trans_9 | Words that we couldn't say

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Words that we couldn't say

The last thing she'd expected was to see him show up. Katara had been expecting a meeting with Sokka and Zuko and Toph and maybe Mai. She hadn't expected to see Aang, to have all of her family back again all in one swoop, and seeing him had made everything she'd been fearing take a quiet step back. It had taken all the strength she could muster to not hug him, and hold him close then and there, not when the Ohm had shown up and Aang had a job to do. THOSE memories came flooding back and she realized that Aang would always be looking out for the crew, much like she worried about them. So she trained quietly, remembering the intensity of the Ohm in every movement: the acid spit, the massive height, the sheer force behind the. These were the the things she needed to keep in mind, and because of that she concentrated, keeping all she'd been learning in her mind: Kang and Ronan's instruction, the teaching of Nanashi's sword fighting, the steady, deadly skill of the Bene Gesserit. For that reason Katara had come to the Sensorium, calming her mind. she had to remember that night without prejudice, keeping in mind the things she saw then. Always came that question of killing, of losing oneself to the feelings of anger that came when seeing what the Ohm could do: the decision of the Yeerk incident came in full vengeance, more so now that she knew there were Yeerk on the ship now. But she knew that those feelings were something to be dealt with, a trap that made people vicious, angry, fill with thoughts of retaliation.

Not that those feelings were lost on Katara, but she knew the path they led to. Rage always came with a price, and from what she'd seen, some people paid with their former selves. Darth Vader, for instance, was a vicious, cruel man not unlike the firelord, but his son was Luke, one of the wisest people she'd met on the ship, and his way of learning had made Arha want to learn about his path. Things like that made her wonder if maybe Arha had conflict about the sisterhood, if the way of the Jedi was somehow more peaceable, more matching to the type of person Arha was.

Which was the eternal crux of the ship: there were so many ways of learning, of knowing, of doubting what they knew. Katara had come to a grassy spot here, a homage to the world they had visited not too long ago. A breeze moved over her skin, calming her. She whispered into the wind, calling the name of the one she missed. She knew it fell on deaf ears.

But she hoped he would come anyway.

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Chick flick? What was that? She understood what chick met, thanks to Beastboy, but she had no idea what a flick was, though she was pretty sure she'd heard that word before too. But she didn't want him thinking that caring about what happened to him or feeling bad was a girly thing. She saw his eyes getting wet and chose to ignore it, for his sake.

"Sam? What about him?"

And then he mentioned THAT scenario. She swallowed a little. She knew that she hadn't spent a lot of time with Sokka, they kept missing each other, but she knew the answer to that question.

"I do everything I can to stop it. Where I'm from, family means everything Dean, and my brother has been my rock for so many things in my life, I couldn't imagine my life without him. If I knew something like that was going to happen to him, I would do everything in my power to save him. That isn't even a question."

Good girl. Dean could understand that explicitly.

"Same here, I mean that's me. Always looking out for Sam. Ever since that floppy haired kid was born. Only he had less hair then, looked more like a prune too." He sighed and wiped his eyes again.

"That's why I don't believe in destiny. Because destiny and every future I've seen or heard about...I can't stop it. No matter what I do."

Oh, she understood all right. The idea of something happening to Sokka when there was nothing she could do about it was a nightmare and a fear all rolled into one, and something she would never let happen as long as she was around. Since she was the younger sister, she knew it went double for him too.

"In that case, that's a destiny you have to fight," Katara said. "But things are different too: I'm sure there are plenty of people who would fight for you and Sam. I told you already that the Sam, I knew was a controversial guy, but he would still have done what he could for the people on this ship. Even if he isn't the same guy, I know that he shouldered a lot for us. For him, I would gladly fight that destiny with you."

Double for any big brother. A wise person and big brother once said, 'The reason why big brothers are born first? So they can look after the little brothers and sisters that come after.' Dean would heartily agree with it.

"We have been. Up to when the Ohm trashed our world. And thanks, but I dunno now. Cas is from our future, and what he saw... I got this bad feeling that's our future."

If you keep refusing Something whispered in the back of his head, but he tried to ignore it again.

Katara looked at Dean and grasped his hand. "I know it looks to you like I'm just some random kid that you never met until the Ohm. I get that. But Sam was someone that meant something to me, that stood for his rights in the face of people saying he was a troublemaker and that he was violent without reason."

