Percival Phoenix and the Promise of Tomorrow

[cityship]

Last time on Percival Phoenix:
Though the armies of Nuon and the Blood Queen seemed overwhelming in number, PERCIVAL PHOENIX (and also the rescue team) managed to divert the attack, instead striking directly at the lieutenants of Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™! Through their combined efforts, they freed both from the doctor's evil mind control. And yet, two crew members still remain. With no choice but to infiltrate the fortress of the dreaded Lash Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™, they venture valiantly forth!

Will they be able to save their friends before the Death Ray becomes fully operational?

And now, the conclusion!

Comments

THE FORTRESS OF DEATH (Rescue team, Anwei, Zouichi)

[cityship]

[Once Anwei and Zouichi are freed from the mysterious mind-control phenomenon (and Percival is duly convinced that the Blood Queen and Nuon have truly changed their stripes), the rescue team sets off once more -- this time to the lair of Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™ herself... but how?!]

Re: THE FORTRESS OF DEATH (Rescue team, Anwei, Zouichi)

[cityship]

Percival frowned, his blond brow furrowed in heroic disbelief. "NUON AND THE BLOOD QUEEN, changing sides? Somehow, I just can't see it. Jupiter's Jowls, these two have been at each other's throats almost as long as they've been bowing before that dastardly Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™!

"What makes you think they can even work together, let alone with PERCIVAL PHOENIX?"

Re: THE FORTRESS OF DEATH (Rescue team, Anwei, Zouichi)

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"Oh, for God's sake. Don't you know anything about brainwashing? Dame Lassie Distraction NUCLEAR® or whatever her face is never built a brainwashing ray before? No magical amulets that possess people? She never hired Sabrina the Teenaged Witch to enchant people? Do you have any idea what kind of genre you're in?"

Too bad they can't just take the stupid gun and do this themselves. Putting up with Percival Phoenix is a form of torture in its own right to Howard. He jerks a thumb at Zouichi. "This is Zou. He's on our side. He can rip your head off at your shoulders but knowing this mission, he'll probably just push you out of the frame while you do a Wilhelm scream."

He turns to Anwei. "And this is Anwei. She's also on our side. She can bite your head off at the shoulders, so we'll probably just assume a discretion cut."

Re: THE FORTRESS OF DEATH (Rescue team, Anwei, Zouichi)

[zouichi.livejournal.com]

Wow, Howard, helping or hurting?

"Mr. Phoenix, I'm sure that you're well aware of Dr. NEUTRO™'s ability to bend people to her will with her nefarious inventions. I was one of those people... but my friend here," he motions to Howard, "Was able to free me from her mind control. I want to put a stop to the doctor's plans just as badly as you do."

Re: THE FORTRESS OF DEATH (Rescue team, Anwei, Zouichi)

[azulescarabajo.livejournal.com]

"I can personally vouch for them as another, uh, blue-hero type such as yourself," Jaime adds a bit lamely.

Re: THE FORTRESS OF DEATH (Rescue team, Anwei, Zouichi)

[8wings.livejournal.com]

Anwei was not looking very much like a Queen of anything right now; her face was smudged with dirt, her lips were noticeably unpainted, and the Queen's most prominent badge of authority, her gold-plated brassiere, was draped casually over one shoulder. She was wearing the rags of an Egyptian tapestry tucked into her costume to preserve her modesty.

"Mr. Phoenix, we are but two of the Doctor's many victims. We need your help if we are going to stop her."

Re: THE FORTRESS OF DEATH (Rescue team, Anwei, Zouichi)

[cityship]

Percival looked from one member of the rescue team to the next, but especially Anwei (who no longer looked very Blood Queenish) and Zouichi (who still looked somewhat Nuon-y, but whose manner did seem to have undergone a rather drastic change). Howard's argument wasn't very reassuring, but Jaime was VERY BLUE. ALMOST AS BLUE AS PERCIVAL HIMSELF (!!!). "Wellllll...."

He sighed. "All right. You've come with me this far. If Annie and Nu-- whatever your name was -- can still put on the old evil minion act, I think we can put together a plan to infiltrate DR. LADY DEATHTRUCTION NEUTRO™'s EVIL LAIR!"

This last was said with a raised fist and characteristic heroic exuberance.

THE DOCTOR OF DEATH (Lash, Sakura)

[cityship]

[Meanwhile, Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™ is commencing final preparations for the Death Ray and telling Daisy that they're not so different, you and I!]

Re: THE DOCTOR OF DEATH (Lash, Sakura)

[thewunderkind]

MEANWHILE!



It appeared that Daisy was no longer in the trio of cages like before. In fact, she was now tied up to the head of the Giant Death Raygun™ that DR. LADY DEATHTRUCTION NEUTRO™ had been bragging about for the past few hours with enough rope that she couldn't move or get out. Why hadn't she gagged her prisoner remained a mystery, but there the poor Daisy Duke rested, her clothing half torn with nothing beyond PG-13, thankfully (just enough to be barely scandalous!)

