Multiverse's Next Top Model: Hoodwinked!

[cityship]

Stacy sends out the call for certain crew members to present themselves at the decks. Once they are all rounded up, they are presented with the following information before being shuffled off into a shuttle to the nearby plant.

Planet Designation: Exotic Location
Status: Terrestrial.
Non-sentient life: Wild flora and fauna has been all much eliminated by homo sapiens. Domesticated flora and fauna present in limited quantities.
Semi-Sentient Life: Yes.
Sentient Life: Homo Sapiens.
Water: 89.3% of the planet's surface.
Climate: Earth-like
Landscape: Dense cities on all land masses except 'photo shoot' regions.
Air: Normoxic concentration.
Air Pressure: 89.6 kPa = 13 psi
Sky: Orange, with variable cloud cover.
Sun: A class G2V, white star.
Mission: Diplomatic mission with ruler Tyrant Banks for 'confidential, fierce information regarding the Ohm'.

The shuttle takes the scenic route, passing over cities filled with skyscrapers and billboards the size of small towns. Finally, it lands on the outskirts of one city, between the downtown and the beach. The shuttle docks, and the doors open to a room with black walls and a single flatscreen television at the far end. No doors are in sight.

On the television, a black and white PowerPoint seems to have been set up. It reads:

TYRANTMAIL,

Your welcome gift will be a real heavenly surprise!

Fiercely in Love,
Tyrant

The message is accompanied by a jpeg of Tyrant Banks riding a motorcycle in the tundra while wearing a bikini. She looks incredibly fierce.

Comments

A Wild Tyrant Approaches!

[cityship]

Suddenly, tacky techno music swells and the ceiling opens up. A gigantic, glittering chandelier descend from on high; atop it rides a tall woman dressed as either an angel or a gigantic tissue, but either way, she's rocking shoulderpads that go up past her ears. As the chandelier touches the floor, Tyrant Banks opens her ruffled arms wide.

"Visitors," she announces in a voice that is surprisingly sultry for being around five hundred decibels. "Your ship has sent plenty of you to compete. But she has to know that not everyone can be a top model. You have to have fire, pizazz, chutzpah, cajones, toochiness, fabulosity, pot ledom to really, really want it."

As Tyrant speaks, she gestures with her hands, but her head never seems to move. Her eyes settle on each of the crew members in a very unsettling way.

"And if you want to get close to me and my legacy, you need to show me that every day on the set. You need to want it. You need to want me and what I have to offer. And you'll need to fight for it." She makes a fist.

Dramatic pause. Pause. Continue.

"Congratulations. You are now in the running to becoming the Multiverse's Next Top Model."

[OOC: feel free to start subthreads and threadjack. I will continue to NPC Tyrant if your characters address her.]

Re: A Wild Tyrant Approaches!

[facepunching.livejournal.com]

"Model?" Soren looked somewhere between bewildered and insulted. "What does this have to do with the Ohm?"

Re: A Wild Tyrant Approaches!

[cityship]

"Models are role models! See, the word 'model' is built right into the word! And what better way to fight a battle than to be a fierce, sexy-but-not-hoochie role model?"

Re: A Wild Tyrant Approaches!

[facepunching.livejournal.com]

"I... what?" Wait, so a model was a kind of warrior? Well, that kind of made sense NO IT DIDN'T.

"What about the information? The intelligence on our enemies?"

Re: A Wild Tyrant Approaches!

[cityship]

"That's part of our prize package, which I fully expect you to memorize."

Tyrant puffs her chest out and smiles wide, although her eyes remain glassy and eerie. "Your prize package will be a cover on Vogue Exotique, a feature on my blog, a twenty-thousand credit contract with CoverUp Cosmetics, intelligence on the deadly Ohm, a spot as a celebrity correspondent on Y? Entertainment, and possibly your name in the ticker of The Stew's news reel."

Re: A Wild Tyrant Approaches!

[gunspluscells.livejournal.com]

"Hold on, this was meant to be a diplomatic mission. We didn't agree to some competition! And this competition has nothing to do with diplomacy either!"

Aya is not a happy bunny. She's inches away from storming out but she must be diplomatic.

[bequiet_hescreamed]

"AND I'M NOT EVEN SEXY!" Clef blurted out. Aya had already said what he wanted to say, so he had to go with his second choice for dramatic-screaming purposes.

He gestured at his body. His most definitely ten-years-old body. "I'M JUST NOT!"

[greeedycat]

Caz had kept his distance from the group, mostly because he had no idea why the hell he was here. If they needed someone to be a conniving asshole and force info out of someone, he'd volunteer, sure. But this, however...was just, what.

From the back, his arm lazily came up, as if waiting for teacher to call on him. He gave his own dramatic pause, before sneering out, "I don't think I'm fabulous enough for this. Can I be excused~?"

[theboywhodied]

Cedric's thoughts of easing into negotiation had crashed around his ears. They were entered in a modeling competition? They had to be the sexiest?

But surely one of them could win. It was the clearest route to getting the information. And...if he had to be honest, he almost liked the idea of modeling. It could be fun! If the person arranging the competition wasn't disconnected from reality, it would've been. But he didn't know that yet.

