trans_9 | No pain... [Open]

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No pain... [Open]

So, the hostages had been rescued successfully and were recovering. The crew members affected by the clock were back to their proper age.

Sherry was back to her proper age. Something which was both a great relief and tremendously heartbreaking at the same time. He was glad she was back to being his little linefacer, but getting a chance to see her when she was so small, during all the years of her life that he hadn't been a part of.

At least he took plenty of pictures.

Though, while a couple of problems were solved, there were still plenty more to deal with. The map; whether or not the GIA set them up at NiSaris; the Ohm; replacing repodded personnel... Though he was taking a break from that now. Or was trying to, at least. Not an easy thing to do with a ton of stuff weighing on his mind.

To help clear his mind, he went down to the City (which reminded him, at some point, he needed suggest to the Council that they actually give the City a name), and at the moment was hanging upside down from a tall fence doing one sit up after another. He wasn't out of shape, still barely having an ounce of fat on him, and by no means rusty, but the rescue mission had made him realize he had been out of the field and behind a desk for too long. Being some distant, hands off executive wasn't his style. And whatever was about to come their way next, he'd need to be at his best to help.

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"Do I want to hear this?" Because this crew tended to take 'stupid ideas' to another level.

"Probably not, 'cause it's coming from me."

Molly made a noise of discomfort and he adjusted how he held her against his shoulder, causing her to burble and settle down some.

"I wanted to know if...if I could join the command crew. As an ensign."

...

...

...

Yeah, Leon just stared blankly at Kon, while hanging upside down.

...

"I see your sense of humor has returned to normal."

"Wasn't a joke," he said, arching an eyebrow.

"Uh huh." He believes you Kon.

Really.

He totally does.

"The clock gave me extra time from home. Somehow. I don't know if it was extra memories being unlocked or somehow it stole back time from a dead world, but I'm older now. I remember more."

The expression on his face was painfully serious.

"I died, Leon. I died saving the world. And then I was brought back. It happens, sometimes, in our world. Magic and mad science and all different stuff, but you don't think you'll come back when you're dying, because so many just stay dead."

He looked away.

"Dying kinda changes your perspective on things a little," he said, wiggling his finger at Molly so that she started grabbing at it with tiny hands, burbling happily. "Makes you think about who you are...and who you want to be."

"Uh huh."

Well, at least he unhinged himself from the fence, so he could stand straight up. He folded his arms, and regarded Kon quietly for a moment.

"Keep going."

"I died to save my world. I kinda hope it doesn't come to going to the big superhero hideout in the sky again, but that's how far I'm willing to go to protect it, and that's why I want to do more to help bring it back. I want to do more to help this crew get through the other side of this war. And I think there's way more you could do with me--way more that I could be besides the telekinetic brick that gets lobbed at the bad guys. Imagine if I fought smart. Led people smart."

Molly stirred again and he rocked her gently.

"I just want to be more than I am now. Kal always says that's the best thing to want to be."

"You realize that if you do this, you won't be playing your typical superhero rules anymore." In other words, Thou Shall Not Kill was no longer a rule, it was merely a suggestion, one that would be disregarded if Leon ordered it as such.

"Sometimes rules have exceptions. I think the Ohm warrant one. I've already been blowing them up left and right. And I mean, they might be bugs, but now we know they're bugs that think and feel. That doesn't change how I feel about them."

He went on, "That said, I'm not sure about what to do when it's people. But I'm okay with the people around me killing."

Obviously, or both he and Kal would've blown a gasket by now, with the company they kept.

"I know you probably think we're crazy with the no-killing thing but fact of the matter is, usually we do find another way. Because there's a lot you can do when you can leap a tall building in a single bound--it's a luxury most people don't have. I wouldn't try to take out a bad guy and keep them alive at the expense of the lives of the people around me, but if it was just me..."

"Except it wouldn't be just you anymore.

"You'll be doing what I tell you to do, whether its people, bugs, gods, or what have you. I don't expect you to agree with everything, but when a decision is made and an order is given, you will be expected to comply to the best of your abilities, without running your mouth." He expected a certain level of obedience.

"Can you accept that?"