"A HAHAHAHAHA HAAA HAAAA!" The Lady laughed with all the oomph a mad villain should be explained to laugh with. "With this Giant Death Raygun™ ALL my plans will be fulfilled! I will finally be able to blow up everything all my heart's desire, and never have to think about the consequences! And after it is mounted on my Death Fortress™ nothing will be able to stop me! NOTHING!"

[encourage]

Struggling was proving futile, if part of Sakura wondered at the practice of trying to make her into a living PG-13 figurehead was really necessary. "Responsibility is important to accept!" she cried out, negligible bosom heaving in distress of the truly tied down. "And you're telling us all

How this much bondage was slipping by the censors, she had no idea. Creative styling counted for a lot. "Your reckless ways will catch up with you, you dastardly Doctor!" Struggling in a beautifully pitiful fashion, she searched her brain for some solution. Percival would be here, she had no doubt, and his kind of not as cool as him companions, the Rag Tag band that always triumphed and then never had a successful sequel.

Wait! Maybe Percival's brethren in name would come to her assistance! She whistled some half-forgotten tune almost morosely.

A pigeon flapped onto the Giant Death Raygun™, settling down on the surface. Fluffing a few feathers, it strutted around, pooped, then flew away again.

Sakura had nothing to say in the face of that. Stupid casting directors .

[thewunderkind]

"Recklessness? No, no my girl, THIS. IS. PROGRESS!"" As an example of progress, she kicked down another red shirt that was just standing close to the death ray as he fell down to his doom. "Haaa haa ha ha ha ha ha haaa! At this very moment my minions are reducing your precious excuse of a man into nothing but a flat little pancake! You will see his bloody remains soon!"

[encourage]

"You're reducing minions faster than they're even getting close to touching Percival," she pointed out. "The only one making pancakes is you, and they're not even edible by polite society's standards!"

[thewunderkind]

"Quiet!" She looked around for a suitable gag but found none. Damn. "I will make all the delicious pancakes that I want with maple syrup and they will be far more delicious than anything you have ever tasted!" She raised one of her fists to the sky.

"Once I reduce the moon of this world into nothing more than a little dust memory!"

THE RAY... OF DEATH (Everyone)

[cityship]

[I sense a theme here.

Our brave heroes reach Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™ and her diabolical Death Ray through stealth and subterfuge -- at least until the not-so-good doctor appears, revealing that she has been waiting for them all along! Confronted with the possibility of choosing between Sakura's life and laying down arms, the heroes are at a loss -- until Sakura herself makes a daring escape. Rubbery giant suit monsters! SCIENCE!]

Re: THE RAY... OF DEATH (Everyone)

[cityship]

The doors to the chamber burst open, revealing the rescue team in various states of disguise. Percival was at the fore, inexplicably dressed in an immaculate chef's outfit (complete with hat!), and carrying a large covered dish in one outstretched hand.

As he entered the room, he lifted the cover, revealing the contents of the dish: a spiral honey-baked ham, artfully arranged on the plate with a side of greens and assorted fruit.

"DID SOMEONE ORDER...

A LARGE HAM?!"

He beamed broadly at the room, opening the ham to reveal his trusty Atomizer Ray! Almost as an afterthought, he fired it at a retreating redshirt, sending the man tumbling offscreen with an oddly familiar scream.

Okay, Death Ray, check. Girlfriend tied to Death Ray, check.

...Wait a second.

Where was Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™? Shouldn't she be... delivering a rebuttal? Threatening the destruction of the Earth? Sending her legions of doom with inexplicably poor aim to fire blindly in his general direction?

Re: THE RAY... OF DEATH (Everyone)

[thewunderkind]

In waiting for Percival, Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™ had drank about five or so glasses of red wine (actually grape juice). Eventually figuring out that he wouldn't arrive for a while, she had excused herself to her screaming prisoner who probably didn't care about this at all and went off to the lady's room.



But that's okay, a large amount of men with masks blindly looking around were there to keep guard!

[cityship]

Aha! Guardsmen! Now that he knew how to deal with. Percival strode forward with brave abandon, addressing each of them in turn. "ATTENTION EVIL MINIONS! As I'm sure you're all aware, I, PERCIVAL PHOENIX, am here to destroy the Death Ray and save my BELOVED DAISY. For TRUTH! For JUSTICE! Surrender now, and I guarantee none of you will be hurt beyond mild Atomizer Ray burns!"

He paused. "Oh, and if someone could please punch this card I have for the Neutro Evil Lair Loyalty Program™, I believe I am owed one ICED BEVERAGE of my choice."

