trans_9 | The Wrath of Neutro

"Great. Here we go." Jaime rose into the air, quietly debating with Khaji Da over which systems were still working and what would be the most effective way to deal with the incoming robo-jackals.

Nuon scowled at the Blood Queen's garish entrance. Typical; she didn't even have the decency to rematerialize a respectable distance away. But no matter -- he'd made special arrangements for today. He watched as the Blood Queen scampered off, tittering. No doubt muttering to herself as well, but who could know the dusty workings of that ancient, creaking collection of cogs she called a brain?

From the shadows of the ruined labyrinth came the metallic sound of jointed, metal-alloy legs scraping against marble.

He smiled.

Percival kept a hand on his trusty Atomizer Ray, sweeping the ruins. Yes, the dastardly Blood Queen was close, but--

"Do you hear THAT?" he boomed in his commanding baritone, ensuring that no one actually heard anything. "That scraping? By Orion's Belt, it reminds me of the time I faced off against the GREAT GOLDEN COCKROACHES OF CASSIOPEIA! Stay alert, friends, for I fear there is EVIL afoot!"

The Blood Queen was not sending her robo-jackals to the attack; they were too precious to be wasted on such mundane tasks. (Poor Flopsy was never going to be the same!) Instead her beasts moved to lure the heroes deeper into the maze. They appeared and disappeared, snapping and lunging and then backing off, giggling and luring and herding them.

And at an altar to ancient gods, the Blood Queen laid noisome resins on the fire and chanted, "Come, my lost ones, my loved ones. Move your withered limbs, unveil your stony bones, rise and walk and rend and tear!"

Chase eyes Percival. "It reminds me of the time there were all these robotic jackals, you know, before the plot #$&*ing demanded you show up. You know why? Cause its the same $#@&%$# sound."

he has just time to reply, before the feinting attack. Thing is, Chase was born a dog. He knows herding tactics. Figuring out that there's something else going on here doesn't take long.

"Keep backing up, and watch behind us. Got your backs."

Yeah, he really wished all his magic tricks were working right now - but he can improvise.

Percival laughs heartily at this, attempting to give Chase a jovial slap on the back. "HAHAHAHAHA! Not THAT sound, my friend!" he announces, as LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE. "But have not fear, I think I can pl--OOF!"

Yes, that sound is Percival Phoenix tripping over a piece of the ruins and falling flat on his immensely handsome face. The Atomizer Ray goes flying into the herd of robo-jackals.

Oops.

"By Neptune's Nethers, who put this rock here?!"

The robo-jackals do not let this opportunity go to waste; one of them promptly leaps on the fallen weapon, grabbing it in metal-tipped teeth and dragging it away, back to its mistress.

The others continue to menace the would-be heroes, but their giant gold-tipped ears flick again and again at the sounds coming out of the ruins all around them. Sounds that meant that the Queen's spells have succeeded.

The sarcophagi have opened. The dust pits have given up their dead. And now, the mummies walk. Wrappings brown and fragile with time, grinning mouths that stream beetles and the stench of time, skeletal fingers that seek living, supple, strangulable throats. They are moving through the ruins, crowding shoulder to rotted shoulder, and their numbers are past counting.

Percival, you suck.

"Yo, Howard, need my #@$& gun back." Chase calls, slinging the hammer back over his back to have a hand free to catch his weapon, using the other to drag Percival back from the pack.

"My magic ain't working, but I bet this plot will let heavy firepower work just fine."

"What, you're going to leave me with no weapons except my razor wit?" Of course, given the genre, that might be all Howard needs. He hands Chase Kickass back, then takes a step back, seeing the mummies approaching. "You all we me so many sodas. Think we can set them on fire?"

"Precisely why I needed this back." Chase coments, swapping out the shells for dragonsbreath. Most of his magic is @$%%ed here, but so far, firepower is as dependable as ever.

He lets go of Percival, and tosses Howard Bubblegun instead - .50mm Desert Eagle... plenty of firepower there... and opens fire with an explosion of blue flame from the sawed off.

