trans_9 | Not Really Alone [Closed]

And Katara, who had promised to keep him company, was here as promised, armed with an extra blanket and pillow in case he needed it. From observation, Alex seemed to be doing fairly well: he was at least occupying his time, and music was always something she found soothing, however alien it might sound to her. She settle down beside him, knees to chest, watching hiim at his game.

"What is that?" She asked.

"G-Galactica," he said, giving Katara a weak smile, though he only briefly glanced from the screen. "Y-you're in a s-space ship, and y-you shoot attacking aliens.

He leaned a little bit towards Katara, pausing the game as soon as there was a break in the attacking aliens, which didn't take too long. He closed his laptop and pushed it aside so he could enjoy the company that was kind enough to have come.

It was a pretty simple looking game, but then anything of this magnitude was still going to floor Katara a bit. Technology seemed to really had come a long way from whats he knew in her world! She watched as Alex continued playing the game, and when he stopped she focused her attention on him.

"I'm glad you're doing better," Katara said, and it was understood that she meant better than when he'd discovered Luna had been podded. "But I guess you were right about how it is down here. I mean, it would take me awhile to get adjusted, but it is nice!"

"Mmmm," he hummed in agreement, trying to keep his smile. He closed his eyes, pulling his knees up to his chest too. He could feel the tears in his chest and pressing against his eyelids. He didn't really want to burst into tears, but he was afraid if he said anything, that he would. He leaned in a bit closer to Katara, hoping that she didn't think he was being rude or ungrateful because he wasn't saying anything.

Katara could see this was one of those times where Alex didn't really want to say much, and she got that: just because she wanted to talk about her problems right away didn't mean other people did. Actually, that she did that was better than how it used to be: she used to bottle them up until they exploded, like with Zuko and her father.

"How long are you thinking you'll want to stay down here?" She asked.

"I-I d-dunno. I've g-got some work ta do anyway..." He wanted to try to keep himself busy, to keep his mind off of the empty room. Tavros didn't come down to engineering too much, so his absense was less glaring here.

The sound of witheld tears was heavy in his voice as he said, "I c-can't stand it b-being so quiet there..." He had gotten so used to having his friend there that he was almost afraid to be in there alone.

Katara sighed. She knew what that was like, a little. It was a better idea now, being alone, as nights were usually spent looking at the ceiling and thinking of Aang, but she could see how someone like Alex would have a harder time doing that.

"Then stay with friends if you need to. Look, no one would ever let you stay by yourself, feeling that way. Losing a roommate is hard, let alone a friend. We're here for you."

He had spent most of his nights alone as a child. He rather liked those nights better, but that room was just now so linked with Tavros and their times together. He was only very precariously keeping himself together, partly because he felt so bad about how he reacted to Luna getting repodded.

He sighed, "th-thanks... I... I th-think I m-might move... B-but if he c-comes back...?"

Katara smiled. "If he comes back, then you move back in with him, of course! I'm sure he'd want it that way. In the meantime, he would definitely not want you in pain because he isn't there. He was your friend, so he knows you've been through a lot. You shouldn't have to be alone there too."

Alex made another sound of agreement. Why did it have to be 'if'? There was no use fighting that though. "I... I've n-never had a friend l-like him before." For once he could play card games, and the geekiest of video games, and talk about how awesome the graphics engine is on this or that game, and laugh about the merits of one card over another. Sure they had to learn about the games of each others worlds first, but the base concepts were already there, there was just a sort of language that went with the genres that anyone picking it up now would need to learn. There had been that connection with each other immediately.

He realised that a tear was rolling down his cheek and quickly tried to casually wipe it away with his sleeve.

Katara swallowed. She could see that Alex was still hurting, that this wasn't something that was just going to go away because she was here, or because she was offering some support. Alex was hurt in a real way, just as he had when Luna was repodded, only now it was a friend of his that had been taken, someone that had understood Alex better than most, and now he was gone. Katara's heart went out to him, and without thinking about, she brought a finger out and the tear went flying off his cheek, quick as a wink.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "We're all so different, it makes sense that someone as similar to you as Tavros would be a big loss. But I promise, we'll do whatever we can to try and get you through this, I swear. Just try us, you won't be disappointed."

