trans_9 | A time to vent, a time to breathe [Open]

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A time to vent, a time to breathe [Open]

Kate was back up from the city, her knuckles now abraded and bloodied. Her hands were sore and likewise so from the stick she found. The clockhouse was there, but they were gone. It was over. Still feel like crap, but going down there helped in a big way. Now she was just walking around, some of the earlier weight lifted a little.

Or at least it was easier to hide any vulnerabilities now.

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Brenda is still getting a sense of the ship. Although she knows where things are she still gets turned around in the halls from time to time which lends her toward a lot of wandering.

She's run into a whole bunch of new and unfamiliar people by now, but running into the one she already knows is a billion times more awkward than introducing herself to various strangers.

The first thing she notices are Kate's ragged fists and she struggles not to point them out.

"Hey. How are you doing?"

The concern in her tone is genuine even if she's obviously nervous about speaking to her again.

Kate nodded a greeting to her, "Hey, and better. No more Yeerk. They're all gone."

She had checked.

Brenda's voice and posture all shift into clear relief, tension and worry banished just a little.

"I'm glad. Seems like everybody's finally in the clear of those damn things." She shuffles her feet, trying to bite her tongue, but she's never been one not to say what's on her mind.

She nods to Kate's hands, wishing she had pockets to shove her own into sheepishly.

"You get in a fight or something?"

Kate nodded and wryly commented, "Should see the other guy. Or building." She glanced down at her hands.

"It's ok. they'll heal, Had worse than this."

"Building must have pissed you off but good." She smirks just a little at that. "I'm sure they'll be fine, yeah."

There's an awkward silence for a moment, Brenda rubs the back of her neck, then finally just sighs.

"Listen. I'm sorry if I was... insensitive with you earlier when you were fighting off the Yeerk. I didn't mean to get all standoffish when you mentioned Paco. I was really confused and upset at the time and I feel like I kind of turned my back on you."

She's thought about it a lot, and it's bothered her more than a little over the last few days. She's got no idea what awful memories Kate might have had for the Yeerk to bring up, but she's sure whatever they were it would have been better for her not to be ignored by someone right next to her.

"It did," Kate sighed, and glanced away. There was still pain, deep set pain hiding under the surface, but she wasn't going to let it out again.

"You didn't know me, and I was distracted at the time. It's cool. Doesn't matter really." A note in her voice almost suggest otherwise, but she won't say so. Some of the worst memories the Yeerk took full advantage to try to break her.

"Still. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot." Brenda holds out a hand, trying to put on a warm smile. "Can we just... try and start over minus brain slugs?"

She took her hand, hiding the sting of her sore hands behind a slightly tightened expression.

"Sure, I'm Kate Bishop aka Hawkeye of the Young Avengers."

"Brenda Del Vecchio." She takes it easy with her grip; doesn't want to make anything worse than it already is. "I... guess I'm on Jaime's Beetle Squad or something of the sort. I mostly just have fistfights with aliens on occasion and play sounding board." A pause. "I'm sure your resume is much better."

"Right, and it's only because I'm on a team that's like that. It's ok."

Brenda nods, then just lets out a breath. This isn't... comfortable but at least she feels a little less guilty.

"Anyway that's... really all I wanted to say. You're probably on your way somewhere. I won't hold you up. If you need anything though, I'm easy to find."

Kate nodded and started to turn.

She then added, "We spoke. Paco and I. Not sure where we're at right now, but we uh talked."

That makes Brenda freeze up for a second, but she forces a nod.

"That's... that's good. He was really worried about you. I know he just really wanted to be able to apologize. I'm glad you let him, even if it doesn't fix things between you too."

She swallows, her throat feeling tight.

"And... please don't think that I WANT things to turn out badly for you two or something. The time I'm from and what I had with him then... that's mine to deal with. I haven't even mentioned it to him." And she hasn't, because he's been through enough and it feels like the worst guilt trip she could lay down right now.

Kate sighed, and replied, "Yeah, I know. I wasn't sure either, and the stuff I mentioned confused him a little." And then she told him enough about the memories from the Yeerk to really make him feel worse. Even though it wasn't really her intention.

"Maybe you should. Just so he can decide. Maybe."

Brenda frowns, hugging herself a little.

"I don't want to sit him in the middle and go 'hey pick one' like that. It feels... catty. As far as he knows we had a heat of the moment kiss that we both agreed didn't happen and he doesn't owe me anything. Even at the point I'm from we'd barely..." She heaves a sigh. "I don't know. If he asks I won't lie but I don't feel right about putting him on the spot."

And if he chooses you I don't know if I could handle it. And if he chooses me I don't know if I could face you feeling like I stole him from you.

"I don't want that either. And he made it seem like it's different. As I said, we were just seeing how it goes."

The faintest breath of a laugh.

"I've known him since we were five, so yeah, it IS different. He and Jaime are like my siblings in a way."

Kate blinked at that, "You know it kind of seemed that way with how they talked, but with you... I wasn't sure at times."

Brenda shrugs a little and runs a hand through her hair.

"The last few years have really been rough on all three of us. They kept some secrets from me that I was really mad at them for, Jaime went missing and it was just Paco and I for a while... I suppose it'd be crazy to expect us all the come through totally unchanged."

Although she likes to think they haven't changed THAT much.

"Have you got anyone else from your world here?"

"Heard of a little of it from Paco and Jaime yeah. Sure, not right for them to keep secrets though."

Kate remarked, "I think this one younger member of the X Men is from my world. But we really only met here. So nobody I really know back home." And that had cut into Paco too. That she didn't have any of her friends helping her with the bad memories from the Yeerk. Other than Mia stopping by to visit toward the end, she had been by herself through the ordeal. The deep reopened psychological scars plus new were still there to those who know to look for them.

"They were trying to make things better for me. I was angry at the time but I understand why they did what they did."

She wasn't ready to forgive the kind of person Amparo was just yet but still... the woman honestly had turned her own life upside down in order to include Brenda in it, which was more than anyone had ever done for her. Paco and Jaime just hadn't wanted to see her throw away that gift, which was exactly what she had done to a point when she found out the truth.

"That's gotta be hard for you. I'm sorry."

"Friends sometimes do that," She agreed.

Kate then shrugged, "It's over. Doesn't matter."

"I think it does matter, but yeah. Over is about all you can ask for sometimes."

Kate sighed, and then added, remembering what her therapist told her, "Was something out of control. It had nothing to do with me, but I control how it affects me."

And oh SHIT but THAT sounds familiar. How many times did she want to pick up the pretty candy dish on her therapist's coffee table and just smash it into his face for telling her that? Pretty much EVERY fricking time she'd entered that office, actually.

People told you that a sense of control was supposed to give you comfort after trauma, but for Brenda being asked what she wanted was just one more overwhelming thing to think about. Another responsibility of a new life that she wasn't ready for.

"Just don't let them tell you that the fallout has to all be on your shoulders."

Maybe Kate feels differently about it, but on the off chance that she's like Brenda about it... well, then at least she's put the thought in her head.

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