trans_9 | Denial? Just a little bit.

Entry tags:

Denial? Just a little bit.

Who: Kaya, open to all.
Where: Sensoriums
Summary: Ed not remembering her is sort of the last straw, so she's getting her aggressions out.
Warnings: Um. Are there any? TBA, I guess?

But so much for that now. Right now Kaya, who had had a pretty bad last few months, found the last straw was bringing Ed back and having him not even recognizer her had been the last straw. Now she was just standing here, around a background of water and streams, and she was moving in a combination.

First there was her own bending. Smooth, flowing each movement into the other, legs supporting the base as arms and shoulders tensed and drew forward, calling the water up and around her, making waves into developed whips, turning that into solid substances and back again.

And then, when the Bene Gesserit came into play, that slowed but accurate action became quick, deliberate fast. Her body become a putty oin increments as she geared for offensive kicks and movement, pushing her body to the limits here. There was no turning back, no moment of reflection.

At this moment, Kaya wondered what would become of her training, if they would form a base of strength and bending even she didn't fully understand yet. She would put aside those feelings of helplessness, of pain she could not do more.

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"I see. If anyone else were dropped into her shoes, I would guess they might have turned out the same way as well. Being aboard this ship and seeing you must be a daily reminder of how she failed," he casually remarked.

"Still, punishment aside, I suppose she has some self-restraint if she has not set out to kill you all."

"Unfortunately we do nothing but fight, constantly. But you're right, I guess. It's annoying: just by my existing, I cause HER pain, and by being around the Avatar crew I made things awkward. It's not exactly the best feeling in the world."

Nokosi laughs and nods his head. "Oh, well it certainly is a good thing, but I was not attempting to speak in her favor. Perhaps she is nicer than I, though, because I do not generally have such restraint." Sure, there was punishment to think about, but that would be a consequence that would be held later, rather than at that moment in time.

"I would imagine it is not, which is why you should not think much of it. It is her problem, not your own, and while I commend you for putting up with her and attempting to...be her friend? It should not weigh heavily on your shoulders."

"As it is, most of the people that would speak in her favor aren't here," Kaya said. "She is extremely fragile in some ways, and in others she's able to teach me things about myself I've been afraid to think about. I can't help but wonder if Sheeana would think Azula is exactly what I'd need to balance me."

She sighed. "I wish it were that simple. I could just leave her be to her own devices. But despite everything, I think she needs better than that."

"I see. In such a case, I think you ought to continue that. I am glad that you think that way--saying that she deserves better, rather than saying that she deserves the pity of others. For that, I praise your benevolence, " he said in an uncharacteristically serious tone.

"I do hope that your interactions with her are do leave her in the better, though, and that she maintains whatever fear or common sense is keeping her from raising a hostile hand to you. As I have said once this day; I do not generally have such restraint."

"Pity would just anger her," Kaya said. "Besides, the fact that she was vicious and bloodthirsty and cruel does not mean she isn't a warrior underneath all of that. She was one of the strongest benders in our four nations. Crazy or not, a part of her wants to be herself again." Kaya wouldn't call what she felt with Azula benevolence: it was more accurate to her to call it mutual respect. "I think our interactions are sort of changing each other, honestly. We snipe at each other, yet at the same time we're beginning to get to know how the other thinks." She did look surprised at this mention of restraint though. "How do you mean?"

He thought he'd been straightforward enough, but it looked as if he'd have to explain himself. "That is to say, the restraint to stay my hand in such a situation. I do not fear the repercussions of the future, only those of the present."

"I thought that was what you meant." The idea that Nokosi would do something like was both admirable and frightening. "But believe me when I say that I'd rather see you outside of the brig than in one. I am a big girl, and not so naive that I think Azula won't one day attack me. The thought almost always crosses my mind."

She did take his hand here, in case he thought she took offense to him wanting to protect her: it was quite the opposite.

Nokosi slid his fingers between her own, then pulled forward in an effort to bring her closer. He leveled his gaze on hers before speaking.

"I do not think you weak, Kaya. I do not think that you cannot take care of yourself, nor do I take you for gullible or a fool. I know you do not require my aid in matters such as this, but that is all besides the point."

"It isn't that," Kaya said, tightening her hands in his. "I have no doubt you wouldn't hold yourself back when it come something or someone you feel passionately about. More than anything, I really love you for that."

She leaned over, kissing him. "Which is why I don't want you to do it. With all that happens to me Nokosi, you've been a rock, and I care about you more than I do about anyone on the ship. The last thing I want is for you to be imprisoned, not being able to go wherever you want to on the ship. It's not in your nature."

"Well," he said, circling one arm around her waist and pulling her forward. "When you word it like that, it would be foolish to do otherwise, wouldn't it?"

Nokosi pushed his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled deeply, catching the scent of her hair. "That may not be in my nature, no, but leaving things be is not, either. Hm...a clash, then. I wonder which is stronger than the other?"

"I would hope you saw things in my way," she said, tilting back with him, smiling. "There's still so much the two of us have to experience with each other. It's limited behind a cell."

She was definitely feeling heat all over, and she rubbed her cheek against his. "I would definitely not think you the type to just leave things to be either. I admit, I don't know if I relish that day."

In honesty, he'd already known which it was without thinking. He was awfully territorial and that lead to snap decisions in which the consequences at the time being always seemed like a non-issue.

"In the meantime it's not worth thinking about," he said, returning the nuzzle to her cheek. "I have interrupted what you were working on, though. Do you plan to continue, or just lounge around on the floor with Fontaine and I all day?"

She knew the truth, when it came down to it: while she didn't like the idea of something like that happening to Nokosi, she still loved him for caring that much to begin with.

"Sorry, it was just something that came up in the past with the people I knew back on my world. She was a very powerful enemy when they knew her, and many feared her in her day."

She smiled. "Well, I wasn't feeling too well, so I was trying to work out my feelings. I guess I could continue to feel bad about it, or I could just talk and spend time with you and Fontaine. Whatever shall I do?"

He hummed in reply and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "It is a difficult choice, is it not? I am not sure--I have seen plenty of people content with wallowing in their own misery for forever and a day."

Kaya smiled sadly. "I get depressed, and I need to find a way to deal with it, but I won't stay there long. I have to many things and too many people I care about to stay wallowing anywhere. You saw to that."

"Indeed, and I am prepared to continue with such. This is...still a war, despite how leisurely it seems at some points. There will be many lost, still," he murmured, tracing the shell of her ear with a long finger. "But you must persevere."

"I always persevere." This Kaya said as a statement of fact, as it was, considering how much she had lost in all the time she'd been on the ship. "And as long as the war lasts, I will still fight on, will still train."

She leaned halfway on him. "For you and everyone else."

"Well thank you! I do appreciate it, even if the whole 'war' with a war thing seems very messy. For now, I think, you can take a break?" he questioned with a wide grin. "If not, I think I might be inclined to steal you away for some time."

"When is there anything ever clean about war?" Kaya protested, shaking her head. "But truthfully, I think I can deal with you kidnapping me for a little while. I feel like we haven't been able to spend enough time with each other. Did you have anyplace special in mind?"

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Denial? Just a little bit.

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