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It took a lot more than she had expected for Kaylee to finally work up the nerve to go back to the tavern. Even when she was fairly sure she had worked up the nerve and had walked herself down to the city, it still took her another giant gulp of nerves to push the door open and walk inside. Kang wanted to talk, and she knew what he wanted to talk about. Every inch of her was dreading that talk, but it was going to have to happen eventually.

She paused to readjust her tool bag, then cleared her throat. "Kang?"

The tavern was uncomfortably quiet, and Kaylee shuffled her feet as she walked past the tables toward the back room. It was hard fight against the urge to just turn around and walk back out, but she managed it. Slowly, she stepped through the doorway.

"Kang? You here?"

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"I'm here," Kang smiled at Kaylee, though it was obvious he was still worried, as he finished up with checking the kegs. He wasn't normally the hugging type, but he had to fight down the urge to go over there and do so. "Feeling better?"

Kaylee was felt both relieved and completely sick the moment Kang answered. He was here. There was no running.

She swallowed, nodded. "Better every second. Billy...helped a lot."

"That's good. I was worried about you," Kang sighed inwardly, relieved. "I was almost done closing up."

"So I've been hearin'..." Kaylee leaned against the doorjam, watching Kang closely.

"...you're alright?"

Kang nodded, "I'm fine. I got a couple of bruises helping to exorcise one or two of the others, and with sealing that damn thing away, but nothing else."

"Good." As good as it got, anyhow. No bruises would have been preferred. There was no telling how many of them she had caused, either. And even if she hadn't caused any of the bruises, there were still plenty of other things that she did do.

"...thank you, Kang. For helpin'. I don't..." She paused, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't..."

It tore at Kang to see Kaylee like this, and he gave in, moving over to wrap his arms, and his wings, around her in a tight hug, "There's no point in worrying about what ifs. You didn't. No harm done."

The mechanic tensed up as Kang hugged her. Too many memories that weren't her. She gripped the front of her coveralls with both hands, keeping them far from his wings, and did her best to relax.

"None..."

"Kaylee, it's okay," Kang reassured her in a quiet voice, not letting go and setting his chin on her shoulder. "It wasn't you. None of what happened is your fault, and you know it."

"I know..."

It took a few seconds more of debate for Kaylee to finally relax her arms. Tentatively, still wary of his wings, she wrapped her arms around Kang's waist.

Okay, that wasn't so hard at all.

Kang sighed, "I know what it feels like to blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault. I know how hard it is to make that feeling go away, even when you know it's not true. I'm still trying to do it myself, from the mission."

"Just gonna take time." Kaylee knew that. It was just...hard. "Both just gotta work at it."

"Come sit down. I want to tell you something," Kang reluctantly let go and went to close and lock the doors and windows. He didn't want anyone else to overhear. "You want something to drink?"

Kaylee did as she was told, sliding into a nearby chair and waiting for Kang to finish closing up. She gave a small, "No thanks," to his offer of a drink. Probably not the best idea to be drinking, feeling as she was.

Kang nodded, and fetched himself a drink before sitting down next to her with a frown; he was going to need one for this. He didn't speak for several seconds, trying figure out where to start.

Finally, he spoke. "I told you the basics of what happened during that mission already, but none of the details."

The second he did start talking, Kaylee was already shaking her head. "You don't gotta, Kang. Please don't feel like you gotta."

"I want to, Kaylee. Because I want to make sure you understand that what happened isn't your fault," Kang's wings rustled slightly. "...do you remember how I told you about other people being forced into it as well? They were friends, family members."

If Kang wanted to do something, Kaylee knew better than to argue. He was going to tell, whether she liked it or not, and she just had to hope he wouldn't regret telling her later. "I remember, yeah."

"My family in that life was parents that weren't happy with anything I did, and... a wife of three years," Kang said, looking down at the wood of the table. He wouldn't have been surprised if Kaylee figured it out from that alone.

She got part of it, at least. "Wasn't Fonrar, was it..."

