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[indeliblepast]

Having free time again had remained a novel concept for a little while - not worrying about the next mission, or if they were all going to die tomorrow, or any of those things. But after a few days, the old worries started to seep back in. The old guilt. So it was throw herself into work, or into drinking, and there wasn't quite enough privacy to do the latter. Not enough alcohol, either.

Which meant work - analysis, tactics, all of it. Learning what she could to keep more people from being killed. Setsuna's report had been informative, certainly, but the file she'd been sent - ah, that was gold. Which is why she stood in the Sensorium, watching a battle play out in miniature in front of her, as she scribbled notes on paper she'd brought in. That felt a bit odd - but she didn't have a computer rig to back her up right now, and sometimes it was easier to think in handwriting.

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[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

Conscripts with different specialties as well; Cagalli had long since figured that combat ability would at least make you slightly more likely to wake up here.

"Fighting a war like this, I'd say we're the lucky ones." She crossed her arms. "At least as lucky as anyone who's been in a war is."

[indeliblepast]

The smile got a little thinner. "Nobody is lucky in war, I think."

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

"It's probably the wrong word, but..." she scratched the back of her head. "I know I can take it, anyways, but I worry about so many other people."

[indeliblepast]

"Mm, I suppose that's true. We're used to it, at least, as horrible as that is." Not exactly a pleasant thought, but she still could slip into that military mindset of thinking of humans as numbers instead of people. It always ended, eventually, but she could keep it up for a short while.

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

It was the last thing anyone should have to get used to, but one of the most useful things as well. "If there's a chance to end it, though, we have to take it."

[indeliblepast]

"Mm. Very true." Sumeragi hoped that it would be an end that didn't mean the annihilation of one side - but she was enough of a realist to know that it was unlikely, and that others on the ship probably didn't agree with her.

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

It was a point of contention on the ship, and one that Cagalli had a hard time taking sides on.

Cagalli decided to, if not change the subject, at least steer it away from such depressing territory. "Working with your battlefield in miniature for now, huh?"

[indeliblepast]

Sumeragi nodded, glancing back at the sim. "Easier to see everything this way - and in three dimensions instead of just two, too."

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

"More of a tactician than anything else, then," she said, stating the obvious, and looking down at it herself.

[indeliblepast]

Another nod. "I went through basic, same as everyone else - but that was a long time ago, now."

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

"Aha..." she laughed nervously, shrugging. "Basic for me was a guerrilla war, and then I fought my way home... and by then, I was one of the most experienced pilots in homeland's military." In fighter's, not mobile suits, but the transition wasn't as hard as she'd imagined.

[indeliblepast]

Sumeragi sighed a little. Another child caught up in war. "I'm sorry, then - I wish life didn't have to be that way."

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

She'd argue the child point - ZAFT was recruiting sixteen year-olds like herself. They didn't work out all the time, but... "It's the life I've lived, and I've spent more of my life being sheltered and taken care of than fighting. That alone makes me feel pretty lucky."

[indeliblepast]

"I suppose it does - but I wish nobody had to fight, really. As idealistic as it sounds." An unachievable dream, maybe, but she had to try.

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

"Do you think any civilizations can ever manage it though?" she asked. It's nice to 'what-if' about that sort of thing, but far from practical.

[indeliblepast]

"I have to believe so - otherwise, there's nothing worth fighting for." Perhaps she wouldn't see it in her lifetime - but they had Aeolia's plans, and they had Veda. The Ohm were just one more problem to be solved, one way or another.

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

"A lot of people just fight for little bits of peace here and there, though." Before now, Cagalli happily fought for what was, realistically, maybe a decade of tense peace. That might just be a cynical way of looking at it.

[indeliblepast]

"Each war gets worse and worse, though - technology is finding better and better ways of killing people. Humanity can't sustain it," Sumeragi replied with a sigh.

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

"They'll just spread out then..." People get better at running away farther. "But you're right. Something needs to happen eventually to stop it all."

[indeliblepast]

Sumeragi nodded. "I'd prefer the end to not be the extinction of our species, too, personally."

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

Cagalli sighed. "We're trying to stop it in a different way right now though."

[indeliblepast]

"Quite true," Sumeragi replied. "Whether or not it's the right way... we'll have to see, I suppose." She was good at her job, but she couldn't forecast out that far.

[allnaturalseed.livejournal.com]

"It's all we can do, is to keep at it and hope we either got it right, or can fix it if we didn't."

[indeliblepast]

Another small nod. "I suppose so. I'm going to try and steer us as right as I can."