Multiverse's Next Top Model: Hoodwinked!

[cityship]

Stacy sends out the call for certain crew members to present themselves at the decks. Once they are all rounded up, they are presented with the following information before being shuffled off into a shuttle to the nearby plant.

Planet Designation: Exotic Location
Status: Terrestrial.
Non-sentient life: Wild flora and fauna has been all much eliminated by homo sapiens. Domesticated flora and fauna present in limited quantities.
Semi-Sentient Life: Yes.
Sentient Life: Homo Sapiens.
Water: 89.3% of the planet's surface.
Climate: Earth-like
Landscape: Dense cities on all land masses except 'photo shoot' regions.
Air: Normoxic concentration.
Air Pressure: 89.6 kPa = 13 psi
Sky: Orange, with variable cloud cover.
Sun: A class G2V, white star.
Mission: Diplomatic mission with ruler Tyrant Banks for 'confidential, fierce information regarding the Ohm'.

The shuttle takes the scenic route, passing over cities filled with skyscrapers and billboards the size of small towns. Finally, it lands on the outskirts of one city, between the downtown and the beach. The shuttle docks, and the doors open to a room with black walls and a single flatscreen television at the far end. No doors are in sight.

On the television, a black and white PowerPoint seems to have been set up. It reads:

TYRANTMAIL,

Your welcome gift will be a real heavenly surprise!

Fiercely in Love,
Tyrant

The message is accompanied by a jpeg of Tyrant Banks riding a motorcycle in the tundra while wearing a bikini. She looks incredibly fierce.

Comments

[cityship]

Tyrant points a finger at Cazali. "No, you may not be excused, unless you have some personal drama that we can milk out for a few episodes before graciously forfeiting."

She waves a hand at Clef. "If you're not sexy, you have to find another angle. I know! You're the charming young ingenue who always felt left out because your curves never developed!"

To Cedric she says "fifteen episodes", and then, in a huff, she answers Soren with "I can't spoil all that for you! As a model you have to be prepared for the unexpected! Why, when I was a young model I once had to pose on top of a live crocodile wearing nothing but Saran Wrap and a party hat! And I only got that perfect look of high-fashion fear because I was genuinely shocked and scared."

[sonofether.livejournal.com]

"Scared that the croc was going to eat you, or something else?" Stephen was still trying to come to terms with just what the hell was going on.

As in, what was he doing here, when his best pal was the pretty boy in their negotiable partnership? Even if Morgan had negotiable fashion sense.

[ruffntumblenut.livejournal.com]

Ruffnut had been listening silently with an odd fire of determination on her face. While she didn't fully understand what everyone was talking about, role models and blogs and such, she understood one thing in particular.

They were in a competition, and the prize was information on the enemy.

She clenched a fist so tightly that sparks squeezed out, "Bring it on!"

[redheadcarrier.livejournal.com]

"You guys don't have to worry about anything, I'm going to blow this thing out of the water," Asuka continued in that sing-song voice that usually meant she was about to burst into a description of how great she was.

"I mean, the rest of you probably shouldn't even bother competing. I wouldn't any of you to feel inadequate."

Actually, she totally does.

[theboywhodied]

"I wouldn't serve that potion before it's brewed," Cedric shot back teasingly. No, he hadn't lost his perspective. As long as one of them won, it was going to be all right. It would be nice to win, and the competition could be fun, right?

If only it was that simple.

"May the best model win!"

[punchedoutdestiny]

Simon just kind of...stared. Crazy lady and her crazy words weren't making a lick of sense to him.

"...I thought we were negotiating. Not...uh. Sexy-ing. Or whatever this is about." His face twisted into confusion, and he sighed. "I don't get it."

[re-engineer.livejournal.com]

"Well. I suppose it could be worse." Angie looked at the woman--Tyrant--speculatively. "I mean, it's not like we're fighting each other to the death for the information. That's got to be something?"

The idea of modeling didn't bother Angie too much. But, then again, she did run around in skin-tight armor.

[gunspluscells.livejournal.com]

"Maybe that's what she wants us to do..." murmured Aya with a less than impressed look on her face. "She wants drama and just, this is like those reality shows that you get on the TV. Except with the ante upped a whole load."

[cityship]

"Scared of losing my Elitist Model Management contract, of course!" she says to Stephen.

She points to Ruffnut and Asuka. "You, redhead, you seem like quite the diva! Start cultivating that brand now. And blonde girl,you should strive to be the vivacious tomboy discovering her feminine side! We can milk twenty minutes out of you learning to put on makeup!"

Tyrant glides up behind Cedric and runs one creepy hand over his shoulder and another through his hair. "See? This one's in the spirit!"

[bequiet_hescreamed]

Clef was severely creeped out by what Tyrant was doing to Cedric over there, but wasn't really sure what to do about it. (Sexual harrassment training is seen as optional in most medieval workplaces.) Instead, he realized that he was apparently the only one on this mission with actual diplomatic experience, and that it's really hard for one person to negotiate terms while everyone else on his team is already fighting over who gets the biggest piece of what the other side has put on the table.

"Everyone, would it kill us to negotiate a little?!" Clef flailed, managing to stare pointedly at everyone else as he did so. Idiots. They were ALL idiots.

[ruffntumblenut.livejournal.com]

Ruffnut blinked at being addressed, "I...tomboy...what? What do I have to make up?" She asked confused by the sudden advice. She wished Mindy were here, at least then she could have someone she respected explain what this contest was all about.

[sonofether.livejournal.com]

"They're judging people based on attractiveness," Stephen said. He at least, had found a clue, even if he was still wondering what cosmic joke had him involved.

Oh well. At least he had some skills.

"Make-up is like...face paint. Rouge. Lip gloss. It's to make you look more attractive," the Etherite explained.

[punchedoutdestiny]

"I've got plenty of spirit," Simon answered, scooting away from Cedric and Tyrant. "Though I don't think this is the best application of it."

Boota popped out from under Simon's collar, looking just as put-out as his master by the whole situation.

[pretty_lethal]

Having been quiet so far, Rachel was mostly just glaring quite intensely at Tyrant. But was anyone seriously surprised that the mission was going south already? Since when did they actually get simple missions that were what it said on the team.

"How long does it take to do fifteen episodes?" Rachel asked first, before, much more flippantly, she said, "Whatever. Let's just get this over with so we can get the information."

Not that she'd mind the competition, per se. But she had a feeling it was going to be stupid, if nothing else.

[theboywhodied]

"Let's do it," Cedric agreed, waiting for the right moment to politely scoot away from Tyrant. With a smile, of course, because they wanted to win her favour for this information.

He was reminded of no one so strongly as Rita Skeeter, who had a similar taste for scandal, flair, and handsy involvement.

[cityship]

"Oh, good! I'm glad to see so much fighter's spirit in you all! But just remember, only one of you can become the Multiverse's Next Top Model."

She darts a glance at Rachel. "Well, that depends on how much drama you create. We need enough to edit an episode together a piece, won't we?"