trans_9 | Stargazing and thinking

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Stargazing and thinking

Feldt couldn't stand being around a lot of people for very long. The crew of the Ptolemy was a very tight knight crew and they were pretty much the only family that Feldt had ever known. There were a lot of other people in this place and she didn't like it. She couldn't wander around the City without feeling uncomfortable or like she was being watched. The hangar was a nice place for her to go to, since she grew up around the Gundams and she knew how to repair them. She was also more comfortable around the machines than she was other people.

Still, going to the hangar presented other dangers. There were a lot of other mobile suits around and the other pilots didn't like Celestial Being that much, rather, they didn't like the ideals of Celestial Being. She had grown up with them and the rules of secrecy. She had broke them once to tell Lockon about her parents and how they had died, but she hasn't done it again.

Everyone she had talked to here had good points. It may be against Celestial Being's ideals to fight in a war, but they were fighting to survive here. The world that they were trying to change was no longer around. She wasn't sure if she should be helping the other pilots out, she was a skilled CIC officer and could coordinate the mobile suits in battle, but she didn't know if Tieria would let her. She wasn't going to go against the Meister's orders, after all, he was the only one with a connection to Veda.

She found her way to the Spacewalk and could only stare. It was like the viewing deck on the Ptolemy. It reminded her of what she had lost and as she gazed out at the stars moving past, she could feel a tear falling down her face. She wiped it away and shook her head. She needed to think about what she was going to do here, not what had gone on in the past.

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"Feldt Grace." It really shouldn't be much of a surprise who that voice belonged to. Setsuna had been leaving Hydroponics and heading back to his quarters when he spotted her.

He had initially intended to pass by with just that greeting, but he ended up pausing in his stride. He might have been a social retard, but even he could see that something was bothering her. He gave her a concerned look for a moment, then decided to stand next to her.

He didn't say anything more. Asking if something was wrong seemed, well, unnecessary, since he could tell something was wrong. He didn't ask if she wanted to talk because he didn't think he needed to. He was standing right there, if she wanted to talk, he'd listen. If she didn't, that was fine too, he'd just keep her company as they looked at the bleed.

"Setsuna," she said, somewhat surprised to see the Meister here. She knew that the place was open to the public, but she hadn't expected anyone to show up for a while. She wiped at her eyes again and looked out at the stars. She wasn't sure how to talk about this, since she wasn't that good at talking about how she felt in general.

"It's like the viewing deck on the Ptolemy," she said quietly.

Well, at least she was with someone who was just as awkward about their feelings, if not more so than her.

"I suppose," he answered. He never really stopped to compare them in his head before. "But bigger."

She nodded as she moved ever so slightly closer to him. She enjoyed the view of space here, even if they were in transit and none of the stars were stationary. There were few people that she would talk to like this, Setsuna being one of them. She went quiet for a few minutes and then looked up at him.

"I don't know what to do, Setsuna."

He honestly couldn't blame her for feeling that way. It was only recently for him that he started to find his footing in this place, his meaning for being here.

"The other Gundams..." It wasn't a question, but he did want to know if that was part of the source of her confusion.

"The pilots. They had a good point. The world we were trying to change is gone. The don't understand that being in Celestial Being means that we're trying to end war, not engage in it, but we're trying to survive," she started. "I don't know if I should help just the Meisters or get to know the other pilots and help them as well."

She was just so confused. She wasn't sure if she should do one thing or another.

He stared out silently for a moment. Every time he heard someone throw around the phrase 'trying to survive,' he couldn't help but think of that twelve year old boy, clutching an assault rifle, desperately running for his life while being shot at by 18 meter tall mobile suits. Did any of them really know what it meant to fight for their survival?

"When I joined Celestial Being," he started, "it was because they gave me a chance to do something more than survive.

"All I knew how to do was fight; Celestial Being gave me a reason why I should fight. And why I should be more than just a fighter, a destroyer..." He could become a Gundam...

He wasn't entirely sure why he told her that about himself, even if it wasn't that much. He never really talked about his past or his motives, save for the times he told each of the Dylandy's about his time in the KPSA. And that was only because they deserved to know he was part of the group that was responsible for the death of their loved ones.