With a loud "HA!" and without actually waiting for any of the guards to reply, he hurled the ham platter at the nearest man, blasting another with the Atomizer Ray.

[zouichi.livejournal.com]

Uh. Was that Sakura strapped to that Death Ray? And where was Lash?

Zouichi ducked out of the way as Percival wound up and threw the ham at one of the guards. When had he even had time to buy the ham and core it out in the exact shape of the Atomizer Ray? Or had he prepared it ahead of time for the sole purpose of using it as a prop should the situation allow? And where had that one redshirt fallen to?

It was like a nightmarish hellscape of plotholes from which there was no escape. A guard ran towards him, screaming; Zouichi punched him almost absently in the face.

[8wings.livejournal.com]

Anwei had almost been hoping that breaking the mind-control on herself and Zouichi had also brought Sakura and Lash back to themselves, but apparently not. Certainly Sakura weeping while tied to a Death Ray seemed extremely out of character for her.

A guard fired at her; her brassiere deflected it (of course) and she caught him by the shirt and favored him with a sound PG-rated head butt (forehead to forehead, rather than forehead to teeth). He slumped at her feet, a smile blooming on his face at his last memory of her cleavage surging like the sea.

THE END? (Everyone)

[cityship]

[???]

Re: THE END? (Everyone)

[cityship]

With NEUTRO™'s death ray destroyed, the world seemed to be taking on a fuzzy, flickering edge, like the picture on an old earth television that couldn't pick up a signal. The flashing red lights of the Evil Lair were dimming even as NEUTRO™'s remaining evil minions scurried about in confusion.

Percival turned to the crew, smile hearty and strangely beatific even as his image began to fade from view. "It seems that our time together is at an end, friends! Thank you for aid in rescuing Daisy."

He gave them a smart salute. "And may we meet again -- someday, somewhere! Until then, watch the stars, and never give up hope! PERCIVAL PHOENIX, signing off!"

Suddenly, the entire evil lair disappeared, leaving all of them standing in the middle of an arid, deserted wasteland. In the place of the death ray was a small, obviously ancient piece of machinery -- an alien holoprojector, half-buried in the sand. Scattered around the area were fragments of metal and glass, and in the distance, the corroded partial hull of what appeared to be an interminably old, broken spaceship.

It was a crash site.

The projector looked like it was powering down; there was no conventional user interface to speak of, save for a single button visible on its dusty surface.

Push it (Y/N)?

Re: THE END? (Everyone)

[thewunderkind]

Well now that she wasn't half naked and covered in mud anymore, Lash was still a bit confused. What exactly happened? What was that badass looking raygun? She decided she should take things slowly. After all, with all fading away, they could learn the importance of being careful around alien technology--

"OH! A BUTTON!"

--never mind.

She pressed it, without waiting for the others to tell her yes or no. For if Howard had some part of him that warned him it was a bad idea to press buttons, Lash's other side just screamed at her harder to press that button faster.

Re: THE END? (Everyone)

[cityship]

Miraculously, nothing exploded.

Instead, a miniature projection appeared in the air above the projector -- a little faint, but still recognizable. The image appeared to be of the inside of a spaceship, perhaps even the one that now lay broken and shattered on the planet's surface. A small alien boy, blue-skinned with bright, faceted eyes sat at a worktable of some sort, machine parts scattered across its surface. And in the distance, were someone to look closely enough, was a hulking old steel contraption that would look strangely familiar to anyone from Earth. It was open, its contents strewn across the floor around it. An old record album, a stuffed bear, a few volumes of classic books, a framed photo of Elvis Presley, a violin case, and an assortment of other seemingly unrelated items.

It was a space capsule.

"Hey, bro, remember when I said living on a Reclamation Unit was totally boring? Well, guess what? The other day, dad's crew found this!" The boy held up what appeared to be an old, yellowed science fiction comic book. Emblazoned on the cover were the words, "Percival Phoenix vs. the Death Ray!". And below it, "This month's exciting new adventure!"

"Mom says it's from a primitive pre-Bleed culture. So I'm creating a holonovel using the data for my science project! It's kind of my first try at something this big, but it's gonna turn out great, I just know it. I'm even programming it to use information stored in the memory of the people who play it and incorporate that into the scenario. Um, but I haven't figured out how to fully accommodate more than four or so users..."

"Anyway, tomorrow dad's going to help me put in the safety protocols. So wish me luck! Hey, I'll send you another message if I win the prize, okay?" If an alien with no conventional humanoid mouth could beam, this boy would be beaming.

The image faded and the holoprojector grew dark.

"End of recorded data," it announced.

[encourage]

Sakura crossed her arms over her chest. "We were trapped in someone's science project?" Looking around at the crash site made that seem more sad than anything else.

Not hard to recognize the model for Percival.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

"I give it an A for creativity and an F for everything else. Fuck that, F minus."

Oh hey, they can swear again.