Alex tried to give her a bit of a smile for that kindness. He wiped at his eyes again anyway before saying, "H-he was h-honestly m-my best friend... M-my f-first friend l-like that. Y-you're l-like a s-sister to me, a-and Billy's like th-the c-coolest brother, but Tavros..."

The tears were flowing a bit more freely now, but Alex still sniffed, trying to keep control on himself. He didn't want to let himself go the way he did when Luna had been repodded. He had no plans of trying to get him back from the pods or using his powers, but it still sacred him.

Oh, after what had happened with Luna, Katara knew for certain that Alex could be much worse, so she was at least relieved he was taking this a little better. That didn't mean she liked this situation: Alex was still in pain, and it hurt her, seeing him like this. She had never thought that Alex considered her a sister (and it was REALLY ironic he considered Billy his brother) but she was still eager to help him however she could.

This time she didn't bother bending his tears: instead, she gently wiped them away, then gave him a hug.

"I never got to talk to him as much as I could have. Tell me about him."

Edited 2011-03-10 23:30 (UTC)

Billy, a near-constant fixture in the Engineering department, had heard the soft whispers of his friends nearby. Katara and Alex were talking, and as he listened, the voices grew progressively more somber. So they were talking about Tavros leaving, weren't they?

As he approached with some hot tea in hand (thanks bathhouses and tea from the planet!), he caught Alex's last tearful words about him being a brother. Wow. He reflected on it briefly, knowing that it was true. Since signing up with the crew, his 'family' had become rather large.

Doubling back for some extra tea, he knelt next to the pair and announced his presence with a quiet offer. "Here. I brought hot drinks if you need them."

Leaning into Katara's hug, Alex choked back a few more tears. He sighed into her, glad for the hug. Some combination of comfort and exhaustion allowed Alex to not jump this time. He only pulled away when he noticed that Billy was headed over.

Alex looked up to Billy with an attempt at a smile, muttering a quiet "thanks." He took the cup of tea in his hands and held it to his face, enjoying the steam.

Staring into the cup, Alex mused, "T-Tavros... He was s-so awkward, s-socially, like me, but I think it sorta m-made things easier b-between us. M-misunderstandings w-weren't so awkward a-as they b-became j-jokes..." He smiled a little, thinking of his first misunderstanding, mistaking the word for bedroom as a bathroom.

Katara understood that: she'd met Tavros before, and he seemed to be a bit awkward about being on the ship. Truthfully, she had rather liked him: he was quiet, like Alex, but a little more forthright in some ways.

She gratefully took some of the tea and let the aroma waft into her nose before taking a sip herself. It was calming, and reminded her that there were somethings at least that carried over from different worlds.

"Thanks Billy," she said, giving him a smile, then turned her attention to Alex again. "It's going to be hard, I won't lie. Billy and I have had to go through it ourselves, and Tavros was definitely unique. I liked him. He seemed like the kind of person that someone could easily get alog with, and he was the first troll I ever met. I wish I'd gotten to know him better."

Edited 2011-03-12 14:46 (UTC)

Billy sat back and nodded. "I only met Tavros once, when we were temporarily stuck as children, but he was very kind. I wish I could have known him in more normal circumstances."

He scooted closer to the other two, tentatively touching Alex's shoulder. "Yeah. It's hard, extraordinarily so, to lose a great friend," Billy whispered sadly. "And Tavros is one."

Alex sighed, only looking up at Billy with a sad attempt at a smile. He looked back down at his cup and took a loud slip, trying to be careful of how hot it was. He sighed again, feeling the tears catch in his throat.

He tried several times to say something, but kept stopping himself, worried about loosing himself to the tears. He wasn't using any of his abilities right now, but he was still scared. He was just so scared of repeating what had happened with Luna. He felt almost as bad about it, but he was trying his best to control himself.

Finally he managed between quiet sobs to say, "I-I've never b-been v-very g-good at making f-friends. I d-don't think I-I'll make s-such a g-good friend again..."