"Our world may be gone, but the things we fought for, those ideals still exist. Because we still exist, and so do the Gundams." He stopped looking out into space, and looked over at her. "I won't tell you who to help or who not to help, but... whatever you decide, make sure you doing it because you know it to be right, not because you think its the only way to survive."

She didn't know that about him. She looked over at the Meister for a moment, listening to him as he spoke. She was surprised that he'd tell her that, since he didn't talk that much. He was a man of action, letting his actions talk for him. She nodded and looked back at the stars, thinking about what she should do.

She knew that if they still existed then the ideals of Celestial Being still did. She wouldn't live them down, but she also wanted to help the others. She didn't really know the other pilots, but they had already judged her since she was a member of Celestial Being and they knew a little bit about what they did.

"I want to help the others, even if I know it's against what our ideals. I can help out, but can I help out and still hold onto the ideals of Celestial Being?"

He had to think about that for a moment. How can someone dedicated to the eradication of war help out a bunch of soldiers? But, then again, can someone eradicate war through the use of more violence?

"I believe you can," he answered, finally. He had faith that she'd be able to live that contradiction.

Celestial Being was one rather large contradiction. They believed that they could end war by destroying the weapons on both sides. That had started to work, then they had turned their weapons against Celestial Being. They had tried to hunt them down and almost succeeded.

"Thank you, Setsuna," she said quietly. She was glad that he believed in her at least. She wasn't sure about the other Meisters.

He may not have believed in God, but the people and ideals that he did believe in, he put his faith in wholeheartedly. Even if the whole world thought he was a fool for doing so. But if it was one thing he learned over the years, changing the world began with at least one fool who believed it was possible and was determined to try.

He nodded in acknowledgment, but didn't say anything more for the moment. He just stood next to her, quietly enjoying her company while they looked at the stars.

Feldt never did say much when she was around others. She preferred to quietly listen and offer her opinions when she thought that she needed to. For now, the quietness of the Spacewalk and being close to him was good for her.

This was almost like home, but she didn't want to think about that right now. It still hurt to think about the friends that were gone.

Have a lace handkerchief shoved the human's way. "Here, you might find this helpful."

The Doctor had been on his way to hydroponics again, wanting a closer look at the non-wildlife (there had to be a better name because really) when he'd spotted the human. Or rather, he'd spotted the excessively bright pink hair all the way from here and that was the second human with pink hair he'd seen so far. Relative of Sakura's? Between the excessively extremely very pink hair and the...well, the crying, the Doctor was distracted enough to detour from hydroponics. The Doctor now continued to offer the handkerchief.

Despite not respecting her personal space by a foot, he had a kindly expression on his face. He waved the handkerchief a little, prompting her to take it.

She blinked at him, turquoise eyes a bit wide for a moment before she took the handkerchief. She wasn't expecting anyone else to find her here, let alone find her crying. She should have been more aware of her surroundings, but the spacewalk reminded her too much of what she had lost.

"Thank you," she said quietly. She didn't know who this guy was, but he seemed rather nice. The personal space didn't seem to bother her that much, since living on a space ship made things rather uncomfortable sometimes.

If only he knew that the pink hair wasn't natural. It was just her way of showing that she was from space.

The Doctor nodded. She was welcome to keep it if she wanted.

"Bad day, at a guess. Nice view though, eh?" he asked. Making conversation, right. "The Doctor."

He held out his hand. The human didn't seem to be particularly cheered up. Sometimes he didn't always succeed at things like that, although usually it worked. Sometimes.

"Feldt Grace," she said quietly, giving him an uneasy handshake. She wasn't used to doing it, so it was rather awkward for her. She looked back out at the stars and nodded slightly.

"It's like being back home again," she said, referring to the stars around them.

It seemed to Allenby that a lot of people spent their free time hanging out in the Sensoriums. She'd gone in there all of once when someone else was running a simulation and made the decision not to do it again. The idea of marching around in someone else's daydream gave her the creeps. And asking Stacy to run something of hers... no. No, no, no.

She'd been up to the spacewalk a couple of times too and had found it pretty damn lonely, but she was up here again because... well. Just because. Maybe she could see Ohm coming. Or one of those crazy stellar clouds that looked like it couldn't be real, one of the ones that stars got born out of. Allenby liked those. And hey. All those stars out there meant that not everything was gone. So there were probably still planets out there, with strange alien people on there.

