We all need help to feel fine... [ Semi-Closed to Billy, open to others in a separate thread ]

[voiceofserenity.livejournal.com]

Kaylee doesn’t want to be here anymore. Her eyes had been closed for the majority of Big Zero’s Punishment, her face buried into Kang’s side and shielded by his wing, but the screams were harder to block out. They rang out in her head as Kang had walked her back to Serenity, helped her make it to the infirmary, just in time for her to hurl up her last meal into the nearest sink. He stayed until she had her cup of tea and had assured him for what must have been the hundredth time that it was okay, he could go back and do what he needed to.

After the hundred-and-first reassurance, Kang finally leaves, and Kaylee finds herself alone with her ship. Where Wash and Jayne are, she doesn’t know, but she’s somewhat happy that they aren’t here at the moment. They’ve seen her through worse before, but she would rather sit quietly and think things over than have to talk about anything right now.

She’s not sure how to feel about Stacy at this point, a feeling that has slowly grown from the sound of screams still playing through her head. That she’s been lending a hand for all this time to help fix a ship that was capable of something so awful... Stacy might as well be a Reaver ship at this rate.

Serenity’s engine room has been a place of comfort since Kaylee joined the crew, and she holds her cup of tea close as she starts the engine up. The ship shudders to life, and the low hum alone is enough to calm her. She curls up in her hammock, closing her eyes and concentrating on the sounds of Serenity.

Comments

[voiceofserenity.livejournal.com]

It's hard to know what to think anymore. The crew thought they were safe and sound on Stacy, and that only got them to watching one of their own (however vicious she was) being torn apart and cauterized back together like a piece of metal. Kaylee barely notices herself shudder as she tries to block out memories of the Punishment. The thought alone is making her sick again, and once that happens the screams will be back in her ears and there will be no sleep tonight.

"Tea it is, c'mon." She waits a moment for him to start moving, then stiffly hops up the staircase and to the messhall. The pot from her earlier tea is still on counter, mostly full, and she moves it to the stove before pulling down mugs and setting the tea bags. "Anythin' particular you want in it?"

[bonnypiperlad]

His focus on Kaylee is keeping the worst of the memories from the Punishment at bay for the moment, but it also means he sees her shudder. He takes a few steps forward, his primary thought to offer some sort of comfort. "Kaylee..." Then she begins to climb up the stairs, and all he can do is follow with a rather worried expression on his face.

Once in the mess hall, he stands still for a moment, then comes to a decision and walks the rest of the way over to where she is, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. "Look, never mind that for right now. Come here, aye?"

Tea can wait a few minutes. Right now he'd much rather hold her and see what he can do to chase some of the demons away.

[voiceofserenity.livejournal.com]

She all but cringes when Jamie says her name, and catches a glimpse of the worry on his face as they round a corner. It isn't fair, that anyone, especially people like Jamie and Billy, have to face this kind of doubt and fear. But smiles are getting harder to put on, so Kaylee settles for keeping her face down.

Jamie's hand on her shoulder is enough to get her to drop the teabags onto the counter and stop completely. Kaylee turns her head toward him, the rest of her following slow and unsure. Eventually, she leans forward to gingerly wrap her arms around him, and all at once she's crushed herself against him, doing the exact opposite of what she wanted and crying into his neck. Sorry Jamie she's so very sorry to do this to you.

[bonnypiperlad]

Jamie could argue that it's bad enough that people like Kaylee have to have their world turned upside down by waking up on Stacy and finding their worlds gone. Then they are forced into the realization that they place they're stuck on is run by an AI that has been reprogrammed and given a very large sadistic streak? It's completely unfair, and if Jamie could somehow find the TARDIS and get it to work he'd take her away from here in a heartbeat and find her someplace safe.

He can't, though. Instead, he wraps his arms around her and hugs her tightly, not minding the wet neck one bit. He wants to say it'll be okay, but he's not entirely sure it will be. So he doesn't say anything just yet, just holds her and lets her cry it out. No apologies needed.

[voiceofserenity.livejournal.com]

It isn't fair to anyone on the ship. No one in the 'verse, not even gorram Early should ever have to face the facts of their home being completely destroyed. Some can handle it better than others, maybe, and Kaylee would like to think she's one of the ones who can, but days like this make that want seem a little more far-fetched.

There's no way to tell how long she stays there, but the whistle on the tea kettle finally goes off. Kaylee starts back, bumping into the counter, and turns sharply away from Jamie to wipe any sign of tears from her face and set about fumbling the tea bags into their mugs. With a, "Don't wanna...burn the water," as her excuse, Kaylee pours hot water into both mugs, sets the pot back down, and proceeds to just stare down at the swirls of brown as the tea steeps.

[bonnypiperlad]

Unfair all around, then. Especially on days like today, where Jamie can't possibly think of anyone who would be handling this well. There might be one or two exceptions, but they're not immediately coming to his mind.

Kaylee's 'burning the water' comment doesn't really register as being off right away, and by the time it sinks in, Jamie's already picked up on the fact that she's trying to get herself back under control. That staring worries him, though. He twists his hands together for a moment, looking ever so slightly helpless as he tries to figure out what else he can do.