Katara's heart went out to Alex: she knew, in some ways, that he was right, that making a friend like Tavros wouldn't be a easy thing. Alex was a very particular person, and he had certain issues that he had to deal with on his own: Tavros had balanced that out, had been exactly the kind of person that Alex had needed.

It was things like this that infuriated Katara too: every time that someone got close to a person, or was bound to be happy, Stacy would pod them with no hesitation and force them to deal with that aftermath, leaving the person still unpodded a little lonelier than they'd been before. She supposed that you could call it a tough love of a sort, but she didn't like it, not one bit. It was as if their feelings didn't matter, as if all of the things they'd been through were for nothing.

"You shouldn't say that," Katara said softly, gently stroking Alex's back. "You never know what will happen next. I'm not saying that you'll find someone that will replace him easily, no one can do that with friends. But you are like any person here, surviving on this ship, with thoughts and feelings all your own. As long as there are people looking for bonds and caring about others, there will always be friends here on this ship. True, no one will be quite like Tavros. But I promise you, you will never lack friends. Never forget, you have us too."

Billy shuffled closer, keeping his hand steady. "I know. I thought life was over when we lost Renne---but that wasn't the end, remember? You saved us then, Alex. I haven't forgotten."

He tentatively brought his arm closer, offering to join the hug. "It's all right to let it out," Billy offered. "I can't take pain like you can, but I'll share in it for you. You're a great friend."

Alex still had his reservations about letting himself go, but at Billy's reassurance, he found that he just couldn't hold back the tears any more, though now they were also in part for the fact that he still had such wonderful friends by his side. He hadn't been able to see how much they cared through his own anger fear and sadness last time. Not right away at least. He had just wanted to be left to himself then, to tear himself apart, the way that he was so used to doing at home. He had never been one to reach out, even as Mikel and Loretta kept reaching in, he usually just hid himself somewhere, be it his room or down a dark alley that no one travelled.

It wasn't until he actually physically hurt Katara and Tavros that he realized just how destructive he was being to not just himself, but those around him. Even if Billy and Katara weren't taking his pain from him, they were helping him let it out. With both of them there, he felt safer. He put down the cup, so that he could reach his hands up to his shoulders, both to hug himself a bit as tears shook his shoulders, but also to feel the touch of his two friends.

Katara gladly hugged Alex, with a hand out to Billy, reaching out to him. She hadn't forgotten how helpful Alex had been when they had lost Renne initially, and he had been there. To see him now, in the same kind of pain when he had lost Luna, it broke her heart. So she held onto him quietly, allowing herself to tear up a little. If she had to feel a little pain because he was in it, she would, but she would shoulder it for him.

"It's all right," she said quietly. "You can let it out. Before you had to worry about the shadow things, but you've gotten better at it."

And she hugged both of her friends tightly.

Billy nodded, keeping the hand under Alex's where it was and using the other arm to embrace the two. "She's right, Alex. There's nothing to fear."

All well aware of the pain of losing a beloved friend, the three of them huddled together and released their pain. Billy could handle this burden for Alex's sake. They would pull through together: not replacing the best friends they'd lost, but forming enough of a bond to smile together and understand.

"Yeah, we have more than enough time to spare."

Alex squeezed his friend's hands, finally letting himself really cry. He shook violently with tears, just letting himself let go of the pain. He pulled in his knees tighter and buried his face in his arms to muffle a pained scream.

First Luna, now Tavros. He knew that he had been lucky with Luna, but to get Tavros back? That seemed like a long-shot. Was it really too much to ask from the ship for her to leave the few people he got really close to alone?

At least Billy and Katara were here. If they left too... He didn't want to think about it. He just held onto them now, as if Stacy might take them away from him right now.

It hurt, to see how badly this was affecting Alex. Like Luna, it left a heavy hole in him, one that Katara hoped that she and Billy could fill. It wouldn't happen overnight, not when Alex had always had a friend he could just talk to and debate about similar things with, but she would do her best. There were bound to be differences of course: she was a girl, after all, and their technology was definitely worlds apart. If anything, Billy would likely have more in common with Alex than she would, but she would still be there.