"Suck fireball, you ancient sons of &%$#@&$."

Ah, freed from Chase's rather beefy grasp, Percival was now free to retrieve his Atomizer. Charming fellow, but he just didn't understand the heroic way of going about things. He ran after the jackal that had stolen his gun, wrestling it into submission and holding it triumphantly above his head.

"Ha HA! Better luck next time, pup!" he said, grinning to all who might be watching.

And oh, dear. Chase was already busy setting the mummies on fire. "Hmm."

Mummies are flammable! They burn brightly and crisply, letting off the cheery smell of Christmas wreaths and scorched bone and herbs from black and unnamable shores.

Unfortunately, being on fire does not seem to stop the mummies. In fact, as they advance, they are spraying pitch in front of them in arcs, flaming, smoking (and undoubtedly priceless, considering the age of the delicate linen wrappings, the possible extinction of the herbs involved, and the overall historical import of the mummies) droplets of fiery resin.

And they are still coming, flaming arms spread as though to embrace...

"Oh. Great. I bet this is what the welcome gates to Hell look like," Howard says, backing up behind Chase again and shooting one of the mummies in the chest, to no effect. He stuffs the Desert Eagle back in Chase's holster, looking instead for something they can use as a barricade.

That strange scraping sound Percival had been remarking ever-so-loudly upon before? Had been steadily growing louder, closer, more insistent -- until with an immense uprooting of ancient stone and mortar, a hulking shape emerged from below the floor of the ruins, sending a great plume of dust and sand into the air.

The mechanical spider was sleek, silver, and as big as a house. A mobile, semi-intelligent, angry SPIDER HOUSE. Eight ruby-like lenses appeared to serve as its eyes; in its steel mandibles, it held a single marble pillar.

It surveyed the heroes for a moment, pincering its mandibles closed. The pillar cracked into two, impacting the ground with a sound like dull thunder. Its eight eyes glinted briefly.

Without no further warning, bright crimson lasers fired out of each of its scarlet 'eyes', casting the beam in a swift, curved arc that carved across the battlefield, targeting allies and enemies alike.

Howard hides behind Chase with good reason - as soon as the spider appears, Chase is moving, no hesitation. His first instinct is the hammer slam, catching himself, reminding himself that that particular enchantment isn't working. Instead, he manages, through sheer reflex, to do one of those things that should only be possible in the movies - as the laser sweeps past him, he brings the oversized hammer up, and deflects the shot, the magic weapon unscathed. Its no lightsaber, he can't send it back towards the spider, but that clears a path for him to charge right at the mechanical giant.

"Huh, none of the giant spiders back home had lasers. Nice trick."

"Giant spiders. With lasers. This just keeps getting better." Jaime ducks in front of the others, activating an energy shield in order to give Chase a hand and ensuring that no one loses something useful like a limb. Or a head. He retaliates, one arm forming itself into an energy cannon which fires off a blast at the gargantuan pest. How much damage it'll do is really up in the air, unfortunately.

The spider's sensors tell it that it has burned apart more shambling mummies and slow-witted robo-jackals than heroes, but its mechanical brain doesn't much care. Oh? so the beefy Earthling man doesn't like lasers?

It merely ignores the energy blast, which glances off its heavily armored carapace to destroy some ruined building; from the dorsal side of its thorax, a cluster of armaments emerges. It fires.

Mini-missiles erupt from the launchers on its back, scattering through the air in a jumble of arcs and turns that seem almost random. All, however, target the rescue team. A cluster of explosions tears through the stone and styrofoam as the spider's legs carry it swiftly, smoothly forward. Its carapace snaps shut once again.

The robo-jackals are maddened by the smells of burning mummy and ozone-scorching lasers; while some of them are running, wailing the long gigglish wails of a terrified puppy, others are still snapping and clawing at anything that looked like it could be hurt. They fight not like dogs, but like maddened, frenzied wolves.