About to start pacing restlessly and doing handstands or something, Allenby paused when she spotted that pink-haired CB girl. Feldt, yeah. "Hey," she said, raising a hand in greeting. At this distance she couldn't see any crying--just that the gal looked pensive, which made Allenby hesitant enough about saying hello after the way they'd first met.

She blinked, looking around when she heard a rather familiar voice call out. She then noticed Allenby a short distance away. She wiped at her eyes before calling out. "Hello," her voice was soft, unlike when they first met. She wasn't angry this time.

She found comfort in the stars. She had grown up around them so it didn't bother her at all. She enjoyed her time alone, but she didn't mind talking to people upon occasion. She was just more comfortable around robots.

What... oh. Oh, crap. Had she been crying? It sure looked like it. Allenby shuffled her feet, at a loss for what to do. She hadn't ever talked to someone who was upset before. Sad-upset, not punch-things-upset.

Maybe she ought to just leave. Except Allenby did feel sort of bad after finding out that nowhere with Gundams used them properly, so it wasn't like yelling at a CB person and then being friends with Cagalli was really fair. So. Yeah.

"Um. Are you okay?" she asked, taking a somewhat hesitant step closer. "I mean, I can leave if you wanna be alone. I was just wanderin' around."

"I'll be fine," she said a little too quickly. She never was one for talking about her feelings, well, unless you were a certain sniper with an orange Haro. "This just reminds me of home."

She looked back out at the stars. She felt clam here, the viewing deck on the Ptolemy was one of her favorite places to go and just be alone. Anyone could go there, but she usually went when others were busy.

Allenby fidgeted with her hands before swinging her arms back and forth uneasily. See, if Feldt was a fighter she could offer just to go down to the City with her and have a quick match to get her feelings out.

...On the other hand, that might not work even if Feldt was the kind of person who would communicate her feelings with her fists. Allenby had done her own share of crying alone in her quarters. The thought of Earth, her home planet, just gone after the way she and everybody else had fought with everything in their soul to save it... it just wasn't fair. And until they found whatever Ohms had decided to blow it up so she could beat the everloving crap out of them, she really couldn't do much of anything.

At something of a loss, she looked out at the stars too. "The colonies back on my Earth didn't look real different from the planet, 'cept they were nicer. Neo-Sweden's had a blue sky and forests and everything. I only saw space when I was in a ship or a Gundam," she said. "Must be something to look out your window and see it everyday, huh."

"Celestial Being's ship had a viewing deck similar to this, a place to watch the stars," she said. She couldn't tell much more than that. She had only told one other person about her past and he had died, at least, he was dead before coming to this place. She remembered his death and it was so confusing to see him alive in this place.

"We spent a lot of time in space," she added a minute later, looking over at Allenby. She couldn't tell the girl that she had been born in outer space and grew up around Gundams and Haros.

"Guess it must be easier to find places to send your Gundams if you're based up there," Allenby said. It wasn't supposed to be critical, but all the same she couldn't keep some disapproval out of her voice, even though she knew that her Earth's use of Gundams was the unusual one. That didn't make it wrong to use them for something other than killing people. But she tried to drag her mind away from that.

Who used Gundams for what and where didn't matter anymore. What mattered was using them to stop the Ohm and get Earth back. All the Earths.

She pressed her hands against the window, looking out at the nothing and everything of space. "It's pretty to see, even if it does make me feel--" She searched for a way to word the oppressive vastness of the universe "--tiny."

He drifted towards her, hands in his pockets and eyes looking out to where she was looking. He didn't say anything as he came to stand next to her, leaning against the glass.

It took her a moment to realize that he was there. She was too lost in her own thoughts. Once she finally noticed the Meister, she gave him a small, sad smile.

He gave her a small smile in return before laying his hand on her head and pulling her next to him.

She was taller than the last time he had done this, not by much, but still. She had grown up a lot in the recent years. She relaxed against him and closed her eyes.

He patted her head absently as he took over her previous activity, staring at nothing and trying not to think too hard.

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Stargazing and thinking

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