trans_9 | Free ice cream! [open]

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Free ice cream! [open]

Alex sat beneath the shade of a large tree in a decent sized park. Those familiar with New York might recognize the sky scrapers in the distance, even if they didn't recognize the park itself. Parked on a small service road was an ice cream truck with a merry vendor, who claimed that it was customer appreciation day, and was thus giving ice cream away for free.

Alex was already enjoying a chocolate and strawberry cone covered in sprinkles and caramel syrup, wondering if anyone would bother showing up to spend time with him, or even be interested in sensorium ice cream in the first place.

Either way, Alice seemed thrilled, as she pulled what appeared to be pink chocolate chips from a jar labelled "Yogis". Reaching out to pet Alice, Alex laughed a bit, "Don't get used to eating s-so many." sensorium food might not mess with her health, but once they got home, it would be the real thing once again. He figured that she deserved the treat as much as he deserved the ice cream anyway.

[OOC: Post to Alex or to other people if you'd like.]

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He paused for a long moment.

You do know that there are people aboard the ship who wish to restore all the worlds that have been destroyed thus far, correct? If that were to happen, would you still remain aboard?

That question gave Alex more of a pause. He had long wondered that. He didn't know about remaining on board, but he didn't want to go home.

"I m-might. I think, i-if I c-can, I'll go with Luna, t-to her world. Even if I w-won't be able to see my other friends. Luna..." He smiled a bit, looking a little sad.

His face fell again, looking almost angry. "I won't g-go home though. I'm n-never going back there. I c-can only hope that Loretta an' Mikel'll g-go with me."

I see.

So your home is so terrible that you would not consider returning? Is Luna's that much better?

He seemed to grow a bit more angry, "Y-yeah. It was. I w-was trying to ch-change it, b-but I think at th-this point, we've d-done enough, i-it c-can straighten itself out w-without us."

His hands shook ever so slightly as he spoke. The general population made things hard for him, but it was specific people, specific places, that made it so terrible. Not to mention the reputation he had been given in his area.

He could move to a whole new city, but the internet was international, and there was always going to be that chance that someone he didn't remember, and didn't want to remember, would know him.

His hands stilled as he talked about Luna's world instead. "H-her Earth... I-it sounds like it w-will be. D-different culture. F-filled with w-witches an' wizards, a-and c-creatures that are just dreams in m-my world.

"A-and Luna w-will be there."

That was... a rather dangerous thing to pin his hopes on, unless the humans of Luna's world were dramatically different from those elsewhere, and Zouichi doubted that they were. Human history was rife with struggle, cruelty, and prejudice -- alien history, too, apparently.

But if Alex felt that he wanted to start over, it was his decision. Maybe it would even work out.

Witches and wizards? So it is a world in which magic exists?

He nodded. "M-my powers m-might remind some of the p-people there of these c-creatures that also feed off o-of negative emotions, b-but they c-cause them too. That's wh-why people fear them. My powers c-cause the opposite. Wh-when I eat s-someone's fear, o-or sadness, it g-goes away. N-not usually forever, since there's a reason that y-you felt that way, and th-those reasons'll m-make you feel that way again, b-but I d-don't cause those emotions."

He hoped that people would understand and accept that, but he got the sense that at least the people Luna was friends with would understand.

"N-not to mention, they w-won't know me there, or what I c-can do. I c-can k-keep it quiet. The rumours th-that were spread in m-my world, th-that we're all insane and unpredictable, they w-won't have b-been heard there at least."

No one would know of the shame he had endured either.

So you were a victim of a campaign of misinformation. I am not surprised; it would be an excellent way to discredit you and any stories you might tell about the way you were treated.

'Creatures' that feed off negative emotions? Sounds dangerous.

He nodded, "That, p-plus a g-great deal of f-fear and a s-shadow eater or t-two g-getting overshadowed while j-just trying to p-protect themselves c-caused all sorts of rumors. E-even the l-local gangs d-didn' bother m-me, j-just because th-they learned m-my name and f-face, as a shadow eater, s-so it was g-good sometimes.

"The c-creatures from Luna's w-world are s-supposed ta be. They g-guarded th-the prison f-for the w-worst c-criminals of the wizarding world."

His serious expression deepened into a frown. "It's the c-creating them that's bad, n-not the feeding though." He wanted to make that difference clear.

'Creating them that's bad'? They were created by humans? What sort of creatures are they?

Zouichi looked curiously at Alex. You don't look so bad to me. And your shadow is not visible to humans under normal circumstances, is it? You had take special measures to allow me to see it.

"N-no, I'm sorry, I've n-never been good with c-clarity. C-creating the negative f-feelings is bad."

He shook his head, "I-it's not visible to humans th-that aren't shadow e-eaters, n-no."

So if they couldn't see your shadows, how did they know that it was the Shadow Eaters using their powers? I assume they didn't just take the accusations against you at face value; scientific experiments or not, people would have needed proof that you could actually eat shadows.

"There's g-groups who'll t-take photos of a-all the people c-coming an' g-going from the lab. P-people'd look ta see, realize their n-neighbor, or their c-co-worker is one there." He sighed. Things got so much worse after he was put on there.

They take pictures of you? Why? Surely it's no fault of your own that you were subject to the experiments. What value could there possibly be in hounding children?

"F-fear, I guess. I'm from a-after the experement began to get well known. I s-suppose it's a form of ch-cheap entertainment too."

Entertainment? How appalling. I am not glad that your Earth was destroyed, but I am glad you were able to escape the situation. There is no excuse for how you were treated.

