trans_9 | Words that we couldn't say

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Words that we couldn't say

The last thing she'd expected was to see him show up. Katara had been expecting a meeting with Sokka and Zuko and Toph and maybe Mai. She hadn't expected to see Aang, to have all of her family back again all in one swoop, and seeing him had made everything she'd been fearing take a quiet step back. It had taken all the strength she could muster to not hug him, and hold him close then and there, not when the Ohm had shown up and Aang had a job to do. THOSE memories came flooding back and she realized that Aang would always be looking out for the crew, much like she worried about them. So she trained quietly, remembering the intensity of the Ohm in every movement: the acid spit, the massive height, the sheer force behind the. These were the the things she needed to keep in mind, and because of that she concentrated, keeping all she'd been learning in her mind: Kang and Ronan's instruction, the teaching of Nanashi's sword fighting, the steady, deadly skill of the Bene Gesserit. For that reason Katara had come to the Sensorium, calming her mind. she had to remember that night without prejudice, keeping in mind the things she saw then. Always came that question of killing, of losing oneself to the feelings of anger that came when seeing what the Ohm could do: the decision of the Yeerk incident came in full vengeance, more so now that she knew there were Yeerk on the ship now. But she knew that those feelings were something to be dealt with, a trap that made people vicious, angry, fill with thoughts of retaliation.

Not that those feelings were lost on Katara, but she knew the path they led to. Rage always came with a price, and from what she'd seen, some people paid with their former selves. Darth Vader, for instance, was a vicious, cruel man not unlike the firelord, but his son was Luke, one of the wisest people she'd met on the ship, and his way of learning had made Arha want to learn about his path. Things like that made her wonder if maybe Arha had conflict about the sisterhood, if the way of the Jedi was somehow more peaceable, more matching to the type of person Arha was.

Which was the eternal crux of the ship: there were so many ways of learning, of knowing, of doubting what they knew. Katara had come to a grassy spot here, a homage to the world they had visited not too long ago. A breeze moved over her skin, calming her. She whispered into the wind, calling the name of the one she missed. She knew it fell on deaf ears.

But she hoped he would come anyway.

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Somebody was wandering outside, singing Bon Jovi loudly, and more than a little drunk. Well maybe slightly. He can hold his liquor mostly.

Katara could definitely say she hadn't been expecting to hear someone blaring out the words to Dead or Alive, as she didn't know the song or understand why anyone would be singing quite so loudly unless they had an ear problem or had too much alcohol. That was answered instantly when she saw Dean, and her eyes widened.

"Dean? Are you drunk?!"

Dean gave a small grin, and shrugged, "Hey Katara? Me? Nahhh, just got a good buzz a-going. Takes waaaay more than this to get me shi...plastered." See, he's trying to be nice and watch his language a little around her.

Oh, she knew what you were going to say, but seeing as how the word didn't really exist in her world, she'll let it slide. The whole idea of a list of words that you couldn't say just seemed strange to her anyway.

"A buzz huh? I get that, but people with buzzes usually aren't singing at the top of their lungs, you know. What are you singing anyway?"

"Bon Jovi, man we gotta bring your music knowledge up to speed." Shocking how many people on board don't know the awesomeness of classic rock or hair metal.

Katara laughed. "Hey, that's hardly fair! I'm still learning abouta ll of the different kinds of music you guys listen to! Who knew it could be so varied?"

Music artists, differnt instruments: it made her head swim. "So where'd you get the alcohol, the beer tree or Kang's?"

"Beer tree, from the awesome metal beer tree that is." Another swig of his beer in hand.

"Yeah, well, stop by my car sometime or the Media Library and I'll show you some good tunes, all right?"

"Yeah, I heard of that," Katara said. "I'm still trying to learn what it takes to make the stuff myself. I Not for ME to drink of course: I'm too young for that. But it would be fun to learn how to make a few different brews, don't you think?"

She nodded. "Sure, why not? Hey, I'm curious. What are you doing wandering around dr-I mean, all tipsy like?"

"Ask Kang about that." He knows how to drink it, not to brew it.

He swung his bottle, "Might as well. We're f-screwed against the Ohm. And even if we win, got no future anyway."

"In that case it looks like I'll have another favor to ask of Kang," Katara said, laughing a little. "It's bad enough I train with him, it looks like he'll have to show me how to make beer too!"

Here, Katara looked a little serious. "I KNOW what you were going to say, I've had people curse in front of me AND at me before. And what do you mean we have no future? Our future is whatever we make of it. You can't have a future if you don't believe you have a stake in what happens. You almost sound like you think we don't have a chance."

"Just saying since he owns the tavern. And yeah can ask him, why not?"

Dean gave a cold sad smile at that, "Never said anything about we on the no future part. And figuring how we got our asses spanked the last time we went up against them, and the planet was destroyed anyway. Yeah. Not seeing the silver lining here."

"Well, if he doesn't have better things to do, why not? I got a few ingredients from the planet we vacationed on the last time. I'm sure I could make something out of that."