He opts to go back to an earlier, unanswered question, in the hopes of snapping Kaylee out of it - at least for now.

"Milk and sugar."

[voiceofserenity.livejournal.com]

Milk and sugar.

Kaylee's shoulders relax somewhat. She turns just enough to give Jamie her very best attempt at a grateful smile, hands never stopping from the preparation of the tea.

Nodding him to the small alcove next to the kitchen, Kaylee follows behind with the two cups of tea and sets them on the low table there. "Bit cozier'n the table," she explains, and settles down onto one of the couches.

[bonnypiperlad]

He'll take a smile, no matter how small, and gives her a small smile in return before following her over and settling onto one of the couches, although not without giving it a quick bounce test first. "Aye, it is. It's good."

He means it, too. Sitting on anything not made out of Stacy-stuff is good, and it's soft enough that it's very nearly wonderful. But for now, he thinks 'good' will work just fine for a descriptor. He reaches over to pick up his cup, wrapping his hands around it and letting the steam drift up. Even with the additional milk, he'll give it a few moments more to cool before taking a sip.

"Where did ye get the tea from, anyway?"

[voiceofserenity.livejournal.com]

One of the (many) reasons Kaylee is in Serenity so much is that comfort. Part of it is that the ship's furniture is comfier, and the utilities are easier to use, sure, but there's more in it than convenience. For a long while it was just the ship and her mechanic awake on Stacy, and Kaylee needed the comfort of home and her ship as much as anyone needed their family and friends to show up. The biggest difference now that Wash and Jayne are back is a certain life to Serenity that has been missing up until their popping.

"Still on the ship, from before. We had our stashes." She almost laughs, thinking over all their secret hidey-holes (none of which were ever really all that secret). "Do most of my tea drinkin' in the Sensoriums, to help save it, but there're sometimes when only the real stuff'll do."

[bonnypiperlad]

The last time Jamie had had real tea was on Zokez II, and he'd forgotten what was like. He may not outwardly show his enjoyment of it as much as the Doctor, but he still enjoys a good cup of it now and again. A tiny sip turns into a larger one as he decides that it's now at the right temperature, and parts of him he didn't even realize were tense relax just a wee bit.

"I don't blame ye for that. It's not the same there." No matter what your brain thinks. And right now, he fully believes the real thing is much better. "Remind me to get ye some more, next time we're somewhere we can."

Stashes can only last so long, after all. He lifts his cup again, shifting his wrist just a little when the morpher bumps up against it. He's still getting used to wearing those. Kaylee gets a wistful glance from over the top of the cup. "I don't suppose ye have any biscuits in one of those stashes, do ye?"

[voiceofserenity.livejournal.com]

Seeing Jamie relax is a small comfort in itself, and it helps Kaylee settle easier as well. If the fierce piper McCrimmon can let a cup of tea calm him, anyone can.

"We've got some kinda plenty stocked right now, but I keep an eye for it every time we make a stop. Lot of it ain't exactly home, but it does shiny." It's good enough, even if the taste isn't quite right. The calm tea brings is all fine, well and good, but taste is what brings that back home-feel.

Kaylee shakes her head, lips pressed together in apology. "They don't keep so well, biscuits. Got plenty of protein packs, but I don't think you'll be wantin' one of them."

[bonnypiperlad]

Jamie's glad that Kaylee seems to be relaxing as well. She's right though, it is...shiny. "Ye know, Kaylee, I'd not have thought that I'd ever understand what ye meant by 'shiny', but..." He's beginning to believe that he might be getting the idea, just a little.

As for the biscuits, he supposes that they wouldn't last, come to think of it. And even with a chance to pick up the odd foodstuff here and there, he knows Kaylee would go for fruit over just about anything else.

She's mentioned how bad the protein packs are in the past, but how bad could they really be? Hey...maybe he can use that to try and take her mind off of things. It was worth a shot, at least. "I'm sure I've had worse than those protein packs. I bet ye I could eat one with no problems."

There's just a hint of smugness to his voice when he says the last two words. It's deliberately done - and he wonders if she'll pick up on it.

[voiceofserenity.livejournal.com]

It's always nice when people finally understand something you've been talking about or saying for an extended period of time, and she can't help but grin as he trails off. "But you do now, and that's what counts."

Kaylee catches that bit of smugness in his voice, and it's an obvious attempt at teasing her into cheering up. The mechanic smirks right back, and leans toward Jamie.

"You really think you could? They're pretty awful, straight protein. Taste like the insides of my gramma's leather shoes, I'd imagine..."

[bonnypiperlad]

"Of course I could," Jamie replies, full of confidence. Or, well, overconfidence, which is what he's aiming for. "I'm sure I've eaten worse than some wee bitty protein bar."

Like that bar of nutri-whatever Cully gave him on Dulkis. It was this pasty nougat-like thing which you could supposedly live on for years. Jamie can still remember the aftertaste quite vividly, and there's a faint look of distaste on his face just off of the memory.

He shakes it off, however. That won't do if he's going to convince Kaylee he actually wants to try one of the things. "Look, I'm telling ye, it'll be no problem for me at all."