed eyes as the Earthlings stumbled through the plaster-and-foamcore ruins, tracking. Waiting.

One of them raised its head on its narrow neck, its great ears turning like antennae dishes (which they were) and sent a signal.

Jaime rubbed the bridge of his nose. It was bad enough listening to them argue, but the constant censoring was starting to get on his nerves, too. Even if he wasn't really the type to do much swearing himself.

"They're not even in their right minds. I mean something here obviously has to be affecting them. It's made it so you guys can't swear, so obviously it's messed with their heads, too." He trudges along with the others, resisting the urge to fly ahead. Not a smart thing to do, really.

"Also, it's kind of rude to talk about Anwei's tits when she's not even here."

"Wow, thanks, Bugman. We really see the error of our ways now," Howard says with a decidedly snide tone. "And we never would have figured out that Zou spouting the Team Rocket mantra wasn't in his right mind if you didn't point it out."

Truth be told, he's worried about Zou. Back home, the people who were brainwashed by the Darkness didn't fare so well psychologically. He knows Zou's capable of withstanding all sorts of things, but that doesn't mean he isn't concerned. And concern for someone else is not a feeling Howard's much used to or fond of.

He spits out the piece of gauze and gets a new one from his kit. It's a cheap Egyptian B-movie set, and he really doesn't feel bad about littering. "And you, Thor, seriously? You're going to risk poison kisses and pantie-daggers for a censor bar and a fade to black? You better get one of those plastic second mouths from Robin, I guess."

Not to mention that Howard just doesn't get the appeal of 'braindead blow up dolls'. Or Anwei and her triple-D brassiere.

"She's probably watching us in her crystal ball or some $#&!, so its not like I'm saying anything I wouldn't if she were here. I've been around mind controlled people before, had a few possessing spirits try and get into my head... so this ain't new territory. Something's got a hold of 'em, but whatever it is doesn't want 'em dead, or they'd be dead. Just means we need to go in there, take out whatever's got a hold of them, and take it, or that person out." he replies, continuing to be surprisingly good natured about the whole thing.

"Wouldn't be the first time someone's tried poison kisses either. If we get around to panty daggers though, &%!! yeah I want to be there for that one. I'm not sure she'd ever live that one down though. Seriously though... they'll be fine. We may just need to kick @$$ and take some names first."

Further on in the dunes and dust there was a small six-sided building with latticed walls, tastefully adorned with plaster vulture heads, rubber cobras, and an elaborate papier-mâché scorpion crouching on the roof. It was painted gold, and black hieroglyphics were stencilled on every surface; the face of Anubis repeated over and over again, suns, snakes, and skulls even though skulls weren't really a part of the Egyptian hieroglyphic alphabet and were more properly Mayan.

None of these decorations did much to disguise that this was, in fact, a gazebo. Although the person currently using it would strenuously disagree.

Inside the not-a-gazebo, the Blood Queen sat on a calico cushion (rather out of place, but the bench was hard) and stared into a crystal pyramid in her hand. A small blue LED lent it an unearthly glow, and against that glow shone three oncoming figures, stumbling through the ruins.

"Soon," the Blood Queen crooned to herself, narrow tongue flickering snakelike over her lips. She put down the pyramid and pulled out a bottle of gold fleck nail polish. "Soon, the terror I have nurtured in your hearts will come to blackest blossom. Soon, your horror and despair will run over, as you see the full magnificence of my domain." She carefully repainted two nails, admiring their gleam. "I will welcome you into my heart of darkness, and you will stay there until the end of your days – or hours. Maybe only a few minutes until your fear breaks you. We shall sssseeeeeee...." she hissed.

She patted the bench beside her, and one of her companions leaped up, nuzzling at her. She carefully picked up one giant paw, squeezed it to expose razor-sharp claws, and started to carefully apply the nail polish.

"All beasts should be beauties too," she smiled.

Who watches the watchman? A familiar black-clad figure, of course, gazing with frosty contempt at the holographic image before him. The Blood Queen, once again attempting to beautify those dimwitted, drooling canines she called her pets. Revolting things, a combination of sleek steel and soft, decrepit, organic flesh. He shuddered. Abominations.

From the secret of his underground spying chamber, Nuon could see not only his hated rival, but those idiotic Earthlings. Children, except for the beefy dimwit who had no doubt wandered his way off a construction crew. One was obviously too frightened out of his wits to accomplish anything but cowering behind the others. The second was apparently enamored of dressing up as a giant insect.

"As vain as you are decrepit. Ha! What irony!" he sneered as the Blood Queen. "Do you imagine that you'll win our Lady's favor with your dime-store diablerie? It is Nuon who shall emerge as Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™'s most loyal retainer!"

He plotted.

"Maybe we're supposed act like sidekicks to the blue guy. Uh, the other blue guy. Percival Phoneix or whatever. I mean, it's like we're in some horrible B-movie, right?" Jaime was thinking on his feet. He was pretty good at that.

"And if we have to fight Anwei or Zouichi, I'll take Z. I think he could clobber either of you guys. No offense, but super-strength is really more my field of expertise."

Chase laughs. "Got super-strength here, too, Beetle." he adds, making at least the attempt at respect of someone he doesn't really know of using his correct name. "Magic weapons, regeneration, magic tricks and a lifetime of combat experience... but if you want Z, please be my guest. I got no more issues with hitting a girl than hitting on them if it comes to it. And if La Blue Guy wants to pull his appearing act and point a shiny tinfoil weapon at someone, long as it ain't me, he's welcome to the party."