"Wait," Cedric asked them. "Maybe it's not as bad as we think. If we get this done, we'll get what we need and be free to go. Honestly, how bad could it be?"

[bequiet_hescreamed]

Clef replied by giving Cedric a look. Those were famous last words if he ever heard them.

"This could be pretty bad."

[metalwebhead.livejournal.com]

"Ah, I hate to break it to you, Sparky, but I think we just got Punk'd." Spidey said, hanging on a nearby wall. "Punk'd REAL bad."

[redheadcarrier.livejournal.com]

"This is so cool!"

Unsurprisingly, Asuka was going to enjoy being the center of attention for a while.

[grimbiker]

"This is a waste of time. There has to be some other way to get the information." Sirius was hoping for something involving a bit more fighting and a bit less prancing up and down a stage.

[facepunching.livejournal.com]

Soren was... actually fine with this. "So, all we need to do is compete to be a 'role model', and you will give us the information we seek. Explain your terms, then. We shall be the victors."

A paltry sacrifice for the intelligence required to crush your enemies. And fierce information, well. That sounded promising.

[theboywhodied]

"I agree," Cedric chimed in. "We can do this. So...how long is this competition meant to last?"

It needed time to be carried out fairly, but they didn't have an eternity to dawdle around either. They needed results soon.

[cityship]

Tyrant points a finger at Cazali. "No, you may not be excused, unless you have some personal drama that we can milk out for a few episodes before graciously forfeiting."

She waves a hand at Clef. "If you're not sexy, you have to find another angle. I know! You're the charming young ingenue who always felt left out because your curves never developed!"

To Cedric she says "fifteen episodes", and then, in a huff, she answers Soren with "I can't spoil all that for you! As a model you have to be prepared for the unexpected! Why, when I was a young model I once had to pose on top of a live crocodile wearing nothing but Saran Wrap and a party hat! And I only got that perfect look of high-fashion fear because I was genuinely shocked and scared."

[sonofether.livejournal.com]

"Scared that the croc was going to eat you, or something else?" Stephen was still trying to come to terms with just what the hell was going on.

As in, what was he doing here, when his best pal was the pretty boy in their negotiable partnership? Even if Morgan had negotiable fashion sense.

[ruffntumblenut.livejournal.com]

Ruffnut had been listening silently with an odd fire of determination on her face. While she didn't fully understand what everyone was talking about, role models and blogs and such, she understood one thing in particular.

They were in a competition, and the prize was information on the enemy.

She clenched a fist so tightly that sparks squeezed out, "Bring it on!"

[redheadcarrier.livejournal.com]

"You guys don't have to worry about anything, I'm going to blow this thing out of the water," Asuka continued in that sing-song voice that usually meant she was about to burst into a description of how great she was.

"I mean, the rest of you probably shouldn't even bother competing. I wouldn't any of you to feel inadequate."

Actually, she totally does.

[theboywhodied]

"I wouldn't serve that potion before it's brewed," Cedric shot back teasingly. No, he hadn't lost his perspective. As long as one of them won, it was going to be all right. It would be nice to win, and the competition could be fun, right?

If only it was that simple.

"May the best model win!"

[punchedoutdestiny]

Simon just kind of...stared. Crazy lady and her crazy words weren't making a lick of sense to him.

"...I thought we were negotiating. Not...uh. Sexy-ing. Or whatever this is about." His face twisted into confusion, and he sighed. "I don't get it."

[re-engineer.livejournal.com]

"Well. I suppose it could be worse." Angie looked at the woman--Tyrant--speculatively. "I mean, it's not like we're fighting each other to the death for the information. That's got to be something?"

The idea of modeling didn't bother Angie too much. But, then again, she did run around in skin-tight armor.

[gunspluscells.livejournal.com]

"Maybe that's what she wants us to do..." murmured Aya with a less than impressed look on her face. "She wants drama and just, this is like those reality shows that you get on the TV. Except with the ante upped a whole load."

[cityship]

"Scared of losing my Elitist Model Management contract, of course!" she says to Stephen.

She points to Ruffnut and Asuka. "You, redhead, you seem like quite the diva! Start cultivating that brand now. And blonde girl,you should strive to be the vivacious tomboy discovering her feminine side! We can milk twenty minutes out of you learning to put on makeup!"

Tyrant glides up behind Cedric and runs one creepy hand over his shoulder and another through his hair. "See? This one's in the spirit!"

[bequiet_hescreamed]

Clef was severely creeped out by what Tyrant was doing to Cedric over there, but wasn't really sure what to do about it. (Sexual harrassment training is seen as optional in most medieval workplaces.) Instead, he realized that he was apparently the only one on this mission with actual diplomatic experience, and that it's really hard for one person to negotiate terms while everyone else on his team is already fighting over who gets the biggest piece of what the other side has put on the table.

"Everyone, would it kill us to negotiate a little?!" Clef flailed, managing to stare pointedly at everyone else as he did so. Idiots. They were ALL idiots.