trans_9 | Summertime [Open]

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Summertime [Open]

Zouichi sat by a the mirrored black water of a small pond. Nearby, a wisteria plant was coming into bloom, dangling its delicate, curved violet flowers toward the earth.

As promised, a tray of chilled watermelon slices was set to the side, near the wooden steps leading down to the garden and free for any passersby to take. For his part, however, Zouichi occupied himself with feeding a small group of googly-eyed baby goldfish, who darted back and forth through the water to gobble up stray flakes of fish food.

It was nice to take a break from exploding ghost ~~wolves~~ lions once in a while.

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"Cassie just told me it was bad if I picked her up like that." He takes another slice of watermelon and sits on the grass, coaxing Emergency Rations over. After a few moments of ignoring him she walks over and headbutts his knee. "Why's she trying to eat you, anyway? Most animals love you."

"I don't know, I was just playing with her and apparently that was an open invitation to try and swallow my hand. Did you train her as an attack cat?"

Maybe she was just mad Zouichi liked Alan better.

Nah, Zou. Emergency Rations is still just chafed about those goldfish.

"Nope. Should I? Do you think she'd be good at it?" Howard rubs behind her ears. "You have to play with her with strings or sticks, otherwise she bites."

Just wait, Emergency Rations. Maybe those goldfish will turn into giant, alien, cat-eating goldfish.

"Maybe. She has a pretty poor attention span, though. You should really warn people about the biting thing."

That's why she has to eat them now.

"Cats don't need great attention spans. It's not like they've got to solve puzzles or take tests or anything. Besides, do you really want her concentrating on how to eat your bird?" Although the cat and the bird have been getting along very well lately. It's almost like they're friends.

"Why? The only people I care about who she could actually hurt would probably just bite her back until she stopped."

"Not unless they're a in a puzzle box (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Thorndike#Connectionism), anyway." Besides, Alan would never lose to Emergency Rations. Never.

"Because... it's responsible pet ownership?"

"Wait, wait, I know this one. Schrodinger's Cat, right? Something about the cat being alive or dead and in a box for some reason?" Not quite what Zou's talking about, but at least it's somewhat theoretical.

"She's not really a pet, though. I mean. I don't know. Maybe. I never thought of her that way."

"Not quite. A man named Thorndike once put cats in a series of puzzle boxes to see how fast they'd learn how to make their way out. It was a study on animal learning."

He blinked. "If she's not a pet, what is she? A smelly roommate?"

"What were the results? I mean, I like Rat, but I don't think she's all that bright." Or maybe she'd be better at getting those fish.

"Hey, she smells better than Alan does!" Howard pulls the cat up into his lap and sniffs her just to verify. "I don't know what she is. She's like, still Albert's cat and kind of a lunchbox with a tail."

"He concluded that cats learn mostly by trial and error. The cats would simply repeat behaviors that seemed to coincide with success, such as wandering around in the area with the release switch. Eventually, they'd isolate the behavior that opened the box for them, but only through repetition. Apparently, watching other cats get out didn't really help all that much. Nor did trying to teach them to put their paws on the escape."

"She doesn't have to be your pet if you don't want. But she is a pet."

Howard looks at Emergency Rations with newly critical eyes. "You're even dumber than I thought, cat." And he scratches under her chin affectionately at that.

"Pet's just such a...I don't know." He doesn't want to think of Emergency Rations as a 'pet', that implies too much responsibility, and while Howard's fine cleaning up after her and feeding her and cuddling with her at night, he doesn't want to feel like he's responsible for some emotional aspect of Emergency Rations' life. "I guess she is. I don't know if I'll let Albert have her back when he wakes up."

Not that there would be much of a custody battle.

"When that happens, perhaps you can have the Council deliberate on who the legitimate owner of the cat is." Don't worry, Howard. If you ever get repodded, Zouichi will totally find a nice place for Emergency Rations.

"By the way, that Geartopia planet? If you go down there, don't mix the red and blue powders."

"Will you give a witness testimony on how she should belong to me?"

Howard angles his head and looks to make sure Zou still has his eyebrows. "Oh. Alright. Can I ask why?"

"If I'm called upon to bear witness. Don't ask me to lie while on the stand, though. I don't accept payoffs."

Zouichi signed. "It explodes." He was still a little regretful about the way he'd had to give up the powders. How was he going to mix them now?

"You don't have to lie. You just have to tell them I'm training her as my attack cat and I need her to protect my stuff."

Howard looks a little concerned. "Yeah, but didn't get hurt, right?"

"Oh, of course. Ownership by attack cat. A classic legal maneuver."

Zouichi shook his head. "No, I wasn't hurt. It was the other guys that exploded. Apparently, it was some kind of failsafe mechanism."

"Like a suicide pill or something? Only more...explodey?"

"Pretty much. There was a self-destruct keyword and everything." Don't ask him how they managed that on a planet full of horses and Shepofalant.

"Was the keyword 'guest'?" God, the missions they go on are so weird. "Why'd he blow himself up, anyway?"

"I don't know, because somehow being found out is worse than death? Because they have a flair for the dramatic? It wasn't 'guest', though. Why?"

"'Guest' was the password for the security computer on Galilee. I thought, I don't know. If there's some cosmic coincidence where that's the codeword, it'd be good to know. You know, like how most bike locks are combo 25, 50, 75?"

"I... would have thought they'd at least have an encryption system for that," Zouichi said, rather taken aback. "But I wouldn't know about bike locks. ...how do you know what the most common combination is?"

"Nope. Not that I could figure out how to disable it anyway. I shoved it out the window and that did the trick." Howard tries to dodge the rather obvious implications of the question. "You mean you don't lock up your motorcycle?"

"Ah, yes. I find shoving things out the window solves most problems." Zouichi had kind of figured that Howard had stolen things. He just didn't think bicycles were one of those things.

...don't ask him what he thought Howard stole.

"I don't need to. It comes with an AI." Honestly, who'd try to hotwire a sentient motorcycle with a front-mounted coil gun?

"Shut the guard standing under the window up, too." Probably better you don't ask, Zou. Howard doubts you'd find it as impressive as he does.

"Fuyu can just lock it down? I mean, the bike doesn't even have a key?" Something that cool? Who wouldn't?

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