"Wait wait wait, no way are you making me deal with Anwei. I've seen what she can do with that mouth." He shoots Chase a look that says 'don't you dare turn that into an innuendo'.

Not that he really wants to face off with Zouichi, either, but at least Zou would just shoot him or throw him into a wall and break his bones or electrocute him. Anwei can bite whole limbs off.

"Honestly, we shouldn't be fighting our crew mates unless we have to anyway. If they're brainwashed, until we figure out how to undo it fighting them's only going to get us or them or both hurt. We should be looking for how to turn it off. And given what we know about B-movies, it's either a big machine in the lair, or some shiny collar or gem. Maybe Anwei's bra."

The Blood Queen raised her hands high. Clouds boiled in her vision pyramid, and matching clouds streaked by overhead. Purple clouds tinged with red, moving very fast, that looked like the sky was leaking blood. They ran in a river of boiling color towards the lost, weak, helpless Earthlings who were stumbling to their terrified doom.

She rose to her feet, drawing a wrap of transparent black linen over her shoulders and head, and from around her came the scratching of eager paws, and panting from many sharp-toothed muzzles.

"Soon," she whispered. "Soon you will feed."

Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™ was not pleased. The heroes were not defeated! That accursed Percival still lived to see another day! Daisy's cage hadn't been vacuumed properly, it was a terrible mess! When the great queen threw a tantrum, even the largest of the creatures assembled had to shrink back from her piercing gaze. She raised her arms to the sky in frustration as music filled the room.

"HE STILL LIVES?!" Never mind all the other time she tried to kill him that had failed. "He must not find out all the details of my plans!" Never mind the fact that Daisy' cage was just behind her. "The Death Ray will speed up all the molecules of any target I point it on causing it to be reduced to dust! ...well either that or blow up the entire world. Either way it's going to be a blast."

The Lady Doctor paced back and forth in a circle massaging her skull. All these things were giving her a headache. She hated these headaches.

"And another thing! Neither Percival nor those three nitwits must arrive here. Stop them! Crush them! They should be shot on sight! Or...skinned! YEAH! SKIN THEM ALIVE! BURN THEM INTO A FIERY ASH!"

Edited 2011-06-06 23:02 (UTC)

"Still here, you sniveling seductress?" High on the topmost floor of Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™'s secret evil lair, Nuon scowled across the room at his most hated enemy. "I thought our Lady ordered you to dispatch of Phoenix and his little team of assistants -- don't tell me you're disobeying her direct command?"

The Blood Queen let her eyes roll over Nuon's uniformed body as though he was a grape that she was sizing up for the wine-press.

She turned a little, letting the light shine just so off her headdress. "You thought? How novel, a tin toy with delusions of consciousness - and competence. I see that you are not rushing to challenge Percival Phoenix and his Earthling sidekicks. Perhaps you have forgotten your orders regarding them?"

Pitiful synthetic creature. Why the Lady kept him around was anyone's guess.

Nuon bowed deeply, one hand over his metallic chest. This was his greatest failure! His greatest shame! His hand clenched into a fist of ANGER AND HUMILIATION. Those meddling Earthling interlopers! It was their fault! They would pay for this!

The outsiders had displayed powers far beyond mortal ken, but even they had been no match for Nuon and his clockwork army! At least, until the entrance of that thrice-accursed PERCIVAL PHOENIX!

"It shall be as you order, my Lady," he grated mechanically. Oh, what he wouldn't give to wrap his metallic hands around that Phoenix's throat and wring his perfectly-muscled neck.

Nuon suppressed a shudder as he felt the stare of those ancient, yellowed eyeballs pass over the surface of his immaculately-pressed uniform, as if across an eternal expanse of time.

"Ha! Empty words, forming equally empty insults! But like your ill-cast glamours, they do naught to conceal the toothless old counterfeit that lies beneath. Oh, how I long for the day when our Lady sees you for the sham you have always been!"

Revolting old seductress. He could only imagine why she kept eyeing the unrivaled perfection of his synthetic form.

The Blood Queen curtsied low, keeping her balance with perfect grace; at her side the robo-jackals groveled on their bellies, whining softly in a tune of self-incrimination.

"I shall exert myself to the utmost to carry out your orders with absolute perfection," she purred. "Despite the poor quality of your - other assistants - I am certain that Percival Phoenix's head will at your feet by sunset."

With or without his body attached.

"And as for his sidekicks," she rose, eyes flaming with fury, "I intend to choke them, burn them, and then sliver them into teeny-tiny fragments and entomb them alive!" And thunder crashed (that sounded suspiciously like someone shaking a sheet of metal behind the nearest canvas scrim).

The Wrath of Neutro

Meanwhile! (Lash, Anwei, Zouichi, Sakura)

SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

THE BLOOD QUEEN COMES CLEAN (Anwei, part of the rescue team)

THE HEART OF ARTIFICE (Zouichi, relevant rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: SPELL OF THE BLOOD QUEEN! (Anwei, Zouichi, rescue team)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: Meanwhile! (Lash, Anwei, Zouichi, Sakura)

Re: Meanwhile! (Lash, Anwei, Zouichi, Sakura)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: Meanwhile! (Lash, Anwei, Zouichi, Sakura)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)