"I can kill if the situation calls for it, if that's the only way. Even Kal kills sometimes. But I'm not to be used as a weapon. I'm not an assassin. I don't care how good I'd be at it. Can you accept that? There's a difference between a soldier and a weapon, and I have a thing about being used for the latter."

Edited 2011-06-14 00:37 (UTC)

"If you actually knew the difference between a soldier and a weapon, you wouldn't ask that question." Because Leon certainly did know the difference. "I don't care if you have a 'thing.' You'll be expected to follow orders like everyone else. And if you can't deal with that, stop wasting my time."

"I do know the difference. I'm still working on trusting that anyone giving me orders does. There's a lot of people that've seen me as a weapon instead of a person, and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't, but for me, it's a question at least worth asking."

He looked away, toward Molly, beeping her on the nose.

"If you just treat me like a soldier, and not a point-and-click killbot we're good."

"You'll be treated like a soldier," he promised. Which included all that it entailed. "And if you want in, I'll give you a chance. But you don't get to go halfway, and I'm not gonna treat you with kid gloves. You have to trust me to give you right orders and I have to trust you to follow the orders you're given. It doesn't work any other way; 'pretty sure' isn't good enough.

"So if you have doubts or things or whatever that you can't get past, that's fine, but if you do, then this isn't the path for you."

Kon thought about it. Thought long and hard, face scrunched up in a way that seemed to be amusing Molly.

"The hard part is... I think I trust you. And...I think I could listen. Trust you enough to listen. You know, we're not all above the rules like people think metas are, there's people we trust and listen to and--"

He broke off, trying to find the words he was thinking.

"I want to think I can do this. Even the killing, because...this is a war, and it's different from back home. I've thought a lot about it."

How though, how could he know?

"What I'm having trouble with isn't the idea of it, it's...that I've never killed anyone before. Like...actually done it. The only time..."

There was shame here.

"I once did something...worse to someone but I didn't kill her, and it came from this place of deep hate that I've always been terrified to go back to again, so I haven't."

He looked up at Leon.

"Before you ever do it, how you do you know if you can? How does...a soldier know he's going to be able to do the job before he's actually in there doing it, and killing people? And how...how does he know that he can do it without going bonkers down the line?"

It was a genuine question, rather than something rhetorical. He was trying to figure out of his hesitance was just part of it all and something that could be got over or not.

Leon took a deep breath. That was... not an easy question to answer.

"The only way you'll know is when you're actually faced with that moment. That's the only honest answer I can give you. It's not something anyone can teach you how to do. I can train you in lethal forms of combat, but teaching you how to kill someone and actually killing someone are two completely different things.

"Its a choice. But... its not a decision you make out of hatred, or because there's some darkness inside of you. Its a choice you make because, in that moment, the only options you'll have are either you, them, or someone else and you'll have a blink of an eye to decide or they will decide for you.

"I know that with your powers, a blink of an eye can seem like eternity, but with the situation we're in and the things we'll have to face, you won't always have the advantage. If you volunteer for Command, you'll probably find yourself faced with that kind of choice far more often than you ever thought possible.

"As for whether or not you can live with it? I can't say how killing someone would affect you. I'd love to stand here and tell you 'eh, you'll get over it after the first few times,' but its nowhere near that simple. What I can tell you that you can learn how to live with it. And if you really believe in what you're fighting for it... it doesn't make it okay, but it does make making those decisions a lot easier."

That...was pretty much exactly what he needed to hear.

"If it turns out I can't hack it... or... if I can't handle it, I can back out, right?"

He didn't have to be in Command forever if he sucked at it?

"Provided, you know, it doesn't mean I get killed. I think I can do this, but if it turns out I can't, obviously, I'd need to back out again so I don't get myself or someone else killed. Go somewhere else where I can do some good."

At least he was thinking responsibly.

"Because it's not something I can know until I'm there."

Edited 2011-06-17 06:22 (UTC)

"You're not a slave," he pointed out. "You do have the option of stepping down if this isn't for you. All I expect out of you is to give it an honest shot."

"Okay then. I'll do it. And we'll have to see if I can pull it off."

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