Kang snorted softly, "No, it wasn't. I don't know if it was her real name, but I knew her as Felicia. She was a lot like Fon, though, which makes this all the more complicated."

He leaned back in his chair. "We spent about a week there, living those false lives, our real memories suppressed."

"And then you had to come back from 'em." Back from those lives, where they were completely different people, and Kaylee was pretty sure a lot went on during that one little week.

Nodding, Kang smiled wryly, "I still remember everything. A good twenty-three years of being human, living a human life, and everything that happened that week because of those memories." His voice dropped to almost a whisper. "Felicia and I... in that false life, we'd been trying to have children."

Her hand was on his arm for comfort before Kaylee had even thought about it. There was a guilt there that she didn't like seeing, and it occurred to her that it probably looked similar to her own.

"Ain't hardly your fault, bein' brainwashed like that. Couldn't even argue it was, way they were plantin' ideas in people's heads."

"I know this. I know what it is, technically, I know neither of us were at fault, but I still have this feeling that I did something absolutely wrong. To both of them," Kang's scales clicked a bit. "I feel like I unfairly took advantage of that woman, and that I betrayed Fon. I'm afraid of how she'll react, if I ever get the chance to tell her, even though I know she'll understand and won't blame me."

He put his hand on top of hers, "Felicia understood, too. She helped me out after I got my body and memories back, more than once, before we knew what was really going on. And, another kick to the stomach, nobody in that town will ever remember any of this ever happened. The gods wiped it from their minds, and didn't even give any of us a chance for closure."

It wasn't a fair situation at all. Kaylee had known that from the moment they had all dragged themselves back on the ship that things hadn't gone right. This was worse than she had expected in more ways than one, though.

"Can't beat yourself up over somethin' like that, Kang. She understood when she could, and it ain't hardly your fault those gods are a bunch of bèndàn."

[[ Translation: assholes ]]

"Just like it's hardly your fault a demon possessed you and made you do those things," Kang looked at Kaylee with a faint smile. "And it isn't Dean's fault because he didn't protect you well enough."

"I know, but... There was more to it than that. I said things and did things that you... You told me things and I just used 'em... But you're not gonna let that be an excuse, are you." Kaylee just sighed.

"...Dean wants me to start takin' defense classes."

Kang's smile widened a bit, and he put his arm around her shoulders, "No, I'm not going to let that be an excuse. It's not like it's some dark secret that I'm keeping, my kind's past. Most people here... just haven't been told, that's all."

He cocked his head to one side slightly. "You sure you want to? I'd feel better if you did, too, but it's your choice."

"I know."

Kaylee rubbed the back of her neck nervously. "Wouldn't be a bad idea, I don't think. Just...no guns." Ever.

"Alright, no guns," Kang took a drink of his ale. "What about other weapons?"

Other weapons. Kaylee was silent for a moment. She was pretty sure she could swing a wrench if need be--bad memory, poor Jayne--but Kang probably wasn't talking about wrenches... "What kind?"

Kang patted the dagger hilt at his side, "Blades. Knives, swords. Maces, - maybe even archery. There's a few people on the ship that could teach you that. If you're not comfortable with weaponry, then you can just stick to hand-to-hand."

Just thinking about the dagger made her sick, that possibility that it might have to go into someone else's gut... "Maybe just hand-to-hand, for starters."

"You want me to teach you?" Kang asked. "I haven't seen Ronon in a while; I think he may have been snagged by GLaDOS."

That was a tricky question. She knew Kang better than Ronan, which could be both good and bad when teaching combat of any kind. There weren't many other choices to go with on the ship, though.

"Guess so? If you would, I mean."

Kang nodded, "Of course I would."

"Alright." She scrunched her nose. "Don't got a background in any of it, as a warnin'."

"You'll be fine. Won't be the first person I've trained with no experience," Kang reassured her. "And if at any point you want to stop, just let me know."

Kaylee nodded, sinking back into her chair. "I will. Thank you, Kang."

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