Billy, could you please make us another cup of tea? I'm out. She sent it silently, then turned to Alex. "I know engineering might be comforting for you, but if you want a place that's a little homier, I have that suite down in the City: my door is always open, and its not like I would say no to the company. It gets a little lonely there myself."

Which was perfect for crying at night honestly, which Katara was glad no one else knew about, but she could forgo that for Alex's sake. It was likely not healthy anyway.

Billy nodded, squeezing them and whispering an "I'll be right back" to both of them.

Back at the teapot, away from the other two, he silently looked down at the mug and wondered. Could things really be all right for them? He wanted to believe it with all his heart, but the raw pain he saw was a difficult obstacle to get around. Luckily, there was warmth in friendship to sustain them. Could it win out? He'd definitely try his best.

He lingered and stirred the pot, waiting for the other two to finish whatever they must be talking about in secret.

Edited 2011-03-15 22:06 (UTC)

Alex looked up after Billy, reluctantly letting him go with a nod as he tried to control his tears. He settled back against Katara, wiping at his eyes even as his sobbing calms down a bit.

"Th-thanks K-Katara, b-but I w-wouldn't w-want ta k-keep you up though." That had been another thing he had shared with Tavros. Nightmares. There was some odd understanding they had when it came to that, and it was nice knowing that there was someone there, someone real, that could break the feeling of the dream, someone who understood the feeling and wasn't going to make a big fuss over it. They just would share a look, maybe a quiet word, and go back to sleep.

Alex gave her a gentle squeeze, crying into her shoulder.

"You wouldn't keep me up," Katara said, "and its up to you to tell me what happened to you. But I won't force you: if you want to stay here, you can. I just want to make sure you're not left alone, and letting you know that you have a place to stay. And if you need something to do: it IS the Outsider's hideout, and we still have a lot of cleaning and rigging to do all over the place. But if you would feel uncomfortable there, I won't force you, ok?"

She rubbed his back gently, waiting for Billy to come back.

Billy returned a short while later, an even bigger pile of comfortable pillows in a bag over his shoulder and the teapot in hand. Once that was all poured, he arranged a mini-nest around them and settled in a short distance away. It felt slightly awkward to jump right back in.

"Is all this okay, or do you all need anything else?"

Alex gratefully took the freshly warmed tea and drank from it deeply. "This i-is more than e-enough, Billy. Thank you."

He grabbed one of the pillows and held onto it tightly. He wondered if he should tell Katara and Billy what had been done to him as a child. He was glad that he had been offered a place to say, at least. It was odd how much this was reminding him of Mikel and Loretta; how Mikel had not only offered to let Alex stay in his place, but made him a key and got a pull-out couch just for him. Loretta held him when he cried. Together they would stay next to him for as long as he needed them.

Still, it was rare for him to stay with Mikel. He was always afraid of being too much trouble to him, the same way he was afraid that he would impose too much on Katara. Still, their encouraging smiles and their doting was something he had missed, though he hadn't realized how much he had really missed it until now.

At the same time, it baffled him. His connection with Loretta and Mikel had built over years. He had just been a young boy when he had first met them. He had just lost his mother, and they had been so supportive, even though they didn't know him. And still he had found himself opening up to them. He began opening to Katara and Billy even faster than he had to them. He squeezed the pillow again, trying to keep his voice calm as he spoke, "I-I'm g-glad, at l-least you're b-both still here. I d-don't want ta b-be alone again."

"AS long as we're all still here, trust me, you won't have to worry about being alone," Katara said to him. She knew that, of course, in most cases Ale would likely be more comfortable rooming with Billy. She also knew, due to the relationship with Billy and Ronnae, how unlikely that was going to be. The two of them were already very private people, and Alex would need companionship.

Katara not only had that to give him, it would definitely be nice to have someone with her when she was by herself in that big suite. She had never really been alone, not since before traveling with the Avatar, and so much room and quiet unsettled her.

She took a sip of her tea, trying to forget those troubles of hers. "It isn't an imposition, really. If anything, you would be the perfect roommate: I already have so much work to do with the Outsiders, and I could use the company. I'd be happy to have you."

Not Really Alone [Closed]

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Ri told me to tag here, I hope it's ok

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