He relaxed slightly. If our worlds are restored, I will most likely be required to return to mine.

"I am," he muttered quietly, without actually thinking of what he said. He had been hopeful on his world, but seeing this place, he often wondered if things were too far gone to have really been fixable.

A bit louder and more clearly meant for Zouichi to hear he said, "Would you want to return?"

Oh. Okay, then.

He hesitated. I'm not sure it's a matter of wanting to return or not. I was created to safeguard humanity and eradicate N5S. If my world is restored as events were before the Ohm, it would be my responsibility to see it through to the end.

The bitter end. Because things weren't looking too great for the human race when he left.

"B-but would you want to?"

Alex looked Zouichi in the eye, "B-because you a-are your own person. Y-you should have the r-right to decide."

It doesn't matter what I want, he said, blinking, as if Alex had said something completely bizarre.

"You're a p-person, though. Y-you have f-feelings, opinions." He furrowed his brow a bit. That way of thought reminded him a little bit of the thoughts and feelings his father had tried to program into his mind to keep him subservient. "R-responsibility is bullshit. I-it's a word used t-ta make y-you do things y-you might not agree with. If y-you go back, it s-should be b-because you want ta d-do whatever you c-can t-ta help the people you l-left behind, not b-because someone s-said you're supposed to."

I was created for a purpose, he said, If I abandoned my mission, then for what reason would I exist? And what about the people who can't leave Earth?

"A-and I w-was born f-for a p-purpose, o-one my father d-decided on. I d-didn't l-like it." His voice choked a bit with emotion, but he carried on, "I found f-friends, an' th-they helped m-me g-get off that path, g-get some freedom from him. I f-figured out m-my likes an' m-my dislikes, and I f-found my own purpose! I-it mightn't've b-been anything s-special u-until Loretta g-got me ta help in their r-revolution, but I t-took my sk-kill in c-computers an' I u-used it t-to make people h-happy with f-free g-games so e-even people w-with no m-money c-could sometimes t-take their m-minds off of th-the things that s-sucked. I m-made s-security s-systems f-for c-companies I l-liked, a-and a h-hacker persona th-that I c-could use t-to terrorize the ones I d-didn't, l-like so many other h-hackers w-worldwide.

"You c-can find s-some other reason. A c-cause, a person, a-an idea. J-just as l-long as it's one that y-you r-really want. Th-the p-people that c-can't leave h-have already been destroyed once. H-how do you know th-that it's even a g-good thing that your w-world c-comes back? B-besides, unless you d-decide th-that you want t-ta fight for the people of your world, th-that role? It's n-not really yours. S-someone else c-could be out there that'd r-rise to it, o-out of passion for it, b-but doesn't b-because you're f-filling it."

Zouichi was listening quietly as Alex spoke; it was more than obvious to him that Alex's own experiences heavily colored his opinions on the world. And he did, to some degree, understand what Alex was saying.

When he heard the last bit, though, the part about it not being his role to fight as he did, he couldn't help himself. "What are you saying?" he blurted. "That what I've done up until now has been meaningless?"

Because that sure was what it sounded like.

"Who are you to decide whether I'm qualified to give up my life to defend someone else's? How can you judge my world without ever seeing it, and decide that it's better off gone? What about the people whose lives were cut short through no fault of their own? What about the billions of people who never asked to have their families and friends destroyed by some virus they know next to nothing about? Do they not deserve to exist as much as any of us?"

"It is not a role. It is my duty. I--"

Zouichi suddenly cut himself off, unclenching his fists. He was yelling at a teenager, one who'd obviously been raked over the coals before getting here.

"I'm sorry," he finished. "It was not my place to lose my temper like that."

He flinched from each word like a whip was being laid across his back. He backed away from Zouichi, and away from the shadow that had erupted around him. A bit of panic rose in him, and the desire to either run or break down in tears, but he managed to take no more than a few steps back, and to hold back his tears. His oversized hoodie slid off a shoulder as he cringed, showing a badly scarred strip of skin between the elbow, where the jacket fell, and the bottom of the tee-shirt sleeve. He clenched his teeth against the verbal blows, and stayed frozen like that for a moment after Zouichi apologized, still expecting a physical strike.

Studying his sneakers, he muttered, "I-I'm s-sorry," and let it hang in the air for a moment. "I-I d-didn't mean it that way. I j-just see a-all the p-pain people are i-in in hopeless s-situations. I d-don't think th-those people don't d-deserve to exist, b-but I k-keep wondering, would it b-be better if they d-didn't?" He pulled the jacket shoulder back onto his before massaging the joint a bit. "B-but that isn't m-my place t-ta judge."

Zouichi didn't miss that scar, and Alex's posture, almost like that of a beaten dog, well. That made him feel even worse about yelling at the poor kid.

"No, I... I know that you didn't mean it that way. It's just that... I was created for a very express purpose, and the bottom line is, I failed at it, utterly." It didn't really matter that what had brought the final axe down was the Ohm, rather than N5S. Not to Zouichi, anyway. That one task had been his only task, his only purpose. Without it, what reason was there for him to exist?

"...I can't tell you how many people I've seen die because of what happened. People I didn't know, friends..." And the one woman who was the closest thing he could call to being his mother, of course, let's not forget that.

He shook his head. "I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

Free ice cream! [open]

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uh oh XD

He's bad at realizing the effect of the things he says... orz

oh god poor thing D:

orz I feel like a jerk about making his past the way it is sometimes...

Guilt-off gooooo

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