She shook her head. "I wouldn't say we got spanked. I mean, you saw the footage of what happens hen the Ohm usually attack: everyone dies, no one gets out alive unless they get saved, and that's only maybe a handful. We made the Ohm pause, and we took down a few of them. Not only that, we got to see how they fight up close. We would be crazy to think that we would have just beaten them on the first try: we've never fought them before. But now we'll know better, and they will too. We have to get stronger, and that's exactly what I plan to do."

"Yeah, have fun with that," He had another swig of his beer. "Maybe we'll take them down with the Power of Rock while we're at it."

Katara put her hand on the beer a moment. "None of this is fun. People getting hurt, almost killed, isn't FUN, and neither is losing my world. You told me once that you felt like all your work had been for nothing, since everything you knew and loved was destroyed. You're not the only one. Since I was born up until I was fourteen, I haven't known a day of peace. The fire nation in my world had destroyed most of the cities of my people and imprisoned our waterbenders. When we stopped the war, I thought we had finally achieved peace. You can imagine how I felt when I was dragged here, you felt it yourself."

She looked into the distance a moment. "Dean, with everything you've seen, I'm curious: do you believe in destiny?"

"Never said it was fun. Used to think hunting things and saving people was though."

Dean's face immediately darkened at that, thinking briefly of Michael, of Lucifer, "Believe in it? No. And getting damn fed up with the destiny bullshit. Tired of being in the middle of it."

She sighed. "I did once too, a little while ago. It used to be that we could go into a town and given them hope, and look like we were having a great time doing it. The harder it gets, the less fun it is though."

She nodded. "I do, a little. Not in the way where everything is predetermined and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm talking about the little events that get bigger the more you move around and see how big the universe really is. Like, how we managed to be the people that were picked to help the other worlds from the Ohm. I feel like we were picked because we would be the ones to see it through. Some people might say we're being forced, but I dunno...I couldn't live with myself if there was something we could do to save other worlds. Could you?"

Dean grew quiet about that, thinking of his conversation with Cas. And thinking about when he went back in time, and met his parents. He couldn't save them... does that mean he can't save Sam either? Changed one future, why not this other one?

He sighed, and his head hung down, once again looking like a man with a heavy weight on his shoulders.

"No. Not really." Sure he could try ignore it, live a normal life. But he have to force himself not to read the obits, or scan for weird articles and headlines. To turn a blind eye to the news all together, and stay out of the hunter network. But there would always be an itch to do more.

She handed him back the beer bottle. "I couldn't either...and the man I saw the went into that burning house to save those people is the same way. I know you wish that things were different, who wouldn't? We all lost a lot. The important thing is that we don't say die just because things got a little harder for us. We find a way, and just keep on going. If drinking help you cope, fine, but don't forget that the next day is another one we have to prepare to fight again."

She shrugged. "Besides, I think we scared them a little. I say we find new ways to give them nightmares about us."

"Yeah maybe we did. Be nice change to cause them nightmares."

Dean accepted his bottle back and took another swig. Briefly, he looked tired, and old, much older than his early thirty something years.

"You don't get it. We lost our world, but haven't lost everything. Even if we get the world back, I'm gonna lose it all anyway. Every future I've seen... it's all gonna fall apart."

"I believe karma has a way of getting back at everyone, even alien creatures," Katara said, giving him a wink. "I'd like them to get a taste of what people who are willing to take them down is really like."

She noticed the look on his face though: she'd seen it on many people in her world, ones that had lost hope and were on the verge of giving up. She'd seen that when she was imprisoned on that Fire Nation ship.

"Tell me about it. I'll listen."

"Just bet they will." Small bitter laugh before shaking his head, "Nah, not one for the sharing and caring. Said too much already." Damn liquor loosening his tongue a little.

Katara sighed. "Dean, I know I look young, but trust me, I've seen and heard a lot of things, and I don't judge if I can help it. Instead if thinking about it like that, just think about it as you and I talking about the kind of things that have made us stronger. I can't force you...but if you want to talk, I'll listen without prejudice."

"Not that, just not one for doing that chick flick stuff. That's more my brother..."

Dammit, his eyes were getting wet. He didn't need this shit, not right now.

But wait, doesn't she have a brother too?

"You got a brother right? Probably do anything you can for him. Well what if every future you know about, you're going to lose him to something so dark and evil that it never let go. What about then?"

Chick flick? What was that? She understood what chick met, thanks to Beastboy, but she had no idea what a flick was, though she was pretty sure she'd heard that word before too. But she didn't want him thinking that caring about what happened to him or feeling bad was a girly thing. She saw his eyes getting wet and chose to ignore it, for his sake.

"Sam? What about him?"

And then he mentioned THAT scenario. She swallowed a little. She knew that she hadn't spent a lot of time with Sokka, they kept missing each other, but she knew the answer to that question.

"I do everything I can to stop it. Where I'm from, family means everything Dean, and my brother has been my rock for so many things in my life, I couldn't imagine my life without him. If I knew something like that was going to happen to him, I would do everything in my power to save him. That isn't even a question."

Good girl. Dean could understand that explicitly.

"Same here, I mean that's me. Always looking out for Sam. Ever since that floppy haired kid was born. Only he had less hair then, looked more like a prune too." He sighed and wiped his eyes again.

"That's why I don't believe in destiny. Because destiny and every future I've seen or heard about...I can't stop it. No matter what I do."

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Words that we couldn't say

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