The mummies that have been sliced in half by the lasers (and not sintered into blobs of ash) are still coming; their legs are walking by themselves, stumbling blindly through the sands. Those aren't much of a threat. The torsos dragging themselves forward with bony arms, teeth clacking, are a bit more problematic.

Ok, this is getting to be /really/ ugly. Surrounded and outnumbered. The jackals aren't as bad as they were, but still plenty dangerous. The spider is ignoring Jaime's shots, and Chase's hammer isn't working right.

So.. time to fall back on old reliable... throw heavy $#!(.

Slinging the hammer over his back again, he moves to the nearest styrofoam and wire building, straining to get a good grip to leverage it up, digging his hands into the dirt. Its slow at first - and only possible because of the building materials, but after that moment, with creaks and groans, the entire building lifts off the ground, and is thrown towards the largest grouping of mummies, which should also give some temporary cover from the spider's shots while he comes up with something.

Percival is uninjured, having taken cover as soon as that laser blast was a glint in that giant metal spider's eye. Pesky little critter; it must be one of Nuon's pet projects.

He takes this opportunity to stand once again, thumping his chest (and therefore also that garish lightning insignia) with one broad fist. "COMRADES! I, PERCIVAL PHOENIX, believe I have a plan that might help us defeat our annoying arachnid adversary!"

His extremely loud delivery attracts the attention of several of the remaining robo-jackals (or at least their torsos), who fasten their jaws on his uniform and doggedly attempt to at least harm some of his person on what borrowed time they have left. "Hey!"

Hey, that building-throwing seemed to work. Unfortunately, Howard wouldn't be the type to be able to replicate that move. Instead, he runs up to the closest crawling, flaming mummies and kicks them over onto their stomachs. He grabs pieces of wire and the scrap from the building to impale them and pin them to the ground. This seems to slow them down a bit, although at one point he has to hack one's arm off at the elbow when it grabs his ankle.

And it looks like The Other Blue Guy has attracted all the jackals. Good job, doofus! Sadly, if the conventions of the genre are holding, they're going to need him before the day is out.

Prying the mummy's hand from around his sock, Howard waves the arm like a prize. "Hey, doggies! Hey, over here!"

When the jackals eagerly glance up, he chucks the arm as far as he can towards the mummies. "Fetch!"

The robo-jackals are wearing expressions of glazed desperation on their muzzles; a look that says "We weren't hired to do this! It's outside our work contract!" Their implant lights are dim (on some of the beasts the implants have actually fallen off, showing interiors made of duct tape and baling wire and not much else) and their ears are drooping with exhaustion.

But Fetch! They all knew that word! As one the remaining mobile pack members bolt towards the soaring bundle, watching it descend, each of them jostling the others. All thought of their enemies was gone; there was only Fetch! They would Fetch the thing, and bring it back; their Queen would reward them, with ear-scratches and bowls of hot motor oil and beautiful collars of gems...

The robo-jackals run straight into the clot of staggering mummies, racing through their burning limbs. An obscure chemical interaction between melting jackal-fur and the fumes from burnt mummy entrails combines to form a fireball of spectacular size and remarkably brief duration.

BWOOOSH!!

The spider didn't particularly care about the grisly fate of the jackals, nor that of the mummies. THE SPIDER DOESN'T CARE WHO IT HURTS (with the exception of Nuon and his master, of course, whom it must avoid hitting with any deadly weaponry at all costs). However, Chase's building cover was presenting a temporary annoyance.

It moved forward to lash out at the prop building again and again with its front legs, tearing it apart with delighted arachnid abandon. Its eyes gave another telltale glint.

As soon as it attacks the building, Chase darts forward, making one of those anime-leaps, drawing the hammer in one hand, his shotgun in the other in mid-air, coming down firing a blast of Dragonsbreath fire at the spider eyes with the gun, coming down with the hammer, hoping its enthusiasm for the building will distract it long enough for him to try and find a weak point.

The Wrath of Neutro

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)