She looked down. "But I would do whatever I could to save him."

"It's not that, Katara, I mean back home? It's Heaven and Hell wanting their full out brawl. It's a lot for us, much less somebody like you. But thanks for the offer." And he was grateful for the support, especially the support to his brother.

"I'll admit I don't know a thing about your heaven and hell," Katara said. "To me, its all something that Damion starts ranting and raving about in one of his crazy sermons. But I hear you, its way more complicated than I'm seeing it. Just...don't forget you have people who can help you. Healing is not the only thing I can do with water, you saw that yourself."

"Yeah well they're real, and neither side's all that great. Mostly. Cas is the only exception to the upstairs end of it."

Dean nodded, "I know, but I don't want more people at risk if I can help it."

"With spiritual matters, I usually get the idea that neither good or bad is at play: they just have their own reasons for what they do, and you;re the one that shapes whether its good or bad. We're only people after all. Who is Cas though?"

She nodded. "I know a few people who are like that, so its not surprising. It's just...I don't like the idea of you and Sm having to deal with things by yourself."

"Cas is, he's my friend, best friend really. He also used to be an angel before they kicked him out for liking humans too much."

Angel? She'd heard that phrase before: it was those spiritual beings that Damion had mentioned in one of his sermons, and she had definitely heard of beings who had given up their spiritual form for a human one.

Tui and La came to mind.

"How can liking humans too much be a reason to kick anyone out? That's so unfair!"

Dean then explained, "Because most angels are dicks who wanted to get the end of the world to happen sooner while their daddy was off not giving a crap somewhere else."

Katara frowned. "Really? That's not how Damion explained them. He seems to think they're all agents of a god who can do no wrong since he's all about fighting evil or whatever."

"Yeah well maybe they aren't the big douchebags with wings like we have. Or he's clueless about them. Have to ask if he ever actually met one of the bastards back home."

Katara shrugged. "Well supposedly he's the son of Satan, but he's trying to do good. I don't know if he's actually met the angels. He might only just know them from that book he keeps talking about."

"Probably not then. They got a serious hate on for anything even remotely demonic." He remembered how Cas would occasionally refer to his brother as an abomination because of being tainted with demon blood. Though his opinion of Sam's considerably improved since then.

Katara shook her head. "I really don't get that pantheon at all, with the demons and angels and that god you have to obey. It just seems weird to me since spiritual things in my world are so different. All this hate and the way Damion talks about some things...they just seem so destructive and unnecessary. I'm still trying to get used to it."

"Obey him? I didn't even believe he existed until an angel yanked me back up to earth. Didn't even believe angels existed till then either." As for the obeying partly... well there was a little matter of a sworn oath to obey God and his angels Dean had taken some time ago.

She shrugged. "That's what I heard. Like I said, things in my world are very different from your world. That god that Damion mentioned seems like a very complicated spirit to begin with. But I guess someone won't really believe something like that unless they see it with their own eyes. I should know: I've actually seen a few spirits myself."

"Spirits like ghosts or like gods?" Interested look at that.

"That would depend on what you call a spirit or a god. Mostly, I'd say spirits. I'd say the difference is really in how they act. Spirits in my world can get involved usually because human beings are causing an imbalance in the world. Spirits have their own realm, so they don't usually interfere in human matters unless it actually threatens the well beings of everyone. Sometimes you can even visit them to gain wisdom or insight during a great battle."

"Doesn't sound like the ghosts back home mostly. A few are just lost, most get mean on the underside and strike back against the living. Means we gotta do a salt and burn to lay them to rest."

"I'm sorry that's the case," Katara said. "But the way I think about it, we're necessary in our worlds, and that's why we were brought here. But I'm still a little curious about the kind of world you come from. I think I('ll research a little about your god and angels and devils."

"Yeah well feel free to ask Sam about it. He's research boy in the family not me. Why he holes up in the Media Library so much."

She nodded. "I go there too from time to time, though not as much as I used to. I have way too much training to go through now, that would make it impossible. But I'll do that: I've been meaning to talk to Sam again."

She clasped a hand on Dean's shoulder. "But promise me you'll try to take better care of yourself in the future, okay?"

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